• Member Since 4th Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Mister E-Nonymous


All you need to know about me. I don't start another story until I finish one.

T

Nick, an 8-year-old boy in New York, has been having a tough life ever since he was younger. At four years of age, his parents died in a car wreck. When he was in 1st grade, he was picked on in school for being an orphan. Recently, he was kidnapped by a wicked pawn shop owner who stole and hid away a diamond somewhere in a nature preserve. But what he didn't know was that the gem reacts to the full moon, sending him off somewhere, taking the diamond with him.

The next thing he knows, he finds himself in an old castle, not knowing how he got there. Not only that, but he finds himself in a completely new body, one of the opposite gender. Nick was now a black alicorn filly, with a mane that looks like the night sky, and turquoise dragon eyes. She also had on a blue helmet and four blue horseshoes. Nick has no idea where he is, what he had become, or what he was wearing, but he has to find a way back to his world in his original form.

But how will the ponies of Equestria take it when they see a filly Nightmare Moon? This will be a very confusing or shocking to the Main 6 and Spike. This is going to be one heck of an adventure.


This story is based on Living Nightmare by Autum Breeze, but we're doing this story early in the series, and with a kid that had a lot of trouble through his life.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 142 )

good so far, I hope it continues and not another dead story.:D

way to rush at the front.

My curiosity has been peaked. Will Nick want to go back home, or will he/she prefer this happier world?

Eh. The first part reminded me of The Rescuers, what with the orphan being kidnapped to be forced to work for a greedy woman in a swamp, and said orphan had to recover a diamond in a cave before it was filled with water. Made me nostalgic.

"filly nightmare moon" means I am contractually obligated to read this.

10644619
I 100% Agree! I absolutely LOVE these stories. The Living Nightmare by Autumn Breeze was a great story so I have high hopes for this one!

Well now, this shall prove to be an interesting one! The closest thing to a complaint would be that the beginning feels slightly rushed. But the measurement would be a .22 to a .50 caliber. Ich habe große Hoffnungen dafür, und das gilt auch für den Kaiser! Hoffen wir, dass Sie sie nicht versäumen. Immerhin der letzte Mann, der das getan hat... nun, wir sollten nicht schlecht von toten Männern sprechen.

8 out of ten Iron Crosses from Me, and I pray many more to come your direction.

Let's see where this goes, shall we?

SRY

10644305
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.

There are some issues with pacing and language of the apparent 8 year old, but the premise is interesting enough. An example of the language anomaly would be "species," very few children that age would know the meaning, much less know the meaning and have it come naturally in speech. An 8 year old would just say they used to look completely different or perhaps had a different body, they wouldn't have the eloquence for "species."

Celestia is about to become the villain and Luna and Twilight will probably become mother figures

Talk about a rough life for Nick, huh?

That would be bad, wouldn't you agree?

Well, let's see...he went from being a struggling orphan with dead parents and a life of coping with bullies, in the care of an apparently evil criminal intent on using him to go rooting through caves for treasure in a scene that reminds me of Madame Medusa from the Rescuers...

...to now he's a beloved, immortal, flying, magical unicorn goddess in a fantasy fairyland full of magic and friendship, and oh by the way he's probably the ruler of the land by birthright and only a couple chapters away from living in a palace full of servants.

Gee, I don't know. Doesn't sound so terrible to me.

Good story so far. I look forward to more

"Maybe you're right, Applejack," Twilight said. "But, we'll wait until after lunch. We'll give it time to be written." The others nodded and continued eating. Not used to her new body, Nick had no choice but to eat the spaghetti without any utensils. The others looked at Nick. Rarity was a little disgusted by Nick's behavior, but she then shrugged it off, knowing that Nick hadn't had any food since the day before.

The princesses may go with GUNS BLAZING.

ACTUALLY Both of them worked to the point of accidentally crippling their nightmare look like images

Earlier today, as my friends were helping me move into the library, Spike had snuck out to check out the Castle of the Two Sisters. But when he got there, he got a really big surprise. Spike claimed to find a filly in the castle with a near perfect resemblance to the mare your sister became, Nightmare Moon. I know, you're probably thinking that Nightmare Moon is back for revenge, but from what we heard, and her story is too detailed to be a lie, she used to be a completely different species called a human, in the opposite gender. And according to her, she arrived here in the form she has become now was because of some mysterious diamond. Don't engage in any violence. We don't need to cause another panic.

That is reasonable. The chance for violent introduction is a bit lesser

"Where is she?!"

In the bathroom and toilet.

A bit fast paste but still a ok story

Don’t see how the gender bending adds anything, however aside from that a fine beginning to a tale if I say so myself.

10645708
Agreed, however I find it very difficult to continue reading after well... reading that.

An eight year old, much less an Orphan likely receiving a subpar education would not be capable of understanding many things.

