3. Wallflower’s Stash
I don’t quite remember waking up. I mean, I’m pretty sure Muffins woke me up and then I spent a while looking for my clothes. Then Roseluck burst in, wearing only a skirt and a bra, complaining about her luggage getting lost or something. She suspected that Lily and Daisy found her tops to be a source of the spider infestation and probably burned them.
Eventually, we found Roseluck’s missing bag in the van and, after she finally got dressed, we were kind of ready for breakfast.
Kind of, because I’m still scared. I mean, there are gonna be people there, right? Looking at me and my precious bonsai tree? I’m pretty sure The Great Roberto doesn’t enjoy being watched either.
“Wally, are you okay?” Muffins asks.
“She’s been hit by a smooth criminal,” Lily replies.
“Nah, I’m fine,” I say with a chuckle. “Why do you think I’m not okay?”
“You were contemplating your scrambled eggs for the last ten minutes,” Daisy replies.
“Yeah, are you gonna eat this?” Lily looks at my plate. “If not, then I can take it.”
I smile at her. “I’ll eat it, don’t worry. I just, uhh… I don’t really like crowds.”
“Just imagine they’re goats.” Daisy shrugs. “It works for me.”
“How is that supposed to help?” I ask. “I mean, maybe it works for you, but I’m also terrified of animals.”
“Same here.” Lily is still looking at my plate, so I start eating. “Especially bunnies. But don’t worry, I have pills for that.”
“I’m pretty sure taking someone else’s pills is one of those things we’re not supposed to do at home,” Muffins says. “Along with building a replica of a bouncing bomb in your basement or putting rockets on your bicycle.”
“Well, we’re not at home,” Lily replies. “And I’m pretty sure it’s the same pills Wallflower already had, right?”
“Possibly,” I reply. “I mean, how many different ones are out there? And even then, most of them just have different names.”
“I only got some pills for ADHD as a kid,” Muffins says. “But that was before I blew up the garden shed and the school psychologist decided to go to Hawaii and become a fisherman.”
Oh, the horror. “Stay out of my shed, then. And my garden. I know what you did there.”
“Oh, so she told you about Flash Sentry?” Roseluck asks.
“I’d like to remind you that you didn’t bring Doc to this garden only because he’s our physics teacher,” Muffins replies, throwing Roseluck an askew glance. “Also, he likes me more anyway.”
“Keep on dreaming,” Roseluck mutters. “Also, you have a boyfriend, don’t you?”
“I’d be more comfortable if you didn’t bring your boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes, and friends with benefits to bang in my garden,” I say, trying desperately to sound serious and mildly threatening. “Though I’ll really start to worry if Daisy brings a goat in there.”
“Why would I bang a goat?” Daisy asks. Way too loudly. Several people at other tables are looking at us. We mostly try not to look at each other. “I never hit any of my goats, even if they misbehave.”
Lily sighs with relief. “Good for you.”
“Though we could bring them to graze there.” Daisy smiles sheepishly. “Fluttershy really likes them.”
I rub my temples. Why am I even here? I could’ve spent a regular weekend at home, playing video games and reading obscure manga, but no, I just had to come here.
“They could also fertilise the lawn.”
“Oh yeah, that will discourage Muffins from rolling in the grass with Flash,” I mutter. The people at other tables are still looking at us, probably waiting for someone to get back to the topic of goats.
“Wally, don’t be such a Wally Gator,” Muffins says. “You’ve never even noticed we were there.”
“Yes, but now I know and that’s disturbing,” I reply. “Now I can’t sit anywhere because it may be where–”
Muffins smirks. “Well, I can tell–”
“No!”
“What’s wrong about a good roll in the grass, though?” Daisy asks.
“Nothing, it’s just Wallflower being, as Muffins put it, a Wally Gator,” Lily replies. “You need to chill out. Maybe bring someone to your garden yourself.”
“I suggested Valhallen already,” Muffins said.
“Okay, so it all boils down to me needing to get laid?” I ask.
Daisy raises her eyebrows. “In the grass?”
