Passed the Fortitude Save
“Princess Celestia!”
It had been some time since Celestia had felt pain like this. Not since Equestria’s earlier decades had she faced a foe capable of overpowering her- well, capable of actually landing a hit. She was getting rusty. Perhaps it was time to spend some of her days with her guards again.
“Shining Armor's love for you is even stronger than I thought! Consuming it has made me even more powerful than Celestia!”
But first, she had something to take care of.
Twilight and her friends immediately surrounded Celestia in concern, assuming that the blackened tip of the alicorn’s horn meant that she was down for the count, but that wasn’t the case. Celestia grunted and pulled herself up off the floor, glaring at Chrysalis.
“Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked with renewed hope.
Celestia’s expression softened as she glanced down to Twilight. “Twilight, get Cadance and the guests to the panic rooms. Then fetch the Elements.” She gave a calm wink, and Twilight smiled and nodded silently before moving.
“A futile gesture, Celestia,” Chrysalis said with a mocking smile. “Hiding or not, Elements or not, my army can’t be defeated, and you have already fallen to me once. What makes you think you can stop me this time?”
Celestia twisted her head side to side, popping her neck with casual ease. “Two reasons, changeling. The first is this.” She tapped at her peytral with a hoof, the amethyst in the center glowing. Chrysalis frowned as, with a flash, Celestia was suddenly covered in enchanted heavy plate armor. Some of the few ponies that remained in the room stopped to gawk, but Celestia’s stern frown spurred them on into leaving.
Chrysalis, to her credit, merely twitched a frown. “Impressive, but that won’t be enough. You still can’t overpower me.”
Celestia let out a soft, amused giggle. “What makes you think I was fighting with all I had?” Slowly, Celestia’s mane shifted from its friendly, pastel rainbow to more threatening red and orange. “After all, I have to mind collateral damage when my little ponies are around.”
Chrysalis stiffened when the runes along Celestia’s armor started to glow, and the supposedly soft princess took a battle stance.
Celestia’s smirk faded away, and Chrysalis felt a chill go down her spine.
“You lose.”
And then Celestia moved.
===
“That is so awesome!” Rainbow Dash said, her voice cracking at the end. Celestia, Twilight, and her friends were joined by a battered Cadance, a recovering Shining Armor, and a pouting armored Luna.
“Thank you, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia said. Her mane was back to normal, but she still wore her armor, just for fun. It wasn’t exactly good attire for eating half-destroyed wedding cake, but oh well.
“What happened then?” Applejack eagerly asked.
“Well, I used the Accelero spell to flank her and give a solid buck. To her, it probably was as if I just teleported behind her, but I'm out of practice with using teleportation in combat, so I didn’t want to risk it. After that I was able to dispel Captain Armor’s affliction.”
“Thanks again, for that,” Shining said, a hoof still held against his head.
She nodded and smiled at Shining. “Any time, Captain. Then I had him go fetch Luna.”
Luna’s frown deepened, and she looked away as her pristine armor clinked. “The first real fight since I returned, and you didn’t even wait for me to arrive so I could have fun.”
Celestia gave her a smirk. “Sorry, Lulu, I’ll be sure to pull my bucks the next time a real threat comes around.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
“After that, well…” Celestia tapped at her chin. “There were a few moments, but it was obvious that Chrysalis had no idea what she was doing. Yes, she was powerful, but clearly she had little experience with actual combat. Yes, Twilight?”
Twilight hadn’t said anything, but her uneasy looks said enough. “It’s nothing, Princess.”
Celestia frowned. “It’s quite obviously not, my student. Please, speak your mind.”
Twilight’s jaw clenched, and she completely failed at hiding her unease. “It’s just that...you’ve always taught me that fighting is something to avoid, and what you did to Chrysalis…”
“There are times for restraint, Twilight. This was not one of them,” Celestia gently said.
“You almost killed her, threw her out onto the streets, and used her to coerce the changelings to surrender!” Twilight blurted out. Everyone went silent, and Twilight’s ears immediately folded back. “I-I’m sorry Princess! I shouldn’t have-”
“Twilight.” It was quiet, but Celestia’s word was enough to silence her as she stepped over to Twilight.
“I’m sorr-” A gentle touch to Twilight’s lips quieted her again.
“Twilight.” Twilight cringed and looked down. “Twilight look at me.” Reluctantly, she did, relaxing a little when she noted that Celestia had removed her armor. “Twilight, I know that I can be very intimidating, but know that I will never, ever punish you for disagreeing with me.”
“Okay.” It was obviously unsure, but for Celestia it was a start.
“Does anypony else share Twilight’s opinion?” She asked, turning to the group. It was slow, but soon enough the hooves of Fluttershy, Rarity, and Cadance were raised.
Rarity herself wasn’t surprised by Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s lack of protest. However... “Pinkie Pie? You?”
Pinkie nodded grimly. “I don’t like fighting. I’d much prefer everypony gets along, but that doesn’t always happen. And Grandpa Granite always taught us that if somepony wants to hurt us and the guards aren’t around, we can’t afford to hold back.” Rarity thought for a moment, and recalled just how many changelings Pinkie downed when she ‘borrowed’ Twilight’s horn. Of the lot of them, that action was probably the most brutal during their fight.
