Swapping Scales For Suave

by Jest

Chapter 5

Spike groaned, and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes only to find that he couldn't manage such a simple task. Blinking rapidly, the dragon turned pony looked around to find that he was buried under a familiar reptilian form. One which was snoring loudly, seemingly unbothered by the fact that she had deprived both of Spike’s forelimbs of oxygen, putting them to sleep.

With a long sigh, Spike tried to wiggle out from under Rarity’s slumbering body, but the dragon didn't even seem to notice Spike’s movements. Worse yet she shifted around slightly in her slumber, keeping Spike pinned beneath her at all times. And so with a second, slightly more irritated sigh, Spike tried to light his horn in order to teleport away.

“Come on you stupid horn,” Spike muttered. “You’ve heard enough of Twilight’s lectures, this should be easy.”

The pointed appendage sparked several times before flickering out completely, leaving Spike even more annoyed than he had been a movement ago.

“The hard way it is,” he muttered, clearing his throat. “Hey honey, would you wake up please?”

The dragon snorted, and pulled the ball of blankets, pillows as well as covers further under her chin. She then huffed silently to herself and smiled to herself, remaining blissfully unaware of Spike’s now simmering rage.

“Wake up!” he shouted.

“Bwuh?” the dragon muttered blearily.

“Please wake up dear. My legs are asleep and I’m fairly certain you’re slowly crushing me,” Spike continued.

Rarity’s eyes snapped open and she looked down in shock. “Oh my goodness I am so sorry darling.”

She hastily scrambled off the pony, and looked down to find that everything that had once been on the bed was now under her. Only a single small pillow had been left for Spike to sleep on, and the pony didn't exactly find it very comfortable. Not only that but his eye had indeed puffed up and was turning a dark black, making his already unkempt appearance look that much worse.

“I’m so sorry. I don't know what came over me,” Rarity apologized.

Spike grunted as he hefted his unresponsive limbs onto his chest. “It's fine dear. It's probably just your hoarding instinct kicking in.”

“Hoarding instinct… Is that why you laid on top of me the first time we slept together?” Rarity inquired.

Spike nodded, shaking his forelimbs in an effort to return feeling to them once again. “Yeah. I had never slept with someone before, either metaphorically or otherwise and I hadn't expected that to happen.”

“Me neither,” Rarity replied, only to pause. “Wait, you never slept with Twilight before?”

Spike sputtered. “Of course not! She's like a mother to me.”

“That's not what I meant you goof,” Rarity exclaimed, gently punching the pony’s shoulder.

“Oh uh right,” Spike murmured, shaking his head. “When I was young I used to sleep in the same bed as her but she always wrapped her hooves around me. Hard to hoard when your being held like that.”

“That is adorable,” Rarity exclaimed, squishing her cheeks. “I must find a picture of that for the wedding.”

Spike blushed and waved his still half numb legs in the air. “No please! Anything but that. It's hard enough to make people think of me as an adult and you don't need to make that worse.”

“I’m just teasing you darling. I wouldn't put any pictures you wouldn't approve of,” Rarity replied.

“Good,” Spike murmured. “Right. I think I can feel my legs again.”

“Need a hoof, er claw darling?” Rarity offered.

“Sure,” Spike answered, extending a hoof.

The dragon grabbed the offered limb and tried to gently pull it forward, unfortunately that wasn't what happened. Instead of slowly being pulled up, the pony was all but yanked out of bed and tossed at the dragon. Who instinctively caught him, falling backwards into a heap and returning them right back to square one.

“You are very strong,” Rarity muttered, blushing furiously.

“At least you didn't pull my-er your leg out of its socket,” Spike murmured, standing on twitching legs. “Now let's get some breakfast in us.”

“Wait, what happened to my morning kiss?” Rarity whined, pouting profusely.

“I am not kissing myself,” Spike retorted.

“But it's not really you,” Rarity replied. “It's me darling.”

