• Published 3rd Sep 2012
  • 23,165 Views, 1,124 Comments

Her Mother's Daughter - Nadake



Twilight, handmaiden to the Princess, is asked the impossible. And accepts.

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Chapter Twenty-Three

Twilight had never been so far from the Heart in her life. She had never been further than the town that sat at the foot of the monolithic capital of Helios. For all that she could see for leagues from the high windows of the Heart, out onto the gentle plains and rolling hills, actually going through those rolling hills was a new experience. From the dull ache she had felt growing in her legs for the past several hours though, it was an experience she was sure she would have decidedly mixed feelings about.

Not that you wouldn’t be conflicted regardless. An amused voice tickled her mind, nudging gently past the heavy wall she had kept up from habit. The voice was familiar, and the way it slid over her mind, smooth and warm and hard, told Twilight precisely who she was speaking to.

Spike? She prodded along the mental link, almost stumbling as she focused. She didn’t want the thought to be projected to anypony who might be sensitive to them, but the task of focusing on her barrier, the question, the tenuous mental connection, and walking in a straight line almost overcame the poor mare.

Who else? The voice asked, amusement even more clear now. The link between the two solidified as she replied. I somehow doubt that Tia is going to be in the mood to trade thoughts with you for some time.

Twilight grimaced at the thought, and again as her hindleg gave a painful twinge. She had stretched it a little too far coming down the last hill. How is it that you can speak to me?

Because, little one, you haven’t half the skill with your mind you think. Spike chuckled, and Twilight thought she could hear the soft chuffing of the dragon’s laugh reach her ears, as well as echoing through her mind.

The laughter made the mare snort, hackles raised. Before she could snap a reply, Spike’s thoughts brushed her once more.

I meant no insult, Twilight. Only that your focus is scattered now, and you haven’t had the decades of experience to keep such mental defenses in place constantly.

It isn’t as though I could keep anypony out of my mind anyway. Twilight groused, feeling her lip curl as she sidestepped a muddy puddle. She had never been a fainting lady, like some ponies who frequented Court, but hours on the road had given her a rather fastidious avoidance of muck and grime of any sort. You, Luna, and Princess Celestia all have centuries of practice.

And what difference would that make? Spike rumbled. I’m bored.

The sudden statement made Twilight blink, before blushing. How did you-

It wasn’t telepathy. Spike cut her off, somehow sending the sense of rolling her eyes through the link. Ponies, dragons, everything is predictable to an extent. You were wondering why I suddenly spoke to you, and why I have continued to do so. Your response to mine was just as predictable.

Well, I hope I can be an adequate diversion. Twilight huffed, and rolled her own eyes.

Spike winced, a sense of chagrin pulsing between them. I apologize. I become rather…

Cantankerous? Twilight suggested, thoughts drier than the dusty saddlepack draped across her back.

I suppose that works. Spike chuckled. As I was saying, however, experience makes little difference in breaking into someone’s mind, Twilight. Ultimately, your ability to defend your mind is your ability to focus. If your will is strong enough, and you do not allow trivialities to distract you, nothing will be able to pierce your mind.

But you can’t focus on two things at once. Twilight objected. She was so involved in her mental conversation, she didn’t even seem to register that they had begun to climb yet another hill, something that had drawn a whimper from her before. It isn’t possible. At best, somepony can change what they are focusing on very quickly.

True, Spike sent a feeling of acknowledgement to the little mare, something akin to a small nod of agreement. And that is precisely what experience will give you. With enough practice defending itself, your mind can be trained just like a muscle. Eventually, you will react to a foreign presence with an immediate defense, even if the touch is one so light you are not even aware that you are aware of it.

“Then what makes it different from a reflex?” Twilight wondered.

“Makes what different?” A stallion asked from nearby. Twilight jumped, hearing the deep voice so close. The stallion, an earth pony wearing a golden peytral emblazoned with a stylized sun, moved closer. “Are you well?”

You really should remember that you needn’t use your mouth to speak. The amused voice of the dragoness hissed, clearly laughing at the mare’s expense. Her thoughts reached Twilight while the knight was speaking.

“What?” Twilight blinked, trying to sort out the tangle of words. “Oh, no. I mean yes, I’m well. There is nothing wrong.”