“Darn tootin’,” Applejack said confidently. “Granny Smith told us stories from back when Ponyville was just Sweet Apple Acres and a few shops. Back then the guards would sometimes...disappear, and a little frontier justice needed to be dispensed.”
“An unfortunate reality of frontier towns,” Celestia said sadly. “All of you come here.” She walked over to one of the windows overlooking Canterlot. Within moments she was surrounded, and all the ponies were looking upon the damaged city. What changelings that hadn’t surrendered had already been captured or escaped, and cleanup was well underway. The city would eventually be repaired, but for the first time in centuries, Canterlot bore wounds from an attack.
“We all have been busy for hours helping where we could,” Celestia started. “We have all seen the destruction the changeling army wrought, but this is just one city. Imagine this, but worse, back home in Ponyville. Imagine fires burning down homes. Imagine ponies lying dead in the streets or, in the case of the changelings, captured and used as livestock. Imagine that all across Equestria.” She looked to Rarity, Twilight, and Cadance, who slowly gained looks of horror. Pinkie Pie just looked sad, while Applejack had expression of grim acceptance. The only one unaffected was Luna, who shared her sister’s experiences.
“When you wonder how I could have even considered assaulting Chrysalis as I did, I want you to consider you and your families being subjected to the horrors of war and conquest. If I had not, if Luna had been defeated as well, that could very well be reality.”
Twilight winced. “I’m sorry we failed, Princess.” The rest of her friends had similar expressions, guilt over failing to retrieve the Elements of Harmony.
“Know that I couldn’t be more proud of you, my little ponies.” They all perked up with confused looks. “Yes, you failed, but you braved a battlefield to try and retrieve the Elements. You never gave up until you were captured. That takes true courage and strength.” Her words seemed to have their intended effect.
Twilight, however, still seemed uneasy. “I...I don’t know. Can’t there be some other way? Why did you have to fight? Why didn’t Chrysalis try talking?”
“Not everyone is a pony, Twilight. It may have simply been in their nature. However, know that once a side commits to an attack, the time for diplomacy has passed. Try to end the fight if you can, but you must be ready to do what is necessary to protect yourself and the ones you love.”
Twilight didn’t like it, but she accepted Celestia’s wisdom.
===
A week had passed, and Chrysalis was starving in her cell. Not that the ponies hadn’t tried to feed her their disgusting food, but she wasn’t about to lower herself to anything short of raw love.
She looked up from her cot when the steel door to the surrounding room opened, and watched through the bars of her cell as Celestia walked in.
“Well well well, so the Daymare herself finally deigned to visit me,” Chrysalis spat.
“Coordinating the cleanup of the city has made me quite busy. I apologize that I wasn't able to come here sooner.”
Chrysalis scoffed. “As if you care at all.”
Celestia stepped closer to the cell. “Is it truly that surprising?”
“I lead an attack on your capital. Of course you should hate me.”
Celestia looked at her for a moment before frowning. “You truly believe that, don’t you?”
Chrysalis stared as if she was spouting nonsense. “It is the way of things. Don’t tell me you’re too stupid to have not realized that.”
“Hatred is the desire to destroy or kill, and I’m not in a position to give in to it.”
“You’re the Pony Queen. You’re in the perfect position to give in to it. After all, there’s nocreature able to stop you.”
The two locked eyes for a moment, and Chrysalis felt disgust in her gut as she read the pity on Celestia’s face. “Enough of this! Why are you here, Celestia?”
Celestia’s mouth twitched into a frown once more, but she pushed it all away. “I’m surprised that you haven’t asked about the welfare of your subjects.”
Chrysalis scoffed. “They’re fine, I’m sure,” she said dismissively.
“The ones that survived, yes,” Celestia said, pulling out a clipboard. “Casualties were relatively light on both sides, despite your army attacking my citizens.” Her voice went hard. “Still, from what we have found, you lost fifty-three changelings to the fighting.”
Chrysalis didn’t react.
“Nothing? Nothing at all?”
“They did what they were told to do.”
“And you feel nothing at all for those that were lost?” Celestia’s voice was quiet.
Chrysalis snarled and leapt up to the bars. “And why should I? You soft pony princesses don’t understand how to properly rule. If you weren’t so weak you could have conquered this world centuries ago!”
“And what of those that I crushed under my hoof, your highness?”
“They don’t matter! Our subjects only exist to elevate us! They are here to work, fight, and die. Nothing more!”
“They are here to live,” Celestia stressed. “They have their own destinies.”
“And they all revolve around me,” Chrysalis stressed. “I am the only one that matters. My life! My power! Everything else is second!”
Celestia just frowned and shook her head before a rough, male voice spoke.
“I think I’ve heard enough.”
Chrysalis stilled as she recognized the voice. Noling to fear, but one she had marginal respect for. Celestia’s crown floated off her head and, with a burst of green flames, turned into a familiar changeling. One with purple eyes and red frills.