“Look I know it's you in there but it's me I’m kissing, and I don't want to kiss me,” Spike explained.

Rarity pouted even harder. “But darling we’ve kissed every morning since we started sharing a bed.”

Spike sighed. “Fine, but just a little one okay?”

“Don't worry. I wouldn't know what to do with this tongue anyway,” Rarity remarked.

Spike blushed, a little unsure why that comment made a sudden heat to well from deep down inside of himself. Putting that thought out of his mind, Spike leaned forward, and planted his lips against his lips. The feeling was a strange one, and though their kisses tended to last far longer, he pulled back soon after, a strange sensation turning in his stomach.

Spiked touched a hoof to his lips. “That was…”

“-weird,” Rarity finished.

“Why do you say that?” Spike demanded, his brow furrowing.

Rarity winced. “It's just your lips are so soft and I’m used to yours which are well, not soft.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Spike murmured. “It did feel rather odd. Like kissing a table or something.”

Rarity gasped, and placed a clawed hand over his chest. “Well I never. I would think there would be a bit more passion there.”

Spike rolled his eyes and hopped off his partner, landing on the ground with a thump. “Quit being silly and come on. I’m hungry and you probably are as well.”

“Wait!” Rarity cried.

“What is it now?” Spike whined.

“We need to do my, er your hair,” Rarity exclaimed.

“But it's sunday. Why do we have to go through all the effort?” Spike flicked his mane out of his face. “Though I suppose I wouldn't mind putting it up in a ponytail. It's kind of annoying like this.”

“A ponytail?” Rarity gasped. “You wouldn't dare!”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Oh come on I’ve seen you wearing your hair like that a few times.”

“Still,” Rarity retorted. “It's so uncouth.”

“Fine, a bun then. Just so long as it's out of my face,” Spike exclaimed, blowing a wisp of hair out of his view once again.

Rarity hummed and hawed as she inspected Spike’s mane. “I suppose a bun would be acceptable but if we decide to go out then you must allow me to change it.”

“Whatever, let's just get this over with,” Spike murmured.

Together the pair walked into the attached bathroom, with Spike plunking down in front of the mirror.

“What are you doing?” Rarity asked.

Spike looked up. “What? I don't know how to do your hair.”

“But if I do it then I’ll just ruin it with these big meaty claws,” Rarity complained.

“Well those claws ain't just for attracting mates. They can be quite dexterous if you use them properly,” Spike pointed out.

“Wait, claws are for attracting mates? I thought it was the head fins,” Rarity replied, running a hand over her head in emphasis.

“They both are, now give me you-er my hand,” Spike stated.

Rarity obliged, placing her hand palm up on Spike’s hoof. “Now when you grab things try not to use the tips of your digits. Pinch between your fingers whenever possible, and don't point the ends towards anything you don't want to cut apart.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Rarity murmured.

“It's all about being mindful, trust me,” Spike exclaimed.

“Right well we may as well try right?” Rarity offered somewhat unconvincingly.

“I’m sure whatever damage you may do will be healed by the time you get your body back,” Spike replied.

“Not helping darling,” Rarity retorted.

Spike chuckled. “You’ll do fine dear. Just think of it like doing a fitting for say Rainbow Dash.”

“An excellent metaphor. Though by the end of that particular event, I usually want to poke her at least once or twice out of spite,” Rarity remarked.

“Well try not to. I don't want to end up having to pay alimony to her of all ponies,” Spike announced with a snicker.

Rarity scowled even as she giggled. “That's not what I meant you goof.”

Grabbing one of her hair ties, Rarity made short work of the quick mane styling, tucking and combing until it looked acceptable. Throughout it all she was especially careful not to accidentally poke her subject, or lop off a chunk of mane in the process. Something that was harder then she would have liked, and nearly ended with her losing a section of her lucious bangs.

“There we are. How does it feel?” Rarity asked.

