• Member Since 4th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Elu


I'm a Russian guy writing pony fiction. If you enjoy my work, please support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi

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Maria is a simple girl living in a quiet Russian town. Her life and where it would go was already decided by her parents and the society. She always wanted to get away from this but didn't know how until a mysterious wish granter shows her a path. Little did she know how it would turn out - on the night of her birthday, after she makes her wish, she is transported to Equestria and turned into an alicorn.

Her wish for a different life will certainly turn into more than she could ever expect.


Cover art uses Canterlot Throne Room by mattbas and sitting Celestia also by mattbas

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Support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi if you'd like! Joining any tier will grant you access to new chapters one week ahead of everyone else.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 148 )

YES YES ALL OF MY YES I FUCKING LIOVE THERE TYPES OF STORIES

I want to make a Russian joke but I can make up one

interesting.... faved and waiting for more :pinkiehappy:

10633651
In Soviet Russia, joke makes you.

...I'll see myself out.

10633833
Heh :)
You know, I always wondered, why there are jokes like " In Soviet Russia....", and absolutly no, not a single joke something like:
'In Colonial America, you shoot joke' or something like that? :D

She made a Faustian bargain.:raritywink:

10633894
In America, we shoot things period.

Awesome first chapter. I can wait to see where this story goes!

SRY

This looks very good, a bit different than what I've seen before and the reactions and interactions seem real.

More please!

"Um, I never walked on four legs before."

Well Yes, But actually no. We don't have 4 legs, but have 4 limbs ergo we can walk on 4 limbs.:twilightsmile:

Subtlety isn't exactly this 'wish giver''s forte is it? :trollestia:

I'm not him. That mismatched creature can stay where it does."

I wonder if our friend here have any relation to the fellows from 'Over there' and 'Cold fire' sounds like they might :raritywink:

I am very curious, will be tracking

NEW CHAPTER POGGERS!

YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS STORY BUT IM GONNA SAY IT AGAIN HOPEFULLY WITHOUT THE SPELLING MISTAKES!

I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY AND I REQUIRWE MORE!

Very good chapter, do like this, and out so soon! Just please, I beg you, don't get burned out writing this. I've seen too many good stories just end because the writer got burned out (myself included).

10633894
In Colonial America, you nuke the joke :rainbowlaugh:

10633987
In Colonial America, we shoot periods.

10634668
Better
In Colonial America, joke nukes you
heh!

Elu

10634667
Don't worry, I'll be fine. What I figured out for myself is that writing something is better than doubting whether I should write or not.

I'm usually quite lazy, and I realized it's actually good to write more, especially since writing things make me feel good. I'm certainly far from burning myself out anytime soon. Well, as long as I don't try to write ten thousand words in one day, although even that seems possible with enough motivation, discipline, and enthusiasm.

Certainly beats watching YouTube all day.

This looks to be right up my alley. Interesting start to this story.
Most human in equestria storys are either a total Cluster*uck, total cringe or are tearjerkingly bad.
(or are cancelled after 3 chapters😑)
But it seems like you have another banger right here so... More please... Big Plox

P.S: Here take this cookie for your effort🍪

Elu

10634745
Well, let's hope my story won't turn into a clusterfuck or total cringe, then :derpytongue2:

Anyway, I'm definitely not canceling it unless something extremely extraordinary happens. I've already an ending in mind - which, I admit, I didn't have when I wrote the prologue - and also the middle point. The only thing I need to do now is to build up to those two points, so everything should go relatively smoothly as long as I don't mess up.

The answer to that is no, I'm not him. That mismatched creature can stay where it does.

4th wall breach is detected. Extermination squad is on the way.

10634754
Best of luck to you then🤞. Not that you need it.
If your other works are anything to go by this should get interesting:raritywink:

10634754
That's good, really and honestly :)

Fun-but-useless-fact: I too have an Idea for a story, and IN THE Story itself, in my head.
Character, his difficult personality (at first I made him just simple and kind, a Cliche. He was very much like OC in the story "A New Home" by APoeticHeart or in "A Boy's Tears" by MetalBrony823 etc. But in the time I slowly but steadly made him into a more complex person of my own) ,
his struggles, beggining, ending (even two slightly different endings),
hard choices/decisions he'll have to make,
The Lessons he will learn throughout the story to become a better person,
and more...

