Up and at 'em
Dear Princess Celestia and Luna,
I hope that the Canterlot courts are giving you both an easy time. It's already been a few weeks since Luna had arrived and left Ponyville, so they should be calming down about the matter Cyr provided. Now on to more important issues. You have asked me to monitor our "guest" for you. He has already adapted himself quite well to the life here, though I'm getting quite worried that he isn't continuing his feeding habits (normal Changeling Drone/Royalty's can last barely around 5 days without their usual diet, though it has been a few weeks since Cyr has eaten, and I'm assuming that it's because of physiological differences between members of the Worker-caste and Soldier-caste). He shows no signs of hunger, and has refused to continue his eating habits of joyful emotion. His size has remained, unfortunately, the same, but his abilities have been weakened severely since the attempted de-transformation. He is only able to use the sheer basics of his force-manipulation spell, and a more basic disillusionment form, yet he still retains his abilities.
He seems happy here. But I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep an eye on him. You are aware of Princess Cadence's situation in the Crystal Pony Kingdom, correct? Well, my attempts to help my sister-in-law will leave me and the Elements unavailable to keep observing Cyr. I'm sorry, but I think it's time to let the filly ride a scooter without its training wheels, if you know what I mean.
Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
Two weeks earlier.....
"Applebloom!"
Boisterous snickers echoed out of the household remarking Applejack's surprise.
"YEAH! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PROFESSIONAL PRANKSTERS!
Three fillies fled the house and raced towards the barn.
As the mischievous fillies sprinted to their only refuge from Applejack's wrath, Applebloom popped her head out of the trio, and yelled, "Sorry sis! I'll make it up to ya later! Pinkie told us that we could get pullin' pranks as a special talent!"
They rushed in and locked the barn door.
Sweetie Belle asked, "I don't know about this. Didn't we go a little too far this time?"
"What are you talking about? That was awesome!" Scootaloo, out of breath, haggardly responded.
"But did we really have to involve Opal and that bucket of-"
Applebloom, expectantly staring at her own flank, absent-mindedly said, "Don't worry too much. Mah big sis forgives easily. And Ah bet that we'll be gettin' our cutie marks ANY second now...."
All three fillies began concentrating on their own respoective flanks.
"Any second now......", Applebloom hoped.
Sweetie Belle pressed, "Applebloom, I don't think its working."
"Just give it a few more seconds."
After a few minutes, Scootaloo yawned, "Applebloom, I think we're still blank flanks. Whelp, better luck next time. Hope your sister is pretty easy-going about all this."
Applebloom, slowly building up her personal hysteria, admitted, "Gosh darn it! We did all that for nothing! Sorry girls. Ah'll try to apologize to mah sister for all ya'll."
"No way!" Scootaloo said. "We can't let ya take the blame for everything! Sweetie and I were involved, too!"
"But it was mah idea. A really bad one. And Applejack is mah sister, after all. She'll go easier on me."
Sweetie Belle walked up. "Are you sure about this, Applebloom?"
"As sure as Ah was before."
Scootaloo said, "You know that isn't very convincing. Just look at how this turned out...Ow!"
As Scootaloo recovered from Sweetie Belle's knock to her noggin, Sweetie Belle said to Applebloom, "If you really want to do this, I guess we can't do anything to change your mind. We'll get out of your hair, but we owe you for this!"
Applebloom sheepishly grinned, "Nah. We're pretty much even after what happened today. Rarity won't be too happy to find out what Opal got drenched in. Now go!"
Applebloom pushed both her friends out of the barn, and tried to think up of any counter-arguements she could use against her sister.
Nope. Ah got nothing. Well, let's get this over with.
As Applebloom was about to exit the barn door, as she was hearing her sister's characteristic "anger-stomping" nearing the barn, she heard a faint crackling, almost like the sound of little chicks hatching.
She looked around her shadowy surroundings in the barn. Applebloom inspected the usual empty interior, sometimes coming along some of Applejack's and Big Mac's supplies and farming tools. Eventually, as her eyesight lined up with the numerous bales of hay that the ground consisted of, she saw a massive form amongst them.
Its outline in the poor lighting revealed a rough shell outside a pony-like figure. Black cracks started to snake down sluggishly down its surface where the face would be on a pony.
The fissures increased in length, and the slow crackling starte to grow in frequency. Chunks started to peel off of the un-Faustly statue.
Applejack crashed through the locked barn door, shouting, "Applebloom, just wait 'till Ah get mah hooves on ya, you're-"
"SIS!" Applebloom sprinted towards her sister, and latched onto her foreleg. "W-w-what is t-that horrible thing?"
Applejack gave a puzzled look towards her sibling, "That? Ah wouldn't be worried too much about that. And you're gonna have to apologize pretty darn soon."
"Of course, sis. Ah'm sorry for what Ah did. Ah didn't mean to-"
"Oh, yes you DID. And Ah wasn't talking about mahself." Applejack mentioned as she grasped the barn door.
As she stared back into the entrance of the barn, she scolded Applebloom, "Ah was talking about somepony else. It's disrespectful to call other ponies horrible."