Spike turned his head left and right, noting that pretty much every last hair had been tucked out of the way before nodding slowly. “Kinda reminds me of that alternate universe version of you that worked for Nightmare Moon.”

“Augh don't remind me. I don't even like to think of why I would do such a thing,” Rarity exclaimed with an irritable snort.

“Not bad though. Comfy,” Spike continued.

“Excellent. Now is there anything you need to do in order to ensure that I appear properly dashing?” Rarity asked.

Spike stood up, gave Rarity’s head a brief look and smiled. “Yup, hold still.”

“Style away,” Rarity encouraged, batting her eyelashes.

Spike waited for his partner to sit before spitting into his hoof, and running it over the dragon’s scalp, smoothing out her head fins. “There we go, perfect,” he exclaimed before trotting out the room.

Leaving Rarity to sit on the floor, her right eye twitching madly. “That is the last time I ask for help from him,” she muttered.

---

Spike hummed to himself as he pursued the contents of the refrigerator, his gaze settling immediately on the cold diamonds he had saved for himself. Upon laying eyes on the gems, the pony’s mouth began to water, and he needed to shake his head in order to stop himself from being tempted. He also reminded himself that they would likely destroy Rarity’s teeth, if not worse if he actually tried to eat them.

With a sigh, he pushed them to the side and found the tub of yogurt waiting for him further back. Grabbing that as well as an apple, the pony pulled both out of the refrigerator and dumped a heaping helping of dairy goodness into a bowl. He then cut up the fruit and was about to sit back down when he noticed that Rarity had also retrieved her breakfast.

“Your only eating a single ruby?” Spike deadpanned.

“Yes well. I didn't want to put on any weight while in your body,” Rarity glanced at Spike’s food and scowled. “A concern you don't seem to have.”

“I do too,” Spike retorted, hefting his meal. “It's just some fruit and yogurt. Both of which are good for you.”

“In moderation yes but look at how much is in there!” Rarity exclaimed, gesturing to the thing.

“What? It's barely half full,” Spike retorted.

“It's at least four hundred callories over my morning limit. Take it back,” Rarity demanded.

“Funny. You can count calories perfectly when your not in your body but when you are, that ability leaves you completely,” Spike exclaimed, sitting down at the table.

“What? I do so pay attention to what I eat,” Rarity declared.

“Unless it comes to ice cream. Or unless those three buckets of fudge brownie blast we have in the freezer have zero calories?” Spike pointed out, dunking his spoon into his meal.

“Those are different,” Rarity murmured.

“Look I intend on going for a run later so trust me when I say I’ll work it off,” Spike stated, gesturing to the dragon’s plate. “And you have to at least have three of the things or you’re going to be hungry again in an hour.”

“I do have some self control you know,” Rarity remarked.

“It's not about self control. It's about getting the caloric intake your new body needs,” Spike gestured to his partner. “Just look at you. Your three times bigger now.”

“Maybe I wouldn't be if you went on a diet,” Rarity retorted.

Spike lifted an eyebrow, staring long and hard at the person sitting across from him.

After several long seconds Rarity let out a deep sigh. “Alright, alright. I guess I’m still having trouble dealing with all this and taking it out on both you and myself isn't helping matters.”

“Thank you Rarity,”

“So,” Rarity began, placing a handful of gems onto her plate. “How exactly do you eat these anyway?”

“Chew and swallow?” Spike replied with a shrug.

“It's that simple? Isn't there a chance you might cut the inside of your mouth or something,” Rarity pressed.

“Not really. A dragon’s mouth is designed to handle temperatures of several hundred degrees. Take a bite and you’ll know understand what I mean,” Spike offered before filling his mouth with food.

“I suppose I have always been curious as to what they tasted like,” Rarity reluctantly admitted, placing a ruby into her mouth.

Slowly, gently, she bit into it, her eyes immediately widening. “Oh wow. This is wonderful.”

“I know eh? Rubies are the best. You don't think the sweet spicy flavor would work but it does,” Spike exclaimed.