Confused by the strange little mare, the stallion arched an eyebrow, looking Twilight up and down with a critical eye. His fur was a dusty tan, a few shades lighter than the dry and hard-packed dirt that composed the main road from Helios to Selene. His eyes were hard to place, a color that seemed to shift subtly between a vague blue and an apathetic green. Their indeterminate color did nothing to soften the sharp gaze though, and Twilight shifted uncomfortably under it.

The stallion seemed to take her movement as a sign, and grimaced slightly. His sharp gaze softened, and he gave her a gentle smile. “C’mere.” He said, reaching around to unclasp one of his saddlepacks. Before Twilight could say anything, the stallion had pulled out a small canteen from his pack, clutching the cork lid carefully between his teeth.

After taking a moment to glance over, and see that Twilight was still walking only a pace or so away from him, he flipped his head, and tossed the canteen to her. The sudden throw made Twilight jump a little, and her magic flared to catch the metal container. Seeing this, the stallion nodded to her. “Take a drink or two, you need it more than we do.”

“What?” Twilight stammered. “No, I can’t do that. It’s barely midday, and I’m carrying less than anypony here. I can’t-“

“Just do it,” the stallion sighed, rolling his eyes. “Everypony here is either a trained soldier, or a centuries old creature of unimaginable power.” The stallion paused, and grinned. “Or a piece of shiny new armor.”

The earth pony knight had raised his voice as he said that, loud enough to carry along the small group. From somewhere out of sight, Twilight heard an indignant shout of “Oy!”. The familiar voice, raised in just the same amused outrage as in her foal years, made Twilight grin.

The sight of her smile made the stallion wink, before turning in the direction of the voice and calling back. “Sorry, Captain Shining Armor, sir!”

He turned back to Twilight, and gave her an encouraging nod. “I mean it, Princess. We are all trained to march like this from dawn till dusk. You aren’t. I don’t know about the dragon, but even Princess Celestia has stopped for a mouthful a time or two.”

“She has?”

The guard nodded again. “Mhm. And given as how you don’t have wings, I’m guessing you aren’t quite as tough as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are.”

Twilight forced a rueful chuckle, and lifted the canteen to her lips. The water was hot, and tasted strongly of metal. Despite that, Twilight had to force herself not to gulp it down in greedy mouthfuls. She took one small sip at a time, feeling the water soothe a throat she hadn’t even known was parched.

After a long minute of small sips, Twilight allowed herself a single large gulp, before she passed the stallion back the canteen. The cork rose to meet its home as the canteen flew, slotting into place with an odd sucking sound. The stallion caught it by the cork, and stowed it away once more.

“Don’t go for too long without water again, Princess Twilight. It could be dangerous for you, and it will slow us down. Princess Celestia won’t leave you behind, and Captain Green-horn won’t either.”

“Damn it, Meadows!”

Twilight chuckled again, much more freely this time. “Thank you, and I won’t.” She assured the stallion, before turning to look ahead once more.

Well, that was rather sweet of him. Spike murmured with an audible smirk.

Twilight rolled her eyes, but smiled. I doubt it. Shining Armor told him to keep an eye on me.

The surety of Twilight’s voice made the dragoness blink, then grin. Ah, he is the Changeling’s beau, is he not?

They are friends. But Cadance made sure he always looked out for me. There was an… incident when I was younger, involving a flowerpot. We were playing hide and seek in one of the gardens, and I tripped and hit the pot while he was chasing me. It wasn’t much, but the fall gave me a little cut a bit beneath my eye. We didn’t think about it, and kept on playing. When Cadance found out though…

Twilight grinned, remembering the sudden glare her mother had sent the stallion. She tore into him like an apple pie. Ever since then, he’s always been careful around me, making sure I didn’t get hurt.

That does seem to be how the Changeling would solve her problem.

How’s that? Twilight asked, feeling the honeyed amusement of the dragoness fill her chest.

She approaches all problems in a similar manner. In the most expedient fashion, and with the maximum of force.

Twilight smirked. You underestimate her. You make her sound like a battering ram, bashing away at her problems until they are solved.

