Chapter 5
A pleasant coolness pervaded the afternoons in the transitory period between summer and autumn. In addition to a drop in temperature, the shorter days brought a number of seasonal changes: an explosion of fiery colors in the gardens littering Canterlot, an availability of fresh apples and roasted chestnuts in the marketplaces, and a few extra minutes to sleep in for the Princess of the Sun. Yet, although Princess Celestia might have relished the extra beauty rest, the Royal Guard cadets still arose bright and early for the last days of basic training, even if it wasn’t so bright outside.
Despite their rigors, the weeks of basic training had quickly settled into a comfortable rhythm for Storm Stunner, Check Mate, and Crack Shot. The training exercises remained consistent with those of the first week, albeit with a steady ramp up in difficulty. The only noteworthy addition to the routine was a touching up of the dyes in their coats and manes. Storm figured there must’ve been some truth to the claims of magical workings behind the Royal Guard coloring: that after repeated dying his fur wasn’t reduced to a chemically burned mass of frizz was a sign of it if ever there was one.
In his periods of free time after a day’s training, Storm had occupied himself with the writings of Twilight Sparkle that Nomde had lent him. He found that the scholar’s observations were much more approachable than he had feared, and he was happy to be able to discuss them in some depth with Nomde during his days off. However, he still found a dictionary invaluable in comprehending the wordy journals, and she was more than happy to provide one: a copy of the Mareiam Websteed with an added thesaurus.
She had even been so kind as to have given him a discount.
Also aiding in Storm’s understanding of the academic topics was Check Mate, who eagerly dived into the scientific writings, although the pegasus felt that the dictionary garnered more usage in interpreting what his fellow recruit called his ‘sesquipedalian idiom’, than the pages he attempted to explain.
As for Check Mate, the constant training had produced a profound effect on the bookish unicorn. He had long since stopped suffering from bruised hooves and cramped legs, and he now finished each morning’s run easily. He no longer found himself completely short of breath before breakfast, though if asked, he would attribute the efficiency of his lungs to each afternoon’s marathon trumpet sessions, rather than the jogs themselves. One would have to be impressed with the Staff Sergeant and her ability to turn musical rehearsal into a high intensity cardiovascular workout. Although he wasn’t at quite the same level physically as Storm and Crack Shot, he was certainly above the norm. Coupled with his intelligence, that made for quite the pony.
Even Crack Shot was demonstrating an increased level of discipline, though for the most part this was in spite of, rather than in thanks to the unique instruction of Corporal Kickstart.
At last, the final day of basic training arrived, and although the cadets didn’t know what to expect, that didn’t stop rumors from buzzing around the barracks. The Staff Sergeant and Kickstart had hinted that a gauntlet of some sort had to be surmounted in order to graduate, and it was the subject of a large amount of speculation among their group. The cadets hadn’t performed their usual run that morning and found themselves milling about in anticipation of the day’s events. Crack Shot approached Storm and Check Mate with his own ideas on the matter.
“So do you guys think it’ll be free response or multiple choice?”
“Huh?” Storm cocked an eyebrow. “Wait, you think our big, mysterious, final challenge is just going to be a written test?”
Crack Shot shrugged. “Eh, we had to take one to get in, right? I wouldn’t put it past ‘em.”
Storm’s eyes drifted upwards in thought. Thus far his experiences had been rather unpredictable; he couldn’t rule out the possibility that Crack Shot was on to something.
“Although that’s a possibility,” Check Mate chimed in, “it seems more conceivable that we’ll be requested to demonstrate proficiency in the skills we’ve been cultivating over our tenure as cadets.”
Storm grinned. “Well whatever it is, I’m sure we’re ready for it.”
---
Storm wasn’t ready for it.
High in the cloudless skies above the Royal Academy, he and the rest of the pegasi recruits found themselves pulling gilded chariots piled in by their unicorn peers, who themselves were performing a brass rendition of Richoof Wagneigher’s Ride of the Hrosskyries. It might have been an impressive sight, if not for Corporal Kickstart who, while leading the cadets in a circuitous trek over the academy grounds, had decided to belt out an off-key rendition of the piece in accompaniment to the unicorns in his warbling tenor. At least there wasn’t anypony to witness the spectacle outside of the participants themselves; thank Celestia for small favors.
As the piece’s final dramatic crescendo was punctuated by a flourish from the unicorn cadets and an off-key crowing by Kickstart, the Corporal led the pegasi back towards the hangar at the rear of the royal academy. The unicorns disembarked from the chariots and waited as the pegasi positioned the carts inside of the airdock; once they returned, the cohort formed in front of Kickstart, awaiting his direction.
“Ahem! Alright guys!” the Corporal said, his voice cracking slightly from his earlier crooning. “Unicorns, good job on the performance. Pegasi, good job on not dropping the unicorns. I’d call the first half of the test a success!”
Storm’s ears perked at the words ‘first half.’ He wondered what embarrassment the instructors had in mind that could possibly top the earlier fly-by opera.
Kickstart continued. “In about an hour and half, the Staff Sergeant will meet ya outside of the barracks for round two. Go ahead and refuel at the mess hall, but I, uh, wouldn’t recommend eating anything too heavy.”
