• Published 7th Feb 2021
  • 2,041 Views, 21 Comments

Sonder - Mykola



On the anniversary of something that Gallus would rather have forgotten, Ocellus remembers.

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Sonder

Laughter wasn’t something that Gallus was accustomed to.

A lot was different about Equestria: the embraces, the chatter between friends over lunch, the pleasantries exchanged between neighbors… laughing. It was perfectly foreign to the griffon who had learned to keep his thoughts to himself and his beak shut, to refrain from interactions with anygriffon in public, to go out only when absolutely necessary. It didn’t seem as if Equestrians could understand this mindset.

Then again, it’s foreign.

Gallus glanced between his lunch tray and his friends who were happily chatting about their classes for the day. There was an ongoing debate about whether Fluttershy’s or Applejack’s class was the best for the day. The majority so far was leaning in favor of Fluttershy -- as it always did -- and while Gallus would have been engaged to serve as the novel contrarian, today he just couldn’t.

He stirred his salad around with his fork. Griffons didn’t usually eat greens, and at this point he would’ve given a kidney to have some meat -- a taste of home.

A taste of home! Gallus scoffed to himself. One of life’s cruel jokes!

‘But those chicks were so cute!’ Silverstream squealed, pressing her talons against her cheeks.

‘Yeah, but did you take anything else from Professor Fluttershy’s class?’ Ocellus asked, furrowing a brow. ‘The chicks were cute, but I really like Professor Applejack’s analogy with the appletree. I thought it was pretty clever.’

‘That’s her entire schtick -- the tree!’ Smolder chuckled, before nudging Ocellus in the side. ‘But I get what you mean.’

‘Chicks were best!’ Yona declared. ‘Yona thinks little chicks were best!’

‘The chicks were pretty neat.’ Sandbar agreed, lapping up the rest of his fruit punch before leaning back. ‘What did you think, Gallus?’

Gallus stopped stirring his fork around in his salad, and glanced up toward the rest of the group. He had intentionally distanced himself from the group at the table, hoping he could just be left to his thoughts for the day. They hadn’t noticed that -- thankfully -- but he was sure they noticed his silence. The brief pause in the conversation seemed to change its tone, because instead of the smiles he had to be accustomed to, there were more curious glances.

Those were a thousand times worse.

‘I didn’t really like either.’ Gallus shrugged. He couldn’t think of a better response. ‘I thought Pinkie’s was the best.’

‘What?’ Yona asked. ‘But silly griffon didn’t pay attention!’

‘No, I didn’t.’ Gallus admitted. ‘I don’t know, I just… y’know…’

‘How don’t you know what you like?’ Smolder asked, tilting her head to one side.

‘It’s just that, well, before I came here I didn’t laugh…’ No, that sounded too pathetic! Gallus’ tongue moved faster than any solid excuse he could think: ‘--for a long time.’

‘Griffons have bad jokes?’ Yona questioned.

‘Griffons have the worst jokes.’ Gallus agreed. ‘Griffons don’t tell jokes, or pull pranks… griffons don’t do anything like that.’

The table went quiet. Now it was ten-thousand times worse. Gallus dropped his fork and frantically went into automatic recovery-mode. He gathered what he could on his tray, looking busy to collect his lunch to dispose of. He’d just need to get that, dump, say he wasn’t feeling well and excuse himself. After that he would head to his room, crawl under the covers and just go to sleep.

‘Uh, Gallus?’ Silverstream said. ‘That’s the salt shaker.’

Gallus froze, looked down what he held in his talons and saw what Silverstream told him. He frowned and set the salt back down on the table, opening his beak before he feigned to the best of his ability a croak in his throat: ‘S-sorry, I’m not feeling well. Let Headmare Twilight know I’m going to go get some bedrest--’

‘Gallus not fooling anycreature.’ Yona interrupted. ‘What is problem?’

‘The flu.’ Gallus deflected. ‘I’m just not feeling good, I just need to rest it off, seriously!’

‘Gallus, you can be honest with us--’ Ocellus tried to say.

‘I’m being a hundred percent honest!’ Gallus dismissed. ‘Good luck in class, I’ll follow up with you for the homework!’

