• Member Since 16th Nov, 2019
  • offline last seen Yesterday

SpectralFury


Just your average reader and occasional writer. I like exploring 'want of a nail' type scenarios and fallen heroes. For some reason people seem to like my stories. Strange.

T

Princess Celestia is, compared to the average pony, unimaginably old. With this age comes an extreme amount of experience, wisdom, and a healthy tolerance to pain. That, coupled with a protective instincts of a mother for her nation means that when Chrysalis managed to burn her, a very hard and uncompromising side of Celestia was revealed.

Of course, that doesn’t mean Celestia is ruthless. She only goes as far as she needs to.

Violence Tag: Violence spoken of after the fact.
Dark Tag: Themes of war, attacks on civilians, and slavery.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 79 )

I don't see how this warrants the Dark tag:rainbowhuh:
Probably because what i consider Dark is more... Well, more Dark than whatever that's Dark in this fic according to the writer:applejackunsure:

10612965
From the site:

Dark stories contain aspects that deal with grim situations where hope seems to be lost or the ‘good guys’ have lost the battle or are losing it with horrifying consequences. Tyranny, torture, war and death are common themes for these type of stories. While the tag doesn’t mean necessarily that evil ultimately prevails, it does heavily imply that it is for the most part winning. This tag may also apply to stories with particularly unsettling concepts, such as a character’s descent into insanity.

This story deals (however briefly) with concepts of war. I'd rather be a bit oversensitive with tags when it comes to these sorts of things.

10612974
Huh... Well i suppose it's better to be overly careful than careless. Personally i don't find tyranny, war or death by themselves as Dark, since it's the context they're presented in that determines it. Though i do recognize that i am somewhat desensitized to those concepts by how i view them, others don't think like i do. There have been and most likely in the future as well, will be misunderstandings due to how i see things differently.

I sometimes use a word that i understand differently than my conversation partner and it leads to me having to explain what i mean.

10612991
Preaching to the choir, friend.

Celestia twisted her head side to side, popping her neck with casual ease. “Two reasons, changeling. The first is this.” She tapped at her peytral with a hoof, the amethyst in the center glowing. Chrysalis frowned as, with a flash, Celestia was suddenly covered in enchanted heavy plate armor. Some of the few ponies that remained in the room stopped the gawk, but Celestia’s stern frown spurred them on into leaving.

"Some of the few ponies that remained in the room stopped the gawk" Is it supposed to be "stopped to gawk"?

Also I love this story AAA

10612965
Agreed. This is pretty light hearted by real world standards.

10613034
this story idea requires further exploration imo

10613023
No, that was a glossed-over fight scene. Be thankful you've never seen a Gawk hunt. It's.....brrr.

10613103
Yeah, I'm not that confident at writing fight scenes. I'd prefer to skip them or, if they're necessary, keep them short and to the point.

10613113
I'm just making a joke, to be clear. I enjoy inventing ways to make typos make sense.

It's clear that Equestria adheres to rather old values when it comes to justice and sentient rights, as nobody even batted an eye when Twilight began searching for a brainwashing spell to use against Discord.

Considering Discord is a god (immortal being, reality changing powers, immune to conventional means of dissuasion like spear/gun/nuke), I'm not certain that's entirely out of the question. Even petrification was merely a temporary solution. We have no sense of scale that they were dealing with. The closest situation I can think of would be the hypothetical dilemma of Superman showing up and ignoring human-centric morals in favor of his own... It's not that he hates humanity while he plays around with the Earth to amuse himself, it's he just doesn't care. This god is a child with a magnifying glass and we're all the ants. Now what do you do?

Celestia: Aww, that was cute...my turn.

Maybe story isn't too dark, but Chrysalis heart is almost perfect dark. Very nice story and author's note.

The way I see punishment in Equestria be done differently by each city/state. With Canterlot, most of the draconian punishments would have been outlawed by Celestia, for the worst of crimes the most severe punishments would result in punishments ranging from hving your name blotted out from all ledgers, all your likenesses destroyed, the magic ripped from you until you can only do the barest basics, all your lands, titles, family ties and money stripped from you and tossed into the streets in destitution, to having your horn lopped off and expelled outside the walls of the city, to locked away in the dungeons for the remainder of you natural life.

