• Member Since 5th Mar, 2021
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Velocipede


My darling, I compare you to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels.

Comments ( 30 )

This is the first one of your stories I've read. It brightened a grumpy day.

There _are_ Pony words that aren't used around foals, because they will want to know what they mean. (They mostly involve things done by monsters, such as "maul" or "eviscerate" or "exsanguinate" :pinkiecrazy: )

Funny stuff.

How can you even want to talk about something so boring as sisters when there’s something so much more interesting and fun to talk about!

Wow. Take that, Maud.

“Like, the ffffffiness, you know? Ffffff,” Pinkie ffffffed.

Hmm. Has she met Kerfuffle yet?

Ponies have mares, stallions, candidates…

I have several questions.

Nice subtle touch with Pinkie raising five hooves. And I can certainly understand her planning a prank as retaliation for Ellie laughing at ponies. Though I can only imagine what this did to Ellie's view of the innocence of Equestria. Thank goodness for Rarity...

Well, that was amusing. :)

Alas, though, some elements of potential worldbuilding (The exact role of rock farming in the Equestrian Economy? Information on Equestria's tax system? "candidates"??) are cast into doubt due to not only coming from Pinkie Pie but from Pinkie Pie in the midst of playing a prank! D:
(:))

Though, uh, one thing, Ellie: has it occurred to you, regarding those "charming countryisms", that Pinkie apparently finds "fuck" a charming humanism? And I'm guessing that you're not aware that that first one you list, as far as I know, on Earth at least, refers to a particular result of regular apples (among other things) going in the horse's other end...

Hilarious. I honestly thought Pinkie was going to make Ellie go blue screen of death right there on the spot.

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Alas, though, some elements of potential worldbuilding (The exact role of rock farming in the Equestrian Economy? Information on Equestria's tax system? "candidates"??) are cast into doubt due to not only coming from Pinkie Pie but from Pinkie Pie in the midst of playing a prank! D:

As was the intention! Though the rock farming bit was supposed to be a genuine reflection of how Pinkie feels, she may have a bit of a bias there.

And I'm guessing that you're not aware that that first one you list, as far as I know, on Earth at least, refers to a particular result of regular apples (among other things) going in the horse's other end...

It is apparently a curse in Equestria, though I can only find Rainbow Dash using it. I could have sworn it was Applejack, but I guess not! I'm just going to say that Rainbow Dash picked it up from Applejack.

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"As was the intention!"
:D

"Though the rock farming bit was supposed to be a genuine reflection of how Pinkie feels, she may have a bit of a bias there."
Aye, makes sense. And I can imagine, and recall other people suggesting, a variety of ways it could be very important. (An indefinitely sustainable source of gems for magical systems? Metal ores? Not-actually-fossil fuels? Particular structural stones? Mines and quarries might have higher outputs, but they have to be sited where deposits are, eventually play out or get so far into diminishing returns further extraction isn't worth it, and can wreck the local environment.)
(("But why, if it's so important, would people look down on it so?" Well, gee, yeah, good point; that'd be almost as dumb as looking down on the hicks, boobs, and jays who keep billions of people from starving, wouldn't it?))

"It is apparently a curse in Equestria, though I can only find Rainbow Dash using it. I could have sworn it was Applejack, but I guess not!"
...Huh. Yeah, I'd have thought Applejack too, and wasn't remembering Rainbow Dash. Thanks.

"I'm just going to say that Rainbow Dash picked it up from Applejack."
Solutions! :D
But, yes, no reason we have to say that just because we only found evidence in the show of Rainbow using it, she's the only pony who ever has or does. :)

YES! I freakin' called it!

The moment I saw this hit the "New Stories" list, I literally told myself, "Yeah, this one's definitely hitting the Top 10 today."

Great work, bud! :twilightsmile:

Fuck.

Also you should add this story to the group called “fuck“.

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Is this why you used the fuckword so much on your parts of Trixie has Asomatognosia? None of my stories outside of this have or will ever have a swear w*rd more severe than "Celestia damn it" because I respect the rules of this Christian My Little Pony-based textual pornography server.

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Hmm. Has she met Kerfuffle yet?

