Swapping Scales For Suave

by Jest

Chapter 10

Spike sighed and ran a hoof down his face. “For the last time I am not the victim of domestic abuse!”

“Yet you said your partner hit you, and caused that black eye. Curious,” replied the towering police officer hovering over the former dragon.

As tall as Big Macintosh but as scrawny as a teenage Fluttershy, the earth pony simulteosly loomed over Spike while also appearing completely non threatening. The male wore a black custodian helmet with the Ponyville Police badge emblazoned prominently in its center. He also wore a black vest loaded with various gizmos, over a white undershirt that seemed two sizes too big for him. His mane was a mix of white and grey while his fur was a bright neon yellow that was difficult to look directly at for more than a few seconds.

“Yeah. Isn't that like the defamation of abuse?” offered his partner, a wide, sluglike unicorn with mangled teeth.

Standing at only half of the other male’s height, the second stallion was even less intimidating than the first. This fatter officer was only made even less intimidating by the unkempt nature of his appearance, which irritated Spike to look at for some reason. Though he wore the same outfit as the taller male, the unicorn hadn't tucked in his clothes, nor had he made any attempt to tame the tangled orange mess that was his mane. Worse still was his brownish red fur, which was matted at some sections, visibly sticky on others, and all round pretty gross.

“Definition,” corrected the taller of the two officers.

“That's wut I said,” remarked the shorter of the two.

Spike sighed. “Look, before we get into that can I at least have your names? I haven't seen you around town before.”

“Thats ‘cus we just got ‘ere,” retorted the short, fat one.

“The name’s Last Peg, badge number zero two one four two zero zero seven,” stated the earth pony.

“My name’s Frost Willow, and my badge number is whatever he said plus one,” added the other.

“We recently transferred from Glascow,” explained Last Peg.

“Great, now my name is Spike, the dragon,” Spike began, planting a hoof on his chest. “And I-”

“You don't look like a dragon,” Frost Willow remarked.

“You look more like a unicorn to me,” Last Peg added.

Spike sighed. “That is because I have switched bodies with my fiance Rarity Belle. You see we bought these cursed-”

“If you swapped bodies with ‘er then why aren't you a bloke?” asked Frost Willow.

“Wouldn't that mean you swapped minds?” Last Peg inquired.

Spike sighed for a second time. “Look, I don't care about the technicalities. What I’m trying to say is-”

“Well you should care about technicalities,” Last Peg interrupted. “It's very important to have everything correct for my report.”

“Psh, it's just paperwork. Who cares if it ain't all on the up and up?” Frost Willow remarked.

“Would you two please let me tell the story?” Spike stressed.

“Dame looks a bit uppity. Should we break out the clubs?” Frost Willow asked, leaning close to his partner.

“Nah she's a girl, and look, she's white,” Last Peg replied.

“What does that ‘ave to do with anything?” Frost retorted.

“That's the color of them noble ponies. Can't be messin with them,” Last Peg whispered.

“Roight, don't wanna get canned again, now do we?” Frost added.

“You know I can hear you right?” Spike asked.

Last Peg cleared his throat, pulled out a small pad of paper and clicked his pen. “Righto then. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Like I was trying to tell you,” Spike stressed. “My name is Spike, and I bought a pair of cursed rings.”

Spike tapped the ring attached to his horn in emphasis.

“They swapped our minds and in the ensuing chaos I sort of fell down,” Spike finished.

“I thought you said she hit you?” Frost replied.

“Technically that happened too, but that was an accident,” Spike retorted.

“Riiiight,” Peg muttered. “You do know that's exactly what ever domestic abuse survior says right?”

“Like all of 'em,” Frost added.

Spike sighed. “It's true. You can just ask her yourself.”

“Wait, him, her, aren't you a girl?” Frost asked, scratching his head with an unsheered hoof.

“This body is, but I am not,” Spike explained.

Last Peg clopped a hoof upside his partner’s head. “Don't be so disrespectful ya dolt. Can't you see she's one of them transes?”

“You mean like megatron?” Frost replied.

“I’m not-” Spike tried to interrupt.

“Kinda, only instead of changing into a T rex she's changing from a mare to a stallion,” Peg explained.

“Ahhhh, right. Sorry mister,” Frost muttered, clearly still not grasping the situation.

Spike sighed. “Whatever. Just can you let me go? I got a lot of stuff to do.”

The unicorn hefted her bags of purchased food stuffs in emphasis.