The griffon lifted himself off his seat with a tray in his talons, rushing over to the line of rubbish bins that lined one of the walls. He didn’t even bother cleaning it off completely, deciding to shove the tray into the bin directly before he took a wide angle around the room. He avoided his friends and shot through the double doors past a few ponies. They dodged out of the way, glaring at Gallus as he skidded through the hallway.

For somegriffon who “had the flu,” he was moving unreasonably quick.

Gallus shot past who he thought was Rarity, spiraled up the stairs and threw himself through the door, locking it behind him. He impulsively kept his back pressed against the door, his breathing so strained that it reminded him of--

Tears brimmed at the corners of his eyes as he slumped down onto the floor. He bit his tongue with his sharp beak, drawing blood, but nevertheless suppressing any sort of distressed cry. He learned not to do that. He learned to not do many things. He embraced himself in the way he learned back in Griffonstone, bowing his head in the way he had done before to ask… for what?

There was a knocking on the door. At least that was different. Still, he didn’t answer. For all intents and purposes, he wasn’t there. They didn’t know he was there. They didn’t know…

They didn’t know.


‘Gallus?’

The voice stirred the griffon who still used himself to barricade the door. He brushed his tear-covered talons across his feathers and leaned his head back against the door, praying the silence on his end would be reason enough for whoever is knocking to turn away… but after several moments, he heard no movement.

This was followed by a light knocking, the clearing of throat, and the soft voice asking again: ‘Gallus? Are you okay?’

It was Ocellus.

He stayed silent.

There was a sigh on the other end of the door. ‘I’m not going to walk away, if that’s what you’re hoping I’ll do.’

‘Go back to class, I’m fine.’ Gallus finally replied.

‘Class ended a few hours ago, Gallus. We’re all worried for you.’

‘All?’ He scoffed. ‘But you’re the only one here?’

Ocellus was quiet now.

‘Look, I’m just sick. I need some time. I’ll be fine.’

‘Gallus, I think I know what the problem is.’

Gallus cocked his head upright, his head turning toward the door. His talons were almost reaching for the door handle to open it, but he hesitated. The notorious griffon skepticism held him back from receiving one of the only friends he had -- or rather, still had. He fought against whatever instinct held him back, opening the door for the changeling. She didn’t walk in immediately and instead waited outside.

She was putting this all on him now? A string of griffish curses came to mind, but he repressed them. He didn’t want to have to be the one to act, it meant admitting that he needed someone other than himself…

He hated that.

‘Come in.’ Gallus finally said.

Ocellus stepped inside his room, her irisless eyes looking first at his bed before finally turning back to him. Gallus figured she came to the conclusion that he hadn’t even touched his bed, she would’ve noticed there wasn’t as much as a single crinkle in the sheets. He couldn’t see her expression, but he reckoned it was some mix of disappointment that he lied--

‘Gallus…’ Ocellus interrupted his thoughts. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘S-sorry?’ Gallus asked. ‘Sorry about what?’

‘Ever since I came to Equestria and met all of you for the first time, I was introduced to a whole new world. We didn’t have a lot back in Chrysalis’ Hive, and we’ve spent the longest times disguising ourselves as other creatures… that’s all we ever did.’

Gallus watched Ocellus quietly. She turned her head back to him, trying to smile, but that slight quiver in her lip betrayed her. He thought he could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes. He almost wanted to reach out-- no!

“Never show weakness,” he had been told! He had to compose himself. Ignore those weaker actions…

‘I’ve spent so much time pretending to be other creatures -- y’know? -- that I’ve been curious to learn more about them.’ Ocellus continued. ‘When I met all of you, I wanted to really know more about where you came from… we don’t have much back home ever since, well, Chrysalis was overthrown. I was hoping that by reading about the yaks, the hippogriffs, dragons and griffons... I could replicate something.’

‘Why would you want to copy other creatures?’ Gallus asked.

There were tears now.

‘Because I’ve spent my entire life afraid, Gallus. Afraid of going against the word of a Queen, doing something, being something, it doesn’t matter. Point is that we were supposed to align ourselves with the Hive at all times, but the only thing that made us the Hive was what we were told to do…’ Ocellus wiped the tears with her hoof. ‘I guess in that way I know what you might be feeling.’