“I’d prefer a bed, thank you,” I reply. “Though you’re most definitely not my type.”
“Aww… why?”
I turn to Lily. “Do I have to explain it to her?”
“If you have an hour to spare.” Lily shrugs. “But you can also eat a Snickers or get some pills.”
“Is drinking Kool-Aid an option?” I ask. “Then I wouldn’t have to have this conversation. Or any conversation, for that matter.”
“Hey, no need to make it dark,” Muffins says.
“My life is already dark,” I reply. “I’m freaking out over a bonsai fair and people having sex in my garden.”
“Ah, so you meant sex?” Daisy asks.
In the ensuing silence, I can hear Lily dropping a spoon. Not just when the spoon hits the table; I can hear when she releases it and the air flowing around it as it falls.
“You know–”
“Of course I know, I live on a farm,” Daisy replies. “It’s just, you all talk in stupid metaphors! Goats are much more straightforward.”
I look around to see that the people at other tables are still listening. Well, most of them as one woman is covering her kid’s ears.
“Daisy, we’re glad you know, but please, don’t ever mention goats in this context,” Lily says. “At least not in a polite company.”
Daisy nods. “So I can do it around you?”
“Yes, but think of the children,” I reply. “Also, I’m still worried about that bonsai fair.”
“No worries, we’ll be with you,” Roseluck says. I can’t help but notice that she kicks Lily in the ankle under the table. Lily, who was just reaching to her pocket, shoots her a glare.
We finish our breakfast and I start considering my options. There are actually quite a few of them, but most of them include either running away to my room, locking the door, and never coming out or lying on the floor in a fetal position. Or, alternatively, learning to drive, stealing the van, and hoping there are no chicken coops on the way.
When we’re in the lobby, I mutter something about having to fetch the Great Roberto. Roseluck and Muffins decide to go to the car, but I know their true idea – they spotted that there are some pool tables in the hotel and they want to see if there’s a chance to get one for the whole evening.
To be honest, I’ve never expected Muffins to be a pool shark. Also, I’ve never actually played, so I guess I’ll accidentally kill someone with the cue. Just my luck.
“You okay there?” Lily asks. I never noticed she was still standing next to me. Daisy went off somewhere, so we’re alone. I don’t think this ever happened before – there was always someone else with us.
I roll my eyes. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“No offense, but you’re pretty good at looking not okay,” Lily replies with a chuckle. “And trust me, I know a thing or two about that.”
“Bunnies?” I ask.
“Oh, don’t get me started on them.” Lily shudders. “I’m probably not the only person who watched Watership Down while being a bit too young for it. Can you imagine that?”
“Not really. As a kid, I really liked The Brave Little Toaster.” I smile a little bit, trying to stay on this topic, but nothing really comes to my mind. Well, some things do, but Lily really doesn’t have to know that if modern toasters accidentally fall into the bathtub, they are only going to cause a power outage in the entire building. Though given the lights go out, there’s that brief moment when you’re just not sure if you’re still alive.
“I’ll have to check it out,” Lily says. “Anyway, are you sure you’re fine?”
“You’re not helping by constant asking,” I reply. Seriously, the day when someone who spent a half of the night looking for spiders under her bed starts giving me life advice, I may just start looking for a new toaster.
“Don’t worry.” Lily lowers her voice to a whisper. “I still have my pills if you want them. Just don’t tell Roseluck.”
“Well, now I’m worried,” I say. “Are those even legal?”
She smiles sheepishly. “In most places that matter.”
“Like where?” I ask. “The red light district of Amsterdam?”
“Been there,” Lily replies. “Well, Amsterdam at least. I was more interested in tulips than red lights, but whatever rocks your boat.” She shrugs. “Though now that I think about it, if I told Daisy back then that we could go to the red lights district, she’d think we’d spend a lot of time in a car, not being able to get anywhere.”
“That’s Daisy for you.” I shrug. “I guess I’ll take those pills of yours. It’s better than spending the whole day worrying.”
“Worry no more.” Lily grabs a box of pills from her pocket. I look at it, remembering my dream. There’s no ‘eat me’ on the label, but still, they don’t look like anything I’ve ever had. But then, Lily takes them and she’s fine.
