• Published 25th Sep 2012
  • 5,616 Views, 123 Comments

Sororal Instincts. - Reptilicus

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3
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(revised March17 2013)

I decided to revise this story a bit. I'm not a great writer. Heck I'm barely mediocre. However I could tell that this story had a lot of small spelling, grammar, and storytelling problems. Particularly when compared with Vaguely Familiar and Outlet, the other two stories I wrote. I wanted Sororal Instincts to at least read at the same level of "quality" of those. I use the term quality loosely here.

So for the last couple of weeks I've been going through this heap, chapter by chapter, paragraph by paragraph, trying my darndest to make it suck less. That said, if you've read this story before, dont expect any huge changes other than a few changed lines of dialogue, a few extra paragraphs here and there, etc. If you haven't read this story before, then hey you can to read the far superior version now!

Anyway.

That's all I really have to say. Gonna sit back and wait for season 4 to roll around.

Ciao.

- reptilicus

Comments ( 43 )

1344225
I kind of hate to go disagreeing with someone I haven't met from your comments, but I saw this and thought I might give the story a look. I stopped pretty quickly, though. Your prose is really weighed down with your word count. You lost me within the first two paragraphs by throwing out phrases like "winged pegasus horses". That's three words where one will do fine. And that's happening a lot in those first two paragraphs.

The flow of the writing is good, don't get me wrong. You have a nice voice, and the sentences are well put together. But they're about twice as long as they ought to be, given the amount of content they contain.

Since I'm bailing after two paragraphs of overburdened prose, obviously I can't talk about characterization or story. It sounds like those things are good, judging by other comments here. But I'd need more encouragement than this to try to find out. Reading this feels a bit like trying to wade through a sea of marshmallows.

Congratulations on making the feature box, and I'm sure many readers will be willing to put up with this and enjoy your story. But moving forward, I'd definitely work on tightening up your prose.

2279118
I think you might have the 'feature box' and the 'latest story updates' box confused. The feature box, as it is now, is the same as it was this morning.
As for the rest, it strikes me as rather hypocritical to complain about prose being too burdened when you spent 4 paragraphs in a comment doing the exact same thing and making only one point.

Not that there's anything really WRONG with that, it just strikes me as rather funny.

I'm not encouraging you to read the entire story. It's not a good story and I'll be the first to admit that. I am not a writer and I have no editor, nor want one, and the last thing I'd really want is to be popular for fanfiction based on flash cartoons. I make these so that my imagination will leave me alone once in a while. Take that as you will.

2279861
I assure you, this did hit the feature box, which is pretty darn cool in my opinion. It slipped out, which is a little unfortunate, but the only reason I noticed it and clicked through was because it got the big-time treatment, however briefly.

And yes, I was aware of the irony of writing as much as I did when I read so little. But, perhaps as a way of emphasizing what I was saying, let me point out that my entire comment was 30 words (or 12.5%) shorter than your first two paragraphs.

Anyway, if you're not actually interested in writing, feel free to take my comments with a grain of salt. :twilightsmile:

2279948
Hmm!
So it DID hit the feature box.
I wonder why though? This story has a good chunk of views but I wouldn't think nearly enough for someone to take notice. Be it an admin or some other technological puppetmaster.

2284257
Not high enough.
Honestly chocolate skittles was the worst skittles they ever did make. Like little sour tootsie rolls. Never again.

sure there are a few gramar and terminology errors but dont be so hard on yourself. no one honestly gives a fuck about that shit and if they do then they are not trying to enjoy the story. This is honestly my new favorite scootalove story. most of these types are very short and you cant get into the story. i finished the last 3 chapters this morning and it took a lot of dicipline for me to close my lap top to get some sleep last night instead of finishing it.
Seriously great story. I got to say though i am wondering if you are on drugs when you wrote this, some parts such as the piniata dream were fucking trippy

Comment posted by thereareonly2genders deleted Mar 21st, 2013

Pegasi having nesting instincts when caring for foals is now part of my headcanon. Somepony draw it!

Why doesn't this story have more views?