“I can't let you do that. Protocol dictates that we take you into protective custody until such time as a therapist can be arranged, and your safe release ascertained,” Peg declared.

“Yeah we can't have that nasty partner of yours bustin your pretty chops,” Frost added.

Spike’s eye twitched, and not for the first time he wished he could breathe fire. Instead his horn merely sputtered, tiny embers raining down around him. Thankfully the tiny flames were too small to be harmful, nor had they landed in any of Spike’s bags.

“Look here you two dolts. I have had it up to here with your weird chauvinstic bullcrap. I can make my own gosh darn decisions and I do not appreciate you undermining me!” Spike shouted.

Last Peg glanced nervously at the crowd growing around them, the officer tugging at his collar. “Well I can see that you are quite strong willed, though I must reiterate that it is police policy to take you in until we have had a chance to discuss things with your partner,” declared the male.

“Are you sure that's a good decision, she seems pretty abstinent,” Frost Willow murmured.

“You mean obstinate?” Peg replied.

“That's what I said,” Frost retorted.

Spike snorted, his anger building until his face contorted in rage and his horn began to glow so hot that his hat began to smoke. Before the unicorn’s emotions could boil over, a teal shape clad in a bright purple hat and cape appeared in front of him. Emerging from a puff of multicolored smoke, the unicorn mare smiled at the gathered crowd before focusing on the officers.

“Good evening gentlestallions. I see you have had a bit of a mix up with my assistant here,” Trixie declared.

“Your assistant?” The two stallions and Spike all exclaimed.

“Yes. You see the bruise is actually a prank pulled by myself. One that I had forgotten to dismiss,” Trixie turned and bowed low at Spike. “My deepest apologies Spike. If I had known this would happen I would have never pulled such a prank on you.”

“I err… apology accepted?” Spike murmured in shock.

“That story is all well and good but can you prove it?” Last Peg inquired.

“But of course. Observe!” Trixie exclaimed, lighting her horn, standing on her back hooves and opening her cape.

Now partially hidden from the sight of the two officers, Trixie then gave Spike a wink before casting her spell.

“Huzzah! And it is gone!” Trixie declared, landing back on all four hooves once more.

Last Peg and Frost Willow both blinked in shock.

“Well would ya look at that. She was telling the truth,” murmured the taller of the two.

“I dunno. That big flash looked a lot like minor illusion spell which could hide the-”

“Oh look, it's the ice cream man and he's selling all three brands of Cornetto ice cream!” Trixie pointed out.

“Forget this, it's time for a break!” Frost declared, all but draggin Last Peg away from the scene.

“Wait, we should get a final statement before we leave!” shouted the other male as he was hauled bodily away from the crowd.

Which immediately began to disperse now that there was no more drama to observe, leaving behind only Trixie, Spike, and one other mare. Who emerged from the dispersing mob with a smile on her face, trotting up next to the showmare. Wrapping a hoof around the show pony’s shoulders, Twilight couldn't help but chuckle at the antics she had just observed.

“That certainly was some quick thinking Trixie,” Twilight remarked.

“Yes. Though I may have underestimated that one fellow’s intellect,” Trixie replied with a frown.

“Either way I appreciate the assistance,” Spike offered, extending a hoof.

Trixie scoffed, but bumped her hoof against Spike’s all the same. “It was nothing. The great and powerful Trixie merely wished to show off for my beloved fan.”

“Oh you love me now, do you?” Twilight teased.

“I err.. Didn't mean it quite like that, though I shouldn't say I’m opposed to the idea,” Trixie muttered.

“I’m teasing you,” Twilight replied, gently squeezing the mare’s shoulders.

Trixie huffed indignantly. “Trixie knew that. Trixie was just surprised.”

“Need a hoof?” Twilight asked, turning to Spike, and releasing Trixie from her embrace.

“That would be wonderful, thank you. This entire debacle has left me feeling weirdly burnt out for some reason,” Spike replied.

“We saw that. The family resemblance was especially apparent when you nearly burst into flames,” Trixie remarked.

“I don't know what happened there,” Spike muttered.

Twilight bumped her hip against the dragon turned pony. “Don't worry about it Spike. Magic is weird, and strongly affected by emotions. I’m sure it was just a miniature flare and nothing to worry about.”

“I sure hope so. I don't want to mess up Rarity’s magic somehow,” Spike whispered.