“Pharynx,” Chrysalis said dumbly before realizing that he wasn’t in irons. “You...traitor! You’re consorting with the ponies!”
Pharynx snorted. “What would you have me do, your highness? We were starving, and the rest of the captives turned to me for leadership.”
“You should have fought! You should have died before suffering the indigni-” She paused. “Wait...were starving?”
Pharynx glared. “The ponies have been feeding us more than we ever got at the hive. I didn’t even know it was possible not to feel hungry.” He glared. “I don’t ever remember you complaining, your highness.”
Chrysalis was struck silent for a moment before she scoffed. “The needs of the queen supercede those of her subjects.”
Pharynx just stared at her for a moment, silent. “When we go to school, we are taught that the needs of the hive come before everyling else. We are taught that our hunger is necessary so the hive might survive.”
“I am the hive,” Chrysalis growled.
Pharynx bared his teeth and stepped forward, and while Celestia tensed, she did nothing to stop him. “Not anymore.”
Chrysalis slammed against her cell door. “TREASON! I’ll have you executed for this!”
“I don’t believe that you’re in any position to do so, Chrysalis,” Celestia said icily.
Chrysalis glanced at Celestia before sneering once more at Pharynx. “So this is it, Pharynx? You’re going to bow before this pathetic pony?”
Pharynx frowned and looked at Celestia for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t like them, and I don’t agree with them on a lot of things, but if it means the hive doesn’t starve, I think we can come to some kind of agreement.”
Chrysalis snarled again, but when the two of them just watched her ineffectually rattle the bars, a hint of concern started to show. “Pharynx, this goes against everything The Changeling Kingdom stands for.”
“I’m afraid you’ll find that hardship has a way of forcing creatures to consider new ways of thought,” Celestia said. After all, ponykind knew that lesson quite well.
“Is...is that a threat? Do you really think imprisonment will break me?” Chrysalis asked incredulously.
Celestia mulled that over for a moment. “That wasn’t meant to be a threat. However I am willing to discuss leniency if you agree to change your ways.”
Chrysalis snarled. “Never! We are predators, ponies are food. End of story!”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Celestia said sadly. “You will learn the date of your trial within the week.”
“Trial?”
“You’re a war criminal, Chrysalis. When you’re found guilty-”
“When?!” Chrysalis shouted.
“I do not take assaults against my nation lightly, your highness. When you’re found guilty, you will be imprisoned within Tartarus for the rest of your natural life.”
Chrysalis’ jaw dropped. “But- but I’m immortal!”
Celestia clicked her tongue. “Hm. That’s a shame. Then you’ll have plenty of time to reevaluate your life choices.” She sighed. “I strongly urge you to reconsider my proposal. Your punishment could be reduced to mere house arrest and, should you show true remorse and change, probation.”
Chrysalis stood there, staring.
“I’ll leave you to think about that. Is there anything else you wish to say, Regent Pharynx?”
Pharynx sneered at the former queen. “No. We’re done here.”
The two turned and left, the door shutting firmly with an echo, leaving Chrysalis to ponder her life, past, present, and future.
If Canterlot was a human city, there would have been cries for blood after the attack. As it stands, ponies are a bit more chill.
One of my headcanons for more 'realistic' Equestria is that each of the three tribes had their own brands of justice, and that the mentality carried on into the Equestrian era. Unicorns had their titles stripped and were cast out of their families. Pegasi had their wings clipped and were exiled. Earth ponies, being on the bottom of the 'special ability' totem pole, didn't have anything special to take away, so they simply executed the worst of the worst.
To me, Chrysalis would have made it clear to her subjects that her safety was paramount. When Celestia threatened that safety and demanded their surrender, the changelings complied. They were quite surprised that they weren't starved and degraded after that. It was after they experienced better lives as prisoners of war that they started questioning their commitment to Chrysalis. After all, when your enemy treats you better than the one that supposedly holds the hive together, it's time to reconsider your loyalties.
Is Celestia actually going to make it a show trial? That's complicated. Remember that Equestria is for all intents and purposes, an autocracy. Celestia is a dictator. A benevolent dictator, but a dictator all the same. There is some delegation and autonomy within the government, but I haven't seen too much. Equestria is not a monarchy, because monarchies are hereditary.
As head of state, it's up to Celestia to judge extreme and high profile crimes, like...say...invasion, attempted murder, and enslavement. And as Celestia herself witnessed everything, the trial is already a foregone conclusion. Is that impartial? Obviously not, but that's kind of what happens when you have a head of state with absolute power.
Also, remember that Equestria is a nation that is fine with imprisioning a child in a literal cage with no amenities. Is magic involved so Cozy Glow doesn't die? Probably, but even the worst criminals have better living conditions. At least in the western world. It's clear that Equestria adheres to rather old values when it comes to justice and sentient rights, as nobody even batted an eye when Twilight began searching for a brainwashing spell to use against Discord.
I hope all of you enjoy the fridge horror. Have a good night. 