This is a beautiful Dashie and Scoots adoption fic. *Gives a Cookie and a round of applause*

2494180

god I love samuel l jackson

the first scoot and dash story I read on fimfiction
aww are the other scoot-dash fictions gonna be as enjoyable....
really a nice story, as well as the expression, keep it up!

2715748
yes actually. I hide lots of subtle little references to things I like in my stories.

2717108

Are you ever going to do a follow up fic? I'd really like to see what you do with a PinkieDash ScootaFamily fic.

2963715

Hm, doubtful. My stories are all sort of like one-shots. They sometimes have references to each other for no reason other than that I'm a pompous douche, but theres no real...canon or anything to them. I'd thought of adding a few more chapters like an epilogue of sorts but every time I get an idea, I find someone else has written it, and usually written it far better!

I'm writing something very long at the moment. It'll probably be done within the next month. I always write these totally out first then slowly submit them chapter by chapter fixing things. It's not an efficient process but it does keep me motivated!

2978517

You've entered a time loop

2984325

You mentioned others writing what you thought of for an epilogue. I have never seen a Pinkie or a PinkieDash ScootAdoption fic. What fics do you recommend?

and while that is a slow process. I can see the appeal to that approach. And while I'll miss following what'd happen next. I sincerely thank you for a great fic, and I can't wait to see what fics followed closely to your vision of endings of this fic. It'll be like a choose my own adventure.

2984351
Honestly I can't remember them off the top of my head.
I rarely log into this site and when I do I tend to forget all the functions it has. Like the "Favorites" system.

So many stories that I adore and cherish are pretty much lost in the sands of time for me. And the search function here isnt very good either so I apologize that I can't really recommend something fitting. I wish I could!

2984493

It's all good. Well I wish you the best of luck with your newest fic.

Ah I'm a sucker for stories with bonding between Scootaloo and Rainbowdash. This was a nice little tale. I really liked your art as well, very cool style and quite a few pieces were incredibly d'aww inducing.

2993705
art in it isnt really by me.
just some sketches i had a friend who actually can draw redraw

This is the best story I have ever read :twilightsmile: its beautiful. It made my cry at points. :fluttercry: Keep writing. YOUR AMAZING!!!! :yay::rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy:

are you planning a sequel?

3262567

nope!
I'm writing something new, long, and boring atm.

Damn ninjas, cutting onionsin here making me feel feelings:fluttercry:

5151277
thank you!
I misread your name the first time I glanced at it and thought it was the "n-word" for a moment!

I was like "that word isnt filtered? what?" I am glad I was wrong!

When will this be done? This is my fave scootadopt fic.

5628466

It is done! Or as done as it will probably be.
I suppose I should probably have put a "The End" at the end of it.

5628764 I guess there isn't a resolve here?

5628764 At the time I looked at this, I assumed you removed chapters for some reason. (I love rereading this story and thought that a year ago, I have no idea why) I assumed, sorry. ^^;

5631479
That will always be my favorite tv commercial.

Awww man, it was just as adorable as the last time i read this. Time to sit back and read the rest of ypur stuff again.:heart:

Consider writing a sequel?

7009004 Doubtful!
I may write something in a similar vein one day eventually but not a direct sequel. Not unless I get a particularly good idea for one.

7017500 Ok, A direct would be nice though ;)

7050665 This one time I put a bunch of hot sauce and salsa on a slice of bread and tricked my mother into eating it by telling her it was jelly.

7053059
That's not something I can fix.
This story is ancient as are the links and so the images are gone. If I ever find them again I might try to fix them!

7598813 that is adorable! thank you so much! never had fanart inspired by a story I've written before!

8778533
Someone got the reference! Good work!

Like I'm sure many have said, the story contains quite a bit of unnecessary fluff. Still, it's a very touching ending and unlike many Scoot-a-Orphan stories, you didn't just outright reveal things to everyone in one go and ruin all the conflict. It's very commendable and I enjoyed the story throughout, even if it really could have been shortened up a bit.

Dawwwww............................................................................................................
Congrats on making me cry.

Third/Fourth reread and this still has the same staying power. Impressive Job!

I care for scoots and dashie :')

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