The Corporal began walking in the direction of the dining area with the cadets following close behind, though after one more trial they’d no longer be cadets. That was assuming, of course, that they succeeded. That was a big assumption to make. Unlike Corporal Kickstart, the Staff Sergeant was no-nonsense; whatever challenge she had in store was not to be taken lightly. The ponies soon arrived at the mess hall and filtered into the large cafeteria. Although the usual spread of flavorful fruits and savory sandwiches awaited them, most of the ponies found little room in their stomachs for all of the butterflies.
---
The sun hung directly above the cadets as they awaited the appearance of the Staff Sergeant, erasing any trace of shade. Earlier in the year it would have created an oppressive heat, but, accompanied by a cool fall breeze, it made for a comfortable ambiance. It was nice to know that despite whatever the Staff Sergeant threw at them, at least the weather would be on their side. Eventually, the recruits spotted her trotting across the training fields towards the barracks like an executioner to the gallows. They quickly fell into formation as she approached.
“At ease, ponies,” the Staff Sergeant commanded. The cadets settled into a what would pass for a relaxed stance, though they didn't dare yet let down their guard.
“As I am certain you are all aware, we did not perform our traditional morning run! I am sure this fact has been weighing heavily on you for the better part of the day!” The unicorn fixed the cadets with a faint smirk that set them on edge. It was the sort of smirk a cat might give to a cornered mouse.
“Well, worry not!” The cadets, of course, began to worry. “As your final assessment, I plan to make up this morning’s jog, right now.”
The cadets eased up just a bit; they had run hundreds of miles over the course of their training and they could certainly handle a few more. Imperceptibly, the Staff Sergeant’s smirk widened and her eyes narrowed at the relief now showing on their faces. She was by no means a sadistic pony, but she loved having the chance to knock their overconfidence down a peg.
“Before we begin, I want all of you to take note of the sun’s current position in the sky.” Each of the ponies glanced upwards, squinting against the glare. “We are not going to stop running until that big, burning ball is out of sight, and the moon has taken its place.”
The cadets’ pupils dilated and their jaws dropped. It was beautiful.
“Alright recruits, move out!”
---
The Royal Guard cadets had no way of knowing what was going through the Staff Sergeant’s mind as they neared the end of their hellish marathon, their breath steaming from their nostrils in the brisk fall night. Of course, after a dozen hours of running, they could scarcely tell what was going through their own. She had been silent for the latter portion of the run, conserving her breath for the arduous trek, and only spared the briefest of glances backwards to make sure nopony had fallen behind. The sun had long since set, and the only sources of illumination available to the recruits to see the Staff Sergeant were the dull glow of the harvest moon off of her barding, and the faint flicker of her horn as she led them; it was not nearly enough light to discern her expression through the hazy vision of sweat stung eyes. So the cadets might have been surprised at the satisfied look playing across her features.
The Staff Sergeant knew that the recruits would balk at the idea of a twelve hour run. She knew that they would immediately and silently resent her for demanding they perform such an onerous ordeal. She knew that they would be worn past the point of exhaustion as they pushed their bodies at an hour when they’d normally be fast asleep. She also knew that they could do it.
Although there was no way she could differentiate between the cadets in the dimness of the night beyond unicorn and pegasus, she could certainly count heads well enough to find everypony present and accounted for, keeping pace behind her. In fact, one of the pegasi had been galloping just ahead of the pony peloton the entire night; even now he still showed vigor with steady and controlled hoof falls, his breath leaving him in slow, thin plumes of vapor. A look skyward for the Staff Sergeant confirmed the moon’s place in the center of a sea of stars, and she turned abruptly in the direction of the barracks, the cadets tracing the light of her horn. The ponies had completed their final test.
Settling into an easy trot, the ponies allowed the slow movement to relax their muscles and clear the burning in their limbs; a number of them had gone into hacking fits, but it was nothing they wouldn’t recover from after a half hour or so. Once they reached their dormitories, they found large coolers of iced juice and water to refresh themselves with, though they opted to hold off on availing themselves to them in the presence of their commanding officer. The Staff Sergeant turned to inspect her cadets. No, ‘cadets’ wasn’t the right word anymore. The ponies before her had proven themselves worthy of the title of Royal Guard. Although the file they formed was made sloppy by their fatigue, and their normally stolid silence was broken by intermittent coughs, she was willing to turn a blind eye. It was impressive enough that they were still actually standing.
“Well done, soldiers!” the Staff Sergeant said to the weary ponies. “I would love to give a long-winded speech commending your performance today, but I don’t think many of you would remain conscious for its duration, and I don’t think I have the wind to do so anyways.
“Corporal Kickstart and I will gather you at 0900 hours to lead you to Canterlot Castle where you will be familiarized with the duties you are to perform from here on out, so gather any items you’ll be taking in the morning. Congratulations soldiers, you’ve earned your armor.”
As the Staff Sergeant turned to leave her soldiers, she overheard their cheers, boasts, and congratulations. A little bit of celebration was to be expected.
What wasn’t to be expected was the sudden explosion of surprised exclamations and expletives, punctuated by a loud, dull clang. Looking back towards the others, she eyed them curiously: the chaffron of one of the pegasi was sitting in a fresh depression of earth, and the other ponies had given him a few yards of space.
“Crack Shot, what the hay was that?!”
“What, we just graduated right? We’re supposed to throw our hats in the air!”
“You mean mortarboards. Ponies throw mortarboards. Which are made of cloth, cardboard, and other soft things. Not solid chunks of metal!”