And she is not? Spike arched the thin, supple scales that ringed her eyes. It echoed through their minds like the susurrus of dry leaves brushing together. Each time I have seen the Changeling Queens, their goals are as predictable as their strategy. Infiltrate, control, and enslave their newest source of food.

Twilight shook her head, acidic bubbles of disgust burning bitter on their tongues. No, Cadance isn’t like that. She’s subtle.

You say this only because she deceived you for so long, Twilight Sparkle. Spike stated, calmly. And that was likely only possible because you simply weren’t aware that such creatures-

She isn’t a creature. The connection between the two began to roil, as her anger pulsed along the bond for a long moment. It wasn’t the hot fury that had been so common in the Heart of late, the kind that stirred the magic all around into a frenzy. It was indignant, not passionate, and though is sent ripples through their connection, Twilight kept the volatile emotion from affecting her magic.

You have improved. Spike noted drily, and Twilight could taste the ancient creature’s amusement. If you keep doing so, soon you shall put Celestia and myself to shame.

What? Twilight asked, blinking in confusion. The distraction lifted her attention from the ground for a short moment, just long enough for her hoof to land with a solid squish in a muddy puddle.

You may want to watch where you step, little one. Spike said. The mirth in her voice bubbled just beneath the words, but the dragoness restrained her laughter for the sake of her dirty friend.

What I mean, Twilight, is your self-control. she continued. The hint of her laughter was still present, an aftertaste to the dragon’s words. It softened the serious tone just a touch, smoothing out the rough edges that clung to the thoughts, soothing the tatters of an unseen memory. That is something that neither I, nor your Princess were ever able to master. For all our power, our wisdom, we are ruled by our emotions.

A harsh laugh echoed through Twilight’s mind, full of self-reproach. Many think that long life dulls the senses, lessens the power your emotions hold. They think that you move on, you accept the inevitable. None of them understand the pain of waiting and watching as all the things around you waste away. It wears on your mind, in ways you cannot hope to understand.

The dragoness sighed, and Twilight felt the stirrings of regret in the mental exhalation. You may have… noticed the extreme reactions that Celestia has displayed recently. Her shifts in mood, her sudden, violent anger, at times even her childishness.

Well, yes. Twilight spoke, hesitant. She worried her lip for a long moment, before continuing. Princess Celestia has been behaving, oddly.

None of us are far from our emotions, Twilight Sparkle. As we age, we only become better at controlling them. Perhaps it is that very few are willing to tell creatures like Celestia and myself that we are wrong, so few would, or even could, punish us for behaving like younglings. I know that you can feel it when our anger runs hot. You could feel the way our rage seeped into our magic, took control of it.

That you can restrain yourself, on a topic you hold so close to your heart, speaks well of you. The simple ability to control yourself in such a way may not seem a gift, but it is no less valuable for its plain appearance. I envy you that skill.

Twilight felt her cheeks flush as she walked, hearing the surprisingly gentle words. The sudden, sweet scent of apples filled the mare’s nostrils, and it took her a moment to untangle the mess of signals being sent to her mind. The smell wasn’t something Spike had sent her, though it did make the mare wonder just what thought or emotion would smell like fresh apples. Instead the appetizing aroma was carried on the afternoon breeze, mixing with the drier smells of dirt and sweat and hot summer air. The sharp stench of warm metal, armor baking beneath the sun.

Spike? Twilight hesitated, steps slowing as she considered her words carefully. Why are you telling me these things?

I can’t make conversation? The dragon’s amusement, something that felt like dry leaves crackling underhoof. It was crisp, and pleasant, but it held the same sense of finality about it. The amusement dimmed slightly as Spike continued. I… thought that you deserved to know. Little one, you must understand that you are in a position that few could ever imagine, and at a time that allows you to see the world that is often hidden from view.

The ponies of Helios see Tia as many things. She is wise, fair, and kind. She places the needs of her subjects before all else, and she cannot abide injustice. Twilight sensed Spike shake her head, a frustrated tic. You have seen far more of the Princess than any of her subjects. You have seen that she can feel uglier emotions. Annoyance. Anger. But also tenderness. You have seen her humor, genuine smiles. But even you, Twilight, have only seen a few facets of her. Tia is old, and has had centuries to learn control. What the world sees, she fully intends to show them. Even to you, she…

What? Twilight asked, feeling somehow that the thought itself trailed away. Her words echoed in the empty space for a long moment, before Spike sighed.