Ponyville being in close proximity to Canterlot would probably have also banned the most draconian punishments(can't have the princesses' view of the valley marred by bodies swinging from trees and whatnot) so punishments for their worst crimes would be banishment into the Everfree Forest.

Frontier towns like Appleloosa would have much more severe and potentially disfiguring punishments for their worst crimes from brandings to hangings.

Cloudsdale being solely populated by pegasi and with them being naturally much more militant of the tribes, punishments for the most severe crimes would range from having your wings plucked to public floggings/canings to having your wings broken and hurled off the side of the city.

Outside Equestria the various nations would have differing punishments, ranging from quick and merciful to cruel and long-suffering.
But that's just my 0.02 bits.

Celestia is a dictator. A benevolent dictator, but a dictator all the same. There is some delegation and autonomy within the government, but I haven't seen too much. Equestria is not a monarchy, because monarchies are hereditary.

Technically not.

Dictator: a ruler with total power over a country, typically one who has obtained control by force.

First off: Celestia does not have total power. She shares the throne with Luna. Luna has an equal amount of political power to Celestia. If Luna happens to agree with a lot with Celestia and trust her sister to do the best thing, it does not negate the fact she CAN disagree and say no. Celestia does not have total power.

Second: She didn't gain control by force. At least that is not something we ever heard of and would be totally out of her character to do.

Mmm, this was a strange one for me. In the first half I wasn’t really on board. Not that I don’t think the concept of Celestia being able to fight back, but more that Twilight and some of the others thought it was bad that she did. While Twilight and co (especially in later seasons) will try to find a more peaceful way to stop conflict they’ve never been ones to back away from a fight or think that violence isn’t the answer.

Think back to Starlight, as soon as Twi had the opportunity she was gun ho on blasting her with lasers to stop her. It’s only after this fails that she looks deeper to find a better way (a way that would actually work). Same goes for Rarity. I know this is more of an AU and you needed characters to make this point but it just turned me off a bit, but that’s just me.

THAT SAID
Everything in the second half of this fic with Chrysalis in jail. I👏 Loved 👏every👏Word.
I love to hate on Chrissy cos she’s such a terrible leader, monarch and a down right abusive mother. I laugh my ass off whenever i see people say she does all this for her child. That is total BS. She could easily provide enough love for all her subjects will a simple act of diplomacy, but she’s either too egotistical (or in my mumble opinion to stupid) to even consider the concept.

The only thing that makes her even the tiniest bit of a successful villain is that she has an army. The moment that’s gone she is nothing but a selfish petulant child with a massive ego. So getting to see all that put on display and to it get called out for her bullshit is just god tier to me.

And the fact that it’s Pharynx... fucking Pharynx. The guy I personally head canon as the guy who always took the abuse from Chrysalis so the other changelings didn’t have to face it. Was just brilliant. He and Thorax are the rulers that the changelings both need and deserve.

This fic literally went from being well written but kinda meh to me to literally being one of my favourite things I’ve ever read on this site. Thank you. Absolutely outstanding work

Celestia: Do the lives of your subjects mean so little to you? Are you truly that mad?

Chrysalis: Do the lives of yours mean so much to you? Are you truly that weak?

10613450
The fic was good.
I am just gonna point out since you judge peoples opinions that everything you said is just your opinion and by no way are valid to the fullest.
Have a nice day :)

I read your story writing description seems you go only for one-shots could you maybe write a sequel?

10613528
Errrrrr, kinda goes without saying this is my opinion dude. And I think you might have stopped reading half through my comments. I also though this fic was good. Brilliant even.

What part of my comment did you think I was disrespecting other’s opinions ??

10613546
Just to make it clear i have no ill will against you. (People tend to think that)

I laugh my ass off whenever i see people say she does all this for her child. That is total BS.

That, there are fans who think otherwise and you called that BS. Its okay to disagree but that was not nice.

10613551
Right I see. Just to be clear I don’t go after people who like this idea or use it for art or fics, I mean more the idea behind it is BS. As in idea as a whole. If people like to use that as a basis for something for power to them. It is a fun idea to explore in other works

I will say though that anyone who think that this idea is canon I would highly disagree.