“Tch, what’s the big deal? We’re all wearing armor right? ‘Sides you know me, I wouldn’t nail anypony unless I meant to.”
The Staff Sergeant rolled her eyes and continued on her way. It was no worse than when she and Kickstart had finished basic training, and the pegasus had somehow managed to turn one of the coolers of chilled juice over their drill instructor.
“Not too shabby by the way, leadin’ the pack out there,” Crack Shot said to Storm as he flipped his helm back onto his head, earning himself a maneful of dirt. “Looks like you could’ve given the Staff Sergeant a run for her bits!”
Check Mate hacked in agreement.
Storm flushed and gave an embarrassed rub against the back of his helm, the pink of his cheeks undetectable in the dim light.
“Heh, I guess the run wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be.”
“Nah, it was a flank kicker; I thought I was gonna cough up a lung. Speaking of which, you alright there buddy?”
Crack Shot slapped Check Mate on the back, causing the unicorn to double over in another paroxysm of coughs.
“Huh. I’ll take that as a probably. Hey, wait a minute—” Crack Shot whipped around to face Storm once more, causing the other pegasus to start back. “Maybe that’s it!”
“Maybe what’s it?” Storm asked, trying not to capsize from the sudden meander in Crack Shot’s stream of consciousness.
“Your special talent!”
“...Coughing?”
“Nah, running! I mean, ya got the spacey kicks on your flank, maybe you’re like a natural born track pony! Wouldn’t that be—“ Crack Shot paused as he made another realization, “Kinda underwhelming actually. I mean, what with being a pegasus and all.” He flapped into the air to punctuate the point.
Storm frowned, “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Come on, let’s grab some water, clean up, and hit the sack; Check looks like he could use it. Heck, we all could.”
---
The following morning, Storm and the others awoke for the last time to the Staff Sergeant’s reveille. It was a pleasant sound, certainly more pleasant to arise to than an alarm clock, and he hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time he got to listen to it. Hopping down from his bunk, he rounded it to the metal chest at its foot to retrieve his belongings. Books, barding, bits, bags, and... Storm hooved through his dictionary’s thesaurus for a synonym of photo that started with a ‘b’. He figured ‘blueprints’ might eke by if he considered another incorrect insertion of his contacts. Content with his wordplay, he donned his accoutrements and was met by Check Mate’s salutation.
“Good morning, Storm.” The unicorn waved. “I trust you slept well?”
Storm waved back. “Morning, Check; like a foal. It’s nice to see you breathing normally again.”
The unicorn smiled sheepishly, “I suppose there are few greater remedies than a good night’s repose. It seems that Crack Shot would concur.”
The pegasus groaned from his perch on the top of his bunk at the sound of his name, and tumbled gracelessly to the floor. Blinking the drowsiness from his eyes, he gave a half nod in greeting to the others.
“Ugh jeez, they gave us an extra three hours to sleep, maybe I could convince ‘em to give us an extra five minutes?”
“I doubt the Staff Sergeant would go for that,” Storm said. “Maybe Kickstart. Anyways, we probably shouldn’t hold them up.”
The Staff Sergeant and Corporal Kickstart stood outside, waiting for the others to exit the barracks. Once everypony was accounted for, the two began walking towards the Royal Academy hangar, the former ordering the guardsponies to follow. As they did so, the unicorn spoke up in her commanding timbre.
“Okay soldiers, here’s the plan. We will be proceeding to Canterlot Castle by means of chariot. This means a bit of extra work for the pegasi, but it’s nothing that you can’t handle. You will be following the Corporal, but should some of you somehow fall behind, aim for the gigantic castle sticking out of a cliff. You can’t miss it.”
---
It was an uneventful flight to Canterlot Castle, and one that was relatively quiet, save for the flapping of wings and the creaking of chariot yokes. Kickstart had attempted to start up a round of ‘One Hundred Shakers of Salt on the Wall’, but was promptly silenced by a light jolt of magic from the Staff Sergeant, who had taken a seat in one of the chariots near the front of the fleet. He questioned why she didn’t just teleport back to the castle to save them both a bit of grief, earning another jolt. He kept his mouth shut afterwards.
Storm had thought the royal palace an amazing sight from a distance, but as he touched down before its rear gates, the only word he could find to describe it was ineffable (he’d picked that one up from Check Mate a few weeks back). Structures of impeccably cut marble grew in impossible angles from the precipice in which the castle was erected. Wide, rounded spires of star-painted gold topped many of the towers, accented with sidereal ornamentation that reflected the sunlight in a blinding display. A refreshing mist carried from the cascades thundering nearby, limning ribbons of rainbow in its wake. However, what struck him the most was how pristine everything was up close. No doubt the castle had seen the traffic of countless ponies, yet even the posterior cobblestones showed no chips, cracks, or other signs of the countless hoof falls they had borne. Either powerful magic was at play, or the palace had a very dedicated maintenance staff.
“I’m going ahead to let staffing know we’ve arrived. Go ahead and show them around, Corporal,” the Staff Sergeant ordered, before vanishing in a bright flash.
“You know, ya coulda done that in the first place!” Kickstart shouted at the empty spot where she had stood.
Two guardsponies appeared in the windows of the towers on either side of the ironwood drawbridge leading into the rear of the castle. Seeing the entourage awaiting entrance, they snapped a sharp salute.
“Hail, brothers-in-arms, under Her Majesty Princess Celestia’s sovereignty!” called the guard at the left window.