Gallus didn’t know what to say. As she spoke, he heard only his own words… all he needed to do is replace “Queen” with “President.” Gallus shrugged off admitting that much, keeping his talons glued to the floor the best he could, despite how hard it was to not reach out.

‘Know what?’ Gallus asked.

‘Gallus, I told you I read a lot…’ Ocellus responded. ‘I know what today is.’

Those five words defused whatever resistance Gallus could muster. His excuses weren’t going to work now, especially since… well, especially since she knew.

Whatever composure he maintained vanished almost as soon as those words left his friend’s mouth, his quivering attempt to hold a neutral expression giving way into the defeated look in his eyes.

Now he was the one crying.

‘I… uh…’ Gallus couldn’t even form a sentence without falling deeper into the despair that claimed him those many moons ago. His weak voice managed to spill out thoughts faster than he could think them: ‘Ocellus… I’d just like some time alone, please.’

‘It doesn’t get better being alone,’ Ocellus said. ‘Trust me… I’ve tried. I just wanted to let you know I’m here, and that I can help--’

‘They…’ Gallus struggled to say. ‘They put me in a cage.’

He shouldn’t have said that. He should’ve just avoided it, thanked her and moved on! What good was it to say what happened? No good ever followed from sharing that dark history… not to anygriffon. It was a piece of information that could be used against him, it was something that the pro-Interim held above his head as a method of control.

They wanted him to remember. But they didn’t want any other creature to ever know.

Ocellus was closer to him now, her hoof reaching out. He would’ve tried to avoid it, find something to brush it off, avoid what could’ve been sympathy… but instead he let her touch his shoulder.

‘I just wanted change!’ Gallus continued to explain, the urge to repress any mention of this event slipping with every flick of his tongue. ‘T-to be allowed to say what we wanted without fearing being beat with a club! And what did they do?! They gassed us, struck us, tortured us! They didn’t stop until everygriffon gave up their posters and banners! I…’

‘Oh, Gallus!’ Ocellus softly said.

‘I-I don’t even know what happened to my friends…’ Gallus finally admitted. ‘I never saw them again. They took them from me!’

There was more than a hoof on his shoulder now. Ocellus tugged him closer, wrapping her forelegs around him in an embrace he hadn’t expected to ever get. His shaking talons followed her example, softly pressing against her carapace as he held on to her. Gallus couldn’t stop sobbing at this point. He didn’t have anything left to hide behind, nothing that he could pretend to be.

‘It’s okay,’ Ocellus tried to comfort. ‘It’s okay…’

‘It’s not okay,’ Gallus cried. ‘Nothing about it is okay!’

‘You’re safe--’

‘If they ever find out that I told anycreature--’

‘We won’t let them.’ Ocellus countered his interruption. ‘No creature here would ever let them, Gallus.’

Gallus hugged Ocellus tighter now. His tears ran off from his cheeks and onto her shoulder, but he didn’t care.

Not anymore.

Author's Note:

Written in honour of the peaceful protests of the Byelorussian Protests.

Comments ( 21 )

Fantastic work, Myk. My best wishes to you, and the people of Byelorussia.

Enjoy the 7th of February!

10667629
Thank you for your continued support! I'm truly grateful for it.

Another incredible story from you. So much emotion, conveyed and expressed, in a way that is anything but weak. My friend, you have made me cry today. That's high praise; you should be proud.

Love to you and your people. Not just on this day, but every other, too. :heart: Салідарнасць!

10667652
Thank you for your support throughout all of this, Gadot. Жыве мірны народ!

Oh wow I wasn't expecting Gallus even talk about his past was even more horrible that we would never expected and I guess Ocellus can sense it since she's a changeling they can sense emotions and she knows how it feels but man that was pretty sad I hear that he's been treated so badly there 😢

Oh jeez, yeah, could feel this one. Makes it worse knowing what inspired it. Beautiful story, and I think you did justice to such a sensitive topic while also leaving enough vague that it hits you even if you didn't know about the protests. Good job, bro.

10667700
Thank you for the comment! It is a difficult thing to discuss, but I felt as if Ocellus would be the best character to really empathize with Gallus concerning this matter.