Wait, what if I’m allergic? And I didn’t need anything for anxiety for a while, so if I’m not used to them, the effects may be interesting.
All those thoughts came to me after I swallowed the pill. Way too late, I’d say, as the next fifteen minutes showed.
Okay, the scrambled eggs didn't come back to me, so that’s a plus. However, let me tell you: either my therapist sucked or those aren’t the pills I was looking for. At least that’s what the caterpillar sitting in the hotel’s lobby and smoking a hookah told me.
I thanked the caterpillar for the advice and went back to my room. It’s interesting, my parents always warned me about strangers offering me drugs when I was a kid and I only met one when almost out of high school. Though then, I kinda know Lily now, so is she a stranger? I ask The Great Roberto about that and he says that species must constantly adapt, evolve, and proliferate in order to survive while pitted against ever-evolving opposing species. I guess he knows what he’s saying, being a bonsai tree, after all.
I feel like I’m getting bigger. Or maybe smaller. I look through the window and well, the weather seems interesting. ‘Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. And, for the love of everything sacred, don’t get me started on the borogroves or I’ll go full ‘off with his head!’.
“Hey, Wallflower, we’re waiting for you!” Roseluck walks into the room. It’s interesting that you often see Roseluck without the grin, but not the grin without Roseluck. “What’s going on?”
“I’m in Wonderland,” I reply.
Roseluck furrows her eyebrows. Now she does look like a very angry cat. She storms off, but comes back after a few minutes—or maybe hours?—dragging Lily along with her.
“What did you give to her?” she asks. “Acid?”
“Nah, it’d work much too long,” Lily replies. “She’ll be fine soon.”
“Well, this doesn’t make me any calmer!” Roseluck exclaims. “Give me those pills! Are you crazy? I thought that after I accidentally ate those you stopped making them, but no!” She yanks the package out of Lily’s hands and walks to the bathroom with them. After a while, I hear the sound of the toilet flushing.
Roseluck comes back. “I thought that since you eat those too, they’re legit,” she says to Lily. “But of course you eat this stuff like candy, idiot, don’t you?” She turns to me. “How are you?”
“Fine,” I reply, even though I can still hear that the Great Roberto is enjoying the whole situation way too much. Should bonsai trees talk? I have a feeling that they shouldn’t. I get up, grab the expensive pot and walk out of my room, trying to push the oddities into the corners of my mind.
“And be sure we’ll talk about it,” Roseluck pushes Lily out of the room and turns to me. “Can you act in a non-suspicious way?”
“If I don’t listen to the caterpillars, then yes.” I’m not sure I can see Roseluck properly. I mean, it still looks like a grin without Roseluck. Still holding the Great Roberto, we walk out of the room.
“Also, what’s wrong with you?” Roseluck rolls her eyes as we walk down the stairs. “Do you take roofies from anyone you meet or do I have to buy you a drink first?”
“Do you know that no one ever bought me a drink?” I ask. “If you swing that way, you may be my first.”
“I don’t swing that way, you’re high, and from what Muffins told me, you don’t swing that way either.” Roseluck sighs. “Also, we’re students. At best, I can buy you chocolate milk.”
“Yes, please,” I reply.
Roseluck sighs. “Maybe after the bonsai fair, assuming you behave and don’t start claiming that the trees conspire to kill us.”
“I’ll try,” I reply, trying to fend off the borogroves while also watching the looming shadow of the Jabberwock. We get to the car, away from this whole fey stuff. Lily drives us to the large square – I’m pretty sure normally it’s a marketplace, but today it’s just full of bonsai trees enthusiasts from like, half of the country.
I never thought there were so many of them. Lily apparently also didn’t count for that, as the free parking spots are, to put it mildly, rather scarce. In fact, there are almost none at all.
“Oh, come on!” Lily exclaims, banging her hands against the steering wheel. “Screw this, I’m parking there.” She points at the only empty spot which, unfortunately for us, is for disabled drivers only. “If someone asks, we’ll show them, uhh…” She looks at Muffins and shrugs. “Daisy.”