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I don't see how this warrants the Dark tag
Probably because what i consider Dark is more... Well, more Dark than whatever that's Dark in this fic according to the writer
10612965
From the site:
This story deals (however briefly) with concepts of war. I'd rather be a bit oversensitive with tags when it comes to these sorts of things.
10612974
Huh... Well i suppose it's better to be overly careful than careless. Personally i don't find tyranny, war or death by themselves as Dark, since it's the context they're presented in that determines it. Though i do recognize that i am somewhat desensitized to those concepts by how i view them, others don't think like i do. There have been and most likely in the future as well, will be misunderstandings due to how i see things differently.
I sometimes use a word that i understand differently than my conversation partner and it leads to me having to explain what i mean.
10612991
Preaching to the choir, friend.
"Some of the few ponies that remained in the room stopped the gawk" Is it supposed to be "stopped to gawk"?
Also I love this story AAA
10612965
Agreed. This is pretty light hearted by real world standards.
10613023
Fixed, thank you.
10613034
this story idea requires further exploration imo
10613023
No, that was a glossed-over fight scene. Be thankful you've never seen a Gawk hunt. It's.....brrr.
10613103
Yeah, I'm not that confident at writing fight scenes. I'd prefer to skip them or, if they're necessary, keep them short and to the point.
10613113
I'm just making a joke, to be clear. I enjoy inventing ways to make typos make sense.
10613129
Ah okay no problem.
Considering Discord is a god (immortal being, reality changing powers, immune to conventional means of dissuasion like spear/gun/nuke), I'm not certain that's entirely out of the question. Even petrification was merely a temporary solution. We have no sense of scale that they were dealing with. The closest situation I can think of would be the hypothetical dilemma of Superman showing up and ignoring human-centric morals in favor of his own... It's not that he hates humanity while he plays around with the Earth to amuse himself, it's he just doesn't care. This god is a child with a magnifying glass and we're all the ants. Now what do you do?
Celestia: Aww, that was cute...my turn.
Maybe story isn't too dark, but Chrysalis heart is almost perfect dark. Very nice story and author's note.
The way I see punishment in Equestria be done differently by each city/state. With Canterlot, most of the draconian punishments would have been outlawed by Celestia, for the worst of crimes the most severe punishments would result in punishments ranging from hving your name blotted out from all ledgers, all your likenesses destroyed, the magic ripped from you until you can only do the barest basics, all your lands, titles, family ties and money stripped from you and tossed into the streets in destitution, to having your horn lopped off and expelled outside the walls of the city, to locked away in the dungeons for the remainder of you natural life.
Ponyville being in close proximity to Canterlot would probably have also banned the most draconian punishments(can't have the princesses' view of the valley marred by bodies swinging from trees and whatnot) so punishments for their worst crimes would be banishment into the Everfree Forest.
Frontier towns like Appleloosa would have much more severe and potentially disfiguring punishments for their worst crimes from brandings to hangings.
Cloudsdale being solely populated by pegasi and with them being naturally much more militant of the tribes, punishments for the most severe crimes would range from having your wings plucked to public floggings/canings to having your wings broken and hurled off the side of the city.
Outside Equestria the various nations would have differing punishments, ranging from quick and merciful to cruel and long-suffering.
But that's just my 0.02 bits.
Technically not.
First off: Celestia does not have total power. She shares the throne with Luna. Luna has an equal amount of political power to Celestia. If Luna happens to agree with a lot with Celestia and trust her sister to do the best thing, it does not negate the fact she CAN disagree and say no. Celestia does not have total power.
Second: She didn't gain control by force. At least that is not something we ever heard of and would be totally out of her character to do.
Mmm, this was a strange one for me. In the first half I wasn’t really on board. Not that I don’t think the concept of Celestia being able to fight back, but more that Twilight and some of the others thought it was bad that she did. While Twilight and co (especially in later seasons) will try to find a more peaceful way to stop conflict they’ve never been ones to back away from a fight or think that violence isn’t the answer.
Think back to Starlight, as soon as Twi had the opportunity she was gun ho on blasting her with lasers to stop her. It’s only after this fails that she looks deeper to find a better way (a way that would actually work). Same goes for Rarity. I know this is more of an AU and you needed characters to make this point but it just turned me off a bit, but that’s just me.
THAT SAID
Everything in the second half of this fic with Chrysalis in jail. I👏 Loved 👏every👏Word.
I love to hate on Chrissy cos she’s such a terrible leader, monarch and a down right abusive mother. I laugh my ass off whenever i see people say she does all this for her child. That is total BS. She could easily provide enough love for all her subjects will a simple act of diplomacy, but she’s either too egotistical (or in my mumble opinion to stupid) to even consider the concept.
The only thing that makes her even the tiniest bit of a successful villain is that she has an army. The moment that’s gone she is nothing but a selfish petulant child with a massive ego. So getting to see all that put on display and to it get called out for her bullshit is just god tier to me.
And the fact that it’s Pharynx... fucking Pharynx. The guy I personally head canon as the guy who always took the abuse from Chrysalis so the other changelings didn’t have to face it. Was just brilliant. He and Thorax are the rulers that the changelings both need and deserve.