10613557
Splendid! wow thats was one of the least hostile discussions i had here lmao.
They did made the show as much open as they could so we could form our conclusions what ever they may been so there is no wrong answer to that.

The first is this.” She tapped at her peytral with a hoof, the amethyst in the center glowing. Chrysalis frowned as, with a flash, Celestia was suddenly covered in enchanted heavy plate armor.

I used to go by the head canon that the reason Celestia didn't do something like this is because if she had gone Full Solar, yeah it would have defeated Chrysalis... and also melted half of the castle to molten slag.

This was pretty good... if a bit cynical. I mean, if you really look at it, the villains in MLP weren't overall that abused. Nightmare Moon was a corruption that had to be purged. Discord, Starlight Glimmer, Stygian, and Sunset Shimmer were all offered redemption and took it. Chrysalis was offered redemption, but refused. Tirek was not offered redemption, which is a strike against Equestria. The only one that really got done dirty was Cozy Glow. I mean, we don't know if she was sentenced to life in Tartarus... but then she was turned to stone. Discord was eventually released and offered redemption, so maybe they'll be let out in the future, but it remains that Cozy Glow wasn't some monster or creature. She's a disturbed child.

Still, I prefer to err on the side of Harmony and give ponies the benefit of the doubt. Either way, nifty story! :pinkiehappy:

10613562
Sure thing dude

Up top /)

10613566
We will see. Well if you reading the s10 comics that is

10613476
Or in other words:

He-Man: Don't you ever feel like doing anything good?

Skeletor: Don't you ever feel like doing anything bad?

10613668
i.imgflip.com/3qjcil.png

Not quite what you were going for but I think it still works

I clicked on this expecting an interesting and well-crafted story looking at the darker inevitabilities of justice a ruler must face. I... sort of got that. You clearly have some good ideas, but the writing and delivery could use some work. What I ended up getting was a mixed-bag fixfic. Listen, if you're starting in an episode and diverging to 'how I would have written it' you need an AU tag. Otherwise, you are lying to your readers because this content fits the definition the site provides to a T. I would suggest familiarizing yourself with them in the future.

“Not everyone is a pony, Twilight. It may have simply been in their nature. However, know that once a side commits to an attack, the time for diplomacy has passed. Try to end the fight if you can, but you must be ready to do what is necessary to protect yourself and the ones you love.”

Multiple species throughout Equestria are naturally herding animals, if that is what you're using 'nature' to imply. Buffalo, zebra, yak, donkeys, and so on. Saying that 'not everypony is a pony' is awkwardly constructed because the use of 'pony' twice there is redundant. It also implies that only ponies can construct well-functioning societies, which is speciesist toward other sapients. You do make a good indication of Twilight's more sycophant-like behavior, and how somepony who is in a position of an unknowingly pampered lifestyle would have a naive outlook.

Celestia clicked her tongue. “Hm. That’s a shame. Then you’ll have plenty of time to reevaluate your life choices.” She sighed. “I strongly urge you to reconsider my proposal. Your punishment could be reduced to mere house arrest and, should you show true remorse and change, probation.”

Imprisoning Chrysalis forever is one thing, but here it really feels like Celestia is aiming to suggest that Chrysalis is already guilty in the eyes of a court. Mentioning a lack of an international court to try her in would have made sense, but this comes across as rigging. Even if the reader knows that Chrysalis is guilty, this kind of severe punishment should not be given out to someone who didn't have any fair chance to defend themselves. Or, at least as fair of a chance as possible.

One of my headcanons for more 'realistic' Equestria is that each of the three tribes had their own brands of justice, and that the mentality carried on into the Equestrian era. Unicorns had their titles stripped and were cast out of their families. Pegasi had their wings clipped and were exiled. Earth ponies, being on the bottom of the 'special ability' totem pole, didn't have anything special to take away, so they simply executed the worst of the worst.