“You will be fine,” Trixie stressed, clopping a hoof against the ground. “Now then. Let us return this fair maiden to her residence so we may continue our day. Trixie was very much looking forward to our lessons on transmogrification.”

“I’m not…” Spike sighed. “Whatever.”

“Ignore her, she's just spicy because she’s flustered,” Twilight whispered as she grabbed Spike’s groceries in her magic.

“Trixie can hear you ya know!” Trixie shouted, the unicorn having walked ahead of them and turned around in order to glare at the now giggling pair.

“Who said we were trying to hide?” Twilight replied.

The librarian bumped her hip against Trixie’s side as she passed, taking the lead and leaving Trixie sputtering.

“The nerve of that mare,” Trixie muttered.

“I think you're rubbing off on her,” Spike remarked with a snicker.

“Trixie might be, though Trixie does not kiss and tell,” retorted the showmare, who flashed Spike a mischievous wink before walking away.

“Augh, I do not need that image in my head. Great now I’m thinking about it,” Spike complained, mostly to himself.

---

“See ya Spike! Don't hesitate to ask for help in the future!” Twilight shouted while waving at the dragon turned pony.

“And do try to avoid requiring saving next time,” Trixie added rather smugly.

“Yeah whatever. Thanks Twi, Trixie,” Spike replied, giving the showmare an appreciative nod before turning around and walking into the boutique.

“Well that was an… interesting diversion,” Twilight muttered.

“Yes, though Trixie didn't mind it at all. Really spiced up our little coffee date,” Trixie declared.

“I suppose it added a bit of action, even if none of it was planned,” Twilight replied.

“Very fair,” Trixie admitted, turning in the direction of the library. “So, shall we continue home?”

“Oh so now it's our home? I didn't know you moved in with me,” Twilight replied.

Trixie scoffed, and flipped her mane to the side. “Fool me once Twilight. No, I meant our homes, or did you forget that I had my cart parked beside the library?”

“Oh no I remembered. I also remembered that you haven't slept anywhere but my bed for several weeks. Didn't you even move your toothbrush to my bathroom?” Twilight exclaimed, leaning in close.

“I err…” Trixie gulped. “Trixie may have done that. Should she not have?”

Twilight shrugged as the pair began walking towards their distant destination.

“I don't mind. In fact that brings up a point that I had been hoping to talk to you about for a while now,” Twilight pressed.

“Oh? Is that why you have been teasing Trixie so ruthlessly today?” Trixie retorted.

“Maybe,” Twilight muttered.

“Well do go on. Trixie is all ears,” Trixie offered.

Twilight cleared her throat and stood a little straighter. “Well I was hoping that we could talk about us and about our relationship.”

“Trixie likes it, Trixie likes us. What's there to talk about?” Trixie inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“Well it's just I was hoping to take things to the next level, you know? Maybe meet your parents?” Twilight tentatively asked.

Trixie froze up for a moment, a deep frown crossing her face only to be wiped away by the showmare’s usual bravado. “Of course Trixie does not fear commitment, nor her family. She would be thrilled to meet your parents and vice versa I suppose.”

“Oh that's great,” Twilight gushed. “Because I was really nervous about asking you that. You always avoid talking about your family, and I couldn't help but think that was because you didn't want me to meet them.”

Trixie snorted. “For once you are wrong. Trixie merely does not get along very well with her father is all. Trixie is sure you know what she means.”

“Not really,” Twilight muttered. “I have a great relationship with my dad.”

“Really? Trixie merely assumed that everyone was like her,” Trixie muttered, her voice falling to the point that it was barely above a whisper.

Twilight shook her head. “It isn't that bad though, is it?”

Trixie laughed loudly. “No of course not! Trixie does not fear anything, certainly not the codgering old stallion she calls her father.”

“That's great. I know you met my parents briefly already but I’d love to introduce you guys in a more formal setting sometime,” Twilight continued, oblivious to the distress hiding on the edges of Trixie’s face. “Perhaps we could work something out for next weekend?”

Trixie said nothing, merely walking in silence as she stared off into space.

“What do you think of next weekend?” Twilight asked, raising her voice slightly.

“Oh um, that sounds great. What were we doing again?” Trixie murmured.

“We were going to my parents,” Twilight answered.

“Sounds great,” Trixie lied.

Author's Note:

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Comments

[PRmedicGoat]

Hmmm... My homophobia senses are tingling.... That or the Mexican i just ate...