...

... And according to her, she arrived here in the form she has become now was because of some mysterious diamond. Don't engage in any violence. We don't need to cause another panic.

Signed, your faithful student...

Twilight Sparkle."

Dearest Twilight,

Don't tell me what to do.

Princess Celestia

I think I've figured out the formula for most of your stories.

  1. Take a human child with a dark past
  2. Send him or her to Equestria as a foal
  3. Have him or her tell everypony about the past with no omissions in universe (written out for us to read)

It feels like this story fell out of the cliche tree and hit every branch on the way down by the summary alone.

I’m in.

A lot more fastest for what I can see...nice :twilightsmile:

SRY

10645708
Very good point. Most children that age might know the word would be unlikely to use it in that context. 10 seems to be about the magic age for boys for getting much more knowledgeable about the world and just generally being "more sapient".

I will mention it does depend a lot on the kid though. I have kids about that age and they would totally use that word. However, they are my kids and so are already way far out on the weird end of the spectrum (my wife and I are both scientists, they never stood a chance at being normal).

Why was spike there and alone

"Twilight, these diamonds were banished from Equestria long before my sister was banished," Princess Celestia explained.

So this was one of the old bead's doings again?

Ah yes. Mother twilight. Let us see where this goes

"When I was four, my parents died," Nick said. "I was sent to an orphanage. When I was six, I was bullied in school, just because they thought it was funny and cool. And just last month, I was kidnapped from the orphanage to help a crooked lady recover a stolen diamond." Nick then went wide eyed. "The Diamond!"

like damn bro thats crazy, but she didnt ask for your whole life story :X

Nick sighed and said, "I was hoping to get out of a bad... sit... sitch... well I was hoping to wake up to a better life, but it seems that I woke up in an even worse situations."

I see you took prior constructive criticism to heart and attempted to tone down Nick's vocabulary, but you might want to try again; (s)he literally stumbled over the word 'situation' twice, only to then use it immediately after in the exact same sentence. :facehoof:

Glad you delt whit Celestias biases quickly. as understandable as they are they get anoying.
I am a bit peeved that they didn't ask Nick to chose a name but when dose adults ask children those kinds of questions.
And when I read that name a song emidiatly sttarted to play in my head:

It is odly fitting.

The storytelling here is a bit simplistic for my taste. Like they asked him how he got there and he just tells them his life story right off the bat? And they believe him?! With no further questions asked? Just, “Hey I’m from another world and was a human.” “Cool. I believe that entirely. Let us take you to our home and help you.” Grammar is good but the rushed exposition storytelling kills it for me.

"It's okay," Moonlight said. "You startled me as well. I wasn't expecting a little purple dinosaur to appear in front of me."

:rainbowkiss: smol barney :rainbowlaugh:

My only problem is they forced him/her to choose a different name when it is literally the only thing they have.

Can't wait for the next chapter

Comment posted by Skywalker215 deleted February 2nd

Ah yes. Mama twilight.

I love Mommy Twilight. Really great story just saw that it was inspired/based on Living Nightmareby Autum Breeze and I really loved that story. Great to see other use this other person in child nightmare moon and love to see mommy Twilight as well keep going this is a great story so far can’t wait to see more

Twilight grew concerned and said, "Some ponies refuse to know the truth. A lot of ponies don't want to see the inside of those who look like a villain. What matters is what's on the inside."

Your beloved, benevolent and wise leader - Princess Celestia - already gave Moonlight a pass. But these ponies didn't trust Celestia's judgement?

Yes twilight, what are you going to do? XD loving it so far

"Morning, Spike," Twilight said. "I see hat you're making some breakfast."

"i see that you're making some breakfast"*

Grammar Error

"Morning, Spike," Twilight said. "I see hat you're making some breakfast."

So far first part feels somewhat rushed and some sentences need more polishing. Especially in case where multiple consecutive sentences starts with "she [did something]".

10658588
you would not believe how easy some lies get accepted as truth.
for example, some anti vaxxers believe that vaccines cause autism, even though there is a mountain of studies that find no relationship between vaccines and autism.

So I'm enjoying this, after so many versions of this idea where things just go wrong having the general ponies just throw fruit is a relief. And having the main adult's actually be responsible is nice.

One criticism, when I read the characters lines they feel... stilted. I can't quite put my felling into words beyond that.

Sooooo... what's Luna's reaction gonna be? Also if you're gonna explain Moonlight to the ponies. I suggest starting off with 'this ordinary child came into contact with a 'cursed artifact' and was then transformed into a filly version of nightmare moon'. or something like that.

Nice to see another chapter, though I am sad to see a young one in such straights I will cast my vote for her to be visited by Mia adore, after all she will be meeting the family.

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