While I like the idea of a more teen-rated Equestria having a more fleshed out justice system, but this is really the whole package of you not seeming to understand how to construct one. Not only do the conversations with Celestia and the Mane Six seem to imply that there is some kind of inherent injustice in self-defense, but your theory here doesn't seem to understand punishments. These are the proposed punishments for the most severe crimes, but each has wildly different levels of severity. Clipped wings (really, clipped feathers) actually grow back. That's a horribly lenient punishment! Exile plays off the social stigma all cultures have (be it human or pony) of abandonment and loss of resources. That makes sense, but it still would leave the worst offenders able to continue somewhere else and make a new life. Earth ponies executing others is by far the most severe, permanent solution, but that would have nothing to do with them having a lack of 'special abilities' and you seem to think a) they are inherently inferior or b) utilitarian as all fuck. The conclusion does not match what you're trying to justify it with there. So, this means that pegasi would essentially let offenders get off next to scot-free, unicorns shooed you away and seized your possessions, earth ponies used to just execute others. Only one of those really makes sense, and not for the reasons you provided. You also don't suggest crimes are worthy of this kind of treatment in the first place, which could go far in understanding the rhyme or reason behind these punishments.

Is Celestia actually going to make it a show trial? That's complicated. Remember that Equestria is for all intents and purposes, an autocracy. Celestia is a dictator. A benevolent dictator, but a dictator all the same. There is some delegation and autonomy within the government, but I haven't seen too much. Equestria is not a monarchy, because monarchies are hereditary.

She could only be considered a dictator in the classical sense of the word. Also, there is something known as an elective monarchy. Please do your research before making such claims. It would be one thing if you said that Equestria isn't technically a monarchy because it doesn't have only one leader, but used evidence from the show to point out that one leader essentially got to boss around or override all the others with the illusion of sharing. But Equestria is very much a classical kingdom in every other sense that it has royal leaders, which isn't mutually exclusive when contrasted with an autocracy.

All in all, this had potential but stumbled around a lot. I won't downvote it, but I don't have an upvote I could reasonably give this either. Tagging this correctly for readers who don't want to read fixfics/blatant AU stories and giving this another editing run for workshopping dialogue and world-building would have worked well.

I certainly wasn't expecting the second half of this chapter focusing on the changelings abandoning ship, although I guess it's to be expected.

It also reminds me of a story idea I've been trying to write for some time now, but just can't seem to make work. The premise is Equestria realizing that simply beating Chrysalis just isn't possible, so they resort to the tried and true method of bribing her to stop attacking, providing her with more love in a week than the hive could gather in a month. Unofficially she's being bought off to stop causing trouble. Officially she's been hired on as a security consultant/independent contractor, both to make suggestions for how to improve palace security, and to serve as a stand in for Celestia when she needs a break from public appearances.

This was quite solid, though I think it could use another tag in addition to Dark--Slice of Life, maybe? Since it's kind of a character and theme analysis? Or Drama?

“Not everyone is a pony, Twilight. It may have simply been in their nature. However, know that once a side commits to an attack, the time for diplomacy has passed. Try to end the fight if you can, but you must be ready to do what is necessary to protect yourself and the ones you love.”

This seems kind of speciesist. It also seems incongruous with what Celestia said afterwards about helping the changelings stop starving. I'm not sure, really. Could you clarify how this was meant to be read?

10613749
It's supposed to be an analogue for cultural and/or religious differences. Humanity already has this problem, which is why foreigners stick out easily in most countries. The MLP world compounds upon this with literal species differences. You can't expect a predator species to react the same as a prey species. As far as Celestia's comment being xenophobic, I don't understand? That's like saying the sentence "Not everyone is a Christian, Billy. Other religions have different rules," is intolerant of other religions.

As far as Equestria as a whole? In the earlier seasons, yes, ponies are speciest as all hell. Zecora was feared and Fluttershy assumed the sleeping dragon would kill them all. Draconequui were unknowns, changelings appeared to be complete unknowns, ponies knew next to nothing about dragons. This ignorance couldn't be due to an inability to communicate because in the show the Mane 6 easily travel to these locations to speak with them, which implies that the ponies don't care to actually learn about other cultures.

As far as how Celestia being fine with fighting, only to help once they're defeated? That's just basic decency. The changelings are defeated, so there's no reason to just let them die. The fight is over, time to actually start talking again, and treating a defeated enemy with respect is just what you're supposed to do.

This needs an AU tag.

I'm not really a fan of...