I do not mean to say, or imply, that Celestia has lied to you, Twilight. No more than the Changeling lied about her love for you. But Celestia has never allowed many of the darker aspects of her history come to light. And you have seen that, when she is under the kinds of pressure placed upon her now, she... cannot keep up her façade. She cannot act at all times as the wise leader. Her hot-headed nature is more apparent now, is it not? She has always been impulsive, and somewhat reckless. And as I told you, we creatures of such long lives do not truly have any more control over how we feel than does anyone. We simply have become masters of controlling our reactions to them. When pushed too far though, you see us as we truly are. Petty. Jealous. Wrathful. All of the ugliest parts of our personalities, the parts we try to hard to hide, to ignore, they stand out in sharp contrast to what you expect.

You recall how… extreme Celestia’s reaction was, when she believed she had been betrayed? If the wards surrounding the Heart were anything less than they are, the surge of magic would likely have been felt halfway to the sea.

I remember. Twilight took a deep breath. That day had been… eventful. It still burned in her memory, a stark reminder of just how easily her whole world could be fractured.

Tia takes treachery personally, in a way that few I have ever met in my eons has. When she was still young, her lover betrayed her. He chose his love for Tia, his need to protect her, over the lives of Tia’s subjects. Had Lights-On-Water still been alive when she discovered what he had done, I shudder to think of what she would do to him. It took nearly four centuries before the legends of her rage faded, and ponies forgot just what their Princess could do.

Spike fell silent as their small band neared yet another of the seemingly endless hills. The hardpacked dirt of the road had grown soft as they spoke, shifting slightly underhoof now. Twilight blinked, and turned to look out at the trees that crowded the road. The warm, crisp scent of apples was even heavier on the air now, and the siren song brought forth an answering growl from her stomach. How long had she been speaking to Spike?

I am no less stubborn, in my own ways. Spike suddenly stated. The words were rushed, and her thoughts had a sense of deep conflict to them. I have become accustomed to being… unchallenged. It has been centuries since somepony last opposed me. Since I was last questioned. It made me, arrogant.

Even now, I cannot- Her thoughts dropped into a frustrated snarl. The feeling of lashing her thickly muscled tail filled Twilight. I do not believe that my plan, for want of a better term, that my plan was in error. Celestia does not appreciate the horrors that my kind have wrecked upon the world. If they are allowed to, live, then there is no assurance that they will not descend into that madness again.

Twilight cocked her head to the side. Before she could speak though, Spike began to speak in a rush.

I understand Tia in ways even she can’t appreciate. I am certain that I know what she intends to do, the solution she has in mind to this mess. I understand, and I sympathize with it. She has perhaps the best chance of ending this conflict without bloodshed. Without waking the Beast, and without sacrificing hundreds of ponies and damning my race to extinction. But even knowing this, I cannot rid myself of the certainty that MY plan, one I have pursued for centuries, is the only resolution.

Twilight heard a loud clack rend the quiet afternoon. The sound reached her at the same time as the sudden tightening of her own jaw.

Spike’s voice was tight now, trembling with rage. Did you never wonder why my method of dealing with mine kin was so convoluted? Did it seem incongruous, when I could simply have destroyed them all? I could unleash upon them an inferno that would turn even dragon bones to ash. Do you know why I let them live, when I hate them so?

Twilight shook her head, and winced as a spike of loathing slammed into her gut.

Because I had to know that I was better than they were. That I wasn’t a monster, like Fang. If I let them live, then they could find peace, find a way to rise above their cruel natures.

Twilight felt the dragoness pause, her mind soaking in the brine of Spike’s self-reproach. Into that silence, the little unicorn spoke, and she felt the ancient being flinch at her words. You needed to know that a dragon could be more than a monster.

Yes. A harsh whisper flowed into Twilight. The thought was a ragged thing, one that scraped raw edges against her mind. It trailed memories and emotions, far too strong, too confused, to be intentional. For the first time since she had begun the queer method of communication, Twilight felt as if she had somehow violated another. The pain in her mind was too foreign, and she could feel the emotions attaching themselves to unrelated thoughts, seeking to solidify themselves in her mind.