Not sure since I haven't watched Rainbow Roadtrip outside of the Kerfuffle scene, but I definitely was thinking of that when I wrote this line.

Nice subtle touch with Pinkie raising five hooves.

Thanks! I was proud of that one.
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If Ellie saw Pinkie as anything more than just a friend, she would have!
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Thanks! It feels nice to be back inside the beautiful boxy boy after so long.

what a great fucking story 👌

My mom burst into my room and said, “R U SWAERING?!”

I said, “It was Pinkie Pie! Not me!!”

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No I just naturally cuss a lot and my online persona is pretty much identical to who I am in real life lol

oh fukuoka

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So have you ever tried creating species cursing that’s not cursing to use but for them is

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I'm just so.... peeved.

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Thanks for reminding me of that scene! Might have to reference that one later. Would be ironic if the strength of peeved and the word it's replacing were switched in Equestria.

“I mean, I probably won’t do it well because it’ll be my first time, but I’ll try my best! I’m not afraid! You don’t have to be gentle! I want to make it good for you!”

...I almost died laughing :pinkiehappy:

The word Ellie couldn't figure out to explain it was "rude" XD Don't you just hate it when words get suck in your head? Or pop out. In and out, in and out, for hours...

Pinkie pranks are good for a laugh.

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I mean, judging by the response, seems like it is! Almost broke Rainbow when she said it!

Is there a reason neither the short, nor the long description has punctuation at the end of the sentence?

Ellie groaned, remembering the few times when she had been horrified to watch what seemed to be the entire town of Ponyville burst into song and dance around her, following Pinkie’s lead. She eventually found it charming, but if they were all shouting the fuckword…

"Horrified" is the right word to describe the random bursts of previously uncoordinated song coming to life, yes. I do find it funny how you call it "the fuckword". Is this the only word that gets a random compound from you? :rainbowlaugh:

Ellie rubbed her neck nervously, remembering the time when she turned around and yelled the word into the street when she found out her favorite ice cream place was closed, only to realize a small child was passing right in front of her on the sidewalk.

Try talking with your friend about something very adult in public as you're walking down the street, only to realize that a mom with her small kid was just walking by and giving you the death glare. :rainbowlaugh: (Not that I would ever do something so stupid...)

“You mean ‘fuck’ is like something about doing taxes?“

That reminds me... I should be getting my 1099 in the mail next week, hopefully...

...So why don’t you show me by ‘having sex’ with me? Right now?”

“I’m going to leave.”

Sorry, Pinkie. You're not hot enough for Ellie to consider crossing the species barrier.

Maud did not smile. “I think I’d like that.”

Gay.

Welp, this was a fun, silly read after Companion. Although, I still want to see Pinkie compose a song and dance routine about her new favorite word...

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Thanks! Was hoping it would be a good, funny way to end the scene.
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Is there a reason neither the short, nor the long description has punctuation at the end of the sentence?

I needed to match the title exactly! Though maybe having a period on all of them would have been funnier. Lost opportunity.

I do find it funny how you call it "the fuckword". Is this the only word that gets a random compound from you? :rainbowlaugh:

I mean, how else would you talk about the concept of the word "fuck", when "the f-word" is ambiguous? You have to say "the fuckword" to make sure you're understood. I am not alone in this!

(Not that I would ever do something so stupid...)

Yeah, I obviously would not, either! That anecdote was just a solid piece of character writing for a completely fictional creation of my mind. Yep.

Sorry, Pinkie. You're not hot enough for Ellie to consider crossing the species barrier.

Nooooooo that's not why! And separately, not true! All mares are beautiful in their own way. :pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile:

Gay.

Follow-up is halfway done. And yes, very.

Welp, this was a fun, silly read after Companion. Although, I still want to see Pinkie compose a song and dance routine about her new favorite word...

Glad you did it in that order, because oof! And I'm surprised one wasn't already made back in the days when people thought it was the height of creativity to animate Pinkie violently murdering her friends.

Ah yes, to "fuck". Just like doing taxes, Pinkie. Ah, the difficulty of explaining why bad words are supposed to be bad. :ajsmug:

God damn it Bike.

You made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh:

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