Celestia let out a soft, amused giggle. “What makes you think I was fighting with all I had?” Slowly, Celestia’s mane shifted from its friendly, pastel rainbow to more threatening red and orange. “After all, I have to mind collateral damage when my little ponies are around.”

This.

Honestly this just means you are inexperienced with your power. That doesn't sound like something Celestia would do if she was 1k years old. From that point on the show of violence is mostly power fantasy.

Also when you said the acellero spell I immediately thought the Flash Step from Bleach and the "Nothing Personel Kid" meme.

As for the reasons Chrysalis was evil it's nothing new so... meh I guess.

Lastly I'm really dissapointed you didn't add more DnD jokes.

Hm just to say... a monarchy has not to be hereditary... for example the Vatican is an elective monarchy. And Equestria at the time represented is a diarchy

10613938
From the site:

Stories that take place in a world significantly diverged from canon. Changing the outcome of major events, large setting changes, or anything else that represents a large break from canon, particularly if the change is something that does not happen during the story itself. Stories that start at a point in canon and diverge through character development or other in-story events generally do not qualify as AU.

The story is set in canon. The only change is that Celestia is a bit ooc here.

10613717
On the AU tag:

Stories that take place in a world significantly diverged from canon. Changing the outcome of major events, large setting changes, or anything else that represents a large break from canon, particularly if the change is something that does not happen during the story itself. Stories that start at a point in canon and diverge through character development or other in-story events generally do not qualify as AU.

This story is set in canon, aside from Celestia being slightly ooc here.

Multiple species throughout Equestria are naturally herding animals,

Its more of a predator vs prey thing she's referencing.

Saying that 'not everypony is a pony' is awkwardly constructed because the use of 'pony' twice there is redundant.

Yes it is. That is just how ponies speak due to their dialect.

It also implies that only ponies can construct well-functioning societies, which is speciesist toward other sapients.

You're gonna have to explain that one to me. Also I do think that the ponies are quite speciesist in the earlier seasons. See Bridle Gossip and Dragonshy as examples. Even in later seasons they show a remarkable lack of loyalty even to other pony subspecies, as shown by Chrysalis managing to basically set inter pony relations back to the point that the wendigoes returned.

Imprisoning Chrysalis forever is one thing, but here it really feels like Celestia is aiming to suggest that Chrysalis is already guilty in the eyes of a court. Mentioning a lack of an international court to try her in would have made sense, but this comes across as rigging. Even if the reader knows that Chrysalis is guilty, this kind of severe punishment should not be given out to someone who didn't have any fair chance to defend themselves. Or, at least as fair of a chance as possible.

This is already mostly addressed in the author's notes. I highly doubt there is an international court, given what is implied to be a severe lack of communication between nations. Lacking an international court, it defaults to the highest court in the victor's nation, in which case means Celestia. Seeing that she personally participated in everything it is basically already decided. Even if she willingly set up some kind of tribunal, the evidence is already rock solid.

While I like the idea of a more teen-rated Equestria having a more fleshed out justice system, but this is really the whole package of you not seeming to understand how to construct one.

That's because this wasn't meant to be a comprehensive system, but rather a loose framework for the worst offenders in a dark ages setting. For the unicorns at the time, status and titles would be everything. Losing them would be losing all of their support, and thrown out into a cold and unforgiving world in which their fellow ponies at best tolerate them. For the pegasi, losing one's wings is losing oneself. (I must have misinterpreted clipping at some point. The intention is that it is permanent.) And with their military society, exile is failure and a declaration of persona non grata for them. Again, losing that which is sacred to them, and without support. As far as the earth ponies, well with their connection to the earth not exactly removable its hard to follow suit with the other two. Add onto that that the earth ponies appeared to be disadvantaged peasants, that implies to me that they wouldn't tolerate threats to their livelihood much if at all, and they would make sure that the punshment would strongly discourage it.

Also, there is something known as an elective monarchy.

I am aware elective monarchies exist, but Equestria isn't one. Twilight wasn't elected princess at all, she was granted the title by Celestia and possibly Luna. She wasn't elected head of state either, she was appointed by Celestia and Luna. If we also pay attention to the comics, Cadance wasnt elected either. She showed up in the ascension realm and Celestia princessified her on the spot, I believe.

