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The Night Mare

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Everypony knows the story of Nightmare Moon and her period of confinement upon the object of her namesake. What about what actually happened to her during her imprisonment?

And what's happening to her now?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Falkenlied

Falkenlied #1 · Feb 18th, 2021 · 2 · ·

Hmm...odd one to judge. The tone shifts hard from the imprisonment onto the equestrian scenes and I feel myself a bit confused by the back and forth between Luna and NMM. I also didn't understand why the Mane 6 simple yeeted out of NMM welcoming party, just because she smiled awkwardly?

The ending and interactions with Fluttershy are definitely the highlight of the story, but I just don't feel it's developed enough. This story features Luna being consumed by NMM, the banishment, the 1000 year remainder in the moon, the return, acceptance into pony-life, interactions with the mane 6, NMM handling Nightmare night and to be honest, EACH of these concepts are great for a chapter or even a fic of their own, but have such important emotional and plot devices be told in 2-3 paragraphs just didn't feel like enough build up for me.

If the story had JUST been one of these elements, particularly Flutters and NMM interacting for a whole story, it would've hit differently. As it stands, it grabs a lot of concepts and presses insufficiently on each.

KingSombraTheTyrantRuler