Planet Express's Package Pony

by The Cowardly Christian

A big Piece of Garbage.

Inside Planet Express's Meeting Room, everyone sat around the table as the professor was making an announcement

"Good news, everyone." He spoke "Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9; the virus planet."

"Why can't they go today?" Hermes asked

"Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors' annual symposium."

"Wow! I love symposia." Fry commented, not even aware of what it meant.

"It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the Academy prize."

"Sounds boring." Bender commented

"Oh, my, yes. But not this year, because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold! The death clock." He pulled a small, black box with a button on it, on top on the table. "Simply jam your finger in the hole and this read-out tells you exactly how long you have left to live."

"Does it really work?" Leela asked

"And will it work for me?" Derpy added, poking at the machine.

"Well it's occasionally off by a few seconds, What with free will and all." The professor replied "And unless you grow fingers, you'll have to live in bliss."

"Sounds like fun." Fry spoke "How long do I have left to live?" He placed his finger in the hole and the clock dinged. They saw how long he had to live.

"Ooh! Dibs on his CD player!" Bender called out.

"Screw that!" Derpy replied, pulling out a scalpel "I call his kidneys!"

Inside the Academy of Inventors, the room is filled with scientists (all wearing white lab coats). Everyone but Farnworth wore something considered 'Fancy', though as much as Derpy wanted to, she had to dress up and not walk around naked. Derpy stood around, wanting to fly around, or, for the lack of better words, strip naked, but saw the stallion again! She turned to see her family was distracted by another old man, making this her chance. She walked to the stallion, who had a strange device in his hooves and was pointing it around, seemingly investigating something.

"Can I help you with something, sir?" Derpy asked. He looked down at her, but smiled.

"Great wickering stallions!" He spoke with excitement, and a different voice. "You have to be the most adorable subject I have seen!" She gave him a confused look.

"...What?"

"Oh, pardon me, but just call me 'The Doctor', my fine Derpy."

"... Am I missing something? The last time we meet, you told me we'd meet each other on something called 'The Titanic'."

"We did? Oh, I must've missed something! Well, you see, I-" the sound of the blue box, followed by the same blue box appeared in the room. The same stallion quickly came out, grabbed himself by his collar, and threw him into the box before entering again.

"I told you to not talk to her!" The other replied with the same accent from before. "Do you want to ruin the space-time-continuum and destroy the world!?" The other stallion got up.

"Well excuse me! I was just curious and wanted to see who'd win this scientific competition; Science and mathematics are the real magic."

"Yes, that I agree on, but you shouldn't be going around and altering too much things!"

"Like what? Standing and seeing this scientific competition to see who has the best invention?"

"Can I get some answers here!?!?!?" Derpy shouted in confused anger.

"Whoops!" Both stallions spoke, shutting the door, followed by the blue box disappearing. Derpy stared with a twitchy eye.

"I...I need a muffin."

Inside the Academy of Inventors' Auditorium, Derpy Bender, Fry and Leela sat at a table. Bender read the wine list and a waiter took his order as Derpy snacked on a muffin, processing the stallions that, as she theorized, may be twins or clones of something else.

"I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Parté and the '66 Thunder Chevitz." Bender ordered

"Exquisite choices, sir." The waiter spoke

"And mix them all together in a big jug!" The lights in the auditorium dimmed down and the head Ron Popeil's head in a jar was on the stage.

"Welcome to this year's Academy of Inventors Annual Symposium." he announced "I'm your host, Ron Popeil, inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars." A few people applaud. "But wait, there's more. We've got a whole line-up of inventors tonight, starting with that up and coming young star, Ogden Wernstrom. Fry booed

"More wine!"

"Distinguished members of the Academy," Wernstrom spoke onstage "I present to you, the Reverse Scuba Suit. Observe!" He waved a stick in front of a fish in a tank. "Fetch!" He tossed the stick across the platform. The fish puts on a suit, which has two little mechanical legs. The fish gets out of the tank, walks across the stage, picks up the stick and hands it to Wernstrom. "Now, sit!" The fish doesn't do anything. "I said sit!" Still nothing. "Bad fish!" He hits the fish with a newspaper and it sits. The audience applauds. Farnsworth groans.

