Sunflowers at Noon

by I-A-M

Stood Up

Sweat rolled down Sunset's back as she steadied her breathing and settled her palm on the ivory inset grip of her Colt forty-five. It was a beautiful weapon, and one she had taken scrupulous care of since she was given it by her mentor so many years ago.

Well, okay, 'given' was probably a generous description of that course of events.

In the most technical sense, Sunset had stolen it out of Bureau Chief Celestia's desk drawer before absconding with a horse, a case of ammunition, five days of food and water, and a money clip from the evidence lockup of a recent drug bust to fund her trip out west. But the point remained that it had been Sunset's mentor's gun, and now it was hers! That's a lot like inheriting a weapon, just involving a smidge more crime.

Besides, it's not like Celestia used it anymore.

The sun crept higher and higher in the sky, blazing down across the dry town of Ponyville and washing the streets in its unforgiving heat as Sunset forced her mind back to the present and readied herself to end the life of the law-woman who was deadset on getting in her way.

High noon. That was the rule. She issued the challenge to the sheriff's office yesterday to meet in the center of town for a duel, and the rules were clear on that point.

The clocktower at the center of town thundered its dolorous tone, marking the grim hour, and Sunset grit her teeth as she tightened her grip on her weapon.

And waited.

A~nd waited.

"OH COME ON!"

Sunset bellowed as her left eye developed an alarming twitch just as a square thirty minutes passed. She was uncomfortably hot, sweaty, and the dust was beginning to cling to places best not mentioned in polite company, as Celestia used to say, and that fugging deputy was nowhere to be found!

Over the next half hour, Sunset stomped around the street, kicking over boxes and shouting at passersby, interrogating them about the location of her quarry, but to no avail. No one had seen the deputy all day, or so they said, and Sunset couldn't find hide nor hair of the woman anywhere.

Finally, at her wit's end and at least satisfied that the target of her fury wasn't anywhere nearby, Sunset turned and left the long main drag of Ponyville in a furious temper, fuming all the way down the street.

Wallflower Blush waited a good five more minutes before finally peeking out of the barrel she'd been hiding in for the past twelve hours. Honestly, it was a perfectly comfortable barrel, and she'd brought a flask of water and some cheesy snacks to tide her over. Thank the stars Sunset hadn't thought to check the rain-barrels, though. She shivered as she imagined what Sunset would have done to her if she'd actually found her.

Nothing good.

Pulling herself out of the barrel, Wallflower stretched her legs, hissed quietly as the blood redistributed itself to her extremities... then made a dead sprint for the outhouse.

---

Ponyville's limited law enforcement had been in the pocket of the corrupt CEO of Rich Enterprises for years and Sunset had no qualms about ending that reign of terror. The problem she kept running into was that Sheriff Punch only ever occupied two states of being: righteously drunk or hellishly hungover.

In either case, shooting her seemed like bad form given that she couldn't really defend herself and, Sunset reasoned, also wasn't much of a threat to the continued operation of the town.

The sheriff wasn't evil, then. An incompetent alcoholic, sure, but not evil.

With the sheriff generally 'indisposed', most of the paperwork and the day-to-day operation of the sheriff's office was performed by the deputy, one 'Wallflower Blush', and given that the sheriff wasn't doing much for the town beyond keeping the local watering hole in business, Sunset landed on the notion that if she wanted to cripple the long arm of the law, that meant taking out the one member of its enforcement that actually accomplished anything on a daily basis.

Which led to Sunset's current problem.

"HEY!"

Wallflower spasmed in terror and hit the ground as the door to the Crazy Horse Saloon slammed open and Sunset barged in. The young woman made it mostly under her table with her sarsaparilla and had just enough time to hope Sunset hadn't seen her when an amber hand took hold of her ankle and gave a sharp tug.

"Eeeeeeeeeeee~"

A noise of terror not unlike air being slowly released from a balloon with chronic depression escaped Wallflower as she was dragged out from beneath the table by the irate bandit and into the open. Wallflower trembled as she stared up from the floor at Sunset's glowering face. As a criminal, Sunset Shimmer cut a terrifying figure in her black duster and dark silk shirt, sharp crimson bowtie, and wide-brimmed black stetson. It didn't help that the woman also looked mighty pissed off, of course. Her face was screwed up in a tight scowl, and her hair hung sweaty and lank around her face as Sunset jabbed a finger under Wallflower's nose.

"Where the hell were you today!?" Sunset snapped. "We had a date and time!"

"S-Sorry!" Wallflower squeaked. "I uhm... I had to wash my hair."

Sunset raised an eyebrow and looked over Wallflower's dirty, dusty tangle of green hair with pointed slowness before lowering her gaze back to Wallflower herself, who was awkwardly tugging at the collar of her sweat-stained linen shirt, and clicking her tongue.

"Yeah?" Sunset said dryly. "What'd you wash it in? Dirt?"

"Y-Yes."

There was that twitch again. The muscles around Sunset's left eye were getting a real—and involuntary—workout as she bared her teeth in a tight rictus of a grin and curled her outstretched finger into a fist that hovered menacingly at Wallflower's face.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"If I say no will you still hit me?"

Wallflower cringed back as Sunset's face took on an alarming shade of angry red neatly matched by her hair. The bandit's jaw creaked as she clenched her jaw, then, to Wallflower's surprise, blew out a breath, and stood up, before fixing Wallflower with a grim scowl.

