Named
Fluttershy sat down a teacup for Twilight, her movements were a bit sluggish as she sat down across from her alicorn friend. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, as she spent most of the night taking care of Kai. Taking a slow sip from her hot tea, the herbal taste woke her up as she looked across at Twilight.
"I'm unsure what to do, Twilight," Fluttershy finally spoke up. She had tried thinking of what she would do after she went and checked on Kai's family. She had found most of them eaten or partially eaten, and the smell of blood had attracted a few predators to the area, making the area around the cave a bit treacherous to traverse. Kai himself hadn't moved an inch when he woke up, nor had he ingested anything. Fluttershy had never seen such sadness in an animal before, but it hurt her to look at Kai in that state. "He is an endling, and I don't know what to do for him."
"He's the last Grey Moon wolf?" Twilight looked at her friend, after taking a sip of the tea. Fluttershy nodded as she wrapped herself up with a blanket. "Well, I think the best option would be to take care of him here, I've never met someone that knew more than you do about animals, so I think his best bet would be with you."
"I... I guess," Fluttershy mumbled as she sniffled. The temperature last night was well below freezing and having been out in nothing but pajamas, Fluttershy was beginning to show the early stages of a cold. Her nose was red, as she sipped on the herbal tea in a hope of clearing her blocked sinuses.
"Anyway, may I see him?" Twilight asked as she finished off the herbal tea, her wings twitching slightly as the slightly minty kick hit her chest. Fluttershy nodded and led Twilight into the small vet clinic she had in her house, and when Twilight saw the wolf lying in the corner, her jaw dropped slightly. The wolf was massive, his height would easily be over four feet, if he stood up he would tower over Twilight and Fluttershy. "How old is he?"
"About a year or so old," Fluttershy answered as she approached the wolf, whose ears twitched to the voices of the ponies. "He will grow another few feet in the next few years and stopping at around seven feet tall."
"T-That's taller than Celestia," Twilight mumbled as she stared at the wolf. His coat was a shiny grey, almost like silver as the light reflected off the pristine coat. He slowly opened his eyes as he stared up at Fluttershy, before closing his eyes again, tired and defeated.
Kai had been laying there for who knows how long, but he couldn't get the thoughts out of his. He wanted nothing more than to shrivel up and die, but Astelo made it crystal clear that his death was not an option.
"If you kill yourself, or are killed in any way I will just rewind time and force you to try again," Astelo spoke deeply as he stared at Kai, his tone stern. Kai had replayed that one line in his head for the past while understanding that his death wasn't possible, he just felt tired now. He didn't want to move, nor did he want to eat or drink, he just wanted to lie there.
The soft sound of hoofs clopping on hardwood tickled Kai's ears, causing them to twitch as he heard ponies talking. Being around the yellow pegasus for a bit, he had obtained Equestrian Tongue level one and could understand tones in speech patterns. The yellow pegasus who had rescued him spoke aloud to her animal pets when she ran tests on Kai, making sure he wasn't hurt or sick. One voice spoke that he didn't recognize, the tone seemed to be a bit of shock as she asked a question. The sound of hoofsteps fell to one set, as they approached him. The pegasi's voice hit his ears as she responded to the previous one's question. Their banter went back and forth, the unfamiliar voice seemingly shocked at Kai. Kai slowly opened one eye, as he stared up at the pegasus, who smiled down at him, before closing the eye and falling back into a state of thought.
Kai didn't understand why the pegasus was being so kind to him, but all he understood was that he was safe here. He had been trying to erase the thoughts that plagued his mind, the images of his family having been massacred in front of him, the terror he felt at the face of the manticore, the pain he felt when he hit the ground in his previous life.
"If you want help forgetting, you can always just try and distract yourself," the soft voice of Sil spoke as she appeared before him. Her face was filled with hurt as she looked at Kai, his form no longer that of a wolf, but a shapeless mist that symbolized his soul. "And... I'm sorry for your loss, I know you loved them."
As quickly as she appeared she was gone again, as though they always were being timed to see how quickly they could appear and disappear. Distract himself. He had thought about distracting himself, it's just he didn't know what to do to distract himself. He felt a soft touch on his side, that slowly began rubbing his side.