The barn doors closed with a creak, leaving Cyr alone in the darkness of his husk.
At the diminutive, apple red-maned filly's remark, Cyr was silently taking the insult.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Not like it was the first time anything called me "horrible" before.
Cyr shrugged and started to re-adjust his position in the husk, which was nearly impossible, considering the narrow shell encompassing his form.
Forget it. The filly seemed pretty nice. Gotta stop judging ponies on first encounters. And....GRRRRH. There's more room in a grub tunnel than there is in here. How did the Princess want me to get out of this anyway?
It's not like I can just punch my way out....or can I?
In the embracing darkness of the husk, Cyr struggled to lift his hoof. With a huff, and some exasperated sighs, Cyr's hoof started to errode away at his prison. A couple of minutes of scratching at the constricing walls soon rewarded his actions: a gleaming sunlight that struggled to brighten the interior of the husk through the cracks.
Cyr began to further continue his task until his forehoof had broken free from its binding shell. Cyr's shoulder soon followed, and with a satisfying bash that contacted the forehead, his head was soon liberated also.
He heckled his way out of the coccoon-like husk, and strode out of the barn. At once, only with his exposure with the outside world, did he realize that familiarity of his surroundings. A bit too familiar.
Cyr stared at the size of the barn and soon walked away towards the apple fields. There he compared his stature amongst the harvested apple trees.
Luna's spell should have resulted in a complete decrease in his size. Nothing had changed. Cyr finally had to accept the idea that her plan was only partially successful.
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Sorry guys. I decided (finally) to listen to you all, and keep Cyr that way.
I won't pull the "de-transformation" card till much later....or maybe never!
I give you all my permission to laugh at my stupidity and suffering.
Happy Friday everypony.
Yay apology is accepted!
Can't wait to see the shenanigans Cyr gets into!
The enjoyable part kind of goes out the window with the tragedy tag.
Yay! It wouldn't be much of a My Little Behemoth story without the Behemoth.
Agreed, and yes a happy ending is going to happen. I don't care if your planning it to happen, somehow I will use the power of denial to say a happy ending occurs.
Anyway, best wishes!
P.S: I like Cyr as a big guy, he seems more gentle giant-y with it. Anyway best wishes!
1355963 I kinda want to believe that the "tragedy" tag was refering to the whole "I am a slave to the evil queen, had to let them use me to protect my friends that I will never see again, and my head has no value now..." in the past and not the future...
well this sounds downright interesting.
Good story thus far, BUT in my opinion an author should never alter a story to appease his readers. Just my opinion take it or leave it, either way I'm keeping up with this to see where it goes.
hmmm well then....Cyr is best behemoth changeling
and good so far
1355992
There will be....or else I'm afraid that I won't be able to live with myself anymore....
1356026
Kind of followed the readers' opinion because if I went MY way, this story would be completely boring TBH (at least for me)
So yeah. I'm not gonna do it anymore. Pinkie Promise!
But if Cyr is living in ponyvile, there is high chance that random changeling may notice him and report to Queen, Luna plan will be compromised.
I wondering can he meet another changeling hive that is the exact opposite of chrysalis's and is ruled like celestia does and are far stronger than chyrsalis's because they have been around a lot more love for centuries and decide to help him ........ in secret
My mom's birthday was today.
Now it has become Apple% cooler....
Well that was interesting. Size not change... hmm.. well it is a part of what he is so yeah it was good not to change it
YAY! Gentle Giant Monster Changeling! ^_^
1356101
True, but Chrysalis strikes me as the leader arrogant and genre blind enough to not bother to look for a body, and thus if a spy says the Behemoth is dead, it is and thus not worth worrying about.
1356222
That is not the point, changelings even after failure on invasion are still active all over the place, raondom drone colecting love may notice Cyr and report, after all hive is huge and now love is need more than ever.
1356065
Understandable in that sense. Reader input can help further along a story.
Boring? I doubt it. Writing has taught that a writer is always his own most brutal critic.
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/4/21/rKGTxRw0VkC0SYyVNw-P2Q2.jpg
1356600
You know of our plan? I mean....ahem. Let's take this OUTSIDE, shall we? Just stand REALLY still on that tarp outside.
its true, you are your own worse critic since you pinkie promised not to chance your story to appease readers im holding you to that :3 great read cant wait for more
1356245
Darn plot holes.
Thanks for pointing that out tho. I'll try to fix that
1355637 Thank God, I like the idea of a genetically altered Changeling almost able to defeat Luna and Celestia.
Livens it up a little. Plus I like him being a little OP.
Yay! Another chapter! As for Cyr's size changing, regardless of if you listen to the public or not. So long as you still enjoy this story then it'll work out, whatever direction you choose for the story to go in. More Cyr! (pun intended? haha) Cheers.
1356848
Thanks man
Means a lot to me!
1220735
YES
Well. That suprised me.
Yay titanic Cyr!
Great story, BTW. Like and Faved.
1357202
Thank you good sir/madam.