"Don't worry, Professor," Fry whispered "it's no competition for your death clock."

"And what will you be presenting this evening, grandpa?" Wernstrom taunted

"Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place!" Farnworth replied, standing up for himself

"I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year."

"Uh, last year, you say?"

"That's right."

"Oh, my!... Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?"

"Hardly! We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. He walked away, followed by His fish.

"That's it," Derpy spoke, pulling a gun out and cocking it "his time it up."

"Oh, dear," Farnworth panicked "I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock?"

"No, just more ammo!" Derpy spoke, pulling the trigger at Wernstrom, but nothing was coming out.

A man on the stage demonstrates a helicopter hat; He turns a handle and flies away. The audience applauds.

"Heh, I can already fly with these babies." Derpy pridefully commented, pointing and flapping her wings.

"Our last presentation comes from our oldest member, Professor Hubert Farnsworth." Popeil announced "Professor?" A spotlight falls on Farnsworth. He scribbles something on a napkin.

"Just a second, just a second!" Farnsworth pleaded.

"Pencils down, prune-face." Wernstrom taunted again Derpy and Farnsworth snarled at the other old man. Leela held onto Derpy as she tried to tackled Wernstrom while gorlwing like a dog as Farnworth ran onto the stage.

"Uh, yes, here I am, OK, now, hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects. But what if we want to smell distant objects? Well now we can! Thanks to my new invention ... the Smellescope." He puts a piece of paper on a projector; it was a crude drawing of a telescope pointing at a coffee stain, with the professor wearing a large hat. The audience starts talking. "The odor travels past this coffee stain here, around the olive pit and into this cigar burn. And this appears to be a doodle of myself as a cowboy." The audience laughs. "But the Smellescope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell thanks to me." The audience laughs again. Farnsworth wipes his brow with the napkin "Oh, my!" He puts it back on the projector; It's smudged. The audience laughs again.

"I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth." Wernstrom spoke in the crowd "I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!" The audience laughs. Farnsworth walks off the stage. Derpy saw how desperate the professor looked. She knew what she had to. She got out of Leela's grasp and buzzed her wings, flying above the heads of the other scientists.

"You all get an F!" She simply announced. The lace's laughter was cut off... followed by screaming and panic from all of the scientists. Derpy rubbed her hooves and smiled devilishly "Yes, dance, my puppets."

Inside Planet Express's Meeting Room, Fry, Bender, Leela, Derpy, and Farnsworth sat around the table.

"Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist." Farnsworth whined to himself

"Yep!" Bender answered bluntly

"No, Professor, don't give up." Fry encouraged "There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up, but I never did. Never! Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up!" Derpy pulled out a tablet and played an inspirational video.

"By God, you're right!" Farnsworth spoke "I'm going to build that Smellescope!"

"DO IT!!!" Derpy yelled

"Eureka!" Farnsworth shouted. Fry, Leela, Derpy, and Bender ran into the Attic Room

"Did you build the Smellescope?" Fry asked

"No, I remembered that I'd built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at Jupiter." He cranked it around a bit. Fry placed his nose into the two nozzles provided and sniffed

"Smells like strawberries."

"Exactly! And now Saturn." Another turn and sniff

"Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great! Hey, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus." He laughed at the joke

"...I don't get it." Derpy spoke

"I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all." Farnworth replied

"Oh. What's it called now?

"Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you."

"I wanna sniff!" Derpy spoke, buzzing her wings and placing her nostrils into the smellescope "Hmm... pizza! ... Hmm... Muffins!" She pointed at another place, sniffed, and started to gag! She landed on the floor and puked!

"What is it?" He sniffed into the machine "Oh, jeez! Oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul it's right off the Funk-o-Meter. I dare say, Derpy may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

"Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!" Bender pleaded. Leela sniffed into the machine

"I think it's moving." She observed

"Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory." Farnworth spoke "Just as soon as someone cleans up Derpy's mess." He clicks a few buttons on a computer "My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us. With enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater. We have less than 72 hours." All four gasped

"Well, let's get looting!" Bender announced

"Already ahead of you!" Derpy added, flying away with a crown.

"Hey! That' my crown!"

In the Meeting Room, The staff sat around the table looking at a hologram of the Earth.]