But I won't write it because I can't. I don't have the required predisposition to writing at all, not to mention my knowledge of the language is too poor for that :(
(Not that language is a big problem, but the first reason: yes, BIG THICK Problem)



* Thank you Google Translate for helping me to write all this*

10634611

"Um, I never walked on four legs before."

Well Yes, But actually no. We don't have 4 legs, but have 4 limbs ergo we can walk on 4 limbs. :twilightsmile:

Technically, we crawl on our four limbs, ponies walk on theirs ...

Охо-хо. Not gonna lie, I barely made it through the prologue.

I'm not entirely sure why, but it appears to me that a lot of female protagonists have issues with their parents. More often than not the conflict between them is unimportant to the story and doesn't say much about the heroine, making it tedious to read through. Also, you made the mother so cartoonishly unlikeable. Never met a parent who thought that starting a family at the age of 18 is a great idea. :rainbowhuh:

Masha herself walks a thin line between relatable (but generic) and unlikeable protagonist. So far she acted as an angsty teen who hates her life, but has no real ambitions or aspirations. What she likes to do? What kind of people she hanged out with? Who she clashed with? What hobbies she had until now? The only thing we know about her is that she used to spent a lot of time with her computer. Relatable, but... Is that it? She made a list of paths she doesn't want to walk. Okay. Which one she would consider, then? So far, I have no clue.

It was the most she had ever talked back to her mother, and she felt both scared and proud of herself

She's also a pushover if this is the worst she has ever given her mother until her 18th birthday.

It's okay for our protagonist to have flaws and room for development. But, so far, you gave us no reason to stick with her.

Maybe her mother would forgive her on the account that it would be her birthday, but she wasn't going to count on that

Naturally. Parents wish nothing more but to make their child's life miserable. :ajbemused:

Also: a toilet. How thrilling. Last time I checked, if nothing interesting (like an assasination attempt) is going to happen there, readers shouldn't think about toilets. Well, unless somepony will make a 'three seashells' joke.

Best wishes! Hope this story will get some steam.

Elu

10634857
Fair critique. Although, I have to point out that some parents can be pretty unlikable. You never know until you actually have to live with them. While Maria's mother is pretty bad, it doesn't make the worst list, not by a long shot.

As for starting a family early, oh boy... You've no idea. Honestly, neither had I until I read certain things. It get get quite nasty.

Masha herself walks a thin line between relatable (but generic) and unlikeable protagonist. So far she acted as an angsty teen who hates her life, but has no real ambitions or aspirations. What she likes to do? What kind of people she hanged out with? Who she clashed with? What hobbies she had until now? The only thing we know about her is that she used to spent a lot of time with her computer. Relatable, but... Is that it? She made a list of paths she doesn't want to walk. Okay. Which one she would consider, then? So far, I have no clue.

Also fair. I'll address it all in later chapters. For now, I simply established the core of Maria. I think it's pretty clear that she didn't like her life and wanted a new one. That's all the reader, in my opinion, has to know for now.

She's also a pushover if this is the worst she has ever given her mother until her 18th birthday.

I used to be somewhat similar. Couldn't disagree with my mom on anything until I grew up.

It's okay for our protagonist to have flaws and room for development. But, so far, you gave us no reason to stick with her.

I think that's true for you, but I think quite a few people are interested enough to stick with her. I do promise that I'll expand on her character more now that the initial chapters are done. They set the stage and set the basics.

Naturally. Parents wish nothing more but to make their child's life miserable. :ajbemused:

It's likely her mother would forgive her, but the thing is, Maria was feeling down and so wasn't thinking clearly about it. I use a writing perspective that follows the characters' thoughts without being perfectly from their POV.

Also: a toilet. How thrilling. Last time I checked, if nothing interesting (like an assasination attempt) is going to happen there, readers shouldn't think about toilets. Well, unless somepony will make a 'three seashells' joke.

That's fair. Personally, I think it established how uncomfortable Maria is and how glad she is that she's not going to deal with menstruation anymore. Sure, might seem like an unnecessary detail, but I think some people will appreciate that things do indeed change once a human girl becomes a pony mare. Including such a large part of life like dealing with menstruation.