As far as Equestria being a diarchy. Luna probably doesn't do much at all, if anything, involving running the nation. Yes she is sometimes sitting next to Celestia in the throne room, but her extreme tiredness from her night duties as shown in A Royal Problem means she isn't active during the day. Since pretty much every government ever has business hours set during the day, this implies that she would at best handle only emergencies or extra urgent issues at night, while sometimes being present for special events during the day.

So, yes I think Equestria is a monarchy or diarchy in name only.


Okay. Done.

You are intend to show realism, but this Chrysalis is so much more exaggerated then she was in the show. There is no realism at all.
You must have forgotten that she literally shouted out loud when dropping her disguise that she is going to take all that love so her changelings would well never starve again or something.
Point is, she actually cares.

10614189
Yes, she does say something like that. However just because she has a responsibility to her subjects doesn't mean she actually cares about their well being. In my opinion, Chrysalis only cares to the point to prevent her subjects from starving to death. Improving quality of life is a threat to her power, and she doesn't want that. This is supported in To Where and Back Again when Starlight tries to explain how to end changeling hunger, and Chrysalis dismisses her claim outright instead of even considering to listen.

10614128

Changing the outcome of major events, large setting changes, or anything else that represents a large break from canon

Your story is not canon. And takes place in alternate universe from the canon universe. You changed canon. And made it very different. This story needs an AU tag since it is not canon.

10614148

From a pure technical standpoint, since everything that happened up to the start of the story hadn't changed from the show, it might not "require" the AU tag per se.

But, since stories that change major canon events do usually have the AU tag to minimize confusion, it may be better to just slap the AU tag in stories like these that changes how episodes ended. I've never seen anyone say "this story doesn't need the AU tag" in stories similar to this one (I've written several myself; no one's yet to say anything) but when the tag's not there...well, you see what's happening.

10614148

This story is set in canon, aside from Celestia being slightly ooc here.

This is an extremely poor understanding of the AU tag. That kind of clause was made for stories that are longer continuities that were (usually) written before something became known in canon or aren't focused on altering episodes. What you're writing is a fixfic, which is an inherently AU idea. Not only do you do that, but you also begin the story in an episode and then break away from it, which is the very reason that tag exists. You changed the outcome of a series finale as the whole plot of your story, and with it, several later seasons. This isn't a 'character development' AU or anything of the sort. By not having this tag, you are being dishonest to your readers about what you are writing.

Its more of a predator vs prey thing she's referencing.

Changelings are parasites at their worst and symbiote creatures at their best. That doesn't fit the dynamic.

Saying that 'not everypony is a pony' is awkwardly constructed because the use of 'pony' twice there is redundant.

Yes it is. That is just how ponies speak due to their dialect.

When ponies use 'everypony' and the like normally, it isn't redundant. It shows that they're usually talking about ponies. Here, you could have written 'Not every creature is a pony' which wouldn't need the 'everyone/pony/etc' and would convey the same idea without being clunky writing. This sounds just as awkward as a traditional orcs/elves/dwarves/humans fantasy setting saying 'Not everyhuman is a human' when one of those words would not be needed. While it is good to adhere to those kinds of setting details, you're currently using it in a way that does not do any service to your writing.

You're gonna have to explain that one to me.

The subject being discussed is building functioning and civilized societies. Celestia suggests that because not every kind of creature is a pony, that only ponies can accomplish this. It isn't a direct statement, but it is very apparent.

Also I do think that the ponies are quite speciesist in the earlier seasons. See Bridle Gossip and Dragonshy as examples. Even in later seasons they show a remarkable lack of loyalty even to other pony subspecies, as shown by Chrysalis managing to basically set inter pony relations back to the point that the wendigoes returned.

I'm not saying that they don't have this prejudice, I'm saying that it comes across as too ham-fisted and overplayed. We see that these other creatures do have societies. They use language and interact as sapient beings. Even though ponies have inter-race conflicts (because yes, a sub-group of sapient beings would be a race in the case of ponies, a species is a different classification) and are often irrational and spiteful to other creatures, you make it too apparent from the mouth of their leader. 'Zebra are scary and we don't want them in town' is really different from 'Zebra are not civilized beings' which is what was getting said here.