"So this thing's gonna destroy the whole city?" Fry asked, nearly on the verge of panicking. The hologram of the object hits the hologram of the Earth with a splat. "What the heck is it?" Farnsworth taps at a keyboard.

"Ah! Just as I thought." He replied "The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet." He plays the movie. The New York skyline of 2000 is displayed on the screen, along with the title.

"New York City," a movie sounding narrator expositioned "The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to empty its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness, the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge. The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it, not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday, but their concerns were dismissed as 'depressing'.

"Wow! You got that off the Internet?" Fry asked "In my day the Internet was only used to download pornography."

"Actually that's still true." Farnsworth replied

"Now that the garbage is in space," a female professor spoke "doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions."

"With gusto!" the male scientist replied. They both strip down to their underwear and were ready to get it on. Leela turned the lights back on, making Fry and Derpy groan.

"So that's the situation." Farnsworth spoke "Due to the short-sightedness of Old New York, New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage."

"Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then!?" Leela demanded "How could you just throw your garbage away?"

"Hey, gimmie a break!" Fry retorted "What do you do with it?"

"We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans."

"Yeah! And this beer can is made outta old robots." Bender added

"And that sandwich you're eating is made of old discarded sandwiches." Both Fry and Derpy look inside a sandwich & muffin and cringed. "Nothing just gets thrown away."

"The future is disgusting." Fry commented

"I feel so weird." Derpy added

"Typical 20th century attitude." Leela commented

"Hey! You have no right to criticise the 20th century." Fry spoke "We gave the world the lightbulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin."

"Those things are all from the 19th century."

"Yeah, well, they probably just copied us."

"Please! There's no time for this now!" Farnsworth shutted the two up "This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor!"

"And loot him if he doesn't listen!" Derpy added, putting on a ski mask and holding a baseball bat.

At City hall (called Citihall), inside the Mayor's Office, The Mayor, a short balding man in a green suit, sat behind his desk.

"Garbage ball, huh?" he asked "That sounds serious."

"Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer." Farnsworth replied. Derpy giggled at the name

"I gotta be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or second-hand smoke." He presses the intercom. "Send in my science adviser." Wernstrom entered the room

"Wernstrom!"

"Well, well, well! Come to present your latest napkin, Professor?" Wernstrom taunted again

"No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself." Farnsworth wipes the Smellescope. Poopenmeyer sniffs and leaps back.

"Hey! Holy jeez!" he yelled

"That smell could be anything;" Wernstrom retorted "a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows?" A woman walked into the room with a cassette player.

"Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune." she spoke, pressing the play button.

"Giant... garbage ball." A man gasped in the recording "... passed close by... horrible stench." He gags.

"The transmission cuts out there, sir." The voice chokes again. "No, I, guess it keeps going." There is another gag and the message cuts out. "There we go!"

"My God! The senile old man is right!" The mayor spoke

"Do you mean him or me?" Wernstrom asked

"Him!" He pointed at Farnsworth. Derpy cheered

"Suck it, old man!" She yelled, taking his wallet and flying away. She stopped as People crowded around a shop watching TV's through the window. On the TV, two newscasters present a report on "Root"2 News. One is a blonde human woman wearing a pink suit and the other is an alien that has a huge green head with veins poking out of it and big eyes.

"Next, New New York in crisis. Morbo?" the woman asked

"Thanks, human female." the alien replied, turning to the camera "Puny Earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York."

"Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles.

"Morbo agrees!" They both laugh.

"...Crap. Better get back." Derpy spoke to herself. She took all of the cash out of the wallet before tossing the wallet away, buzzing herself back to the Citihall. She landed near the windows, where a large hologram of the garbage ball is projected in the middle of the room. A military man is there with the others.]

"Can't we just shoot a missile at it?" Leela asked

"We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey." The Military man spoke "A missile would go right through it." The hologram shows a missile squelching through the garbage ball.

"But suppose we send a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks." Farnsworth suggested. The simulation explodes.

"In theory, it could work."

"Uh, in theory, perhaps." Wernstrom replied "But you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous." Farnsworth smiles and looked at the crew.

"Oh, crap!" Bender spoke

In Planet Express's Hangar, The crew are assembled in front of the ship.