Opening one eye, he looked at the yellow pegasus, who was rubbing his side as she spoke with her friend. The feeling that her hoof gave to his side made Kai feel weird, but his tail slowly began wagging like it had a mind of its own. The pegasus looked at his tail and gave a soft giggle, before letting out a harsh cough. Hearing the pony giggle might've been what Kai needed, but he slowly raised his head, as his stomach let out a loud growl. He was hungry, and he didn't eat enough yesterday and didn't eat anything today.
With a soft woof, he slowly stood up, giving a quick stretch as he felt the bones in his back pop satisfyingly. He didn't know where he was, his last memory was passing out in front of the cottage his father had told him about, then he woke up here. He looked around, seeing the room appeared to be some sort of vet clinic, with different medicines, potions, tools, charts, and other items he ignored. The other pony that he heard stood in the doorway, she had a horn protruding from her forehead and a pair of wings like the yellow pegasus, and her face had a look of terror and amazement. Kai cocked his head to the side, causing one of his ears to flop down and the other to stand up straight, as he walked to the other pony.
The other pony began saying something, the noises her voice made meaning nothing to Kai as he crouched down in front of the pony, sniffing her in curiousness. He didn't know who these ponies were, but he had found out that sniffing someone gave him distinct clues about their status and purpose. The yellow pegasus had a caring scent to her, which is why he found her comforting, but the new pony had a scent akin to that of an old book or a library, he could tell she was smart. During his sniffing his nose caught the scent of something savory, and sweet. Following his nose, he saw the caring pony had gotten out a couple of steaks from a nearby freezer, the sight of which almost made Kai pounce on her, but he held himself back as he stared at the delicious steaks, but the moment the steaks weren't in the pegasi's grasp and on in a small food bowl on the ground, Kai had pounced and began tearing the delicious steaks apart, the taste of beef and blood filled his mouth.
The soft feeling of something rubbing his side made him lay on his belly as he ate the steaks, hearing the two ponies speak between each other, a small menu popped up in front of his face. Equestrian Tongue level two. Along with the level up, it explained what the new level gave him, it allowed him to understand basic words in English. As he closed the menu with a single internal command, he began listening to the conversation between the two ponies. He wasn't at the level where he could understand fully, but he heard some words that piqued his interest. One of the few words that caught his attention was the word, Kai. He decided against eavesdropping anymore and continued eating his steaks, enjoying the taste.
Before long, the steaks were no more, and Kai stood up. He looked over at the smart pony. He was hoping she would understand a bit of what Kai wanted and would help him learn, but all that his staring did was make the smart pony uncomfortable. The smart pony bowed to her friend and left the clinic, leaving Kai and the caring pony alone. Kai gave a soft whine as he stared at the door, disappointed she didn't understand. Hoping she was just in the other room, Kai slowly walked to the door to the room and had to crouch down when he went through it. Living in a cave, he never realized how big he was, but he found out quickly when he had to keep his knees to stand in this living room.
He looked around, but sadly didn't see the smart pony anywhere in the room, so giving a sad whine, Kai began to look around the cramped room. The room was quite quaint, having a small area for sitting, a small kitchen off to one side, and a couple of bookshelves crammed with books. He didn't know what they were about, but judging the care for animals that the yellow pegasus showed, the books likely had some correlation with animals.
Almost as if rewarding guesswork, a small notification popped up in front of his face. Equestrian Writing level one, the reward for completing a miscellaneous task. Guess something out of your knowledge range, a reward has been given. Kai stared at the two pop-ups and wanted to laugh as he finally understood. The way Invas's gift changed to fit his memory also made it so quests became a thing that would give Kai rewards as he completed them. Kai closed the pop-ups as he sat down on the floor, and began thinking. He would need to ask Astelo what this thing that he needed to defeat was, so he could prepare for it better, but right now, he figured the best bet would be to understand these ponies, as they appeared to be the intelligent life forms of this world. He would also take revenge on the manticore that killed his family, as the images of his family flashed in his mind, making Kai feel sad again as he laid down on the floor, giving a soft huff.
"Kai," the soft voice of the pegasus spoke as he looked up, seeing the pegasus standing in front of him. She had only said one word, as she looked down at him, and as if two pieces of a puzzle connected, Kai understood. She had been calling him Kai.
Hidden Quest: Receive a name; completed.