This fic literally went from being well written but kinda meh to me to literally being one of my favourite things I’ve ever read on this site. Thank you. Absolutely outstanding work
Celestia: Do the lives of your subjects mean so little to you? Are you truly that mad?
Chrysalis: Do the lives of yours mean so much to you? Are you truly that weak?
10613450
The fic was good.
I am just gonna point out since you judge peoples opinions that everything you said is just your opinion and by no way are valid to the fullest.
Have a nice day :)
I read your story writing description seems you go only for one-shots could you maybe write a sequel?
10613528
Errrrrr, kinda goes without saying this is my opinion dude. And I think you might have stopped reading half through my comments. I also though this fic was good. Brilliant even.
What part of my comment did you think I was disrespecting other’s opinions ??
10613546
Just to make it clear i have no ill will against you. (People tend to think that)
That, there are fans who think otherwise and you called that BS. Its okay to disagree but that was not nice.
10613551
Right I see. Just to be clear I don’t go after people who like this idea or use it for art or fics, I mean more the idea behind it is BS. As in idea as a whole. If people like to use that as a basis for something for power to them. It is a fun idea to explore in other works
I will say though that anyone who think that this idea is canon I would highly disagree.
10613557
Splendid! wow thats was one of the least hostile discussions i had here lmao.
They did made the show as much open as they could so we could form our conclusions what ever they may been so there is no wrong answer to that.
I used to go by the head canon that the reason Celestia didn't do something like this is because if she had gone Full Solar, yeah it would have defeated Chrysalis... and also melted half of the castle to molten slag.
This was pretty good... if a bit cynical. I mean, if you really look at it, the villains in MLP weren't overall that abused. Nightmare Moon was a corruption that had to be purged. Discord, Starlight Glimmer, Stygian, and Sunset Shimmer were all offered redemption and took it. Chrysalis was offered redemption, but refused. Tirek was not offered redemption, which is a strike against Equestria. The only one that really got done dirty was Cozy Glow. I mean, we don't know if she was sentenced to life in Tartarus... but then she was turned to stone. Discord was eventually released and offered redemption, so maybe they'll be let out in the future, but it remains that Cozy Glow wasn't some monster or creature. She's a disturbed child.
Still, I prefer to err on the side of Harmony and give ponies the benefit of the doubt. Either way, nifty story!
10613562
Sure thing dude
Up top /)
10613572
Up top!
10613566
We will see. Well if you reading the s10 comics that is
10613476
Or in other words:
He-Man: Don't you ever feel like doing anything good?
Skeletor: Don't you ever feel like doing anything bad?
10613668
i.imgflip.com/3qjcil.png
Not quite what you were going for but I think it still works
I clicked on this expecting an interesting and well-crafted story looking at the darker inevitabilities of justice a ruler must face. I... sort of got that. You clearly have some good ideas, but the writing and delivery could use some work. What I ended up getting was a mixed-bag fixfic. Listen, if you're starting in an episode and diverging to 'how I would have written it' you need an AU tag. Otherwise, you are lying to your readers because this content fits the definition the site provides to a T. I would suggest familiarizing yourself with them in the future.
Multiple species throughout Equestria are naturally herding animals, if that is what you're using 'nature' to imply. Buffalo, zebra, yak, donkeys, and so on. Saying that 'not everypony is a pony' is awkwardly constructed because the use of 'pony' twice there is redundant. It also implies that only ponies can construct well-functioning societies, which is speciesist toward other sapients. You do make a good indication of Twilight's more sycophant-like behavior, and how somepony who is in a position of an unknowingly pampered lifestyle would have a naive outlook.
Imprisoning Chrysalis forever is one thing, but here it really feels like Celestia is aiming to suggest that Chrysalis is already guilty in the eyes of a court. Mentioning a lack of an international court to try her in would have made sense, but this comes across as rigging. Even if the reader knows that Chrysalis is guilty, this kind of severe punishment should not be given out to someone who didn't have any fair chance to defend themselves. Or, at least as fair of a chance as possible.
While I like the idea of a more teen-rated Equestria having a more fleshed out justice system, but this is really the whole package of you not seeming to understand how to construct one. Not only do the conversations with Celestia and the Mane Six seem to imply that there is some kind of inherent injustice in self-defense, but your theory here doesn't seem to understand punishments. These are the proposed punishments for the most severe crimes, but each has wildly different levels of severity. Clipped wings (really, clipped feathers) actually grow back. That's a horribly lenient punishment! Exile plays off the social stigma all cultures have (be it human or pony) of abandonment and loss of resources. That makes sense, but it still would leave the worst offenders able to continue somewhere else and make a new life. Earth ponies executing others is by far the most severe, permanent solution, but that would have nothing to do with them having a lack of 'special abilities' and you seem to think a) they are inherently inferior or b) utilitarian as all fuck. The conclusion does not match what you're trying to justify it with there. So, this means that pegasi would essentially let offenders get off next to scot-free, unicorns shooed you away and seized your possessions, earth ponies used to just execute others. Only one of those really makes sense, and not for the reasons you provided. You also don't suggest which crimes are worthy of this kind of treatment in the first place, which could go far in understanding the rhyme or reason behind these punishments.
