(1-2) The Love Of My Life
“Good morning,” Radiant Hope called as she entered with a gentle smile an hour or two later, making her way up to me and nuzzling my nose. “You’re awake earlier than usual,” she commented as she sat down next to me.
“Yeah…” I trailed off, staring into the now largely empty throne room, only a few assistants and guards still inside now that the Day Court had started. It was both angering and depressing, and I found myself wishing there was something I could do besides waiting for ponies to get used to me and acknowledge my rule.
“It’s just the day I've been waiting on for a long time,” I sighed as I continued. “I would tell you how I’m feeling, but you already know exactly what I’m going to say.”
“It’s going to be okay, Alex,” she told me, using a hoof to rub my side as somepony entered. “It’ll get better, I promise.”
I considered what she said, letting her help with whatever the pony needed. It’ll get better. So far, it didn’t seem that way. I had both exactly what I wanted and nothing I wanted because of what I’d done to myself. I wanted to see those who wronged me suffer, and thus far, they had been suffering, two ponies effectively banished, a third about to go to trial for her transgressions. I wanted also to be at home with my family, away from this place, but from what I heard from Twilight Sparkle, that didn’t seem like a very likely possibility, considering home didn’t exist. It was difficult to ignore that, the fact that none of my experiences were real, the thought of that on my mind seemingly at all times.
I also thought about the way she spoke to me and said my name. Every time, it sounded like she was hesitating, wanting to replace it with Sombra. It didn’t help that part of the time I felt the urge to correct her when she called me Alex. I found myself not wanting this part of me to exist, absolutely hating the fact that this was done to me.
“Why did I do this to myself?” I asked silently as I stared dead ahead, looking at nothing in particular.
I heard Hope exhale a breath next to me, just now realizing that the pony who was here was already gone.
“What’s the matter?” I asked. “Where did they go?”
“Oh, they left already. They were just asking about the law talking about what royal funds can be used for.”
“Was something the matter with them? They didn’t upset you, did they?”
“No, it wasn't them,” she started. “I’m just… I’m just a bit sad is all. It’s nothing.”
“What are you upset about?” I asked her.
“I’m not upset exactly,” she explained. “I… I can feel your emotions dripping on to me. I know you’re still angry about what happened, and part of it is with me, and it makes me feel bad.”
“I’m not-”
“I can feel it, Sombra… err, Alex. I’m sorry.” She looked down at her hooves and started again, “I know that part of you loves me as much as I love you, and it makes me happy, but the other part, the Alex part of you… you hate me, and… and I don’t understand why.”
“I don’t hate you,” I explained. “I just- I don’t- part of why I’m like this is your fault. I know that if you would’ve just untied that string instead of letting me break it-”
“Alex-”
“-if you would have just untied it, I’m almost certain I wouldn’t be like this,” I told her. “Maybe it would mean that part of me would just stop existing, but being either completely myself or completely Sombra would be preferable to feeling like I’m almost alternating between them.”
“You know that’s not my fault,” she tried to say. “That’s why Cadance is going on trial today. Because of what she did. It's not my fault you're like this. I was just trying to help you.”
“It’s still a little bit your fault,” I said. “You have to admit that, right? And it doesn’t help when you…” I trailed off, debating whether or not to finish my sentence.
“What?”
“...it’s nothing. Never mind.”
I stared ahead again as we sat quietly for a few seconds before she broke in, “I love you, Sombra.”
“I love you too, Hope,” I answered automatically, unable to keep myself from smiling as I heard the happiness in her voice and saw the smile in her eyes. It was a nice moment, one that made me happy, at least until I realized what I was doing.
“You know I don’t like it when you do that,” I said frustratedly as I turned away from her.
“Maybe it’s because you love me,” she teased, my expression becoming harder because of it. There were another few moments of silence before she realized I was being serious when I told her I didn’t like it, and I heard her voice drop in disappointment as she apologized.