The sensation was terrifying. And Twilight fought back at the infectious thoughts with a reflexive fury, pushing back wherever she could feel it creeping closer. The thought of losing her mind, even a tiny fraction of it, filled the unicorn with a dread that was wholly her own. She couldn’t tell how long she spent fighting back the overpowering emotions, but when Twilight broke through the surface of that roiling ocean, Spike was speaking once more.

I had to give them a chance. If they showed that they could live in peace, I would have found a way to return the fire magic to them. Even if I had to die, I would have returned their future.

Spike had calmed slightly. After that first tortured word, her thoughts lacked the horrible barrage of memories and feelings. Though the slow, heavy words, not unlike the way one would gasp between sobs, still were full of emotions, they were no longer suffocating. It still felt as though Twilight were being clubbed about the head with the sheer intensity of the emotions though.

But they didn’t. I gave them thousands of years to change. I watched as century after century they grew weaker, as the younglings that remained were killed in foolish raids. Every time I woke from my slumber, more and more of my kin were slain, either by their own foolishness, or by chance. The linnorms, the wyverns. All the draconic creatures, the ones not damned, encroached. Every time I woke, the number of my kind grew fewer, and the confidence of the creatures who saw their weakness grew. Now there are only a few left. Barely enough to breed. The females will be lucky to bare a single clutch now, even if the fires return. If they can, if, by some miracle, Tia can find some solution in the midst of this torment. Spike’s voice grew distant. Sad. Her words were hollow, like they echoed up from the bowels of a stone cave. I hope that she can. Twilight, I’ve never wanted something so much. I want my people to live, I want the pain and the guilt to stop. But I don’t think she can. I don’t think anyone can help them now, help me, now. I hope that she can save us from the depths of this despair. But for as noble as she may be, even Tia cannot save the damned.

Twilight hesitated, feeling Spike grow distant once more. Before the dragoness could break the link though, she spoke. I don’t think you are a monster. I just think you’ve been forced to make decisions nopony should ever have to. You tried your best. You aren’t perfect, but… Twilight’s voice trailed away for a long moment. Then she smiled, and she knew that the light, sunny warmth of it reached out along with her thoughts. But I think that you will find a way to right the wrongs of the past. You are too good not to try.

Spike stayed quiet for a moment. Then, gently, Thank you.

Author's Note:

Howdy all. I just wanted to chime in with a thank you to the assorted editors and proofreaders to keep me from making an utter fool of myself. Kali Eponym, Dragonjek, and Last Light, thank you guys so much.

As usual, thanks for reading, and I hoped you found the story at least somewhat palatable.

Hugs and Kisses,
Nadake.

P.S. HOW CAN THERE ONLY BE A FEW MORE CHAPTERS OF BLEACH! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Comments ( 35 )

Now this is how you wham on a chapters end. And I mean wham..

That ending is kinda cute :c

Damn, talk about pulling on the feels!

7377460

I don't know what you mean?

7378202 Twilight being well, perhaps the perspective almost everyone needs. And that she is being perhaps something that even spike needs. This was a very well done emotional chapter, and that is what i mean by wham. This is something that hits evocatively and powerfully.

Twilight is very much different from each of these three. Not the hardened heart. But one that can forgive.

Loved the update.

I am really happy this updated, I really am. I love the story, and how different it is from the entirety of MLP Canon that we are used to. There is one simple thing that bothers me about this story though. Is that title literal or metaphorical? Because if it's literal, I really do feel that this story should be labeled mystery, because we are incredibly deep into the story at this point, it we don't even see why the story is titled as such. Maybe I'm missing something, maybe I'm reading too deep into it, but it's still really really bugs me.

7377460
7378229
Ah. When people say "wham chapter" or "wham episode" they usually mean one with a shocking emotional wrench in it, which is somewhat the opposite of what happened here, so your first comment was a bit unclear.

I'd give examples, but I really can't without spoilers.... Oh, the end of the Empire Strikes back is a "wham" bit, though not really a chapter or episode.