“Hey!” Daisy shouts. Lily ignores her, trying to fit the van in the spot. Suddenly, however, we’re blocked by a large motorcycle with a sidecar. In the sidecar, there’s a bonsai tree, neatly fastened to the seat with seatbelts.
The motorcycle owner, however, doesn’t look like a typical gardener. It’s an extremely tall woman wearing a leather jacket. When she removes her helmet, I see that she has a dark, purple skin and rose hair. I’m not sure how it fit under the helmet and I’m too afraid to ask. She also has a large scar across her face, running around her right eye and down on her cheek. Under her jacket, I can see a white, sleeveless shirt and way more tattoos than one person should have.
Lily opens the window. “Hey, it’s our spot!” she shouts. Considering the size of the biker, this may count as a suicide attempt.
“Oh really?” She gets off the motorcycle, walks to our van and, believe it or not, pulls Lily out of the van through the window. I never knew this was possible. “Listen up, punk,” she says. “Would you like to be in my place?” She points at the blue badge attached to her motorcycle. “I can help you with that. Good advice: after I shoot you in the knee, go to Ireland. The doctors there know how to fix that since that’s where IRA would issue warning shots.”
“I’d rather look for a different parking lot, thank you,” Lily replies in an unnaturally high-pitched and fast voice.
“Kids these days.” The biker shakes her head and drops Lily. “In Chechnya, after you threaten to shoot someone in the knee, they flip you off.” She shrugs. “Well, sometimes they’d yell ‘gerza ma tooghalah’!’. After a while, someone told me that it meant ‘don’t shoot’.”
“Yeah, I’d totally look for another spot.” Lily smiles sheepishly. “I’m sorry, we didn’t know you were, uhh… disabled. It’s not really obvious, you know…”
I wish she’d shut up. At least when I’m in danger, I either run or look for the memory stone. Talking isn’t going to help, unless she wants help in meeting saint Peter.
“Uhh… How are you even disabled?” Lily whispers. Oh great, now she’s gonna kill us all.
“I have a very short fuse,” the biker replies. “Bonsai trees calm me down, so get lost before I tell you what I did while serving under General Storm King back in–”
“Yeah, we’re not into war stories,” Muffins says, opening the door and pulling Lily inside. “Let’s get out of here.”
Eventually, we find a free spot on the other side of the street, next to a bank. Some of the gardeners had a similar idea – there are a few rusty vans standing there already, including one that looks a bit like ours. When we get out with The Great Roberto, I take a look inside and I guess I’m still high because I could swear the driver is a clown.
I really preferred Alice in Wonderland, to be honest.
We get back to the Bonsai Fair and find our place. The whole market is pretty crowded, but for once I don’t mind. In fact, I’m zoning out more often than not and I keep seeing people dressed as playing cards who play croquet, but at least I’m quite sure they aren’t real.
Some bonsai enthusiasts stop by to take a look at The Great Roberto. I recognise a guy with glasses thick as bottle bottoms – he frequently hangs out on the same gardening forum as I do and his knowledge of soil acidity is legendary. There’s also that thin guy from Castle Rock, who seems to know everything about pruning. I try to stay focused while answering questions.
“You know, I always preferred the informal upright style.”
I raise my head to see the same woman we met at the car park. Lily hides under the table, but the woman pays no attention to her. She probably didn’t notice me before as I was in the back of the van.
“Yeah, the curves make it more interesting,” I reply.
She looks at The Great Roberto. “I’ve never seen such a tree before. Is it some kind of cypress?”
“Yes, it’s hinoki cypress, Chamaecyparis obtusa,” I say. “I got it from Japan.”
Well, kind of. Long story short, I told Muffins that I’d need a new bonsai tree. Muffins told someone called Indigo Zap, who told Bulk Biceps—well, at least I know who he is—who told Sandalwood, the guy who I feel I should know, but I don’t. His cousin, someone called Juniper Montage, who I had never seen in my life, was in Japan at the time. Unfortunately, contrary to her name—but in accordance to Muffins’ theory of names—Juniper knew pretty much nothing about bonsai trees. She was, however, a smart girl. Probably still is. Definitely not someone who’d wreak havoc around the town with a magic stone because of being a hot mess.