10667783
I'm grateful to know you liked this story. I hope that the topic would shine through and people would be able to take it seriously, since it is something that really shouldn't be ignored.

10667795
And probably that's why both gallus and Ocellus have more in common with each other both have really bad past 😔

Another wonderful story, Myka. You already know my thoughts about it when I talked to you personally earlier, but I want to say it again. I could really feel the emotion from Gallus, feel the pain he had to go through what he experienced.

Also, I just want to say that one day, the Byelorussian people will see freedom from Lukashenko and his regime. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when. He will fall, and the people will be free.

10667921
It is. Thank you again for the read!

10667992
Thank you for those thoughts and your comments, I do hope that this story was able to communicate this struggle. Thank you for your hope, I too hope to see a better tomorrow.

10668347
Yeah no problem and I really hope everything will be okay on your side as well

Congrats on being featured, and I wish only the best for Belorussia and her people!

This was a legitimately rough read... and I can't even relate on anything more than a sympathetic level empathetic at best. I... got lucky with where I was born... makes me really not understand why people of my own country want to... spit on our history, cry about, honestly trivial things. People that are actually suffering are dealing with shit like this... we really have it easy here, in the states. People seem to take that for granted...
I just don't know... my thoughts, prayers and my heart go out to those in Belarus. I'll not forget their struggles... and I'll make sure people are aware of it. It's the least I can do.
Ocellus and Gallus really do seem to have overlapping histories here. And it was truly touching to see Ocellus being there for her friend.
A very powerful read, in spite, or perhaps even because of its shortness.
With a heavy heart, but a hope for a brighter future, onward. Going forward is better than stagnation. Stay strong.

Shit man, that last bit cut deep. Excellent work with this, can tell it’s very personal to you and could feel it in every words.

A heartbreakingly beautiful piece, Mykola. Our hearts goes out to you all.

Stay safe.

I was hoping that by reading about the yaks, the hippogriffs, dragons and griffons... I could replicate something.’

This line in particular really struck me as something deep and poetic. An entire re-interpretation of Ocellus crystallized in my head after I read it. I do not experience something like that very often.


This is one of those works where I cannot think of any part that is not pulling its weight, nor can I think of anything to be added that could improve it. The use of trailing thoughts was really well done, as was the flow and buildup in general, and the conclusion was perfect. Amazing work, Mykola. The feature was more than deserved.

And that is just considering the piece as a character study, ripped from the context of its creation. This, too, you pulled off masterfully, and I can feel the weight of the personal in your Gallus. My thoughts are with the people of Belarus.

Maybe what people say about russians not having a soul is right after all. Since it seems that you pour all your soul into everything you make. Be it films, music, art… or such as this story case.

For someone who hasn't been beyond the borders of eastern europe, you sure gave us apart from a strong start that firmly set the mood, a rather accurate portrayal of culture shock, if you could call it that. The contrasting natures of gryphonia and equestria are such that it would only make sense that gallus felt so out of place. The joy, happiness and extroversion so common in a vibrant place like the school of friendship, are almost completely alien concepts for someone like him. Just as you put it, foreign in more senses than one. Then, comes the part where the food manages to make him miss his home, even for a few seconds. With just one line you managed to paint the perfect picture of someone who wants a reason to feel homesick, but given the circumstances, he is unable to. That's essentially gallus in this story.
And the best part, is that this is a multipurpose tool that you took the most advantage of. Now having established gallus status quo on this new land, you also were able to plant the seeds of what is to come, and how reserved he is about his problems, which would come into play later as well. The ending part wouldn't have worked as well otherwise. 

There's so much here that helps breath life into this fic. The casual and even trivial conversation between the students stroke the perfect balance between things that students would realistically discuss about and being in character, not to mention how nailed their voices there, as if they wrote themselves into this fic. If your remarkable eye for detail wasn't made obvious by this point, what has become one of my favourite examples of show not tell, the part where he mistakes the salt shaker due to his lack of focus/hurry, and his flight speed betraying his ruse, are yet other proof of this. These are the seemingly obvious things that, when the time of writing comes, stop being so obvious. But not in your case.