May a thousand spikes rain down upon you!
When can I expect the next chapter? Stories are my food FYI.
1357288
Ummmm...Give or take a few days. Working on another story right now, and I need to submit it.
Sorry
1357338
Be thankful thine work intriguing and our culture forgiving.
Though another story ... continue as you were. I will be watching.
I agree with the others: not changing his size all that much is for the best (it's called My Little BEHEMOTH for a reason ya know).
Anyways, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter
1357390 I concur, I just started reading, but if Cyr became a normal sized Changeling, I would be disappointed. That's something you maybe save for the finale or something Cyr never goes through with, because it's part of his identity.
I've enjoyed reading this story, and look forward to future chapters.
Huzzah! Thou hath not change the Changelings size! After all my fellows besought you to to undo the change, after all that balk and coil, thee dost listen to there reason. Henceforth, my interest in thy story has waxed.
good work like it better with behemoth changeling since there are so much regular sized changelings stories
So, Cyr's still gargantuan then?
Yes=
No=dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_shock.png
Whelp, Cyr is still awesome, and still the only changeling behemoth.
Seriously, this is a great story, and adds a character outside of canon that isn't OP, actually makes sense and is believable!
Keep it up,
Frostwyrm
It's not that your were "de-transforming" him, it was that you were doing it much to early. People came here to read about a Behemoth interacting with the characters, not have him introduced and then down-size My little Behemoth into My little Changeling.
Also, don't ignore your readers suggestions entirely, like you said:
"If I went MY way, this story would be completely boring TBH (at least for me)"
Your readers are here to be entertained and throw out suggestions that may make the story better. (Most of the time)
Sweet mother of Celestia you brought back the hulk. That my friend deserves 5
As for listening to your readers. I'd only do that if it is unanimous or a really, really good idea.
1356629 You could have Twilight work on an illusion spell with him maybe? He's obviously very talented magically and since he already has the invisibility thing going, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch to combine/modify it with an illusion of a normal pony in the space where his invisible body is. Since it wouldn't actually change his size or what he looks like, you can still have it fail at whatever plot significant moment he needs to be revealed, yet still give him the ability to walk through town, where any other changelings would most likely be, without being immediately noticeable. But that's just one idea in case you don't come up with anything better before it becomes an issue in the story.
1356629 Silly author, changelings have holes in their legs, wings and horns, not their plot
1356617 *Pulls out pump-action 1969 12-gauge shotgun*
Yeah, no.
1355637 Keep up the good work!
Nice story, Following to see where you go with it, but I do see a lot of room for Improvement. Today I'll pick on your vocabulary. You use some pretty good words. Problem is, you don't always use them in the right way. There are two main scenarios that I've noticed so far.
"I do not think that word means what you think it means."
You need to be 100% certain of what a word means before you use it. I have noticed several instances where you seem(I am not accusing you of anything but improper usage) to have just picking a 'close enough' word out of a dictionary, only giving half a glance at the definition. You are usually pretty darn close, but either through bad luck or not having quite the grasp on the word as you thought, it's not quiet right. Usually when this occurs the word is almost what you should have used, but every once in a while you may also use the right word, but as/with the wrong part of speech.
BRIAN BLESSED WOULD BE PROUD
You have a very good habit of making strong sentences. Things that would not seem out of place in Tolkien. Unfortunately you do this in completely inappropriate places. You use strong, so called "epic" wording when describing "weaker" actions, and sometimes blow a feeling out of proportion. For example when describing the Cyr longing for "the sweet release of Death" you use wording to indicate that he really wants to die, rather than just knowing that Death wouldn't really be all that bad an option. As if he knows EXACTLY what is on the other side. This complaint is a bit larger in my head, but you need to be more careful with the "proportions" of words in regard to the idea you want to promote.
tl;dr: get an editor or prereaders. At the very least that will clear up the first issue. The second issue is a bit more touchy, since this is your writing, and it's always harder to rewrite a segment than a single word as well.
1361175
I do have pre-readers
And yes, I'm very "figurative" with my vocabulary choice, but I'll start checking myself whenever I use them. (btw, I've been using dictionaries to double-check my wording ever since the start of this story. If you think they are used incorrectly....Well let's just say I need to burn a couple of books in my backyard tonight. And write a VERY angry e-mail to Dictionary.com
)
1358157
Make that 10-4, good buddy!
1357706
You're barking up the wrong tree here (heh no pun intended).
If you want a reasonable plot, My Little Pony isn't for you
Sorry though. That plot hole was one of my weaknesses, and I REALLY wanted to include that hummingbird into the story. And its hard to take a comment seriously after it's written in a nearly-unreadable hue of blue.
Maybe the timberwolves could climb trees.....they ARE kin you know (since they are both wood-based
)
heh. I'm gonna slowly walk away now, before you decide to track me down and slap me in the face.
1359390
or do they?
1359490
[pulls out riot shield and Pinkie-Pie launcher]
It. Is. On.
1360417
Thank you comrade!
I will have to commandeer your like and fave, comrade. jk