• Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
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Nothing special here, move along, nothing to see, just ignore the lump under the sheet and the red stuff...



This story is a sequel to To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

When Rarity receives a commission from Princess Luna to design a new “Look” for the Night Court, she didn’t expect the job to include Luna’s own Hoofmaiden and one of her Night Guards for protection. Could Luna have an ulterior motive in sending two big city Nocturne pegasi to small town Ponyville, and would it have anything to do with Celestia’s new hybrid rosebush “Cupid’s Delight” or Luna’s new interest in genetics?

Adventures in fashion, love, and romance that unfold like a kick to the head with the two most hapless Night Pegasi ever to work for Princess Luna.

A stand alone story that can be easily read without the previous appearances of Laminia and Pumpernickel (in chronological order below):
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
Two Unicorns Walk Into a Village
Genealogy (or the Mating Habits of nocturnes pegasi)
Diplomacy by Other Means
The Empty Crib

I would like to extend my thanks to AlicornPriest, an amazing editor who edited this story while being up to his neck in fanfics and overloaded, AND carrying on a full time college workload in the Real World too.

The source document for this story is stored here if you would like to comment directly on certain spots or point out grammar misteaks/tpypos in my otherwise perfect writing (Ha!). We’re glad to have you over and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 274 )

Great start. Can't wait to see where this goes. :twilightsmile:

Loving it, and yay for more Pumpernickel, he is quite hilarious.

I predicting nothing but ill for our man Pumpernickel.

Luna smiled and waved a hoof in dismissal. “Fear not for thine raiment, Fair Rarity. My sister hath trained the animals to avoid elaborately dressed ponies in her gardens.”

And there you have why the animals ran away from Fluttershy....

The writing is very engaging, and I'm looking forward to how you build your world. I'm surprised at how far you decided to push the alicorns as quasi-deities angle, given that the show seems to have moved away from that, but you must have a plan in mind. :raritywink:

1208807 Ahem. Interesting you should mention that. I just posted Chapter 2 (a loooong one). You might be interested in the cliffhanger.

Edited: AlicornPriest was my editor for this one. Busy as heck but still brilliant. He was my #1 guy during this time period ten years ago.

For those of you dropping by more recently, I've gotten better. Honest. And I've done terrible, awful things to Laminia and Pumpernickel over the decade, from their own standalones to the alternative timeline of Monster in the Twilight. Take a look sometime. And pack bandages.

“Why are you laughing!” shrieked the Windigo, getting both claws around the batpony’s neck. “I’m going to kill you! All of your kind will die in ice and snow! I’m the most powerful force of vengeance on the planet! What is so funny!”

Tempest staggered to her hooves where she had rolled, but before she could move, Pumpernickel gave one immense heave, then lashed up with his hind legs. To her shock, instead of trying to break free from the stranglehold, he lifted his steel-shod hooves up and pinned the giant ice monster’s wings down so it was unable to flap or even move for a critical moment.

“I’m MARRIED!” bellowed the trapped batpony.


I enjoyed the second chapter, and certainly am interested in the cliffhanger. I do think you may be rushing things along a bit - a lot happens in this chapter, when I really would like to have spent more time just getting to know the characters. I feel like I don't know Lavinia and Pumpernickel as well as I should at this point. I don't mean I think you should have revealed their entire backstories yet; I mean I would like to have a decent grasp of their personalities, and how they think. That is especially important since you have chosen to give us insight into each characters' thoughts within the text. Anyway, I do like your writing a great deal, and I look forward to more. :raritywink:

Loving this so far. Now to go trawl through your archives for the backstory. :pinkiehappy:

1209181 If you're *really* interested in Pumpernickel and Laminia's backstories, read "To Sleep, Perchance to Dream". If I can't get you to at least sniffle when you read it, I failed. If I turn you into a despondent wreck...um...I'm sorry? Read "Two Unicorns" and "Dangerous Goods"...Oh wait, Dangerous Goods is depressing too. In case of severe Night Guard depression, go read Dawnscroll's Slice of Life (Caution: Contains nuts. Very fattening. May cause excessive hyperventilation and hilarity)


Now that I know there are companion stories that go with this, it makes sense why you didn't spend more time explaining who Laminia and Pumpernickel are and how they got to this point. It wasn't clear to me from the get-go that this was a sequel. I'll definitely check out your other work.