"Now, you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball." Farnsworth explained "After that, it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet, killing billions!

"Oh, boo-hoo!" Bender replied, not enthusiastic.

"Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it, you'll have 25 minutes to get away."

"That's all?" Leela asked "But"-

"Now, now, there'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return."

"...If?" Derpy asked, shivering.

The crew were in red spacesuits (minus Bender) and the ship flew towards the garbage ball. It looks like an asteroid from a certain movie by a horrible director.

"Odour at magnitude 8." Leela spoke. The ship shook with some gags "Magnitude 12." The ship shook harder with harder gags "Magnitude 31." The ship shook rapidly with Derpy puking again. "We're breaking up! Turn on the anti-smell device!" An air freshener went off and the ship stopped shaking with the smell gone.

"Hmm, sporty!" Fry commented. The ship cruised in and landed on the garbage ball's surface. The steps go down, the door opens, and the crew look around. "Wow!"

"Look at all this filth." Leela commented

"It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century!" He picks up something. "Look! A real Beanie Baby." He picks up something else. "Oh! A Mr. Spock collector's plate" He sees something and gasps. "Some Bart Simpson dolls!" Bender walked to a pile of said dolls, picked one up, and pulled it's string.

"Eat my shorts!" The doll spoke

"OK!" Bender replied, eating it's shorts. "Mmm! Shorts!"

"Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already!" Leela sugested

"This junk isn't garbage!" Fry replied "I can dig in any random pile and find something great." He dug into a pile and came out with a six pack holder around his neck, gagging. Leela cuts him free. "Alright... let's get to work."

"Hold on!" Derpy replied "I think I'll take this!" She pulled a funny looking robot onto the ship, spraying with Febreeze and other smell good items on the ship. "I'll call it... Mario!"

The crew walk across the surface, reading a map.

"Let's see," Leela spoke "If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here." "She puts the bomb in the ground. "Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes." She presses the button and the timer changes to 15:00. "Uh, 15 minutes." The timer changes again to 05:00. "5 minutes." A very odd number. "6h minutes?" Bender pulls the bomb out of the ground and turns it over.

"There's your problem." He spoke "The Professor put the counter on upside-down."

"That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes, it was set for 52 seconds!" Both Fry and Derpy screamed

"We're gonna die!" Derpy yelled "Right?"

"Right!" Bender answered. They all screamed as they saw that the timer read 19 seconds. "It's gonna blow!" He threw it to Fry. Fry threw it back. Bender threw it at Leela, which hits her helmet.

"Hey, watch it!" She replied "You'll put somebody's eye out!"

"OK, OK, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this!" Bender throws the bomb into space, but it hits a passing comet and bounces back down, knocking Derpy's helmet off. Everyone screams as Bender throws the bomb into the sky again, which explodes. Fry and Leela walked to Derpy' trying to put her helmet back on

"Hurry, Fry!" Leela yelled "She's gonna die!"

"I can't!" Fry replied "Her helmet's cracked!" Derpy coughed, reopening her eyes blinked. She sniffed the air, making her cheeks puff with a green coloring in her cheeks. She stood up and puked again.

"Ech! Those filters are broken!" She yelled angrily. She saw all three stare at her, mouths wide open. "...What?"

Back in the Mayor's Office, Derpy polished 'Mario' up as everyone watched Lina and Morbo on T.V., though the professor glanced at the report on how Derpy was able to breath in space, baffled as everyone was.

"All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget!" Linda spoke with a chuckle, along with Morbo.

"Kittens give Morbo gas." He commented "In lighter news, the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human Professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny, inferior brain."

"Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside-down?" Farnsworth asked himself "I could swear I followed the manual precisely." He pulled out the manual from his coat. It's upside-down. "I'm a dried up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault."

"No, it's my fault too." Fry reassured "I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month my toilet broke and it just went straight in the garbage can." Everyone cringed at the mention, with Derpy's cheek perking up again. "Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me."

"Enough!" The mayor yelled "You all failed miserably. It's time to put a real scientist in charge." Wernstrom entered the room

"Wernstrom!" Farnsworth yelled

"The very same." Wernstrom replied

"Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city?" The mayor asked

"Of course. But it'll cost you. First I'll need tenure."