Anyway, she called Sandalwood, who called Bulk Biceps, who called Indigo, who called Muffins and, as a result of this chain of Chinese whispers, I got a phone call from a complete stranger at 2 AM. Time zones suck, you know? Even worse, it was a video call and trust me, you don’t want to get a video call from Japan at 2 AM, when you’re wearing SpongeBob pajamas and there’s a sin pillow in your bed. I only keep it there when I need a hug, but Juniper still noticed.
At least she told me that I have a better taste than Sunny Flare, whoever she is.
“I’ve been to Japan once,” she says.
“To get a bonsai?” I ask.
She shows me her hand and I notice that she’s missing a part of her little finger. “No, a Yakuza boss. I don’t like to have debts.”
“Did you cut off his finger too?” Daisy asks. If it’s true that curiosity killed the cat, then I’m surrounded by feline doomers.
“Among other things.” She shrugs. “By the way, my name’s Tempest Shadow.”
“Daisy,” Daisy replies.
I’d rather not reveal my name to someone who looks like she murders at least six people before breakfast every day, no matter how much she likes bonsai trees. But well, what are you gonna do? “Wallflower.”
“Rose.” Roseluck looks around to look for Lily, but she somehow disappeared in the crowd.
“Guðrún Múffinsdottir,” Muffins says.
“What now?” I mutter. Tempest Shadow, however, doesn’t seem to mind.
“Oh, I’ve been to Iceland once,” she says.
“What did you do in Iceland?” Muffins asks. “Well, I haven’t been there since I was three, but still…”
“Fishing, mostly,” Tempest replies with a shrug. “It got boring quickly, but I couldn’t quite show up anywhere else back then.” She furrows her eyebrows and looks at us. “Hmm, I probably shouldn’t tell you too much.”
“You’d have to kill us?” Muffins asks.
“Please, don’t give her ideas.” I whisper.
Tempest chuckles. “Nah, but I don’t want to ruin your day. Do any of you have cigarettes?”
“No,” I reply.
“Too bad.” Tempest shrugs. “Catch you later, girls.”
“Well, who said gardeners are boring,” Muffins says after making sure Tempest is outside the earshot. “Do you think she waters the bonsai trees with the blood of her enemies?”
“I guess that’d be a little over-the-top.” Roseluck shrugs. “And I don’t think it’d be good for the trees.”
“You know what’d be over-the-top?” Muffins asks. “If, instead of eating girl scouts’ cookies, she’d eat girl scouts.”
“Why’d you eat girl scouts?” I ask. “Someone may eventually notice that they keep disappearing near your house. Though then, maybe you don’t have to kidnap them often. I mean, assuming an average girl scout weighs between twenty and forty kilograms… It’s a lot of meat, even without the things like bones and merit badges. If you dump it in the freezer, it can feed you for months. Of course, it must be a big freezer and it’d be better to keep it in the basement or somewhere, because–”
Roseluck furrows her eyebrows. “Quick question: are you still high?”
I notice an interesting paradox in the crowd – while the people have moved away from us, they’re still listening to me very carefully. Just great, I’m making an idiot of myself again.
“Not really, I think” I reply. “I was just theorizing. Of course, I wouldn’t eat girl scouts. I’d need to do something with the meat, like add juniper and smoke it in my garden shed or–”
Sometimes I hate myself.
“No offense, but if you ever organise a barbecue, we won’t be coming,” Roseluck says.
“I will!” Muffins exclaims. “But I want to be in charge of the food. You can get the drinks.”
“Unless they’re also made of girl scouts,” Daisy says.
“Don’t be silly,” I reply. “What kind of a drink can you make out of a girl scout?”
Daisy shrugs. “Beer?”
I shake my head. This is just going way too deep for my poor mind. “Okay, I’ll better stop asking.”
