The Crystal Caves of Confuzzlation (Iota Force Issue #6)

by The Iguana Man

Prologue: A Nice Change of Scenery

Icy sighed contentedly as she watched the scenery rocket past the train's window. She knew that simply watching the world go by would lose its novelty long before her journey ended, but for the moment, she was content with the view. Icy loved trains – the rocking motion beneath her hooves, the freedom of movement within them and the wonderful feeling of being chauffeured, even if it wasn't exclusive to her.

The experience wasn't even marred by the time a few weeks ago when she and her teammates had to stop a runaway train from crashing and were... sort of successful. The train had been stopped, at least, and no one had gotten hurt, so it made sense that it hadn't traumatized her, unlike certain other incidents.

As if to underscore that point, a flash of blue came into her peripheral vision and she suddenly swung her head away from the window, only thinking about why a moment later.

She sighed, a little depressed at how quickly she'd learned to instinctively avoid looking at any body of water. It had only been a couple of months since the incident that had given her her little aversion – phobia, she corrected herself in her head, not wanting to diminish how irrational she knew it to be – and yet she had adapted to it with distressing efficiency, far more so than with the therapy helping her overcome it. It was getting a bit better, as she often had to remind herself. She could now spend almost ten minutes in the bath without a panic attack. Still, it was a little disheartening.

Shaking her head a little, as if to shake off the thoughts, she looked around the carriage and a smile began edging its way onto her lips. If nothing else, both the previous incidents had been when she was operating in her official capacity, as a member of Iota Force, Ponyville's resident team of kid crime-fighters. Today, however, while she was still technically operating in an official capacity, it was a very different one – that of a student going on a school trip.

It was near the end of February and the children of the Ponyville Schoolhouse were being taken on a week-long trip to the Crystal Empire. It was supposed to be a learning experience and Icy was sure she would learn something but, like most of the other students, she regarded it much more as a vacation. As such, there was a huge undercurrent of excitement running through the colts and fillies in the carriage. And, though it could have been her imagination, she got the impression that Miss Cheerilee and the other adults accompanying them as chaperones were also looking forward to the break.

She wondered how much that would be changed, if at all, if the rumour was true – that the reason for this trip was to get the kids and some adults of Ponyville out of the way during preparations for winter wrap-up.

Shrugging off the question, she looked around. Fortunately, no matter her level of excitement, Miss Cheerilee was excellent at keeping order among her students – when a class contained the Crusaders, Diamond Tiara and Truffle Shuffle, that was a skill a teacher needed to develop quickly and extensively. Nevertheless, there was a lot of eager conversation among the various ponies around her.

That said, there was a buffer between her and the noise, which she appreciated. Sitting next to her was Archer, who was leaning back as far as she could in the rigid seat and watching the activity around her with an easy smile. Across from her, over the table that separated the two sets of seats facing each other, were Alula and Lance. Alula was in the window seat, reading a book on some topic Icy was sure she couldn't understand and probably wouldn't want to, and Lance was... as relaxed as Lance ever got. That is to say, he looked like, if some monster literally popped out of nowhere and attacked, it might take him a full three seconds to pull out his sword and interpose himself between it and any bystanders. This might have been more reasonable if not for the fact that said sword was currently in a securely locked case in the overhead bin above the seats, an arrangement that Miss Cheerilee had insisted on over Lance's gestured objections.

Archer looked over, noticing Icy's eyes looking over the carriage, even as Icy's mind was visibly wandering, as it tended to do. Archer gave her a nod to bring her back down to reality. “Huh, gotta say Icy, I'm surprised – we've been travelling five minutes and you haven't brought out any comics yet. Woulda thought you'd be reading from here to the empire, at least. Probably miss our stop if we weren't here to remind you and be in Yakyakistan before you noticed.”

Icy giggled at the gentle jab. “Well, I have some in my saddlebags, but most of the ones I'm bringing are in my luggage.” She nodded to the compartment above them and the end of the carriage respectively. “Probably better not to open that and start rummaging on the train. I mean, I've got a far bit in my saddlebags – two six-issue trades and an Exhibit Presents...,” she added quickly, as if slightly worried Archer may think less of her for lacking comics to read, “plus a book, but I still want to ration them out – we're gonna be travelling all day, plus the time before bed, after all.”

She remembered how excited Princess Twilight had been when she and a bunch of other fillies had come to borrow books from the library – so much so that, as Spike had told her, she wasn't even bothered by how many of them would forget or misplace them. Kids were reading, so she was ecstatic.

Archer nodded. “Ah, gotcha. By the way, have you signed up for a room yet? Or at least decided on a roommate?”

Icy thought for a moment. “Um, no, I figured I could decide on that later.”

Archer sighed. “Well, you could, but it looks like spaces are filling up kinda fast, so may wanna get on that. Still, I've not decided either, so we can room together if you like.”

Icy nodded. “Okay, that sounds good. I guess it'd have to be another filly, so it works out.”