"Done."

"And a big research grant."

"You got it."

"Also, access to a lab and five graduate students, at least three of them Chinese."

"Um, alright done. What's your plan?"

"What plan? I'm set for life! Au revoir, suckers!" He walked out

"You coward!!!" Derpy yelled. Mario's middle stalk, an 'eye', glowed blue.

"EXTERMINATE!!!" It yelled before deactivating immediately.

"...That was... something." A pizza slice splated against the window, grabbing their attention.

"It's time to take action!" Poopenmeyer announced. He pressed the intercom. "Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow." He leaned back into his chair. "Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?"

"Wait!" Farnsworth exclaimed "If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball, it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits!"

"But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage?" Leela asked

"Alas, I don't know."

"Uh, what about garbage?" Derpy suggested, trying to open Mario up to see how he was activated.

"Good Lord! A second ball of garbage! That just might work!"

"But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan." Poopenmeyer explained "This city's been garbage-free for 500 years!"

"Then it's time to make some more!" Fry suggested

"Make garbage? But how?"

"Stand back and watch the master! This Slurm can." He knocked it to the floor. "Now it's garbage. These papers. He swept them off the desk with his hands. "Garbage. This picture of your wife." He dropped it onto the floor, it's frame smashes. "Pure garbage. Now you try it." Poopenmeyer picks up a pencil and drops it on the floor.

"By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone! The fate of the city is at stake!" He turned his chair on its side.

"Good! Leela: Don't finish that cruller, throw it away! Bender; Drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground!" Both did what Fry said Bender throws the bottle on the floor. "Very nice! Derpy-" He didn't say anything as half eaten muffins were on the floor.

"Get that robot and horse some more beer and muffins!" Both Bender and Derpy smiled with a gasp. "We've trashed this room but that's just the start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people!"

After a successful, though short, public message, there was enough garbage put onto a rocket that could ricochet first pile away from Earth.

"If my calculations are correct," Farnsworth spoke "this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the sun."

"And if my calculations are correct," Wernstrom replied "we're all going to die horribly." He laughed, but then realized what he said

"Alright, places everyone." The mayor spoke "Prepare for launch." Farnsworth began the count down.

"Five, four, three, two... three, four, five, six-" Derpy rolled her eyes, and with an annoyed grumble, she pressed the button in front of her. The rocket took off and headed towards the other garbage ball. After a while, Farnsworth sniffed through the Smellescope.

"Burning garbage!" he cheered

"We did it!" Derpy cheered. Everyone except Wernstrom cheered.

Outside Citihall, The Mayor and the Planet Express crew stood on the steps. Poopenmeyer made a speech

"And so, on behalf of the entire city, I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the Academy prize, which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass." He handed Farnsworth the trophy.

"Yes!" Farnsworth cheered "In your face, Wernstrom!"

"I'll get you, Farnsworth." Wernstrom growled "Even if it takes me another hundred years!" He and his five graduate students, three of them Chinese, shook their fists. Derpy flew to his face.

"That is if you're alive next year." She roasted. "Also, your grade!" She slammed a piece of Paper on his forehead. "A minus-minus-minus!" She flew back to her crew before Wernstrom could do anything.

"And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well." Poopenmeyer continued "If not for your 20th century garbage-making skills, we'd all be buried under 20th century garbage." The crowd cheered.

"Should we really be celebrating?" Leela asked "I mean, what if the second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?"

"Who cares?" Fry asked "That won't be for hundreds of years."

"Exactly; It's none of our concern." Derpy added, resting on Fry's head.

"That's the 20th century spirit!" Fry took Derpy off his head and rustled her mane, making the filly giggle. She flew out and held the award up with Farnsworth. The crowd cheered and applauded. Though she was celebrating, she saw the stallion in the crowd, though for only half a second before disappearing. She wanted to follow him, but the heads of Aerosmith came out and performed one of their songs.

Author's Note:

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

AN: THIS STORY WAS ADOPTED WITH PERMISSION FROM MrAquino. I strongly recommend his work!

...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...

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If you want to see more, go to my fanfiction account: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5874134/The-Cowardly-Christian-du911

...

AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas? Or maybe bribe me on my Patreon account

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