7379580

The title might be a bit confusing, I guess. It was mentioned several times, mostly by Spike, which I wanted to kinda show my point. Basically, the title "Her Mother's Daughter" is nonsensacle. We've touched on Twilight's childhood, and her birth, several times. But the key part, to me, was when Spike asked Twilight if the fact that Cadance didn't birth her, if that made Twilight any less of her daughter. Cadance raised Twilight, and was there for all the important moments in her life. If you read it over again, and look for it, you can also see the way Twilight refers to Cadance, both verbally and to herself, changes over time. It wasn't really intended to be a mystery, it was more along the lines of, the underlying theme of acceptance and understanding of oneself.

7380603
So there's not going to be an eventual reveal of Twilight's biological mother's identity?

(Loving the story so far, thank you for your continued hard work.)

7382069

It was revealed. Her biological mother is the same as in cannon, though Shining isn't her brother in this universe. Other than that, they events were mentioned a time or two. They were medics, and they were killed in a freak accident during a gryphon raid. They were in a military camp, but the location was thought to be safe. It wans't as safe as they thought. For their courage, and because they were close personal friends to Celestia, the Princess agrees to take Twlight as a handmaiden, and Cadance raises her from then on.

I won't lie, I do enjoy the odd red herring. What with the way people picked up the Celestia is Cadance thing (That wasn't even intended, but it tickled me so much I indulged in a little baiting), and the other odd tidbits, the story can come off as a little bit of a mystery, or that you arne't ebing told everything. And you aren't, there is a lot of backstory in my head, and it will likely never hop onscreen unless you ask me about something in particular, or I guess if a lot of people want a few rambling blog posts. However, the story is also meant to highlight something I think is very important in life and in writing. Sometimes, things dont make sense. There was a lot of evidence surrounding the time of her birth that makes it seem like Twilight is some kind of alicorn progeny, future queen of the Changelings and savior of the world. She isn't. She isn't even all that important to most of the events of the story, beyond being the vehicle through which the story is experienced. The odd "death" of her parents, the weird behavior of Cadance right before her birth, the treatment of her by Celestia and the attack by the dragons soon after she was brought to the Heart. They are all just mostly random chance. While I hate extraneous and overzealous detail (Bronte springs to mind, we dont need a twenty page thesis on the way the roses looked on the raod up to the house), too many writers only bring up relevent details. Not everything mentioned has to serve a purpose, sometimes its okay to just build the world.

Take the Revenent. It was trapped by Celestia and a bunch of powerful mages. It isn't relevant to the story in any way though, other than being a kind of mile marker for how back the fire demon is. Or further back, the trophy room in the Heart. Most of the stuff in there is absolutely irrelevant. But it does show that the world didn't just appear when the story starts. It gives backstory and weight to the imaginary world in which it takes place. Some of the stuff described might pop up again, but there isn't any real need for it to.

Sorry, its late, and I just got off shift. That, and being low on caffeine makes me both a little loopy, and chatty, resulting in rambles.

Anyway, Hugs and Kisses,
Nadake

7382320

I won't lie, I do enjoy the odd red herring. What with the way people picked up the Celestia is Cadance thing (That wasn't even intended, but it tickled me so much I indulged in a little baiting), and the other odd tidbits, the story can come off as a little bit of a mystery

The problem is, the cardinal rule of writing any mystery story is that the audience must have the information needed to solve the mystery (with the climax causing them to notice all of the hints that they'd seen but missed the significance of).

Giving the audience false information isn't a good thing; all it does is cause resentment. Likewise with foreshadowing things that don't happen: you build up an expectation that isn't delivered on.

If Cadence isn't a disguised Celestia, leading the reader to expect that... doesn't help. Similarly, if Twilight isn't Celestia's daughter, leading the reader to expect that (via the story title or via Spike and Celestia's conversation about Spike's dead child and what is implied to be Celestia's hidden one isn't doing the story any good, or your audience any service.

Peeling back the layers of a richly-detailed world and history one layer at a time? Wonderful. Having a mysterious or ambiguous situation where there are several possible things that might be going on? Gripping. But neither of these involve, require, or benefit from red herrings of the type you're using here.

Do you see where I'm coming from with this?