Archer chuckled. “Usually, yeah, that'd be a thing, but apparently it's not really okay to force colts and fillies to be separate in the Empire. Something to do with being ruled by the Princess of Love, I think, though I got no idea why that'd be important.”

Icy shrugged – just another one of the strangenesses of adults, she supposed.

“Anyway, that's why Truffle and Twist are sharing a room. Same with Pip and Dinky. Oh, and I guess Lance and Alula, but they'd be in the same room anyway.

Icy began nodding – she'd been informed that Alula was the only one who could sleep through Lance's snoring, but had thankfully not experienced that for herself – before what was said fully registered with her. “Wait, they'd be paired even if colts and fillies weren't allowed to?”

A small flash of green from behind Alula's hoof drew her attention. “So who's a filly?” The now-male Alula said before covering his muzzle again and reverting. She hadn't even looked up from her book.

“Ah, right.” Icy nodded, before turning back to Archer. “What about Scootaloo? Is she with the rest of the Crusaders? Are there any three-bed rooms?”

Archer shrugged. “If there are, we haven't heard about 'em. Still, Scoot ain't too happy about it – they'll have to split up and have one of them on their own.”

As if on cue, the door to the carriage opened and Apple Bloom rushed in, quickly followed by one of their chaperones, Berry Punch.

“Hey, hey, guys, guess what?” Apple Bloom rushed up to her two fellow crusaders with a manic grin. “You know how this train came from Manehattan? Well,” she continued, not pausing to give them a chance to answer, “you'll never guess who I just ran into?”

There was a gasp from Sweetie Belle and a smirk for Scootaloo. “No way!” Scootaloo said.

Apple Bloom nodded hard enough that Icy could feel her own brain rattling around in sympathy. “That's right, Babs an' her class are goin' up to the Empire too. This is so great – all four crusaders together again!”

The collective dread that came over the crowd was dampened somewhat when Sweetie Belle asked, “But doesn't she have her mark now? Is she still a crusader?”

Apple Bloom paused, a hoof going to her chin. “Well, I'm still not sure. Maybe she is, maybe she ain't, but whatever – she's still our friend and we can talk about where we go from here. Miss Cheerilee?” She whirled around to her teacher, barely even pausing in her speech. “I know I said I'd be fine roomin' with whoever, but could me an' Babs share a room? We are cousins an' everythin', please?”

Cheerilee gave the eager filly a smile that was equal parts endeared and resigned. “I doubt I could stop you – go right ahead.”

Apple Bloom beamed, hopping up and down a little before turning back to her friends. “Come on, girls, let's go say hi!”

As the three rushed out of the cabin, Cheerilee gave a look to Berry, who simply nodded and followed, giving a quick look to the flask on her hip.

Icy chuckled. “Well, that's gonna be interesting. Hope we don't have to go into action to deal with whatever happens there.”

Alula looked up from her book. “It's possible, but Icy? Do you remember what I said when we went to Canterlot?”

Icy nodded, her spirits a little dampened. “Yeah, that it wasn't a vacation.”

Alula nodded. “Indeed. Now, and I want you to listen very carefully to this... you need to completely forget that now.” She gave Icy a small smile. “This is a vacation, officially or not, and I don't know about you, but I intend to enjoy it.”

---

Icy sighed in contentment as she closed the book, taking a moment to stretch the kinks out of her neck. Though a bed was her preferred venue for reading comics, it wasn't always the most well-suited to a pony's body. She did have a stand at home that held the comics up in a more comfortable position, but it had been a little too bulky for her luggage.

She looked around the crystal walls of the hotel room, thinking how, really, hotels should come with their own reading stands for just this situation. After all, they came with beds to help you sleep, chairs to help you sit and coffee to help you drink disgusting things, why shouldn't they have a stand to help you read? Furthermore, she was sure that Princess Twilight would agree, which basically made it law anyway. Then again, this was Princess Cadance's empire, maybe it was a territory thing. Though if Princess Twilight decided to...

Icy was just about to start imagining how things might go in a conflict about books and reading – something she would later dub “the First Word War” – when Archer came into their room, cutting off her latest flight of fantasy.

“Hey, Icy. Gotta say, this city's quite a sight, even at night. You shoulda come with.”

Icy shrugged. After they had arrived in the Crystal Empire, they were brought to the hotel they would be staying at and several adults had offered to give the children a quick walk around the city before the main tour the next morning. Archer had decided to go, wanting to get the lay of the land, while Icy had declined, wanting to get unpacked and situated as soon as possible.

The fact that the train journey had ended when she was halfway through the first issue of one of her trade paperbacks may also have had something to do with it.

“Well, at least one of us knows their way around a little,” Icy said, looking out of the window. “If I miss or forget anything on the tour tomorrow, I hope you can help me out.”

Archer nodded, hopping onto the other bed in the room. “Sure thing. Didn't exactly go down every street, but I reckon I can find my way around if I need to.”