“It totally does!” Rarity agreed, chewing and swallowing the ruby with gusto. “I can't even begin to describe an equivalent except maybe… raspberry jam with a drop of habanero hot sauce?”

“That is close,” Spike murmured, rubbing his chin. “Though it doesn't quite capture the full breadth of the flavor.”

“Very true,” Rarity agreed before promptly stuffing her mouth full of gems.

Spike merely watched as his fiance gleefully indulged in one of his favorite foods, chewing noisily and making small, happy moans of pleasure. It reminded him of the first time he had eaten pure rubies by the fistful without having to worry about going overboard. Something it seemed like Rarity was about to do, as the dragon had walked over to the pantry and had returned to the table with a small mountain of the things.

“Woah slow down,” Spike exclaimed. “You can't eat all that at once you’ll get sick.”

Rarity stopped, and looked down at the massive plate she had assembled for herself. “Oh my. I only meant to grab a few more but…”

“That's probably dragon greed. Remember to be aware of your surroundings whenever your eating, or the like. Your brain will try and pull tricks on you,” Spike explained.

“I… yes of course. I’ll try to be more mindful,” Rarity muttered, regretfully dumping her plate back into the bag of rubies, keeping only two more for herself.

Spike shook his head as he ate, wondering silently if he had been this bad the first time he had been allowed to make his own meals. Yeah probably. He thought to himself.

---

“That was fantastic,” Rarity murmured, the dragon laying across the couch, hand rubbing her belly. “No wonder you are so easy to bribe with gems.”

“Used to be,” Spike corrected.

Rarity lifted an eyebrow.

“Okay so maybe I’m still kind of easy to bribe with gems but I’ve gotten better!” he pointed out, jabbing a hoof at the dragon.

“Quite true,” Rarity sat up and pulled out a pad of paper. “Now then, how about we get started on that budget, inspiration and budget.”

“That should be easy enough,” Spike replied. “Hey maybe after we could go out for some sweets. Pony taste buds are different and I’m really curious as to what apple pie tastes like.”

“I never even thought of that,” Rarity admitted. “We simply must expand our palate while switched.”

“So long as we don't over indulge,” Spike was quick to add.

“Very true, now then, the budget,” Rarity began, grabbing a pen in her fist. “Our savings account should be enough though I was thinking of taking out a small loan in order to ensure we were able to cover all expenses.”

“What kind of loan?” Spike asked hesitantly.

“Oh it shouldn't be more then maybe twenty thousand more bits,” Rarity remarked in a dismissive tone.

“I-” Spike frowned, and glanced down to Rarity’s hand. “I am slightly infuriated by that but first I gotta address the way your holding that pen.”

“What?” Rarity asked, raising her fist. “Is it not effective?”

“Just put your ring finger here, your pointer here, and now relax your grip,” Spike commanded, manipulating the dragon’s claws. “There. Now write something, and remember to keep your hand relatively slack.”

Rarity did as she was asked, and though her penmanship was less than fantastic, it was leagues better than what it had been a minute earlier. “That is quite something. Thank you darling,” Rarity offered.

“No problem,” Spike exclaimed, leaning back on the couch and spreading his forehooves. “Now let's talk about where some of these bits are going.”

Rarity cleared her throat. “An excellent place to start. First is the Belmond itself, which will be the largest expense but after that we will of course have to pay for catering, flowers-”

As Rarity continued to list off items and their estimated prices, Spike felt his spirit slowly contract deeper into his new body. Over the course of mere minutes the former dragon felt as though he had just had his entire hoard stolen out from under him. Though the feeling likely wasn't as profound as it would have been if he was in his original body, it did give him an idea.

“You know Rarity,” Spike began somewhat hesitantly. “If you spent all of that you would hardly even have a bit to your name.”

Rarity opened her mouth to reply, only for no words to initially come out. “Yes. What is your point darling?”

“Well I’m just saying that every last one of your bits would be spent,” Spike emphasized.