"High noon," Sunset said through her teeth. "I said 'high noon' and you weren't there! You stood me up!"

"You were going to shoot me!" Wallflower mewled.

"Of course I was going to shoot you! I'm a bandit and you're the sheriff!"

"I'm a deputy!"

Sunset growled out an inchoate noise of frustrated rage as she threw her hands into the air and stomped over to the bar before slapping down a dollar note, and then her hat beside it.

"Water with ice," she said bitterly.

The bartender who had been placidly watching the scene with the same phlegmatic acceptance she watched everything else with nodded, turned to the icebox, chipped off some ice, and dropped it into a glass that at least looked like it'd seen the clean side of a rag at some point this year before filling it with water from the tap and sliding it over to the pissed-off bandit.

"One ice-water," Applejack drawled. "Still no duel?"

"No." Sunset grumbled as she sipped at the drink.

"Why dontcha just drag'er outside'n shoot'er now?"

Wallflower's jaw dropped as she stood on shaky legs as the bartender casually offered Sunset an alternative method of murdering her.

Okay, yes, Wallflower was aware that the sheriff's office in Ponyville wasn't exactly held in high esteem, but it was the only job she could get! It wasn't her fault the town was basically being robbed on a quarterly basis by the corporate office that ran it! And it certainly wasn't her fault that the sheriff was a drunkard who couldn't find the sharp end of a fire poker! This was a skill-less job that was eighty-percent paperwork and twenty-percent dragging Sheriff Punch back to bunk by her boots after a long night!

She'd never even fired her standard-issue pistol!

To Wallflower's surprise, though, Sunset scoffed, looking scandalized.

"What? In the middle of the night?" The bandit gestured out to the dark, lamplit street.

"Well... yeah," Applejack said with a shrug. "Why not?"

"Why—?!" Sunset spluttered, then shook her head. "You can't just drag someone out into the street by their hair and shoot them! There are rules to this!"

Not necessarily being one for knowing the rules, Wallflower was nonetheless relieved to hear that. At the same time, it was odd to hear a bandit like Sunset getting into a lather about rules, given that she was, well... a bandit.

"Ain't you robbin' folks 'round here?" Applejack asked, clearly on the same train of thought.

Sunset stood, crossed her arms, and gave her chin an imperious little tilt as she glared at Applejack. It was an expression that did funny things to Wallflower's heart as Sunset snorted derisively.

"I'm robbing an extortionist. That barely counts."

Rather than continue the argument, Applejack gave another of her trademark apathetic shrugs and went back to her business of tending the bar while Sunset nursed her water.

Several seats down, Sheriff Punch was passed out face down and snoring loud enough to rattle the windows and Sunset couldn't quite suppress an annoyed sigh. If the sheriff were openly complicit with Rich Enterprise's shady practices, that would be one thing, but this was more a case of 'dangerously incompetent' rather than 'deviously corrupt', and so it made her decision to try and do some real good outside of pushing pencils in the Bureau offices a little more galling.

It would be a lot more helpful and convenient if they would just be evil.

"Hey," Sunset barked.

Wallflower froze in place where she'd managed to scoot near the door of the saloon. She'd been hoping to make a break for it once she was close enough.

"Y-Yes?"

Sunset turned to glare at her over the rim of her glass. "Why did you stand me up? That's really rude, you know."

"Uhm, I... I didn't want to get shot?" Wallflower offered bleakly. "Because, uhm, I definitely would. I've n-never even used this thing before."

She gestured to the pistol on her hip. Sunset stared incredulously for several moments before chuckling and shaking her head, tipping back the rest of the water, and then standing up.

"Seriously?" She asked. "Never?"

Wallflower shook her head.

"Not even when you were training?"

"I didn't... I didn't really have any training," Wallflower grumbled sullenly as she kicked at the dirty floor. "I already knew how to do the paperwork and that's all I ever do."

Sunset dragged a hand down across her face and groaned as she leaned back against the bar. Then she started laughing. it was deep and rich and it flowed up from her chest, and just the sound of it seemed to carry into the atmosphere of the saloon. The patrons grinned despite themselves, and even the half-passed-out Berry Punch gave a wavering thumbs up before she returned to plumbing the depths of inebriation.

Settling her hat back on her head, Sunset strolled over to Wallflower who had gone rigid in marsupial terror, and clapped a hand on her shoulder.

"Fine," Sunset drawled. "Follow me."

"A-Am I gonna die?"

The pointed lack of answer from the red-haired bandit did nothing to ease Wallflower's worries.

Comments

[Gay For Gadot]

Okay, I just have to point out:

Unfortunately, the long arm of the law has a limp wrist.

*snerk* That's the best gay joke I've seen in a while.

But the point remained that it had been Sunset's mentor's gun, and now it was hers! That's a lot like inheriting a weapon, just involving a smidge more crime.

The secret ingredient is crime.

A noise of terror not unlike air being slowly released from a balloon with chronic depression

And you said you couldn't write comedy! Seriously, there's a lot of good jokes in the prose here, which is exactly what you're supposed to do in a comedy story.

Okay, this first chapter was really fun. I love the idea of Wallflower hiding in a rain barrel. It just feels so fitting. Maybe because she's kind of like a potted plant in there? I dunno. Also love AJ as the apathetic bartender and Sunset as the honor-bound bandit. Fun characters in this so far!

[Snowdrifter]

Berry Punch is Best Sheriff. Change my mind.