And talking about the obvious

Honestly? I didn't see that coming. Didn't expect Ocellus out of everyone on the young 6 to be the one coming in clutch. But once you got them together, it clicked. From how she could relate to him in that regard, to Ocellus knowing what day it was. Got an 'ooooooooohh' out of my mouth, followed by the realization that i am not as smart as my online iq tests claimed i was. But that quickly washed away the moment I felt the satisfaction of such a moment invade me. Only authors are allowed to manipulate/play with someone emotions/expectations, and you are not an exception. Glad you took advantage of this privilege.

But if there was something that surpassed this on being satisfactory, that would be the ending. That hug at the end, it was not only confined on Ocellus comforting gallus about his past experiences. It was gallus finally breaking free from the shackles of his homeland, coming out of his shell. It was gallus finally encountering something that, in a bittersweet way, gave him a taste of home. Everything is so neatly wrapped up here, and I love it. 

Now, on a slightly more serious note

To quote a certain passage of this fic, all I'm reading here is the belorussian plight, being spoken by one of its people. The situation here, aligned perfectly with canon, the gryphon culture and gallus as a character, make for a relatable story fraught with the most raw of emotions. And you, mykola, you are the only author who we can trust to use fanfiction as a vehicle to get these kinds of messages across, to harness the power of fiction to write a diary that you want people to read. Your domain over the very essence of what writing is supposed to be, allows us to have a glimpse of the real world, through the lens of something such as mlp, that couldn't be farthest from reality. All this without sacrificing the elements that make the mlp world, well, mlp. 
Anytime you feel that your writing is shit,  please, let this comment,  the story ratings, and the people that this story has affected, be a reminder of what you can achieve. 

Is too late to wish you a happy 7th of feb. But that day just marks the beginning of the road down to freedom. And that's a road that unfortunately, here in the 21th century, is still going on. So instead, I wish for the day when fighting for freedom will become obsolete. With this, I bid farewell to your country, and its people. 

аднак я яшчэ паспяваю павіншаваць вас з днём нараджэння. вы ўсё яшчэ заслужылі прычыну, каб быць шчаслівым!

I’m actually 6% Russian myself and I don’t know how people don’t learn about why communism and socialism doesn’t work. Hell as someone with German Italian and Irish ancestors myself and is being raised in an conservative family who are Christians too! Actually communism and socialism does look good in theory but it doesn’t work because well someone who can be corrupt with power will take over. During trump’s presidency, our economy was great and jobs were booming. People still had guns but did not pay for them at all and with Biden who is a pervert is not fit for president. He’s gonna take our guns away from us and make us pay to keep our guns too! We have CRT and it’s racism being taught but against white students. The media including the news are spreading rumors and killed or ruined lives like Amy Winehouse and she died from an eating disorder and probably drugs too! The media went after her so bad that they would harass her and Amy’s a singer who wrote back to black and rehab. CNN and other news stations are allow to dox people and harass people if people don’t want to be on live tv. THIS IS NOT AMERICA AND OUR FOUNDING FATHERS NEVER WANTED THIS! Hell a powerful figure can remove parts of history and I know one right know and it’s that not only African Americans were enslaved but the Irish and probably including my Irish ancestors were slaves at one point. My mom said it too! That part of history is not looked at all! Hell I’m not trying to be act like a victim but I’m being honest here if you look up Irish slaves you on the internet you will get history on it! Look at what communism is doing to Cuba and other countries. Cubns and Venezuelans are starving and are poor due to corruption! Look at World War 2 and when the Nazi party took power. Jewish people and others were discriminated against and sent to concentration camps! I’m half German and I’m ashamed by the Holocaust because it’s horrible and no one was safe! Look at the Soviet Union too! People were hungry because Stalin took their food and if they didn’t give it to the government the KGB will arrest them and execute them! Hell they held mock trials. But still socialism and communism may look good in theory but it isn’t good when practiced.

Your writing is fantastic, and your sharp ability to characterize shines through in your dialogue. This piece is absolutely dripping with a lot of heavy, traumatic emotions that make the inspiration for the story that much darker. Each installment of Gallus' journey is one that gets heavier in what develops but is extremely rewarding to read.

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