“My bits…” Rarity repeated, her gaze becoming distant.

“And if you spent all of your bits you’d have none left. With that in mind perhaps there are some areas we could skimp. I know our friends would love to be involved with this and wouldn't mind helping where they could,” Spike offered with a sly smile.

“That would bring a certain unique charm to the event,” Rarity murmured absently.

“And you do want to make this day of ours special,” Spike pressed.

“That I do,” Rarity agreed, the dragon staring off into the distance only to shake her head suddenly. “Wait a second. What did you just do to me?”

Spike chuckled. “I just used your new draconic instincts to help make you reconsider your options.”

Rarity growled, though the sound came out somewhat muted. “I don't like being played like that darling but I suppose you do have a point.”

“Look, dear,” Spike began, turning and gently placing a hoof on Rarity’s leg. “I know you want this to be the day you’ve always imagined but sacrificing all of our savings and rainy day funds won't be worth it.”

Rarity fidgeted uncomfortably. “I just want this day to be perfect. Like the kind I’ve dreamed of since I was small. Everypony will be there, and will compliment my hair. Though I guess it shouldn't cost all our bits.”

“Your day will indeed be perfect,” Spike continued. “We will have frugal decor, like none have seen before. And yet we’ll ensure it is for you this all befits.”

Rarity stood suddenly, raising an arm, music spilling in from a nearby open window. “For in the end all we need is love. Nothing else can come above. Bits will not get in the way!”

Spike rose with a smile, striking a dramatic pose. “To those desenters I say neigh! We can do it all on the cheap, without losing a wink of sleep.”

They fell together, hands clasped around hooves. “Oh the wedding that we’ll throw, will be the best, I just know. And it will be all, ours.”

The pair stared lovingly into one another’s eyes for several long second before the mysterious music finally faded away and they realized what had just happened.

Spike stumbled back onto the couch, the pony losing their balance the second Rarity released his hooves. “Well that was something,” he muttered.

“I never thought I’d sing a heart song about being frugal on my wedding day,” Rarity remarked, falling into the couch next to her partner.

“On that we agree,” Spike added.

“So…” Rarity began. “Now that we are on the same page, perhaps we can move onto the inspiration thing and then finish the afternoon by arguing over where the in laws will sit.”

Spike chuckled. “I don't think that will be much of an issue, though I’ll complain anyway if that would make you feel better.”

Rarity smiled. “Sometimes I wonder how I survived without you.”

“I feel the sameway to be honest,” Spike added, grinning right back. “If it were up to me I probably would have done the whole thing at Applejack’s farm and called it done.”

“As nice as that might have been,” Rarity murmured somewhat reluctantly. “I’m glad we agreed on the Belmond.”

“Provided we get someone to give up their spot, and locate alternative arrangements for those who don't have the bits to spend on a room at such an expensive place,” Spike countered.

“Yes yes,” Rarity dismissed. “We will find all that in time. Of that I am sure.”

“I’d like to come up with a few alternatives just in case. You don't want to plan everything else only for your plans to fall apart when the Belmond doesn't come through,” Spike replied.

Rarity scoffed. “The second they hear of our predicament I’m sure some kind couple will give up their date.”

“You know not everyone is as generous as you Rarity,” Spike pointed out.

“That may be, but there are plenty of good folk out there. Now then,” Rarity exclaimed, grabbing her pen and paper once more. “Let us start with the theme. I was thinking of a prominent sunrise motif to encapsulate the new beginning that our marriage will symbolize. What do you think darling?”

Spike smiled and nodded. “Sounds lovely dear. Just lovely.”

Author's Note:

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[Rammy]

Spike waited for his partner to sit before spitting into his hoof, and running it over the dragon’s scalp, smoothing out her head fins. “There we go, perfect,” he exclaimed before trotting out the room.

Leaving Rarity to sit on the floor, her right eye twitching madly. “That is the last time I ask for help from him,” she muttered.