“Hail, brothers-in-arms, under Her Majesty Princess Luna’s ascendancy!” called the guard at the right window.
“Hey guys,” called Kickstart. “Mind lettin’ us in so we can park the chariots?”
The two guardsponies frowned before disappearing from sight. Moments later the drawbridge lowered with a wooden creaking and rattling of heavy chains. Kickstart led the way through the gates, where the two slightly miffed ponies were waiting.
“Dammit Kickstart, could you at least try to impress the newbies?” one of them whispered.
Kickstart laughed it off. “I wouldn’t worry about that, there’s plenty here that’ll do the job for ya.”
---
After they had deposited the chariots in a hangar similar to the one at the Royal Academy, Kickstart led the others through a corridor towards the castle’s antechamber to begin a brief tour of the interior of the castle. The antechamber itself did a remarkable job of setting the tone for the rest of the building. Tall banners, rich in crimsons and blues, ran the lengths of ttowering, lavender walls. The black and white checkered floor was polished to a mirror sheen. A patterned, red velvet carpet branched towards the different halls leading out of the chamber, up a grand staircase railed with gilded banisters, and towards the main entrance where ponies in various states of dress crossed another drawbridge to enter. Everything was clean enough to eat off of, though the ponies that kept it so would probably kill you if you tried.
“Hey, funny story,” Kickstart spoke, just quiet enough to go unheard by the civilians. “Y’all have heard of the Grand Galloping Gala, right?”
The majority of the cohort nodded.
“Well get this: At the last one, right outside that gate, this group of mares just broke out into song. Like, with choreography and everything! Just outta nowhere! Even weirder, a bunch of other ponies showed up and joined in, dancing and singing like they’d been practicing for weeks! I thought it was like a flash mob or something at first, but apparently they were all strangers. None of them talked for the rest of the night!”
Storm and the others gave shared confused glances.
“So, long story short, those mares totally trashed the grand ballroom. Princess Celestia was laughing it up for a week, at least. The janitors, not so much.”
Kickstart chuckled at the memory.
“Anyways, enough about that! Let’s check out the rest of the castle.”
The Corporal took the group up the stairs and through the left hall, giving explanations as they walked. He pointed out the guest rooms, the Royal Guard housing where they took a moment to deposit their possessions, dining areas, and the Hall of Theology.
Now, the study of the Gods and Goddesses takes on a different bent when the deities in question are tangible, friendly enough to chat about non-topics like the weather, and located just a few doors down. The tasks of the Royal Theologians mainly entailed keeping tabs on things like shoe sizes, food preferences, and favorite colors. As the entourage passed by the Hall, one of its occupants stepped out.
Sister Marery Sue, an unfortunately named unicorn in a bright yellow habit, and Keeper of Her Royal Divinity’s Day Planner, eyed the string of guardsponies passing by. She had heard that some new members of the Royal Guard were arriving, and she correctly assumed by the amount of gawking that this was them. Still, she was pressed for time, needed a couple of pegasi, and beggars couldn’t be choosers. She moved to the front of the group to address its leader.
“Pardon my intrusion, sir,” she spoke in a voice no louder than a whisper, “but Her Highness Princess Celestia will be requiring transit into the city today. May I humbly request your service in this matter?”
“Hm? Oh yeah, no sweat!” the pegasus replied, causing Sister Marery Sue to wince.
Although the Royal Guardsponies were unsettlingly similar in appearance, there were more than enough ways to distinguish them. The lopsided grin and unapologetic impropriety identified this one as Corporal Kickstart. Still, she was pressed for time. She silently cursed herself for losing herself in the Dead Sea Scrolls: a personal account of one of Princess Celestia’s surfing trips to the beach, where not a single wave had appeared thanks to some lunar mischief on the part of her younger sister.
“Err, thank you for your assistance in this matter, Corporal, and I must ask that you be hasty. She should be finishing this morning’s audience soon, and will be ready to depart any moment now,” she stressed the word ‘now’ so hard it might’ve snapped in two. She then added, “And please try to remember yourself in Her presence.”
“Heh, how could I forget? I’ll take one of these guys over and head on out.” Kickstart gave a quick salute. Sister Marery uneasily nodded her thanks retreated back into her study. Turning towards his group, Kickstart asked, “So, any volunteers?”
The pegasi in the group looked among each other to see who would step up, each convinced it would be somepony else. Kickstart opted to make the decision for them, pointing towards the pegasus closest to him. “How about you? Up for giving another chariot ride?”
Storm gulped. He couldn’t exactly say no, and responded the only way he could: “Yes, sir.”
“Sweet! As for the rest of you,” Kickstart looked to the others, “sorry for cutting the tour short, but feel free to check out the rest of the castle on your own.”
One of the unicorns spoke up. “Um, is it really alright for us to just wander around?”
“Yeah, it’s cool, just act like you know what you’re doing. If any important looking pony asks what you’re up to, just say, ‘I’m acting on royal orders!’ or ‘It’s my first day!’” The Corporal looked thoughtful for a moment. “Actually, those last four words oughta serve you well for the rest of your career. Alright, come on dude.”
Kickstart led Storm towards Princess Celestia’s audience chambers, the younger pegasus glancing back towards the others with a look of panic in his eyes.
As he watched his terrified friend being dragged off, Crack Shot gave Check Mate a sidelong glance and asked, “So you wanna check out the rest of this place?”