I don't wish to be rude, but this story was added to the All-OC Stories group, when it really shouldn't.

Pumpernickel is so screwed. I can't wait to see hear Luna's verbal abuse.

"Try not to say something stupid. Try very hard" -- I don't think that Luna could have given Pumpernickel any harder order if she'd tried. :rainbowlaugh:

Oops. That's all I can say here. Of course, actually injuring an alicorn is difficult, so it is much more likely that Luna will be annoyed at first and then pleased that Pumpernickel responded so quickly as well as complimenting him at being so wise as to rouse the Elements to Laminia's defence.

A funny little chapter. I'm glad to see that I called Luna's response perfectly although I think that trying to keep a lid on what happened is going to be difficult, expeically with Celestia (understandably) playing 'overprotective older sister'. I'm just glad that she restrained the instinct to have the town occupied by the Guard as a 'precaution'.

Laminia strikes me as someone who hates herself more than she hates anyone else. She always has hated herself and it is difficult for her to imagine being worth anything. Maybe that's the real reason that Luna sent her to Ponyville - to be amongst people without preconceptions about her.

1273605 It makes me feel better to have somebody recognize what I'm trying for. Thanks!

I think one of the major points that people forget while writing is that *both* villains and heroes think they are doing the *right* thing. Pumpernickel thought swearing the Night Guard to Luna and taking her away from Celestia would be a good thing, allowing her to recover her sanity, not remind her of why she became Nightmare Moon in the first place. Laminia thought driving a weak and powerless Luna into drawing on forbidden magic would allow her to be the powerful Princess from Traditional history, not bring back Nightmare Moon. Both were operating from a lack of information, and both nearly caused the disaster they were trying to prevent.

The road to Tartarus is paved with Good Intentions, and between these two, they have a lot of bricks. Now if only they can keep from killing each other....

Stream of consciousness review time!

"Complete Goat of the Doorway"
I'm not sure what that means, but it's certainly a fantastic title to hold.

I quite like how spotaneously bursting into song is apparently a Ponyville-local eccentricity, and that Twilight has just quietly accepted it. That, or it's just something Night Pegasi don't participate in.

Heh. Winning Pony reference. Nice.

"Quia ego sic dico"
My Latin's not so much rusty as a few flecks of iron oxide that I've scraped off of other people's knowledge, but I'm pretty sure that translates to "What I say goes."

Altogether a most enjoyable chapter. Looking forward to more.

1275866 "Quia ego sic dico" is a Discworld phrase, literally meaning "Because I say so". Personally I think Luna would make a lousy Patrician. Celestia however....

Breaking into song in Equestria is always a humorous tag just waiting to happen. (See The Mask, and the Snow White takeoff that had her wind up in New York with an animated squirrel, and a Prince but I'm drawing a blank on the name) I have to confess, I've used it in my fantasy novel (due in stores 2035 at my current rate)
Update: Enchanted is the name of the movie.

1276095 I hope you're happy with yourself. I just lost almost an hour to TV Tropes, and that was an impressive exertion of willpower on my part. :raritywink:

Updated Ch4. Also fixed an unstopped tag in Chap 3.
(Written thru Chap. 8, working on 9 now.) Trying to figure out just how badly to torture Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon before stopping.
11/16 updated Ch4 with footnotes and a corrected spell description.



It's just lovely.

Yep, Luna's trying to become the Yenta of the Night, alright. The question is: Will her experiment work, will it fail or will it succeed too well? :twilightoops:

I can't help it, whenever I work on Night Pegasi dialogue, I keep hearing Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof singing "Tradition!" in the background :facehoof:

She looked right past him at the fish and gasped. “Oh Angel! You were right, that poor baby fishie has a nasty iron hook caught in its mouth.” The beautiful teal eyes swung to look at Pumpernickel, who had frozen in place in fear.


