Certainly interesting. I take both are humans? The description got my attention, assumed it would be stallion on woman, as those are rare

10647878
More like Human X goddess but yeah they're more humanoid

10647881
Okay. Still, thank you for adding more to that rare subject in the fandom

10647881
Also, something I just noticed in the description

wakes up eith

Didn't you already uploaded this?

why changed their looks so much?

10647998

That's what I was thinking??!!

They can't be literally Shining and Cadence if they don't actually look like them??!! They are just OC People that stole our MLP Character Identifies if you think about it.

Why can't you just use Equestria Girls ( Official Human MLP Characters) in your stories, but with your twists in them?

Because I was actually a little pissed that the Succubus Twilight is Grey awhile back???!!! WHY!!!!!????

Why is she NOT Purple like the Sexy Pictures for Pete's Sake?!

10648014
Well to answer why i changed up their appearance because it goes against the grain, remember i placed this in the alternate universe. I wanted to have them stand out against the same version just be diffrent. As for not using EQ how often do you see them being used or even touched. I just don't bother with the equestria girls ones since they're not at well notices.

Also as for a grey twilight succubus same reason. Its more fun to do something different and let the imagination blow up with wildness. Sometimes being different is just more fun.
Plus when i rewrite these and edit them for a book version i get more of an idea of how i work work on them and even bring in new changes.

10648014
I am more that Cadance would likely be a blond if going for more realistic version of human form, and Shining not being toned.

Might as well be OC if nothing is the same

Leaning down, Cadance killed his lips, and with that, Shining was out like a light,

Killed his lips?

10648140

He should have said 'kissed'.

awesome chapter mat keep it up cant wait for the next chapter

10648087
Well simply no one would bother reading an oc and it would be removed and as i said its ment to be diffrent

10648284
not exactly a smart way to do it. what interest I had is gone

Interesting, I hope this will not be abandoned.

Good start though i sense a deeper story being told as well as the consequences of marrying divinity. I look forward to where this goes! I hope she gets pregnant as well as to add more to the eventual story you want to tell. I look forward to how Shining deals with marrying Divinity. I see it in the start already as it ties into why he cannot remove the wedding ring off his finger. I also look forward how he deals marrying someone who can literally drown him in pleasure but if he pisses her off can kill him just as easily, but those are the risks of marrying the goddess of lust and death. I look forward to how he deals with it especially if he gets her pregnant which i hope he does.

10649255
It'll be a timely thing though as I will always say, look at my patreon page and you'll gain early access to the story when its chapters are finished,

10649349
Something tells me you really want to see the mc knock the goddess up. and well we'll see what happens I just wanna get through the wild adventures we have now

I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories. I look forward to more of this.

Like the concept, but you seriously need some basic proof reading. Lots of little typos scattered throughout. Hell, the story ends with a comma. Pass it through grammerly, or pay attention to the red lines in any modern word processor.

I recommend libre office. It is free, and you can easily add to or edit the dictionaries in it to include pony words and names.

"Ah! Megami-sama!" - adult version.

Although the tags tell us that the goddess in this story is Cadance, in fact she is more than Chrysalis. I didn't see any distinctive characteristics of Cadence in the pilot at all. Yes, and the goddess of death and lust evokes associations with Chrysalis and not Cadence.