“We might as well,” Check replied.
---
Multiple ponies were scattered about the audience chambers, some engaged in idle chatter, some waiting for a chance to speak with Princess Celestia. Many of them were nobles, Storm noted. At least, he assumed they were nobles. He couldn’t imagine anypony else wearing powdered wigs, and the neck ruffs on some of the hoop skirts were of such a size that they made the mares that wore them look like they had just left a veterinarian’s office. The aristocratic ponies seemed to try for all the world to look important, but only managed to look uncomfortable. Storm wondered why they didn’t just mimic the princesses and dress down a bit.
Perhaps the lack of the prominent ivory horn, grand and finely feathered wings, and prismatic mane billowing on an ethereal, solar wind was the reason. It was a bit much to compete with. The Princess of the Sun currently had a look of tranquility on her face, a measure of patience more than a thousand years in the making, as two unicorns mares bickered in front of her.
“I’m telling you, she lies! The foal is mine!”
“Balderdash!” screamed the other unicorn, “I am the filly’s true mother, and I will not have her claim otherwise!”
Celestia raised a perfect eyebrow. Two ponies with unknown intentions were claiming to be the mother of an absent filly, and they had sought her as an arbiter. It was a timeless dilemma, though not one that her ancient wisdom could not solve. She opened her lips to impart some of it.
“You of course realize, my dear subjects, that many hospitals and clinics provide maternity tests? Speak with one of my retainers; the castle will cover the cost.”
Both mares’ lips sealed, and they quickly and silently left the chambers, one looking smugger than the other. Celestia didn’t know what other solution they expected her to suggest. That they cut the foal in half? She softly shook the grisly notion from her head as the last of the morning’s petitioners approached her, a slate grey pegasus who timidly knelt before her. She nodded for him to speak.
“Pardon my forthrightness, Your Majesty, but I had wondered,” he began, “Since her return, it seems that your sister Princess Luna has been conspicuously absent from the public light. If I may ask, is there a reason for this?”
The Princess smiled serenely at his concern.
“My sister has been working diligently to adapt to what is a new era for her,” she answered. “However, I believe that she should be making more social appearances with the coming of this fall season.”
This satisfied the pegasus, and he gave his thanks before taking his leave. Kickstart approached the princess, with Storm following hesitantly behind. Princess Celestia beamed at the two, tilting her head to one side to give Storm a cheerful glance. He reminded himself to breathe. Kickstart knelt and Storm quickly mimicked the action.
“Ah, Corporal Kickstart, what a pleasant surprise! I had thought that you were busy guiding the newest Guard members around the castle grounds?” Celestia asked conversationally.
“Yeah, but one of the Sisters cut it short,” Kickstart explained. “Still, they’re good ponies; I don’t think they’ll get into too much trouble.”
Celestia laughed. It was a soothing sound, like the chiming of glass bells in a spring breeze.
“I’m certain they won’t.” She turned to Storm, who managed to keep his heart from leaping out of his throat. “And you must be one of the newcomers! May I ask your name?”
Storm thought for a second. He was sure he knew the answer to this. Suddenly a light bulb flickered to life above his head.
“Storm Stunner!” he exclaimed with a greater sense of accomplishment than would ever be necessary in giving one’s name. “Er, Your Highness,” he added awkwardly.
There was that melodic laugh again, and Storm felt a a bit more at ease.
“Well Storm Stunner, it is lovely to make your acquaintance. I have some business in the city, so I imagine that you and Kickstart will be accompanying me. I hope you don’t mind flying around with a bit of extra weight,” she said with a playful wink. “Well, shall we be off gentlecolts?”
Celestia stepped down from her throne and gracefully made her way to the exit of the chambers, with the two pegasi falling in at her sides. As the three walked towards the hangars, the princess made conversation, asking Storm about such things as his family and his reasons for joining the Royal Guard.
He told her about his mother and father, sparing some of the more colorful details about the latter, and about his first encounter with the stoic pegasus soldier so many years ago. As they talked, he found himself surprised by the approachability of the princess; he by no means expected her to be haughty or aloof, but he never expected her to be so inquisitive about the lives of her retinue.
Outside of the hangar they found a chariot set out; a jet black unicorn in aviator sunglasses and an orange vest was waiting for them.
“Mare Force One is prepped and ready for flight, Your Majesty!” she announced.
The princess thanked her and settled into the seat of the chariot, and Kickstart and Storm secured themselves in its yoke. Once the two pegasi were prepared, the unicorn’s horn illuminated, and she began to form a complex chain of signals with a pair of flickering balls of light. Storm’s stomach dropped, and he gave Kickstart a nervous glance.
“Err... I don’t think you covered air marshalling in Basic, sir,” he whispered. “What do those signals mean?”
Kickstart smirked back and replied, “Probably: ‘Fly’,” before starting a gallop with a furious flapping of wings, Storm hastily trying to catch up.
---
Check Mate and Crack Shot had taken a very informative self-tour of Canterlot Castle, by virtue of Crack Shot trying every single door he had come across.
“Come on!” the pegasus groaned. “There’s gotta be a horseshoe court around here somewhere!”
Although he hadn’t found his horseshoe court, Crack Shot had found plenty of cleaning supply closets, pantries, and surprised ponies. In the case of the latter, he simply proclaimed that he was acting in an official capacity and went on his way, as per Kickstart’s advice; if his inflection wasn’t convincing enough, his barding certainly did the job.