Lily walks back to us, carrying a paper bag. “Is the Bride of Frankenstein gone? I bought you some hamburgers. Also, I met a pair of lovely girl scouts and bummed some cookies from them.”
“Girl scouts? Don’t tell Wallflower.” Muffins chuckles. “Also, The Bride of Frankenstein went off to get cigarettes.”
“You didn’t put anything in those cookies, did you?” Roseluck asks.
“Nah, I know you’d rip my ass off if I did.” Lily shrugs. “Also, I saw some clowns hanging out at the parking lot. It’s like 2016 all over again.”
“Great, so I’m not the only one seeing them.” I smirk. “I saw one in a van that was kinda like ours and it was like something out of a horror story.”
“Remember that it’s Lily who also sees clowns.” Roseluck rolls her eyes. “Maybe you’re both high.”
“I haven’t seen a clown either and I have a rather wide visual field.” Muffins chuckles. “Also, remember the ‘Wild Wasteland’ perk from Fallout? I have that in real life. Maybe Wallflower does too.”
Roseluck shrugs. “I haven’t played Fallout, so the reference is lost on me. Just like about any video game reference.” She shrugs again and takes a bite of her hamburger. “I only played Farmville.”
“At least you didn’t send a Farmville request to Principal Celestia, like Twilight.” Muffins chuckles. “Now that was epic. Also, after the fair we need to go and look for clowns. Maybe it’s some weird Dunwich tradition. Or maybe we’ll find Wallflower some clown boyfriend.”
I furrow my eyebrows. “I might be single, but I have standards! Why would I get a clown boyfriend?”
“You don’t have issues with Halloween disguises anymore,” Muffins replies, looking at her hamburger. “You either get matching outfits or you go as Harley Quinn and call it a day.” She takes a bite. “Nice, extra bacon.”
I sigh. “That’s not a good reason.”
“Bacon?” Muffins asks.
“No, Harley Quinn’s disguise.”
“Running around with a baseball bat is not a good reason?” Muffins shrugs. “Your standards are really high.”
“Might be too cold for that in October, though.” Lily shrugs, looking at the crowd around us. I guess she’s still watching out for Tempest Shadow. I look at the Great Roberto, but it doesn’t seem like he needs watering or anything. Since we stopped talking about girl scouts, people are not afraid to approach us again. Soon, I have to focus on answering questions. At least Muffins helps me, though she can’t resist adding some bizarre pieces of advice.
“Help your tree so it can help you,” she says to a pair of bespectacled twins who introduced themselves as Spring Clean and May Queen. “Don’t water it after midnight and remember to say ‘namaste’ every time you visit it.”
“Do I need to get a deer scarer?” Spring Clean asks. Or maybe it’s May Queen.
“Of course,” Muffins replies. “Bonsai trees are scared of deers. Also, you need to take it to hot springs twice a year.”
“So it can bathe there?” Let’s assume it was May Queen who said that.
“No, look at the pretty girls.” Muffins shrugs. “Or boys, if your tree is female.”
Spring Clean and May Queen look at each other, unsure if she’s joking. Or maybe they just think we’re all nuts.
“Okay, but what about the rest of the garden?” Spring Clean asks. “Like, if there’s a bustle in my hedgerow?”
“Don’t be alarmed now,” Roseluck replies.
We talk for a while, take some photos, and they move on, probably finding someone whose advice is more useful than ‘when all you have is a hammer, repair your garden shed and at least buy a lawnmower’ or ‘speak softly and carry a big stick. You never know when you’ll need a spare rake handle’.
Eventually, the first day of the fair comes to an end. There’s some kind of party planned by the patrons and even though I stopped seeing Alice in Wonderland characters popping out from random places, I’m not sure if I want to go. I definitely had enough of social interaction for one day and we’re probably too young to go to the pub anyway. Lily, however, has another idea.
“I wonder if there’s gonna be an orgy,” she says when we put The Great Roberto back in the van. Guess he’s as tired as me – after all he was in the centre of attention for the whole day.
“Getting to the point, huh?” Muffins asks, looking at the group of people next to us; they’re choosing which bar to go to. “Although remember, those people plant bonsai trees. Do you think they have time for orgies?” She turns to me. “Wally, you’re into bonsai trees the most. Do you have time for orgies?”