“Well, if you can't maybe one of the other ponies in your group can,” Icy mused as she put her book on the bedside table.

Archer rolled her eyes. “Oh, I wasn't in a group – didn't want to get tied down in one place or anything, so I slipped away and went on my own.”

Icy looked up, a little concerned. “On your own? You didn't bring an adult?”

Archer snorted a little, smirking. “Yeah. There's like sixty kids out there.” She jerked a hoof towards the door of the room. “You think they can keep all of them in sight at once. I coulda been away for a week and they probably wouldn't notice.”

Icy wasn't sure what worried her more: the possibility that Archer thought that was the case when it wasn't or the possibility that she was right. Or, for that matter, the fact that she'd taken Icy's question as wondering about how she had gone off on her own, rather than why or whether it was a good idea.

Still, she shook her head, confident that Archer knew what she was doing. “Well, I hope you got a lot out of it.”

“That I did.” Archer replied before pulling something out of her saddlebag. “Even got a few brochures, so if I get bored with the prepared schedule, I can see what else is going on in the Empire.”

Icy raised an eyebrow, beginning to question her earlier assessment. “Really?”

Archer shrugged, a little defensive. “Hey, it's not like I'm planning to – I know Miss Cheerilee, it's probably not gonna get boring, this is just in case. Besides, we've got four Crusaders in one city now – might not be a bad idea to figure out where to hide if things get crazy.” She said as she took her bow out of her pack and started checking it over for scratches gained in transit.

Icy paused, her hoof raised to make a point before she started to consider Archer's logic. After a moment, she lowered her hoof again. “So where's the best bolthole, do you think?”

Archer thought for a moment as she took out her quiver and checked it over. “Hmm, depends. If I could get on top of the central tower of the palace, the vantage point'd make it a good candidate. Otherwise, probably the hippodrome – good strong walls, can be open-air or closed, depending on what's needed, plenty of room to move and hide. Course, the best thing would be if there were caves around, but the only ones I could find anything about were “the Caves of Sombra” and... yeah, I'm thinking that's not exactly the safest place you can go.”

Icy tilted her head. “The Caves of... they have a brochure for that?”

Archer scoffed gently. “Nah, it was just mentioned in the one for the palace. Didn't say much, just said you could “see the entrance” and showed a big door with guards on either side. Seemed off-limits. Good thing, too, I would not want to go down there if what I've heard about the guy is true.”

Icy started nodding before stopping. “Way to jinx it, Archer. What do you think the odds are that we'll be heading down there before the trip's over?”

Archer hummed, tapping an arrow against her chin. “Depends, what do you think the odds were before? About one in a thousand?” She resumed testing the bow's motion.

Icy nodded. “Sure, let's go with that.”

Archer smirked. “In that case, I'd say the odds now are around... one in a thousand – exactly the same. ‘Jinxing it’ isn't a thing in the real world, Icy. You really gotta be less superstitious,” said the magical talking pony as she practised manipulating an arrow and pulling a bowstring with her hooves.

Icy shrugged. “If you say so. Just don't say I didn't warn you.”

“I won't,” Archer replied cheerfully. “I'll say you didn't give me a legit warning. Long odds can still happen, remember. Anyway, should probably get some sleep.” She said as she climbed onto her bed.

Icy nodded as she started preparing as well before a thought occurred to her. “Hey, you don't have any weird sleep stuff, do you – snoring, talking, walking, that kinda thing?”

Archer shrugged. “I sleep with my bow and three arrows under my pillow, does that count?” she replied as, indeed, she slid them into the bed with her.

Icy shook her head. “I don't think so, as long as you only use them while you're awake. Although, I hope you don't have to shoot three things when you wake up.”

Archer sighed. “Okay, one: I might need to shoot one thing more than once; two: impact arrows, I'm not gonna kill anything anyway; and three: only two of them are, one's a flashbang.”

“Ah,” Icy said after a moment, “so you can stun them and raise the alarm?”

Archer shook her head. “Well, that'll help, but it's mostly to help me wake up fully before I get any more arrows out.”

Icy was silent for a moment before asking, “You... you don't think being half-asleep would mess up your aim?”

Archer gave a single, small, snorting chuckle. “If only.” She sighed before catching Icy's questioning look. “Well, I mean... if nothing else, I'd have given Miss Herder a couple less bruises.”

This only made Icy more confused. “Why was... Why did you shoot her just after you woke... why was she in your room when...”

Archer gave a more sincere chuckle at that. “Well, let's just say that, after that night, she explained the real deal with the Tooth Breezie real quick.”

Having no rejoinder to that, Icy continued preparing for bed without conversation. If nothing else, she both hoped and expected that the next day would make a lot more sense.

Comments

[Herald of Opera]

I mean, the fact that they're superheroes on vacation means that something bad happening is a given. And the Caves of Sombra would probably be the most obvious candidate even for the in-universe characters who haven't read the long description.

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

Great start so far. Can't wait to see how this vacation will soon become a Busman's Holiday for Iota Force.