“For the multifarious facilities available, I would say that is a likely assumption. Though perhaps it’s more likely such a physical activity would be practiced in a more alfresco location?” Check Mate suggested.
“I’m not sure what pasta has to do with horseshoes, buddy. Let’s keep checking around!”
Check Mate sighed and was about to continue the mad search with Crack Shot, when he was arrested by a regal sounding order of, “Halt! You there!”
Turning to face the source of the sudden commotion, Crack Shot saw Check Mate standing dutifully in place, and a tall, white, unicorn stallion approaching him. The stallion had a well-styled amber mane, and a pair of blue eyes that were as cool as a polar cap. He reminded the pegasus of the covers of all of those novels his mom would read when she thought nopony was paying attention. The stallion stopped just to the side of the petrified Check Mate, and peered intently in the direction of his flank.
Huh. I figured one of the perks of joining the Royal Guard would be a bit of extra attention, but wow, I had no idea, Crack Shot mused to himself.
“Beautiful...,” the stallion breathed. Check Mate’s cheeks reddened considerably. “Although, just a bit off...” the stallion brushed a hoof through the fringes of his mane. Satisfied with his reflection in the soldier’s armor, he continued down the hallway, paying the two Royal Guardsponies no other attention.
Crack Shot approached his friend. “Heya, Check, a little red in the face there.”
The unicorn blinked in response. “Oh my, I don’t recall seeing that in the job description.”
The two shared a laugh and continued their trek through the castle.
Although the location of the elusive horseshoe courts remained an enigma to Crack Shot, he found a set of doors that particularly caught his interest. The doors extended high towards the ceiling, and were painted a deep indigo which in a lesser lighting would have passed for black. They were flanked on either side by two very bored looking unicorn guardsponies. Seeing their fellow soldiers approach, they gave an affable wave as relief washed over their faces. The one closest spoke up.
“Hey guys! Time for the changing of the guard already, is it.”
He had deliberately bit of the squiggly part of the question mark, making it a declaration..
“Um—” said Crack Shot.
“Actually—” said Check Mate.
“Great!” said the other guard. “Come on Wedge, let’s go grab lunch!” The two left their posts with the sort of urgency that one might flee a house fire.
“Now hold on a moment!” Check Mate attempted to protest, but the two unicorns were just far enough away to pretend to be out of earshot.
“Huh, guess we’re on guard duty,” Crack Shot concluded as he eyed the entryway. On each door was a large engraving of a crescent moon, each respectively waxing and waning and surrounded by intricate carvings of constellations, “What do you think is in there?”
“Something of enough import as to warrant an extra measure of security, as remiss as it may be...,” Check Mate grumbled as he watched the two other guards round a corner at the end of the hall, “Something—“ his eyes widened as he turned to find Crack Shot trying the door handle, “—that we should leave well enough alone! Crack Shot!”
Too late. The pegasus swung the door open, causing it collide noisily with the wall on the other side, and startling the room’s sole occupant from her slumber. A dark navy mare leapt from her bed. She was wearing a star-patterned pair of blue pajamas, and a light cerulean tail stuck out from the button flap in the back. From beneath a matching night cap, a long horn began to pulse with what would best be called an absence of light. A pair of wings flared menacingly at her sides. Crack Shot noted that she looked like a very important pony.
“Fie!” Princess Luna exclaimed. “Sirrah, wherefore dost thou find thyself in mine bower?! Hie, speak anon!”
“WHOA, SOR- Wait, what?” In the conflict of emotions raging in Crack Shot’s mind, confusion just barely managed to muscle out terror.
“Err, yes, new parlance...” The alicorn cleared her throat and rubbed her tired eyes in annoyance. “What are you doing in my room?” She eyed the pegasus guard suspiciously, momentarily ignoring the unicorn guard that had gone into vapor lock beside him.
Crack Shot recalled the Corporal’s advice that had served him so well earlier in the day. Clearing his throat, it was with authority that he responded, “I’m acting on royal orders!”
Hold on, that wasn’t the right phrase.
“Really? Does my sister send for me?” Luna’s eyes glinted like sapphires as they softened. Any fatigue from her sudden awakening faded in an instant.
“Erm, sorry, Your Honor, I’ve been using that one all day and it’s kinda stuck on my tongue. What I meant to say was, ‘It’s my first day!’” Crack Shot remembered his unwitting partner-in-crime. “Well, ‘ours’ actually.” Crack Shot’s trademark smile flashed across his face, although it flitted a bit at the corners. Remembering the frozen unicorn beside him, he quickly stretched one across his friend’s face with a hoof.
It was the Luna’s turn to be confused, and she tilted her head to the side to indicate just that. Nevertheless, the two ponies before her didn’t radiate any ill intent. She relaxed her wings, and her horn lost its umbra.
“Very well then, I’ll take your word for it. May I ask your names?”
“Yes’m! I’m Crack Shot, at your service!”
Silence followed. Crack Shot jabbed Check Mate in the side.
“Oh- OH! Pardon my indiscretion, Your Majesty!” Check Mate quickly knelt and averted his gaze from the princess. “My name is Check Mate,” he answered.
“’Check Mate,’ you say?” Luna’s eyes lit up like two newborn stars. “Would you happen to be a chess player then?” she asked.
The unicorn hazarded a glance up to meet the Princess’s. “It has been some time since I’ve played a match, but I dabble.”