This is already mostly addressed in the author's notes. I highly doubt there is an international court, given what is implied to be a severe lack of communication between nations. Lacking an international court, it defaults to the highest court in the victor's nation, in which case means Celestia.

Your author's notes should not be the saving grace of your story. I would really suggest editing what you have to use this information and make your story more effective. Because you chose not to convey this in the story, despite it being of huge importance, it makes the experience less interesting for a reader and is a major flaw to have as an author. If this were a multi-chapter story, I'd expect it to be addressed in another chapter or a side-story in a larger continuity.

Seeing that she personally participated in everything it is basically already decided. Even if she willingly set up some kind of tribunal, the evidence is already rock solid.

You mentioned in your author's notes that you wanted to strive for a realistic Equestria. Having this be the approach means you are giving ponies a guilty before proven innocent mindset, and in a very shady and cruel way (as opposed to being a formal, institutionalized standard, like in a military court). Writing Celestia as cold and gloating over Chrysalis could still have been achieved without making her coming across as corrupt in basic judicial tenets.

That's because this wasn't meant to be a comprehensive system, but rather a loose framework for the worst offenders in a dark ages setting. For the unicorns at the time, status and titles would be everything. Losing them would be losing all of their support, and thrown out into a cold and unforgiving world in which their fellow ponies at best tolerate them. For the pegasi, losing one's wings is losing oneself. (I must have misinterpreted clipping at some point. The intention is that it is permanent.) And with their military society, exile is failure and a declaration of persona non grata for them. Again, losing that which is sacred to them, and without support. As far as the earth ponies, well with their connection to the earth not exactly removable its hard to follow suit with the other two. Add onto that that the earth ponies appeared to be disadvantaged peasants, that implies to me that they wouldn't tolerate threats to their livelihood much if at all, and they would make sure that the punshment would strongly discourage it.
1) You would be talking about the amputation of wings, then. Clipping is for feathers.
2) Even though those things are still valuable, the fact that there is such a disparity makes very little sense, which ties into the last reason.
3) This being a vague outline hurts your story. If you want to show that these kinds of systems existed, do so while knowing what you are writing. You don't clarify what counts as the worst offender, which means that the kinds of characters that would be treated this way are up in the air. The three systems have two extremely humiliating punishments tailored to the three pony races, and one that is the maximum punishment (unless you write an afterlife where Tartarus/Hell/whatever can have souls tormented, that would be the only thing worse) possible for any species that is just shoe-horned in there, creating a massive disparity.
4) Social status =/= magical ability. Earth ponies were extorted for labor ability and increased food production, not because of any inherent inferiority that could be seen. This purposely kept them low on the social ladder, especially due to hardly being able to retain any material possessions (like food). If you have any idea that earth ponies do have biological and magical inferiority, you need to present that in the story itself by making it convincingly told or shown.

I am aware elective monarchies exist, but Equestria isn't one. Twilight wasn't elected princess at all, she was granted the title by Celestia and possibly Luna. She wasn't elected head of state either, she was appointed by Celestia and Luna. If we also pay attention to the comics, Cadance wasnt elected either. She showed up in the ascension realm and Celestia princessified her on the spot, I believe.

I did not say that Twilight or Cadance were elected, I just provided an example of a non-hereditary monarchy.

As far as Equestria being a diarchy. Luna probably doesn't do much at all, if anything, involving running the nation. Yes she is sometimes sitting next to Celestia in the throne room, but her extreme tiredness from her night duties as shown in A Royal Problem means she isn't active during the day. Since pretty much every government ever has business hours set during the day, this implies that she would at best handle only emergencies or extra urgent issues at night, while sometimes being present for special events during the day.

Luna (and by extent, the other two princesses) in leader-focused situations aren't something we get to see in the show, so we can't say for sure.

So, yes I think Equestria is a monarchy or diarchy in name only.

You characterize Equestria as an absolute monarchy here. Monarchies and autocracies are not mutually exclusive.

EDIT: I would personally suggest writing stories with a larger wordcount. You could have improved this a lot by being able to communicate your ideas in full. As this stands, you've really kneecapped yourself with your story presentation and not being able to flesh out or incorporate your ideas. I do have a couple of stories by you on my RiL, and I'm interested to see what you would be able to do with a more substantial wordcount. Most new writers are advised to start out with shorter stories and ease themselves into writing longer ones, but I feel that the opposite would benefit you.