Reward: Equestrian Tongue Level 4, understand most words in the Equestrian language as if they were English.
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I’m liking the pacing in this chapter a bit more than the last. Amazing work adjusting your righting style. Something I will say, the word “as” is seen as a literary crutch, and can encourage run on sentences. Don’t stop your use of the word, but try to find ways around it! I’m enjoying your story my friend! Keep going!
10674245
Huh... I never really noticed, but thanks a lot, everything helps!
congrats on the feature!
10674310
What?
10674342
your story showed up in the featured box.
i am intrigued. watching and waiting for more.
yeah, id thought that something like this would happen but id hoped there would at least be 2 left. the idea of being the last of a species is just Depressing to think about :/. very lonely
10674695
I saw, and it made me a happy boi
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Yeah, it's a very lonely thought, and a very sad thought
you should add the game notification instead of just telling it
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I'm determining if I should do that or if it would interrupt the flow of the story, I'll change it a bit in the next chapter to see how people react to it!
With the title you had my interest, with the description you had my attention, with the story you have my anticipation.
Very interesting idea, looking forwards to another chapter
Hmm will he be able to talk? twilight's reaction would be priceless
You had my interest, now you have my attention
Now, usually, I don't leave my thoughts of the chapter in a comment, but I suppose I could make an exception here. I'm enjoying the story so far, but multiple things stood out. Now, don't mistake this comment for me harping out some hate, these are just my thoughts and opinions.
Skipping an entire year? Alrighty. Killing off his family? Meh, what's next?
Why there? Was it just pure, random luck he went there? Was there even a reason? Did he know of Fluttershy before? For all he knows, the ponies would love to dissect him, even if we as the readers know better.
As in, last in existence? The area? Forest? If it's the last of his kind, do ponies not care about preserving and or saving a near-extinct species? I wasn't going to comment from the last chapter when it was mentioned/hinted he was the last, but now I'm curious.
Abusable, kill yourself, go back, save family. Yes, this is supposed to be sarcasm
, it's pretty obvious that there were probably limits to it.
Did killing squirrel does not give you a point of reference? Have you considered that the ponies are the ones that are small? A year-old and you're making life long revelations already... Which probably should have been made earlier.
Ahem, now on to other things, Anyways after thinking back on chapter two, and then realizing the chapter name I felt as if chapter two could have been an entire story arc before killing off his family and forcing the story to move on. It would have given the characters and his family life. Give a reason to care. Not to just have a single chapter introduce a character then kill off the character one nap later.
The next thing I wanted to move on to was the lack of... What is it, information? The lack of what the character feels. Yes, I know he sad, his family just died, but I just can't connect with him. I know his emotions, but his thoughts are just as important. Heck, I don't even know his personality. How would he react if this or that happened?
There's also a lot of things just never explained. The menus. There's no description on it. For all I know, it could be the Halo Reach Hud. What's the Everfree like? How do they survive? What his relationship to his family(A single brief conversation doesn't really count in my mind)?
I mean, some of these questions I offhandedly came up with while writing this comment letting the chapter run on TTS. Personally, this story feels... Ugh, I can come up with the right word. There are plenty of stories like this one I enjoy as well, but they feel so... emotionless. It's a good story yes, but it's just missing something. It may be the pacing, or it could be something else, but I can't quite figure it out.
Anyways, that's all of my thoughts on the story for now. Use my thoughts as criticism to improve or not, I really don't care, it's your story and you can do whatever you want with it, but these are just what stood out to me the most.
Edit: I forgot to add there were some similar stories I've read like this that you might wanna take a look at.
And that's all the stories like this one I can think of out of the top of my head. In fact, I'll just give you an entire group to look over that are similar to this story, Life is One Big Game.
More pls
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I understand my story and writing style won't be for everyone, but thank you for giving me pointers again.
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It's fine, some critism can go a long way and I want to see this story go far
I would normally leave some criticism behind when it's a story that's really good, or a story I feel could go a long way. Either way, I await to see where this story leads.
I want more XD I hate waiting as it's so good ...
Keep up the great work!
I like this story
10755016
I do too, I've just been busy with life
10759598
Take your time
Nice story. And now the waiting game starts
It would be better to highlight the Status/System notification.
11212687
Um... Yeah, why is that not in a little box... Thanks for pointing that out, I'ma change that now