“Well, how would you like a chance to make up for your intrusion?” the Princess of the Moon laughed airily, a sound like a lullaby.
---
Storm Stunner and Kickstart stood guard outside of ‘Canterlot Novelties: A Novelty Shop’. Storm thought the subtitle could do without the extra ‘-ty’. Princess Celestia was currently inside, picking up an order, though she had taken a moment to strike up a conversation with the earth pony proprietor. His face fixed in a stoic expression, Storm surveyed the various ponies passing by. Many tried to nonchalantly sneak glances through the store windows as they walked past, while others blatantly gawked inside. Some took interest in the guardsponies themselves, and that was where things really got interesting.
Storm found himself the subject of more photographs than he ever had before in his life, with giddy mares and stallions alike flashing wide grins next to him. Fillies and colts attempted to get a rise out of him and Kickstart, making amusing faces and adorable noises, and he had to struggle not to crack a smile. It was a strange experience, to essentially become a living statue. Storm was surprised that the normally vivacious Kickstart did it so well.
For the duration of time that the two had stood outside of the novelty store, the other pegasus had shown a fixed countenance. Storm was thoroughly convinced the pony hadn’t even blinked. No witty commentary, no customary verbal faux pas; Storm wondered if this was the same Corporal Kickstart he had trained under for so many weeks. Still, he was amazed: apparently there was more to the Corporal than he had thought. A bell chimed as the door behind the pair opened, and Princess Celestia stepped out, levitating a small, wrapped box in front of her.
“Alright boys, shall we be off?” she asked. Kickstart didn’t respond, still staring forward fixedly with a stern look on his face. “Time to wake up, sleepy head,” Princess Celestia crooned as she lightly tapped him against the back of the helmet, causing him to blink several times and shake his head.
Storm told himself not to be impressed, that he shouldn’t be impressed, but a part of him couldn’t help it. He wondered if one had to practice sleeping with their eyes open.
---
Crack Shot had been watching for the better part of an hour as Princess Luna and Check Mate continued their match. He watched each attack and defense, each exchange, each gambit as the two players tried to ensnare each other. As the two plied their wits against each other, avoiding traps set up multiple moves in advance, the pegasus stared on in amazement. He couldn’t understand how anypony couldn’t be bored to tears. He occupied the rest of his time by trying to touch the tip of his snout with his tongue.
For his part, Check Mate was enthralled. For the first time in his life, he had met his match. Although he may’ve had a natural affinity for strategy, the princess had lifetimes of experience, and only a few pieces remained on the board. On Check Mate’s side in frosted crystal stood a parasprite pawn near one corner, a pegasus knight in another, and two earth pony rooks guarding an alicorn king. On Princess Luna’s side in black hematite stood three pawns which presented no threat, and her alicorn king and queen. The black queen and white king danced in step, but no other move could be made. The match was a stalemate.
“Very impressive, Check Mate! I haven’t enjoyed a match like that in, well, ages!” Luna applauded, causing the unicorn to look away bashfully.
“It was honestly a pleasure, Your Highness,” the unicorn managed. “Thank you for the wonderful match.”
“Well, we will have to play another round sometime. I—“ she was interrupted by a knocking against her bedroom door. “Yes, come in!”
The door opened to reveal two pegasi guards, one of them carrying a wrapped package by its strings in his teeth. Crack Shot put his tongue back in his mouth and waved to Storm and Kickstart.
“Thpethial Delifery!” the Corporal said through clenched teeth. Luna relieved the pegasus of the package.
“Oh? What could this be?” she mused as she inspected the parcel. With a flourish of magic, she began to undue its paper wrappings.
What lay inside left her speechless: floating before her was an ornately carved jewelry box, wrought in pure silver, the different phases of the lunar cycle marching across its sides in expertly cut white diamonds. On the lid of the box was set an obsidian carving of an alicorn, with sapphires shaping her tail and mane. Princess Luna gasped. Storm silently wondered just what kind of novelty store Princess Celestia had stopped at.
Then Luna carefully undid the clasp of the jewelry box, and everything went to hell.
As the lid of the box suddenly sprung open, there was a blur of dark brown, an exclamation of ‘Fie!’, and in an instant the face of the Princess of the Moon was obscured by a flaky splatter of graham cracker, chocolate, and creme, two bright, sapphire eyes blinking out of the sugary mess. Kickstart and Crack Shot burst out laughing, Storm and Check bit their lips. A small piece of paper drifted to the floor. Luna shook the confectionery from her mane, and floated the missive before her eyes, reading it out loud.
“To my Dearest Sister,
Your favorite flavor: Moon Pie.
Love,
Celly”
To Storm's and Check's relief, she only laughed. Placing the note down, she said, “Well, I suppose now I need to get her back...” She faced the four guards, bits of marshmallow dropping to the floor, and asked, “Any suggestions?”
Kickstart stepped forward. “Actually, I might have a pretty good idea...”
---
Later that night, Corporal Kickstart rounded up the Royal Guard newcomers to celebrate the completion of their first day on the job. He had decided to take them to a well-known donut shop located close to the castle.
“Joe?” one of the recruits had asked in regards to its proprietor, “Kind of an exotic name, isn’t it?”
Kickstart shrugged. “From what I heard, his folks were really into fantasy and tabletop RPGs.”
