This story is a sequel to Hearts Beat
Octavia and Flash Sentry have a lot in common.
One of those things is failed relationships.
Another is the hotel hallway they're currently trapped in.
This fic is a midquel to Hearts Beat, taking place entirely within the chapter "Vulnerable". It is highly recommended that you read Hearts Beat up through "Vulnerable" before starting this fiction - it will contain spoilers for Hearts Beat. That said, this is technically a stand-alone story, so feel free to check it out if spoilers don't scare you away
Chapters (6)
My attention has been entirely captured. I wish to read more.
I NEED MOOOOOOORRRREEEE!!!!!!
Um...that is....please, if you don't mind
Honestly though, excellent story, well written, very attention grabbing with its description a and wording, highly mysterious, and all around very much entertaining. I can't wait to see more! Have a five mustache review!
This is amazing. I'm so here for this.
Lots of great simile here. Was not expecting the whole 'trapped in some sort of twisted nightmare hotel' angle, but I guess without it there'd be no story. Octavia would've just left to stew in numbness.
This is a fantastic story cover
*Clap hands and rubs them together rapidly*
Alright, a story related to Hearts Beat. Cannot wait to get into it!
Hmm...interesting.
This was really neat. Not sure how it happened, still, but the character interactions, tone, and message which resulted are all quite interesting.
10815500
Thank you! I hope the rest of the fic delivers for you - it's definitely a bit of a weird one!
This is growing into a great character study of Octavia. And I thought I was bad at parties.
I did notice something off, though. I'm fairly sure this is supposed to be in Close Third from Octavia's perspective, but for a few sentences here and there, you jump into Flash's head. And you can certainly do that, it's just very lopsided, and thus reads weird.
Oh damn...
That's a heck of a cutie mark story. It hurts to think of ponies being this, well, uncomfortably human. Also, I can't tell if this is a typo or not, 'cause it's so fitting:
This is a freaking horror story. That was making me nervous for a minute there, dang.
Dang it, I worked through those chapters a little too quickly. It felt like I still had so much more. Now I have to wait
“How was the festival, Twilight?”
“Oh it was great! Me and my friends had a wonderful time. Vinyl and I bucked like for eight hours straight in our hotel room.”
“What about you, Octavia?”
“A bit of a bother. Got sucked into Silent Hill with Twilight’s ex, created by all the alicorn lesbian bucking going on. Sorry for missing the show, I was reliving my foalhood worst memories in a negative space wedge”
Heart’s Beat was a delightful bit of relationship romp, (with a rare pair to boot!) But I think your long-dark-teatime-of-the-soul fics like this one, like Threshold, like Haunting of the Boutique is where you really shine. You have a keen eye and craft for drama side of things, mingled with a taste of supernaturalness that is a very fun and sometimes surprisingly sweet combination.
It breaks my heart to see this fic unfinished though! Especially when all the updates came in May and then stopped. I hope you haven’t abandoned the idea. I really would love to see how this unlikely pair ends up. (I hope you weren’t put off by the tax on views that sort of happens to sequels. I really do hope you finish there are dozens of us who love this story, dozens!)
The below is written since you submitted an entry in the Comment Club round:
Thank you for writing! Here are some thoughts, scribed as they came.
* CH2:
Amusing
* They seem a bit too fast to be willing to jump into bed together. But! I guess one can do whatever one wishes with fan fiction and I guess there are people like that when confronted with stressful situations. Also, based on chapter 5 I'm not sure you intended this jumping into bed thing to be intended in a prurient fashion. It *certainly* could be that I missed something and you were intending it jokingly upfront but if it was intended in a straightforward way, it read a little odd. I assume Octavia's acceptance of Flash even in a joking sense is what ultimately opened the door.
*
Bit of irony here!
*
Either this hall is lying or it is a hall of hidden secrets that are key to people/ponies' personalities and personhoods but which they are unable to express. I suspect the latter. Reading further bears this out.