If you consider that unnecessary, that's fine. I just thought it was a neat little detail that people who like details would appreciate.

Best wishes! Hope this story will get some steam.

And thank you for your critique:twilightsmile:

I haven't even begun reading yet, but i am very intrigued by your blurb! I can't wait to begin reading!

This is a unique story!!
I love how you mix Russian words with English!

Keep it uo!

"I would certainly be able to fulfill such a wish," the man nodded, "However, let me ask you this - what do you truly desire, young miss? What is it that you want more than anything else?"

OK Lucifer,go back to your own universe

Off to a good start. I love these sorts of stories so I am definitely going to keep my eye on it. Good work so far!

I am enjoying the story and look forward to seeing how it develops. There was a line in this last chapter that gave me pause though.

"A menstrual pad?" Celestia blinked in confusion, "We ponies don't need them. We don't have external menstruation."

How does Celestia know what a menstrual pad is? ... Okay, she is over a millennia old and there are other species in her world. And she has traveled to other dimensions in the comics. But it did make me think.

After looking up the subject, I noticed that bats menstruate. Does this mean that bat ponies use menstrual pads?

You piqued my curiosity, and have grabbed my attention.

Maria thought about how to walk for a moment and came to a conclusion that, naturally, she had to do the same thing with both pairs of her legs in order to walk. So, if she wanted to go forward, she needed to raise both right legs, then tilt her body forward, and place the hooves on the ground. Which she, surprisingly for herself, managed to do without slipping and falling. Then she did the same with her left legs. Then again with the right legs.

Unfortunately, this is NOT how quadrupeds walk, they do alternating legs, so front left and rear right, then the other two. If you've had cats, or dogs, or heck, watched the show, if you see them walking you notice that more often than not, only 1 leg is up at a time, and even then, they alternate.

Walking like this would send her to her side the moment both legs left the ground.

Elu

10635232
Good, someone noticed :trollestia:

10635726

After looking up the subject, I noticed that bats menstruate. Does this mean that bat ponies use menstrual pads?

That's actually a really good question.

10635901
Well, in all honesty, walking is controlled falling. Her first instinct was to use the same thing we do, but double it because of having double the legs. I tried it myself, and it kinda works. It's awkward, but still. She'll have to learn to walk properly later on. Plus I looked up some MLP walk cycles, and the way she walks is somewhat similar but more awkward and unrefined.

Comment posted by Gustavon deleted January 19th

Part of Maria's problem that led her to wishing for a new life was that she didn't want to be forced to follow her mother's wishes and expectations, yet she is an alicorn that Celestia is going to try to turn into a princess. Princesses have the expectations of an entire nation pushed on their shoulders, along with the commitment to trying to lead them all into prosperity.

I hope that she is able to fight against these new expectation placed on her to finally become her own person.

SRY

10634691
Twice. Just so you realize the first time wasn't a fluke.

"But it didn't... " Maria almost growled, "We live in... in crap! "

“Language!"

Not gonna lie, scolding her with “language” here seems to be about the least Russian response I’ve ever seen lol. But I’m no Russian

Elu

10636062
It would be more like "watch your tongue" but, well, I'm translating Russian speech into English for the English-speaking people. That means making some native Russian wordplay lost in translation, unfortunately.

Alright, a slow-burning beginning. Going to keep an eye out on this.

10636075
А можно ссылку на русскоязычный оригинал?

10634967
Anthony Burgess at "Clockwork Orange" did it first. Try it. (dark, violence, rape, death, mind control)

Elu

10636285
Я имел ввиду что я попытался перевести русские мысли на английский. Русского оригинала в принципе нет.

"It's my pleasure," the princess nodded. She could see it could have potential, even though it was clear Maria hadn't found her true calling yet - despite being technically adult, she didn't have her special mark. Judging by what Celestia had heard from her so far, she had no idea such a concept even existed. Wherever she was from, people didn't have special marks, and they also had a place called "Spain", which sounded unpleasant. But maybe it had a better meaning than just 'pains' with the 's' being in front rather than the back.

I lived in Spain all my love and yes, is a pain to live here

10636336
Ааа, понял. Прошу прощения.

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