Wallflower's Rush

by Samey90

7. Epilogue – Wallflower Splash!

So, fixing all the issues with the clowns took a while. Luckily, we were freed rather quickly, though it took a while before Lily got her van back and stopped bothering me about it. Also, Daisy eventually forgave me for distracting this guy while he was holding her hostage. Like he’d really shoot her. But well, now he’s in prison along with Jewel and Crowbar, so she doesn’t have to worry about him.

Nevertheless, we finished school, though I’m still taking care of the garden whenever I have time. I guess I have no other choice than to become a professional gardener.

Oh, and despite my protests, Muffins eventually dragged me, kicking and screaming, for another trip during the winter break – she’s studying particle physics or something like this. I hope this doesn’t end in a nuclear apocalypse. I still haven’t dug my fallout shelter.

I’m not the only unfortunate victim, though – Flash Sentry also ended up with us, as well as some wannabe actress whose name I can’t remember, but she’s apparently Twilight’s gaming buddy. I never knew Twilight was into video games, but Muffins told me that it’s more about role-playing games. She also told me that the girl is into anime and that we’d have a lot in common. Also, the owners of the spa are her family or something and she put me in a room with her. At least I’m spared from the view of Muffins in various states of undress, though the actress girl has an annoying habit of reciting monologues and stuff like that. I swear, if I hear her go “out, damned spot” whenever she washes her hands once again, I shall lay my vengeance upon her.

Damn, now that I think about it, Muffins is probably trying to ship us, even though the actress girl mentioned having a boyfriend. Since people around me apparently have no sense of shame whatsoever, I also know that their safeword is ‘baboon’ and that her most memorable role was a corpse in some TV show. She also told me that autopsy tables are pretty cold. I’ll keep that in mind in case of sudden death.

Also, did I mention that we’re currently in the middle of nowhere, Iceland, chilling out in the spa? More exactly, it’s some kind of a hot spring. The water is pretty hot—Muffins says that it’s because of all the volcanoes—and I’m pretty sure I look like a watermelon already. The actress girl is next to me, though I’m not sure if she can see anything due to all the steam on her glasses.

“Remind me,” I whisper. “What’s your name?”

“I told you ten times already,” she replies. “Juniper Montage. I brought you a bonsai tree from Japan, remember?”

“Ah, it was you!” I sigh. “In my defence, it was 2 AM when you called me and I didn’t quite get a good look at you.”

“That’s strange, everyone usually remembers me,” she replies. “And I do remember your pillow.”

Oh, come on. Of all the things about me, people still remember this?

“It was a good one, though,” she says. Well, I guess that’s a compliment. “By the way, we have to check out the sauna. Muffins says it’s great.”

“I’d rather not,” Flash says. “Last year, I got locked out of the sauna without my clothes and I’d rather not end up there again.”

“Don’t worry, this time you may get locked in the sauna with us,” Juniper says. “Not the guy with a big, uhh… talent.”

“Muffins told you about it too?” Flash rolls his eyes. “I swear, when she comes back here…”

“Well, since we’re having an honest talk…” I say. “Did Muffins tell you that I once got a hold of a magical artifact?”

“You too?” Flash sighs. “Is there anyone here who didn’t? Though at least I don’t remember you terrorising the mall like Juniper here.”

“Well, about that…'' I smile sheepishly. “Remember when your car got that dent in the fender and smelled like–”

“Hey, what’s up?” Muffins walks to us, wrapped in a towel. “Having fun?”

“Yeah,” Flash replies. “Wallflower was just telling me something important about my car.”

“Ah, this.” Muffins smirks. “And I just wanted to go jogging. Anyone want to go with me?”

“It’s winter in Iceland and we’re just chilling out.” Juniper stretches her arms. “I may be in for some training later, but I’d rather go indoors. I think they have a gym here too, right?”

“Yeah, and you don’t quite have clothes for jogging right now,” I say to Muffins.

She smiles in a way that tells me that I just made a mistake. “Clothes?” she asks, dropping her towel. “Where we’re going, we don’t need clothes!” With these words, she runs off. Great, we’re gonna get arrested again, this time abroad. Though then, Iceland is kinda Europe, right? Maybe it’s normal here?

I guess I’ll soon find out.

Comments

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

And thus ends another wacky adventure with some shenanigans and hopefully a sequel. :D

Great fic, Samey. Just damned funny with some good action sprinkled about.

[The Sleepless Beholder]

What a wild ride. I find the thoguht of Muffins getting high terrifying taking into account her usual way of thinking, and also, her view of Wallflower got me laughing everytime it happened.

Great work Samey! Can't wait for your next proyect!

PS: Sadly, there was no tank at the end

[FanOfMostEverything]

“Do I want to know how you went from torturing POWs to lawnmowers?” Lily asks, looking at me unsurely.
“It’s simple, I divided fifteen by Friday,” I reply.

Flawless logic.

“You too?” Flash sighs. “Is there anyone here who didn’t?”

I like the implication that Flash and Muffins both found artifacts of their own.

Hilarious madness throughout. And a friendship between Wallflower and Juniper... maybe. Very different personalities, but if they can find some common ground, they'll be able to make something work. Still an iffy prospect. In any case, thank you for a wonderful exercise in absurdity.

[GrandCat]

So... Tempest is Russian or just the soldier of fortune who travelled far and wide?

[Samey90]

10683795
The latter. Funnily enough, my first idea was to make her swear in Chechen, but then I found out that if Chechens curse, they usually do so in Russian because swearing in their native language is considered serious business.

10683329
Now I wonder what'd happen if they did. And which of them would be scarier.

10682677
There may be a tank in the sequel, though...

[FanOfMostEverything]

I feel like this is somehow your fault:

derpicdn.net/img/2021/3/30/2582286/large.png

[Samey90]

10746204
Hmm, are they being shipped?