Damn. Supernova incoming

Couple of tiny errors here. Only pointing them out because I refuse to see a masterpiece be held back.
Remove a T.

Thought she’d somehow managed to down nearly half of her smoothie, she felt downright parched. “If I were to say you could sit on my back, would you think less of me?”

Add a R.

As she’d suspected, having him resting atop her gave her goosebumps, but there was more than that; even through his trousers, the heat of groin permeated to and through her delicate coat.

Well, let’s see where this goes.

“Make love with me.”

The mutuality of love in this statement is absolutely wonderful. Even though all you did is change the word to, to well, it made the statement ineffably more powerful!

short trip through the locomotive took

Uh... you usually do NOT go through the locomotive as it is a technical/engineering zone and so dangerous, smelly and full of oil, smoke and soot...

shame in bearing one’s self to one’s lover,

baring [maybe?]