7387912

Certainly, and I have tried to veer away from childish indulgences in the more recent chapters (implementing entirely separate problems and faults into my story as I did). Part of the reason I keep up the stories I've either given up on, or despise (I positively hate Immortality, its just aweful) I do like seeing the progression in my writing as the years go by. I mean hell, I didn't get around to watching the Tirek finale until more than a year after it, and that was the last episode I've seen. Honestly, I prefer the MLP universe acting as a framework far more than I enjoy watching the show. A few characters jump out and I adore them, like Sunset Shimmer, but the construction of those characters in my mind is far more interesting than the actual series.

I always seem to reply to your comments late at night. I'm a bit of a night owl, but the lack of my usual mania makes me a bit more contemplative, and a touch more chatty than normal. I suppose what I mean to say is, while I do see what you mean about the problems that such false starts can cause, I don't think that they were enough of a plot point to really make or break the story. The issue of Twilight's birth (how on earth do you do that spoiler cover thing by the by?) was always meant to be a rather major story element. That her parentage was called into question was intended. I deliberately set up the world in such a way that the readers, and to some degree at least, Twilight, would wonder who her mother was. The first few chapters are a pretty good illustration thereof. The intent was to draw the readers attention to that series of odd occurences, all of the strange and atypical behavior at the time, to, well, show selection bias, I guess.

While I admit that the story is mine, and that the events are all done for a reason, I wanted to reveal things in a way that would be similair to someone going through their life. Most people dont remember the day to day bullshit. We remember important, unusual events and thoughts. So when all of these events about the time of her birth, hearing about Cadance's odd behavior from a guard who was there at the time, the well known attack by dragons on the Heart, the oddity of two medics being placed so far ahead in the army camp that they were killed in a raid, these are things that Twilight's mind would latch onto, subconsiously or actively. They could slowly start to form a mental image. That's the reason why there is so much 'leadup' to Twilight being Celestia's secret offspring. It serves as a counterpoint to the (admittedly pathetic) attempt at emotional weight given to Twilight's acceptance that to her, Cadance is her mother, in any important way. I'm not sure if that makes it a red herring or not, but that was a lot of the underlying thought behind it. I may have strung it along a bit too much, or failed to really make the connection between the acceptance and the events in the past as clear as I would have liked, but I don't think that it was something that raised too many hopes.

The bit about Celestia-Cadance I happily admit was me buggering around though. It wasn't even something I had considered until the comments started to blow up. That time that Celestia and Cadance both had a bruise on their eyes was originally going to be Twilight walking in on Celestia right after she had left her bathing room, and that Twilight had slipped on the wet floor. Celestia was going to dive down and cushion her fall, and get whacked in the face by a flailing hoof for her efforts. Then I was going to have them chat about something (I can't honestly rember about what) and that was that. But the idea of indulging the crowd's tin-foil-hatter was too good, so we have the scene from the story as is. Considering how bloody awfully I usually handle anything involving or relating to emotional appeals, I'd say its probably a good thing, non?

Still, its late as hell, and as much as I love replying to comments, I'm going to be up for hours if I don't head to bed now. If you don't mind my asking though, I was thinking about doing a different thing once HMD is all wrapped up. A much more political series, though more "Pride and Prejudice" and less "House of Cards". Intrigue (Not mystery, mostly backstabbing, favor trading fun on the grand chessboard) and drama, but not a lot of emotional spiels. Do you think it would be an interesting read, and, from what you've seen that I've written so far, do you think I would be able to pull it off?

Hugs and Kisses,
Nadake

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(how on earth do you do that spoiler cover thing by the by?)

By using the "Sp" button in the editing window, or by using the "" tag manually. Fimfiction's markup language is "bbocde" with a few extra tags added. There's documentation somewhere on the site, but I'm having trouble finding it. All of the normal bbcode codes should work.

If you don't mind my asking though, I was thinking about doing a different thing once HMD is all wrapped up. A much more political series, though more "Pride and Prejudice" and less "House of Cards". Intrigue (Not mystery, mostly backstabbing, favor trading fun on the grand chessboard) and drama, but not a lot of emotional spiels. Do you think it would be an interesting read, and, from what you've seen that I've written so far, do you think I would be able to pull it off?