She feeds fish to her pets! She feeds fish to her PETS! SHE FEEDS FISH TO HER PETS!

1328022 Yes, but those are fish who have died of natural causes, or who have decided to end their own life.... (and the occasional Tofu Fish)

I think that Raindrops has... issues. Pumpernickel should have been smart enough to realise she wasn't 'in' the exercise anymore but was somewhere else a lot more dangerous and then immobilised her or rendered her unconscious.

Now... I wonder what a Night Guard and a Weather Pegasus look like when they've got lightning-induced static curl? I'm thinking of a bat-winged and feather-winged fur puffs landing in the town square to the sound of Laminia and Rainbow Dash laughing their flanks off.

1330117 Raindrops is based off the Lunaverse version, so yes, she has issues. And if Pumpernickel sees that ahead of time and lets her whale away on him anyway... :pinkiegasp:

And Pumpernickel died. Some ponies were sad, and they cried.

Okay you Following fiends, I give up. Heres another chapter. But I'm warning you, Pumpernickel dies. Twice. Very messy.

Yeah, I think Pumpernickel needs to sit down with someone and talk over his issues. That last scene was... a symptom for diagnosis purposes.

Oh, poor Pumpernickel, that's what you get for being named after foodstuff.

Okay, the abusive girlfriend trope quit being funny back in, like, the EIGHTIES.

Little hint why. Change the genders of the beater and the beat-ee.

Suddenly, not so funny....

Updated all the chapters with em-dashes, horizontal rules, and a few typos that snuck thru. Hopefully (but doubtfully) that will be the last updates I need to do on Chap 1-5.

"Alas, cruel fish-world! Such a dire fish-fate leaves me with no choice but to end it all!" *jumps off bridge*

Good story, but it'd be even better if Pumpernickel ditched Laminia and hooked up with literally anyone else. Her being a crazy bitch isn't striking me as being cute or endearing its striking me as crazy bitch-like behavior.
At least he's making moves in a positive direction agreeing to go out with the girls from the weather team. I'm sure Laminia will find some way to ruin it for him though.

Pumpernickel finally blinked. “I WASN’T LOOKING AT HER WINGS!”


And ‘news’ in this case could be boiled down into two words: Night Pegasi. Apparently a sub-category was: Handsome Exotic Young Stallion Night Pegasi Royal Guard, Single, Seeks Beautiful Mare. Apply At Carousel Boutique

And at this point I just put my head down in my hands and laughed til I cried.

Oh, that's a pretty good idea, get Dash and the other weather team pegasi involved in the training.

Nice handling of the situation at the end by Lamina.

1330454 I suspected that was Lunaverse Raindrops sneaking through.

Caution: Chapter 7 is depressing.

Realy? Doesn't seem very depressing to me :P

Awww. come on. Well, I am sure it will all work out. Love always finds a way.

Ouch, that was kinda depressing.

As a romance, this fails abysmally.
The protagonist is placed in close association with the love interest. Said love interest is unchangingly cruel, callous, verbally and even physically abusive, and shows absolutely NO affection to the protagonist. Despite no sign whatsoever of even passing affection, the protagonist somehow falls helplessly in love with the abusive, self-involved, callous love interest in the last chapter.

This isn't a romance, it's a story of emotional dysfunction.

What's worse is that the abuse is played for humor. If the protagonist had been female and the love interest been male, it wouldn't have been funny at all. (worse, it would have been "Twilight.") The gender hypocrisy just makes it all the more galling.

Caution: You're an ass. Poor Lumpy...

When Pumpernickel tackled Slipstream across the library, I stood up and cheered.

"You were holding out on us at the Academy, I thought you were going to break that jerk in half.”
“The night is young,” he rasped before wrestling his emotions under control.


Definitely makes up for the sheer eye-gouging depression of chapter 7.

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