*
The Horror! The Horror!
*
Hmm... Maybe not. But, if so, this parallels the music teacher's journey. After reading a little farther... she is a sister!
* I wonder why ponies have the expression 'black sheep'?
*
And then... didn't work. This seems to be one of the themes here--sometimes ending in hypocrisy, sometimes ending by being overcome.
*
The cool sister!
*
- A good theme; I have considered addressing its nuances and contours myself.
- Specifically related to this piece... there appears to have been an encounter with a hall of heroes specifically resident in the minds of Flash and Octavia.
*
Not a fiddle? Maybe, though, she plays both, which would be fine.
https://www.stringvibe.com/fiddle-vs-violin-vs-viola/
*
A good scene.
I've seen permutations of this joke elsewhere (likely due to convergent ideas), however, the important thing is it is suitable for here and it is executed well!
* Minor: CH5: "school as a"
Should be: "school has a"
* This story seems a bit like a therapy session structurally: overcoming reticence, confronting the past, dealing with neuroses, challenging one to think beyond the self and circular/recursive practices... or A Christmas Carol (just considering touchstones).
* Best wishes with finishing the tale! (I assume you intend to since you nominated it for review).
Really do hope the idea hasn't been abandoned, I binge read the story and it's really been good so far!
Throughout the story, we're getting a really good look at Octavia's personality, character, and actions, which is amazing because you take the time to build character.
Some parts of the story did get me a chuckle, which, could be just me and my warped sense of humor.
What I really enjoy about the story, and it might be just me, is that there's a weirdness to the tale. Everytime I read through the chapters, there's a certain feeling to every word that is written and it's awesome so I'm here for that, mon ami.
Flash and Octavia are great to read, and I gotta say, this is some high tier writing, even if there's a few slip ups here and there. No one's perfect, though! It's a really nice story that I'd recommend to people.
But really, so far I've been enjoying the story pretty well. Looking forward to more installments soon! Really, I am. Please. 😅
Howdy, hi!
Read through it again, still loved every minute of it. Ugh, I just love your characterization of both Flash Sentry and Octavia in this, the kind of frat-boy persona mixed with the posh upper elite. They bounce off each other in the worst possible ways, but that's what makes it so enjoyable. They start off with almost negative chemistry, but after a short time, they start to understand and emphasize with each other thus both growing as ponies and learning to get the other.
Just everything down to the small details, how they all act, their reactions, the set up of the various rooms... it's all some of your most stellar work. I don't know why they are trapped in a looping hotel and frankly, I don't actually care because the character work here is absolutely amazing and I'm here for it.
Also, I'll be real this one is always going to be one of my favourites solely based on the fact that it was one of the key inspirations for writing Running Off the Rails. Flash Sentry and never-ending time/room loops of hell just go together like Eldritch horror and the folly of man.
Anyways, I love this, I hope you finish it, and I sincerely give all my thanks and sincere gratitude for you to have written this. Thank you for the read!
ooh, lovely little train metaphor here to hang this character background on. a great start!
a very diner-centric metaphor, love it
yes, we all love our Flash Sentry!
ooh, first sign of something wrong
ah, bringing around that first bad impression to be reïnforced along with the dread of realization, great way to set up the spooky! excited to see where this goes
ah, amazing Flash interactions
makes sense for the even-keeled Octavia to be so blasé about this, coming from this magic world
oof, my stomach with this line
given the tropes of magical environments, some ulterior motive by some sort of conscious entity, i'm sure!
ah, loving these initial interactions
ooh, loving this paragraph! as well as the endless hallway, you've really captured that odd feel of being in that liminal space of an unfamiliar hotel hallway that just stretches on and on without end
Octavia's got the right idea here, unexplained spatial shenanigans means social norms are off the table
ooh, another lovely paragraph, feels straight out of a novel
yeah, it definitely adds to the bizarreness and dread
ooh, loving how blunt this Octavia is! and i do wonder where this music teacher revelation fits in thematically
i guess "hypocrisy that was suspected subconsciously" is what links these together, but they do seem to be jumping to conclusions about the veracity of statements next to unexplained magically appearing paintings, haha. though whatever is at work does know a spooky amount about their personal lives
nice
ah, loving this device! tapping into a desire to really know if the things we suspect about other people are true, good or bad. but we weren't meant to know everything about the people around us like that, and it's not good to be unable to live with that existential truth.