She could only be considered a dictator in the classical sense of the word. Also, there is something known as an elective monarchy. Please do your research before making such claims. It would be one thing if you said that Equestria isn't technically a monarchy because it doesn't have only one leader, but used evidence from the show to point out that one leader essentially got to boss around or override all the others with the illusion of sharing. But Equestria is very much a classical kingdom in every other sense that it has royal leaders, which isn't mutually exclusive when contrasted with an autocracy.
All in all, this had potential but stumbled around a lot. I won't downvote it, but I don't have an upvote I could reasonably give this either. Tagging this correctly for readers who don't want to read fixfics/blatant AU stories and giving this another editing run for workshopping dialogue and world-building would have worked well.
I certainly wasn't expecting the second half of this chapter focusing on the changelings abandoning ship, although I guess it's to be expected.
It also reminds me of a story idea I've been trying to write for some time now, but just can't seem to make work. The premise is Equestria realizing that simply beating Chrysalis just isn't possible, so they resort to the tried and true method of bribing her to stop attacking, providing her with more love in a week than the hive could gather in a month. Unofficially she's being bought off to stop causing trouble. Officially she's been hired on as a security consultant/independent contractor, both to make suggestions for how to improve palace security, and to serve as a stand in for Celestia when she needs a break from public appearances.
This was quite solid, though I think it could use another tag in addition to Dark--Slice of Life, maybe? Since it's kind of a character and theme analysis? Or Drama?
This seems kind of speciesist. It also seems incongruous with what Celestia said afterwards about helping the changelings stop starving. I'm not sure, really. Could you clarify how this was meant to be read?
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It's supposed to be an analogue for cultural and/or religious differences. Humanity already has this problem, which is why foreigners stick out easily in most countries. The MLP world compounds upon this with literal species differences. You can't expect a predator species to react the same as a prey species. As far as Celestia's comment being xenophobic, I don't understand? That's like saying the sentence "Not everyone is a Christian, Billy. Other religions have different rules," is intolerant of other religions.
As far as Equestria as a whole? In the earlier seasons, yes, ponies are speciest as all hell. Zecora was feared and Fluttershy assumed the sleeping dragon would kill them all. Draconequui were unknowns, changelings appeared to be complete unknowns, ponies knew next to nothing about dragons. This ignorance couldn't be due to an inability to communicate because in the show the Mane 6 easily travel to these locations to speak with them, which implies that the ponies don't care to actually learn about other cultures.
As far as how Celestia being fine with fighting, only to help once they're defeated? That's just basic decency. The changelings are defeated, so there's no reason to just let them die. The fight is over, time to actually start talking again, and treating a defeated enemy with respect is just what you're supposed to do.
This needs an AU tag.
Meh.
I'm not really a fan of...
This.
Honestly this just means you are inexperienced with your power. That doesn't sound like something Celestia would do if she was 1k years old. From that point on the show of violence is mostly power fantasy.
Also when you said the acellero spell I immediately thought the Flash Step from Bleach and the "Nothing Personel Kid" meme.
As for the reasons Chrysalis was evil it's nothing new so... meh I guess.
Lastly I'm really dissapointed you didn't add more DnD jokes.
Hm just to say... a monarchy has not to be hereditary... for example the Vatican is an elective monarchy. And Equestria at the time represented is a diarchy
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From the site:
The story is set in canon. The only change is that Celestia is a bit ooc here.
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On the AU tag:
This story is set in canon, aside from Celestia being slightly ooc here.
Its more of a predator vs prey thing she's referencing.
Yes it is. That is just how ponies speak due to their dialect.
You're gonna have to explain that one to me. Also I do think that the ponies are quite speciesist in the earlier seasons. See Bridle Gossip and Dragonshy as examples. Even in later seasons they show a remarkable lack of loyalty even to other pony subspecies, as shown by Chrysalis managing to basically set inter pony relations back to the point that the wendigoes returned.
This is already mostly addressed in the author's notes. I highly doubt there is an international court, given what is implied to be a severe lack of communication between nations. Lacking an international court, it defaults to the highest court in the victor's nation, in which case means Celestia. Seeing that she personally participated in everything it is basically already decided. Even if she willingly set up some kind of tribunal, the evidence is already rock solid.
That's because this wasn't meant to be a comprehensive system, but rather a loose framework for the worst offenders in a dark ages setting. For the unicorns at the time, status and titles would be everything. Losing them would be losing all of their support, and thrown out into a cold and unforgiving world in which their fellow ponies at best tolerate them. For the pegasi, losing one's wings is losing oneself. (I must have misinterpreted clipping at some point. The intention is that it is permanent.) And with their military society, exile is failure and a declaration of persona non grata for them. Again, losing that which is sacred to them, and without support. As far as the earth ponies, well with their connection to the earth not exactly removable its hard to follow suit with the other two. Add onto that that the earth ponies appeared to be disadvantaged peasants, that implies to me that they wouldn't tolerate threats to their livelihood much if at all, and they would make sure that the punshment would strongly discourage it.
