J.T. Egbert Is a consummate professional, Polite and Efficient. So naturally, when some strange individual starts to message him online, he is kind enough to at least see what they wanted. Surely just a quick back and forth with a stranger before getting back to work could not do too much harm, right?
As requested by the poll in my Over 9000 Views blogpost, enjoy fellas!
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Waaaaaait a minute is this a homestuck reference?
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hmmmmm...okay.
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goodz, more demanded!
Welp, I’m convinced. Where’s the download link, O Pink Pinkster of Profound Pinkness?
...A professional what?
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Yes.
Well done
It seems interesting, thus far, but you seriously need another editing pass on this and the first chapter.
Your protagonist has promise, but is a little too precious and pretentious in his patently proper pronouncements.
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"...middle management for a large multinational that specializes primarily in the sale of baked goods and ready to eat premade meals."
He's a manager for a company like Kellogg or Mondelēz International. Or even Flowers Foods.
It just feels weird to see any instance of this character with actual eyes. As has been noted, you could use another editing pass here or there. As an example:
His son has a disconcerting habit of either multiplying or leaving the gender binary midsentence. It's not like we're dealing with a gun which is obviously and has always been a key here.
Still, looking forward to seeing where you go with a decidedly novel concept. Especially since the events of said son's thirteenth birthday are already set to be... eventful.
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Going by the stealth crossover, it's Nestlé. Specifically General Mills, and more specifically Betty Crocker.
This is definitely Homestuck. It’s probably the most obvious reference I’ve seen.
Not a fan of the lack of name and the excessive they them pronouns, but definitely and interesting start.
Really not enough Pinkie Pie in Optimal-verse stories. Nice to see this so far holding closer to canon than most.
You messed up a color tag here.
Am I the only one who read pinkies lines in a harlequin voice?