“I’m sorry, but it’s true,” I told her, still facing away from her. “It’s frustrating when you do it because I can’t help but say it back to you. I know I love you, but I also know that I absolutely hate you for this, and you telling me you love me doesn’t help me sort myself out. It makes it worse.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized again as she leaned over to place her head on my shoulder. “I know you don’t like it, but I don’t like feeling like you hate me when it’s really… I just- I promise it’s not my fault you’re like this, and I promise I don’t like seeing you like this either. I like seeing you smile when you tell me you love me back.” She paused, then continued, “I don’t know if this makes you feel better, but I feel like your anger towards me is lessening every day. I feel like you’re getting better…”
“I feel like I’m losing myself…” I responded quietly, then stood up from my seat. “I’m going back to bed. Can you take care of all this while I’m gone?”
“Of course. It won’t be any trouble.”
“Good. Thank you. I’ll be back… whenever…” I told her as I trotted away.
“Before you go, Alex?” I turned back to watch her say brightly, “I love you.”
I bared my teeth and growled angrily at her as I went back to my room.
“Alex, wait!” she suddenly called urgently. I didn’t stop to see what she wanted, continuing to stomp right back to bed before she teleported in front of me.
“Alex, I- I’m sorry,” she told me, avoiding my eyes. “I don’t want to make you angry. I won’t tell you I love you any more if you don't want me to, since you don’t like it. I just- please promise me you’ll tell me you love me on your own one day. Please?”
“You know I can’t promise that, Hope.”
“If you do, you’ll tell me though, right? I mean, I know you do, Sombra does, but when you stop being angry with me, right? I don’t want you to see you like this all the time.”
“Hope-”
“I’m sorry,” she suddenly said, changing her mind. “Never mind. I don’t mean to pressure you. It’s just- it hurts because I know you do, or at least did before you went and… did this to yourself…”
“Trust me when I say it’s absolutely killing me,” I told her. “You know I absolutely love you, but this other inhabitant… it’s absolutely killing me, and it’s your fault and because of it, I can’t help but blame you and hate you, too.”
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10646779
So Discord didn't intentionally try and fuse Alex with Sombra? Good for him then. My general train of thought was for Alex to tell Discord that he either gets rid of Sombra so Alex can have sole control or else be turned to stone. But if he was really just trying to get rid of Sombra that changes the circumstances. I mean, it would still be telling Discord to do a thing but without being a statue as punishment for refusal. Maybe getting Fluttershy to convince him?
Radiant Hope I think is kinda screwed when it comes to friends though. Alex and Sombra seem mutually exclusive. Both of them are opposed, so if they remain fused they'll hate themselves and her for having betrayed them. If she sides with Sombra and gets rid of Alex everyone will hate her and she'd be letting Sombra hurt people. And finally she can't really be Alex's friend unless she gets rid of Sombra. Or at least that's how it seems to me.
Edit: or in short only Sombra loves her, Alex doesn't. Honestly she could make Alex love her by actually helping him (maybe not love, but it'd be a sight more genuine).
Plot moves slowly forward this time but we're getting there. Nice "setting up" for the future. :3
yay it back
Oh dear, what a conundrum. Poor Hope...
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/017/886/download.jpg
hate is a strong feeling its far stronger than love!!!
Or
I've ignored the grammar errors on BOTH stories for to long. Fuck that, get ready cause I'm finna run your shit
Radiant is being pushy and selfish. Sure, it's not fair to have your soulmate hate you, but is deliberatly triggering him? Not cool...
Gosh... Cadence really screwed things up, I mean she gave up everything just because the position for Equestria wasn't being given to her; she has a husband, a daughter, an ancient empire to rule over, and she gives all up for ruling Equestria... she does realize the world would slowly end in a few weeks without Celestia nor Luna to move the celestial orbs, out of the alicorns, she's the weakest, her power is manipulating one's emotions, with the strongest either being Twilight or her own daughter, as Twilight is magic manifestation, and we've seen how strong Twilight can be by being given the power of Celestia, Luna, and Cadence... imagine how strong a "naturally born" alicorn could have.
Seriously, its so messed up if you think about it that everything went downhill, because Cadence felt one single twinge of envy... She's seen what envy can do to others from examples of those that Celestia, Luna, Twilight and her friends, and Sunset both witnessed from others and experienced themselves.
I kinda feel bad for Hope.
This is like the definition of an abusive relationship. Blaming Hope for not doing something isn’t fair on her at all, and Hope shouldn’t be trying to trigger automatic responses out of Alex that he doesn’t want to say.
11050152
Yeah but she partially got him into this mess I think too many villains to keep track of.