I am aware elective monarchies exist, but Equestria isn't one. Twilight wasn't elected princess at all, she was granted the title by Celestia and possibly Luna. She wasn't elected head of state either, she was appointed by Celestia and Luna. If we also pay attention to the comics, Cadance wasnt elected either. She showed up in the ascension realm and Celestia princessified her on the spot, I believe.
As far as Equestria being a diarchy. Luna probably doesn't do much at all, if anything, involving running the nation. Yes she is sometimes sitting next to Celestia in the throne room, but her extreme tiredness from her night duties as shown in A Royal Problem means she isn't active during the day. Since pretty much every government ever has business hours set during the day, this implies that she would at best handle only emergencies or extra urgent issues at night, while sometimes being present for special events during the day.
So, yes I think Equestria is a monarchy or diarchy in name only.
Okay. Done.
You are intend to show realism, but this Chrysalis is so much more exaggerated then she was in the show. There is no realism at all.
You must have forgotten that she literally shouted out loud when dropping her disguise that she is going to take all that love so her changelings would well never starve again or something.
Point is, she actually cares.
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Yes, she does say something like that. However just because she has a responsibility to her subjects doesn't mean she actually cares about their well being. In my opinion, Chrysalis only cares to the point to prevent her subjects from starving to death. Improving quality of life is a threat to her power, and she doesn't want that. This is supported in To Where and Back Again when Starlight tries to explain how to end changeling hunger, and Chrysalis dismisses her claim outright instead of even considering to listen.
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Your story is not canon. And takes place in alternate universe from the canon universe. You changed canon. And made it very different. This story needs an AU tag since it is not canon.
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From a pure technical standpoint, since everything that happened up to the start of the story hadn't changed from the show, it might not "require" the AU tag per se.
But, since stories that change major canon events do usually have the AU tag to minimize confusion, it may be better to just slap the AU tag in stories like these that changes how episodes ended. I've never seen anyone say "this story doesn't need the AU tag" in stories similar to this one (I've written several myself; no one's yet to say anything) but when the tag's not there...well, you see what's happening.
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This is an extremely poor understanding of the AU tag. That kind of clause was made for stories that are longer continuities that were (usually) written before something became known in canon or aren't focused on altering episodes. What you're writing is a fixfic, which is an inherently AU idea. Not only do you do that, but you also begin the story in an episode and then break away from it, which is the very reason that tag exists. You changed the outcome of a series finale as the whole plot of your story, and with it, several later seasons. This isn't a 'character development' AU or anything of the sort. By not having this tag, you are being dishonest to your readers about what you are writing.
Changelings are parasites at their worst and symbiote creatures at their best. That doesn't fit the dynamic.
When ponies use 'everypony' and the like normally, it isn't redundant. It shows that they're usually talking about ponies. Here, you could have written 'Not every creature is a pony' which wouldn't need the 'everyone/pony/etc' and would convey the same idea without being clunky writing. This sounds just as awkward as a traditional orcs/elves/dwarves/humans fantasy setting saying 'Not everyhuman is a human' when one of those words would not be needed. While it is good to adhere to those kinds of setting details, you're currently using it in a way that does not do any service to your writing.
The subject being discussed is building functioning and civilized societies. Celestia suggests that because not every kind of creature is a pony, that only ponies can accomplish this. It isn't a direct statement, but it is very apparent.
I'm not saying that they don't have this prejudice, I'm saying that it comes across as too ham-fisted and overplayed. We see that these other creatures do have societies. They use language and interact as sapient beings. Even though ponies have inter-race conflicts (because yes, a sub-group of sapient beings would be a race in the case of ponies, a species is a different classification) and are often irrational and spiteful to other creatures, you make it too apparent from the mouth of their leader. 'Zebra are scary and we don't want them in town' is really different from 'Zebra are not civilized beings' which is what was getting said here.
Your author's notes should not be the saving grace of your story. I would really suggest editing what you have to use this information and make your story more effective. Because you chose not to convey this in the story, despite it being of huge importance, it makes the experience less interesting for a reader and is a major flaw to have as an author. If this were a multi-chapter story, I'd expect it to be addressed in another chapter or a side-story in a larger continuity.
You mentioned in your author's notes that you wanted to strive for a realistic Equestria. Having this be the approach means you are giving ponies a guilty before proven innocent mindset, and in a very shady and cruel way (as opposed to being a formal, institutionalized standard, like in a military court). Writing Celestia as cold and gloating over Chrysalis could still have been achieved without making her coming across as corrupt in basic judicial tenets.
1) You would be talking about the amputation of wings, then. Clipping is for feathers.
2) Even though those things are still valuable, the fact that there is such a disparity makes very little sense, which ties into the last reason.
