Something Something I Love You

by Smakleapp

A Magical Atmosphere Or Some Shit

Applejack brushed off the sweat hanging above her brow, as she turned and bucked a tree. A horde of apples piled into the strategically placed basket.

Plop! Plop! Plop!

“Whoooo Weee!” Applejack stood there, admiring her work. She was decently far away from the barn, bucking every apple tree that dared bare that forbidden fruit.

She looked up at the sky, where she saw the sun beginning to set. “Aw shucks! Gosh, darn sun gots ta’ go down now?” The prospect of working late crossed her mind. Wouldn't be the last time she stayed up late to finish some extra work. She liked it, the night work. The day was too noisy, even during this late afternoon. Night, all it was her and the trees. Save for the few cicada or so.

That thought process was halted by two special words. “SUPPERS READY!” Those words made Applejack almost flutter in the air. Delicious dinner was, as she liked to joke, the apple of her eye. She did love to jest.

She took one last look to admire the work she had done and quickly ran to the barn. “COMING GRANNY!” she yelled. Celestia forbids if she missed dinner, or worse...let it get cold. She shivered at the thought.

It did not take long for the apple bucking pony to reach the porch, smiling up at her beautiful...Filthy Rich?

The old business stallion stood alongside Granny Smith, who was wobbling more than Sweetie Bell’s eggs. Her special ingredient: not knowing how to cook.

Applejack slid to a stop, almost tripping over the porch step and falling flat on her face. Luckily, she was able to avoid that travesty, instead awkwardly sitting down with a false smile. Filthy Rich was not dinner. Therefore, he did not deserve the real smile.

Filthy Rich, not one to jest, simply stared at the pony. “Don’t smile at me like that. I have a wife. I might be tempted.” Applejack breathed out and stood on all four hooves. She never knew how to address Filthy. Besides that ridiculous name, Applejack felt an intimidating aura around him. Therefore, she said some things she would never, ever, EVER say. Such as this.

“Well darn’ tootin, eh...partner! Me an the...family! Family! Was having... supper. Which is dinner, but, uh...ya know, we get fancy with it an change the name. Adds spice to it, doncha' think? Spice! Like our Apple Spice!” She gave a plastic smile, hoping Filthy Rich didn’t throw up in his mouth.

As a matter of fact, he didn’t throw up in his mouth. Instead, he did nothing. Classic Filthy Rich, that guy. Always has the wackiest reactions.

“Uh-huh. Flattering. Anyway, Ms. Apple (I think), I was just leaving. We were just discussing doubling your output for the next month.”

Applejacks mouth gaped open. “D-double? Why, Mr. Rich! Doncha' know you've already been pushing us? Doubling our output, why...our bones will break!”

Glare.

“Ms. Apple, it is Hearts and Hooves Day in a month. As such, besides chocolate, booze is needed for the poor souls who are lonely.” He then muttered something. “Wait until they marry a bitch as I did.” Quickly he talked over himself, believing he successfully hid his complaining. “Anyway, partners of mine need farms of yours to get extra work done.”

Applejack stammered. “With all due respect, it’ll kill us! Ya gotta tell your partners to-”

“What?” spat Filthy Rich. “To get you a rattle? When it comes to business, Ms. Apple, I don’t play around.” He now stood in front of Applejack, face only a short ways from hers. “If your gonna shit yourself, might as well get some diapers.” And with that, he began to trot away.

Applejack gawked at him. “Granny! You can’t be ok with this! You gotta tell him-”

“Applejack, ya silly goose, why doncha' ask him yourself?” AJ simply stared at her elderly grandmother.

“Granny, he left.”

Her eyes widened, as she turned to look at the empty space behind her.

“Oh. Since when?”

“Like a minute ago Granny.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

AJ face hooved. “Because he just left.” She knew that Granny’s mind was beginning to wander, but this was ridiculous. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought Granny did this on purpose.

Stare. Stare. Stare. “I don’ think that’s right,” she said matter of factly, as she turned to go inside the house.

AJ chuckled, shaking her head. “This family,” she whispered, as she started for the door. Before she entered, however, she gazed up at the sky. For no particular reason, she told herself. She stayed like that for a minute or so, and eventually, and reluctantly I might add, went inside.

~

Like a good friend of mine once said: “It ain’t easy being cheezy.” Now, that was after a stand up comedy act he partook in left him covered in chili cheese nachos, but I digress. Being the Lord of Chaos is really demanding. It really is! I mean, sure, I could make teacups dance, make houses be mouses, and dye sweaters different colors. That last one is really for Fluttershy.