The guards gathered around the tables, knocking back donuts with no thoughts about the inevitable sugar crash to follow. It was a party, and the Royal Guard partied hard. Storm stepped away from Check Mate and Crack Shot to join Corporal Kickstart at the counter; he had a few questions he wanted to ask of him.
“Um, hello, sir,” he began, catching Kickstart’s attention.
“Oh heya, buddy! What’s up?” the Corporal flashed a smile and gestured for Storm to sit beside him.
“I was just wondering... What the hay happened today?”
“Hmm, care to specify?”
“Primarily Her Highness, Princess Luna of the Moon, getting a face full of some cheap dessert,” Storm deadpanned.
Kickstart guffawed. “Ha! Yeeaah, that was classic. What about it?”
“I guess it just caught me by surprise. And Princess Luna too, of course. I suppose I just wouldn’t have expected that from Princess Celestia.”
The Corporal leaned back and pursed his lips in thought.
“There’s something you oughta know about the two royal sisters,” Kickstart began, causing Storm’s ears to perk. “As I’m sure you know, the two of ‘em have been around for a long time; heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if their yearbook photos were carved into a cave wall somewhere. Anyways, they’ve been around long enough to have seen a lot of Equestria’s history play out, and to have a hoof in the bulk of it."
Storm silently waited for the Corporal to continue.
“So, here you have two immortal sisters who have been manipulating the cosmos, and ruling a kingdom together for as long as anypony can remember, save for a millennium when one of them suffered a nasty case of possession. They perform a ton of feats that your average pony could never dream of, and they do it on a day-to-day basis.
“But when it comes right down to it, when you look past the immortality, the power, and the titles; they’re still sisters. They’re gonna have a bit of fun at each other’s expense from time to time.”
“Heh, is that how you’re able to get away with so much around them?” Storm figured he might’ve been out of line in addressing a superior officer in such a way, but he also figured Corporal Kickstart wouldn’t care. He didn’t.
“Haha, probably!” Kickstart took a sip of coffee. “If you think about it, it’s gotta be a kinda lonely life in some ways, having everypony kowtowing to you all the time. Sure, everypony loves ‘em, but you gotta admit there’s a bit of fear in there too.” Kickstart gave Storm a knowing smile.
Storm sat in silence as he weighed the Corporal’s words. At first, the idea of actually performing for Princess Celestia earlier that day had terrified him. Not because he had feared her to be a tyrant, but because he didn’t want to inadvertently offend her somehow, or to disappoint her. He imagined how it must have felt to have just about everypony else acting the same way. It had to be just that: lonely.
“I suppose you’re right...” Storm decided to shift the conversation. “So, is there any more to the Royal Guard then standing around like gargoyles and playing pranks?”
“Well, in the case of an emergency we’re the first line of defense.” Kickstart chuckled in remembrance of something, “Heh, except in that incident with Nightmare Moon, those guys got their flanks kicked. Still, how often does anything like that happen? There aren’t any wars—not that that’s a bad thing of course. Most ponies get along with each other just fine.”
Storm thought back to the first week of basic training so long ago. He recalled the story his friends had told him about their encounter with the amber-eyed pegasus and his lumbering companion. The pegasus wondered how many others there were like that in the world. The sliding of plate in front of him broke him from his rumination. Looking down he saw a bright pink donut covered in sprinkles.
“Give it a taste!” Kickstart encouraged. “Just don’t blame me for your headache in the morning.”
---
From her marble dais, Princess Celestia prepared herself for her daily task, manipulating the ancient magic that suffused her body. She didn’t have to reach out for the sun, for the connection was always there. Rather she flexed the connection, stretching it and contracting it and allowing it to flow with ichor. She engaged it, stimulating it like a numb appendage, for in many ways that was what it was. She felt a tingle, like blood rushing to one’s hooves, or the flaring of a corona. Satisfied, Princess Celestia began to raise the sun.
As she felt the sun ascend above the eastern horizon, something struck her as odd. It felt like there was some impedance between her and the star, like a tourniquet had been tightened around the link between the two of them. Even odder was the color of the sky. It should’ve been painted in oranges and bluish grays, yet it was still the same dark violet as when she had begun. An investigative glance behind her explained the phenomenon.
Drifting lazily in front of the sun was the moon, mirroring its path and creating a solar eclipse. Princess Celestia had to laugh: Lulu had gotten her back good. Of course, now Celestia would have to come up with something even better. A surreptitious grin crossed her face as she imagined all of the possibilities.
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a solar eclipse something i have yet to see with my own eyes
237795
It gets very dark, and it gets cold too. Its almost frightening, but very beautiful.
237795 Don't look directly at it. Somehow it's worse than looking at the sun during the day and can blind you.
'Mare Force One'?
DAYUMM! Didn't see that one coming, and i grinned for the rest of the story after it. Not that I wasn't already smiling!
--TwilitLightning
ya know, i really liked this story. it was kinda nice just to see the life of an aspiring guard. i thought you captured it quite well, and the jokes were great! thank you for an awesome story- i couldnt put it down!
The Sergent is a bit of a stick in the mud. Why not let the convoy break into song?
Nice King Solomon reference
Fuck that healthcare shit, just chop the baby in half
hehehe
A solar eclipse as Luna pranking Celestia back? I can get behind that.
Second favorite take on the classic Solomon parable, only beaten by forcible marrying the two petitioners.
Basically it says he WASNT ready..
...But then he just did it like super OP over 9001..
...whut.
Argh, the puns!