The real question is, would you enjoy writing it? If the answer is "yes", then go for it; all other considerations are secondary. :twilightsmile:

It could certainly be an interesting read, though it's not my own cup of tea. You have enough of a following with HMD that you would likely have readers immediately, and you're good enough at setting up interesting story premises that you'd likely hit the main page.

As for pulling it off, I suspect that there are parts you'd struggle with, but that you'd still do a good enough job that it would be popular. Very few stories on this site are perfect; as long as you enjoy writing it, and learn something from writing it, and have an audience that enjoys reading it, it counts as a win.

have to say this is by far one of my favor stories on the site. keep up the good work.

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I see someone is enjoying their binge :twilightsmile:

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There's only one other series that I can recall that has changed the universe anywhere near the way you have. The entire thing was a 'what if Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle switched places?' This one, you took all the characters and threw them into a slot machine. And all you did to achive this was add one character that will never be seen, but you hear about it in every other chapter; the infamous mother of Princesa Celestia. My, even if this is a crossover into an already existing universe, this is a what if cenario that has been exicuted almost flawlessly. Oh, yeah... and the Elements of Harmony being entirely left out of the equation gave a rather dramatic aura to the surviving alicorns, but tone back on the discriptive collateral damage, such as the floor being ripped apart from being stomped on. Feels too... anime. No offece to the otaku population.

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I did hold back. Originally there was chunks of stone and slagged furniture float and sparking ala every shonen ever. Besides, its kinda hard to show just how big of a gap there is between Celestia and the common rabble without being... extremely dramatic.

7532899 if you dont mind me asking why when looking at the groups i saw that this is in a group called cancelled fics?

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Because my update schedule is horrifically slow, and people can add it to groups without me knowing about it. Between my inability to pay attention to a single task, my perfectionism (I rewrite each chapter about five times, at least) and school, I'm a bloody snail.

7709425 ok got a little panicked when i saw the group since this is a good story a little hard to start with but after the intro itt picks up
but i don't read canceled fic mostly since it leave a sense of longing or some thing basically want to know how it would have ended

You know I really haven't seen any other interpretation of Spike like yours. Its really a breath of fresh air to read

Is there any way to convince you not to cancel this story?

Soooo...can we expect a new chapter at all?

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the guy hasn't been on since 2017 so not very likely

Moooooooooreeeeeeeee :flutterrage:

Will there be another chapter?

Right now I'm thinking I can't believe I've actually plowed through this thing to come to this point. I didn't hate it. I didn't like it well enough to hit like or to track it for future chapters. I'm dune at this point. It did at least keep my ADD butt interested long enough to get this far.

My recommendation is that you go back to the beginning, and do a lot of rewriting, and editing. Yes, you've been relying on others to do the editing. There are still plenty of mistakes that need to be fixed. What's more, there are a number of places were there is little to no transition from one thought to the next. And yes, the word is thought, not though. A little mistake that crops up repeatedly along with plenty of other wrong word or missing word issues. Yes I know, editing is hard, but these kind of things kill the tempo and make it hard to read. I can go back through my own stuff months after the fact and find things that need to be fixed. That's why I'm saying, go back to the start. You have a good story. It's a bit wordy at points. I can understand the concept of showing life as it happens, but paragraph after paragraph of characters hashing over the same topic gets really old really fast. Is it necessary for the story, how much needs to be there? Clean it up. Don't let the tempo of the story get bogged down.

Like I said, it's a good story. Give this a good working over, and it'll go from OK to a really good ripping yarn. :twilightsmile:

Please don't let this story languish unfinished. I always enjoyed each chapter and anctiously awaited each new chapter to come.

Thank you,

This is BEAUTIFUL

The good thing about not reading a story in a long while? You can binge read. The bad thing when binge reading? You eventually hit the last chapter posted in an unfinished story. : /

Ya know, I'd ask how the author was doing, if only so that they'd put the story on hiatus instead of incomplete, but since they haven't even been online in almost three years, I think we know what's up. Which sucks, because I was liking this story.

Interesting story, was not expecting Spike to be female since every other story I've read had Spike be male. Stories with rule 63 Spike do not count since their names are not Spike but something else. Also wondering when there will be another chapter.

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