“Is that a general question or an invitation?” I ask with a chuckle. “Trust me, you don’t want to hear about this from me.”
Seriously, I have some really foul habits and the closest to an orgy I was when I switched hands once. Also, I couldn’t get laid even when using the memory stone, so go figure.
“What’s an orgy?” Daisy asks.
“You won’t fool us again.” Lily rolls her eyes. “We know that you know.”
“Ah, so it’s about sex again.” Daisy sighs. “Do you ever think about anything else?”
Roseluck nods. “She wonders how to make my life miserable again, I guess. Also, Lily, if you’re going to a party, remember that Tempest may also be there. If she stabs you, I call dibs on the van.”
“You’re not getting my–” Lily bumps into some guy, or rather he bumps into her; I’d say he was jogging, but I don’t think anyone wears a clown outfit while jogging. Unless I’m hallucinating again.
“Hey, watch out!” Lily exclaims. She grabs the car keys and her phone from the ground while the clown is gathering his belongings – among them some hot dogs from the nearby food truck. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry!” The clown gets up and runs off somewhere.
“Did you also see him?” I ask.
“Why would someone wear a clown outfit while jogging?” Muffins shrugs.
“Okay, so you did,” I say. “Now, what was the clown doing there? Anyone got any ideas?”
“Looking for his friends?” Daisy points at the bank behind us. Two more clowns run out of it, while another one jumps out of the sewer and rushes to one of the vans parked nearby. He yanks the door handle, but it doesn’t budge. Is it some kind of a flash mob or other performance?
The clown who previously bumped into Lily produces the car keys and pushes the button. Now it’s clear why the other guy couldn’t get into his car – flashing turn signals reveal that it was the wrong one. The clowns look at each other and hop into the right van before driving off with the sound of the screeching tyres.
“Talk about the clown car,” Lily shrugs. “Now, are we going to the pub?”
Oh no.
“Oh yes!” Muffins exclaims.
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I'm stealing this one
Honestly, other than the voices and images, I don't think normal Wally is much different than high Wally
Lily, if you stopped eating them yourself you could turn a profit
That's why I answer my phone with the camera buried inside the pillow
When will people learn that you don't need drugs to set up a cannibal operation.
I'm not gonna lie that sounds delicious.
Hey! Another reason to like you. You're becoming one of my favorites very quickly.
So, now the clown thing starts making sense. I'm still hoping for that tank.
Great chapter, I can't wait to see what madness comes next.
I knew Wallflower was gonna get high. And now we've sent in the clowns. This is gonna get wild.
I mean, strictly speaking, she's not entirely wrong.
She's not a valkyrie, but she does play one on TV.
No, you've got to eat the merit badges! That's where all the nutrients are!
Depends on the Harley. The original BTAS costume covers the whole body and has a hat.
Poor Wallflower. At least she didn't embarass herself too badly given her pharmeceutically altered state... for a given value of "too badly." Now, let's see just how badly this pub crawl goes.
10648517
A cannibal operation, however, comes in handy when you get munchies.
10649682
Bonus points for absorbing the girl scout's powers.
I didn't pay these two much attention at first, but then...
I've a feeling that most people aren't gonna get that reference. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, waiting for the amazing extended live bonsai solo (part of which will probably be played with a violin bow)
10696217
Does the bonsai have two main branches?
I don't care whether it's Wally or Waldo. I am pissed at how the classics have been censored to heck and back since the 90s.
Taking out the topless lady on the beach and putting the mankini on the Olympic Stadium Streaker is one thing, but what's the big idea with replacing the train-hopping hobos with space aliens? And there was nothing offensive about Ali Baba and the Land of Flying Carpets. Kuso.
11148027
I guess someone got offended by that. But then, it's literally the first thing people usually think about.
I asked one police Spec Ops guy who was on service in Chechnya, and he said that "don’t shoot" in Chechen will be "Gerz ma detta".
11372515
Well, guess this one is shorter and easier to say.