3) This being a vague outline hurts your story. If you want to show that these kinds of systems existed, do so while knowing what you are writing. You don't clarify what counts as the worst offender, which means that the kinds of characters that would be treated this way are up in the air. The three systems have two extremely humiliating punishments tailored to the three pony races, and one that is the maximum punishment (unless you write an afterlife where Tartarus/Hell/whatever can have souls tormented, that would be the only thing worse) possible for any species that is just shoe-horned in there, creating a massive disparity.
4) Social status =/= magical ability. Earth ponies were extorted for labor ability and increased food production, not because of any inherent inferiority that could be seen. This purposely kept them low on the social ladder, especially due to hardly being able to retain any material possessions (like food). If you have any idea that earth ponies do have biological and magical inferiority, you need to present that in the story itself by making it convincingly told or shown.
I did not say that Twilight or Cadance were elected, I just provided an example of a non-hereditary monarchy.
Luna (and by extent, the other two princesses) in leader-focused situations aren't something we get to see in the show, so we can't say for sure.
You characterize Equestria as an absolute monarchy here. Monarchies and autocracies are not mutually exclusive.
EDIT: I would personally suggest writing stories with a larger wordcount. You could have improved this a lot by being able to communicate your ideas in full. As this stands, you've really kneecapped yourself with your story presentation and not being able to flesh out or incorporate your ideas. I do have a couple of stories by you on my RiL, and I'm interested to see what you would be able to do with a more substantial wordcount. Most new writers are advised to start out with shorter stories and ease themselves into writing longer ones, but I feel that the opposite would benefit you.
Ah, Pharynx is in charge for once, I approve of this.
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Look I'm not sure what else to say aside from that you're only looking at the part of the definition that supports your view. Yes, the tag is for major differences. It then clarifies that its particularly about events that happen outside the narrative. Then it outright says that when the major event happens in the narrative that it is not AU.
My story's setting is the same as FiM right up until Celestia gets bblasted. The change happens right at the start, but its still during the narrative, not as a part of the setting.
If you still disagree, then I guess we'll just have to end it there because its obvious we can't come to an agreement.
You know, it's kind of funny. In terms of my basic level of enjoyment, both parts of this were about the same level for me... but for completely different reasons.
The first part... I like the idea of it, but the presentation honestly felt a little one-sided and didactic. Not that I'm saying Twilight and the others were right in their objections... in fact, to the contrary, a large part of the problem is that it feels massively out-of-character for any of them to object to violence in this circumstance, which moves it away from feeling like "a frank but reasonable discussion about the issue" and more towards "one side lectures the other about why they're wrong". Maybe if you'd made it more clear that what they weren't objecting to what she was doing to Chrysalis, they just thought she went too far with it or had Celestia explain that she would have just tried to subdue her, but given the level of power involved, she couldn't afford not to nearly kill her (and both or either of those were the intention, it was not clear). Or, for that matter, had Celestia admit that she worries about going too far and, even if she doesn't think she did in this case, she wants the ponies around to keep objecting if they think she has. But as it is... the whole argument felt a little too "knock down the strawman" for my liking.
The second part... well, I was enjoying it at first, as I usually enjoy stories that embrace the idea that Chrysalis is a narcissistic, tyrannical imbecile. But then came this bit (and the subsequent reinforcement):
And... look, I'm sorry, but at this point, you might as well have her literally morph herself a moustache to twirl. Like, I don't debate that she'd believe this on some level, but to have her just come out and declare it like this... it's just far too cartoonish in its evil. Ironically, moreso than the literal cartoon. I mean, maybe it could have worked after an extended interrogation and discussion that eventually brought Chrysalis to the point where she admitted this to Celestia and/or herself, but just right off the bat like this? I'm sorry, but, for a story that seems to want to take a more realistic approach with Equestria, it really doesn't seem to understand how real narcissists, sociopaths and tyrants work.
So, in both parts, there were parts I liked, but overall it didn't quite come together for me.
As for the headcanon in the author's notes and comments? Well, I'm not going to go into it, both because your interpretation of things is perfectly valid, even if I don't personally subscribe to it, and because many of the ways I disagree have already been gone into by others. All I'll say is that, well, it is just your interpretation and is just as arguable as I'm sure mine is. It's not the only, the natural or the objectively-best conclusion to draw.
If nothing else, in terms of how Equestrian rulership... well, let's not forget that, for as much as the show deals with matters of princesshood, we see very, very little about how actually running the country works. And most of what we do see is either ceremonial, ambassadorial or matters of paperwork, none of which give us much of a clue as to how the actual administative, legal and political process works. All we can say for certain is that it's some kind or variation of a monarchy... diarchy... tetrarchy... triarchy-if-we-count-Cadance-and-the-Crystal-Empire-as-separate... and then there's Flurry Heart... a some-number-of-ponies-archy.
I was thinking about 'x-archy', but that just sounds like it's ruled by the X-men.
Point is, that's the most we can say about it, and since the number of ways such an -archy can work is massive, it doesn't tell us much for certain. And that's definitely a good thing - I doubt anyone was clamouring for the show to turn into an Equestrian version of The West Wing.
Though that idea does have potential. You could call it... The Equwestrian Wing! Huh? Huh?
...
...I'll see myself out.