Ah, Pharynx is in charge for once, I approve of this.

Comment posted by SpectralFury deleted January 5th

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Look I'm not sure what else to say aside from that you're only looking at the part of the definition that supports your view. Yes, the tag is for major differences. It then clarifies that its particularly about events that happen outside the narrative. Then it outright says that when the major event happens in the narrative that it is not AU.

My story's setting is the same as FiM right up until Celestia gets bblasted. The change happens right at the start, but its still during the narrative, not as a part of the setting.

If you still disagree, then I guess we'll just have to end it there because its obvious we can't come to an agreement.

You know, it's kind of funny. In terms of my basic level of enjoyment, both parts of this were about the same level for me... but for completely different reasons.

The first part... I like the idea of it, but the presentation honestly felt a little one-sided and didactic. Not that I'm saying Twilight and the others were right in their objections... in fact, to the contrary, a large part of the problem is that it feels massively out-of-character for any of them to object to violence in this circumstance, which moves it away from feeling like "a frank but reasonable discussion about the issue" and more towards "one side lectures the other about why they're wrong". Maybe if you'd made it more clear that what they weren't objecting to what she was doing to Chrysalis, they just thought she went too far with it or had Celestia explain that she would have just tried to subdue her, but given the level of power involved, she couldn't afford not to nearly kill her (and both or either of those were the intention, it was not clear). Or, for that matter, had Celestia admit that she worries about going too far and, even if she doesn't think she did in this case, she wants the ponies around to keep objecting if they think she has. But as it is... the whole argument felt a little too "knock down the strawman" for my liking.

The second part... well, I was enjoying it at first, as I usually enjoy stories that embrace the idea that Chrysalis is a narcissistic, tyrannical imbecile. But then came this bit (and the subsequent reinforcement):

“They don’t matter! Our subjects only exist to elevate us! They are here to work, fight, and die. Nothing more!”

“They are here to live,” Celestia stressed. “They have their own destinies.”

“And they all revolve around me,” Chrysalis stressed. “I am the only one that matters. My life! My power! Everything else is second!”

And... look, I'm sorry, but at this point, you might as well have her literally morph herself a moustache to twirl. Like, I don't debate that she'd believe this on some level, but to have her just come out and declare it like this... it's just far too cartoonish in its evil. Ironically, moreso than the literal cartoon. I mean, maybe it could have worked after an extended interrogation and discussion that eventually brought Chrysalis to the point where she admitted this to Celestia and/or herself, but just right off the bat like this? I'm sorry, but, for a story that seems to want to take a more realistic approach with Equestria, it really doesn't seem to understand how real narcissists, sociopaths and tyrants work.

So, in both parts, there were parts I liked, but overall it didn't quite come together for me.

As for the headcanon in the author's notes and comments? Well, I'm not going to go into it, both because your interpretation of things is perfectly valid, even if I don't personally subscribe to it, and because many of the ways I disagree have already been gone into by others. All I'll say is that, well, it is just your interpretation and is just as arguable as I'm sure mine is. It's not the only, the natural or the objectively-best conclusion to draw.

If nothing else, in terms of how Equestrian rulership... well, let's not forget that, for as much as the show deals with matters of princesshood, we see very, very little about how actually running the country works. And most of what we do see is either ceremonial, ambassadorial or matters of paperwork, none of which give us much of a clue as to how the actual administative, legal and political process works. All we can say for certain is that it's some kind or variation of a monarchy... diarchy... tetrarchy... triarchy-if-we-count-Cadance-and-the-Crystal-Empire-as-separate... and then there's Flurry Heart... a some-number-of-ponies-archy.

I was thinking about 'x-archy', but that just sounds like it's ruled by the X-men.

Point is, that's the most we can say about it, and since the number of ways such an -archy can work is massive, it doesn't tell us much for certain. And that's definitely a good thing - I doubt anyone was clamouring for the show to turn into an Equestrian version of The West Wing.

Though that idea does have potential. You could call it... The Equwestrian Wing! Huh? Huh?

...

:ajbemused::pinkiesick::rainbowhuh::unsuresweetie::facehoof:

...I'll see myself out.

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