Anyway, it so happens that my literary mind started picking at me. Who was I to disagree? I mean, I could have, but these last few weeks were just too good! So, me being dedicated to you all, you yous, I've decided to burden myself with retelling these events as accurately as they have happened. Why? Cause, l o v e. Also, I’m bored. Now, letsa go!

~

Twilight Sparkle. Stupid name. Anyway, dear old Twilight was looking at books. I didn’t even have to look back at this one. I mean, cmon. It’s obvious. Anyway, she was sorting through books as the day came to a close. A real slobber knocker of a good time.

“Ok, so if the Magic Enclyopdia goes here, then that means that Magic Fragments should go here.” She all of a sudden had a eureka moment. “AH! BUT WAIT! I HAVE MAGIC FALSE BELIEFS HERE!” She giggled at catching that very foolish mistake. Foolish indeed. “So I have to put this after-”

“DARLING, IT’S SIMPLY D R E A D F U L!” a very fancy-ass voice exclaimed. Who else but Rarity walked into the library. Due to this sudden arrival, Twilight dropped the books on her stup- I mean silly head. Seriously, she’s been here for three fricking years, you would think she would be accustomed to Rarities shit.

Whew. Breathe. Unbiased.

“Rarity, what in the hay are you doing here?” asked a disgruntled Twilight, secretly thanking Celestia that only four books fell off the shelf, knowing exactly where they were before.

“Why, Twilight it’s just-”

“Horrible. I know. I get it. Why is it so horrible?” Twilight asked in a disgruntled tone. Oh shoot. I used that already. Hold on…okay, let's see here. Uhhh...ooohhh! Testy! *Ahem*

“Horrible. I know. I get it. Why is it so horrible?” Twilight asked in a TESTY tone.

“Why Twilight,” exclaimed Rarity, “Hearts and Hooves Day is coming in a month! And I want to do something special for a very special pony!”

“And why do you need my help?” Twilight asked in an annoyed tone. Rarity pawed at the ground, looking everywhere but at Twilight.

“Well darling, I didn’t know any other mares who could accommodate my needs this...early.”

Starrrrreeeeeeeeee.

Twilight sighed. “Fine. I got a bunch of index cards filled with fun ideas.” She looked at Rarity with surprisingly serious eyes. “They’re not for me. So take as much as you want.” Rarity looked alarmed at first at Twilights’ depressing statement. However, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth (literally), Rarity soon smiled a thank you.

“SPIIKKEEE,” Twilight called to the upstairs part of the treehouse. “Get the index cards off the desk, and bring them down, please. Around ten or so.”

Silence.

Silence.

Then…

“I’m sleeping. Do it yourself.” Twilight rolled her eyes and glanced at Rarity for approval. The white pony nodded with a smile.

“It’s for Ra-”

In a green blur, “HI RARITY! HERE ARE THOSE INDEX CARDS YOU WANT! I GOT YOU 20 OF THOSE THINGS! JUST FOR YOU! HALF OF THOSE I MADE MYSELF SO YOU KNOW...use those,” he shyly finished.

Rarity stared at Spike. Stared. Then…

“Spikey Wikey!” she said with more emotion than any face should be physically able to hold. “Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would do without you!” She comically put her hooves on her hips.

“Heh...no problem,” said the loser. Whoops. I meant the starstruck lover. Boom. That'll get your drawers wet.

“Well, I best be going now,” Rarity stated, as she flipped through the index cards. They started off simple enough. Go to an Amusement Park, Avoid Pinkie, Go to Karaoke, Avoid Pinkie, Have A Picnic, not with Muffins because of Derpy. And of course, the telltale classic, Avoid Pinkie. The last few got much more specific. Have a Crystal Party, Kiss the Assistant Challenge, Avoid Pinkie (for good measure), Assistant Appreciation Day, Kiss Every Dragon You Know, and then, Kiss Spike. Dashing.

Twilight mouthed the words Sorry to her best friend, who waved a hoof to indicate the fun nature. Cause they're so much fun! Such a fun group of well defined, stupid ponies! Ahem. My bad, Fluttershy had to take that dumbass rabbit to the vet, so I didn't get my tea. Oh well.

The alicorn watched her friend walk out of the library, who was swinging her hips back and forth.

“You embarrassed me,” Twilight informed Spike, as she swiftly whacked him, dumping his body in the river. At least I wished that's what had happened. Spike probably just went back to sleep, and Twilight went back to being a dumbass- I mean a smart, aspiring Princess.

I don’t care really. Why? Because I get to talk about the best thing in the world next.

Comments

[KotaBugVO]

You may want to tag this with ‘Profanity.’

Other than that, it’s decently-paced so far, and almost every line of Discord’s commentary cracks me up like an egg dropping from a two-story building.

[HiddenEntity]

Alright, you got me hooked