ooh, loving how their personalities are grinding against each other here like two sheets of sandpaper
unexpected to have Fiddledust show up here, but very welcome! ah, what a perfectly drawn little flashback, contrasting herself with Octavia in so many ways, i love it
your pony OC names are amazing, as are these portrait descriptions
aww, glad to see a point of connection between the two, at last
topical!
fun to see their initial positions reversed here, and yes, that is what i would think if i lived in this world!
haha, a fun metacommentary on magical devices whose purpose is to teach the characters about life and themselves. make for great character study stories, though
quite. excited to see what the magic hotel has planned next!
loving Octavia's genre savviness
ah, love this sequence
oof! that says a lot there
and the genre savviness flips when it comes to having to possibly attend a party, very nice
oof! this does make me want to read the fic this is a side story in, to see how Octavia seemed from the other side. i can imagine!
nice, and also, relatable
it's a poison!
oof, magically enforced partying sounds like a nightmare. i guess i'm with Octavia here, as much as she needs to learn this friendship lesson!
oh no, this is getting too relatable
oh no, this is getting too relatable
oh no, this is getting too relatable
ah, i never got to this stage at the parties i hated, maybe i missed some potential character growth there
ah, i wonder what let them escape this one. Octavia letting loose? getting real about how Flash views her? i need to know because i am Octavia here
yay, genre-savvy in-character analysis! feels like a good TV show
aww, but that actually sounds fun!
that reminds me that they never did figure out even where they were supposed to "be" in the previous room
ah, a fun pony-specific worry
ooh, another liminal space, love these thematically fitting environments that you're using
aww! he's growing on her
aww
i am exhausted just thinking about this
ah, what a contrast!
that does seem quite ominous
knew it! well, excited to see where this goes
i am adoring this character moment, how do you do this?
just an amazingly oof way for a cutie mark story to go. wow, the dramatic possibility you extracted from this fun little bit of worldbuilding from a children's TV show... i am in awe
well you are quite good at making me hate Flash's dad here.
got to get our role models where we can, and augh, i love this!
aww yessssss
oof! it's funny, i feel like i've been in both Flash and Twilight's horseshoes here, though i guess with different people at least
everyone's the hero in their own story
sublime character work backed up by the wonderful use of fitting environmental details, as always! not to mention the depth i feel in both Flash and Octavia's biographies and interactions. it says a lot how much i'm able to see of myself in aspects of Twilight and Octavia here, though i wish i had more of their banter. the banter was also really good. definitely hope you get around to finishing this one, mush!
Great chapter. Hope they resolve things well and don’t somehow ruin this high point in their experience.
This literally is everything I was waiting for. Flash building a sandcastle in the middle of a heavy emotional moment is literally the dumbest and most Flash thing to do, and I love it.
Glad to see more of this story, and that last chapter was intense. I have a recent policy, that any story that tastefully and positively glorifies seeking help for psychological issues deserves a fav. It was definitely an odd route, but I think that qualities.
Flash. Buddy. You can't be calling me out like this.
Seriously though, this chapter was fantastic. Really excited to see what comes next for these two!
Finally got around to reading this chapter. We got to grapple with Octavia's bitch of a mom, and then watch the pair help each other see that being a bit of a mess is OK.
Ooh, interesting premise. Kinda like Groundhog day, but with a hallway instead of a day. Wonder if time repeats, too?
Hmm, not what I was expecting, but not in a bad way.
I didn't know paint howled.
Oh, it was funny.
Heathen.