- Member Since 7th Dec, 2020
- offline last seen Dec 8th, 2022
SkarletIce
I stopped watching beginning of season 5 and kinda just fade away from the fandom, I intend to catch up but I also want to try my hoof at writing.
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Okay so I normally don't read incomplete stories, but I saw you were new here, so here goes nothing.
The concept of farm colt in school can be an interesting story, and I don't really know for certain where you're taking this.
However, this first chapter is in dire needs of an editor. There's a lo of "show don't tell" in here where you tell us what the character is thinking or doing, when you could illustrate it better through visuals, and body ques, and that takes time to learn. Celestia knows I'm still learning
Secondly, you need to describe more a lot of this is dialogue heavy, and while that can be done well you're putting a lot of pressure into that being the key here, when it should be a mix of both to be a solid story.
Lastly, your characterization needs work, right now this colt who is the one I'm suppose to care about is coming out as the "misfit" no pony understand and then suddenly makes a friend? What?
Lastly, as I said before the concept itself could be rather well done, if you're willing to dedicate the time to it, and look into the resources available on the site. I'm a reviewer and admin of Reviewer's mansion, so I have learnt a lot from my time on the site, and I'll follow you because I want to see where you'll go from here. As always. Keep up the good work.
10606388
I appreciate the advise and I'll keep all that in mind, thanks.
Why make Antithesis an Earth pony? With a name like that, he sounds more like he'd be a spirit not unlike Discord.
10620251
Good question, there is a reason for that you'll see it in later chapters.
I had thought of making him a unicorn or something like discord but I wanted something a little more down to earth.
Howdy! figured I'd pop over and give my 2 cents for the story, so here we go!
I like the idea for there being a farmer colt who's life seems to be on the outside of the Elements of harmony storyline. It allows you to build on Equestria itself as a whole, rather than using something already done. Very creative on your part.
Although the first chapter or two seemed to paint the main foals personalities as simple, you built more on them in chapters three to five. I found my self relating to Astra, personally. (he's my favorite)
The structure of Antithesis's (cool name btw) home life is heartwarming and reminds me of family of my own. Its rare for people to make a OC pony with a decent OC family, but you hit that part on the head.
Overall rating so far: 7/10. I'm a fan of what your doing so far, and can't wait for more. Some scenes in the last chapter, like the store conflict scene, seemd a tad forced. But other than that, this is a great story!
*Sorry for the long comment! just had a lot to say.
10639126
So Antithesis is my first attempt at a cohesive story.
I really wanted to practice with these characters before I get to the next part of the series. I'm growing along with these characters as I write them.
As for the conflict, I get what your saying I'll work on it.
Yes I didn't want to have a story that's focus was the main six, infact expanding on life outside the hustle and bustle of the show. Glad you picked that up!
Thanks for the feedback.
Oh my gosh that was a suprise to read. Wonder how that's going to come into play in later chapters?
Great chapter as always!
10650708
Thanks for reading.
I have somethings in store just have to figure out how to to write them down.
10651411
well, all I can say is don't rush or anything. (odd I'm saying this when I pump out chapters almost daily on my story) if it takes a week or two to make a good chapter, then thats a chapter well read in my opinion.
I think thats supposed to be nudge instead of nuj and stare instead of stair.
Other than that, great chapter!
10669260
Thanks for catching that error. I'll change it
I spent most of yesterday on it, so Thanks
Oh boy...
Great chapter as always! and I'm glad to see your other characters start to stand out like this. It really helps readers relate to the characters easier.
10680528
Thanks I got all these characters lying around I figure I use them.
I think its bit instead of byt
Is that 7 supposed to be there?
And the soup scene is absolutely heartwarming! love it!
10696066
No the 7 is a typo.
So The way I'm writing it is there are bits half bits and byts which are 10 bits. Later it says
I do appreciate the read, this week was much easier so the chapter should be much better.
10696657
Ahhh, interesting idea for the byts. Its like the 10 dollar of equestria.
I haven't seen a swimming trip in a story in a hot minute. Brings me back to the early fic reading days!
Keep up the good work!
Heh, pancakes and ponies.
Love the new chapter!
Hes defenitely not a crusader with that attitude, lol.
Great chapter! (sad ending but that made it even better)
10724785
Thanks
Figured it was time to add some depth.
#Crucaders are weird
I think its mane, not main.
hmm....he has weird teeth? I smell either a thestral, changeling, or something else being his father that's not a pony! (just a guess, he may just have bad teeth.)
Its about time!
Heh, love the new year these kids are about to take on. prepare for a whole lot of drama, Antithesis!
Great chapter, friend!
10620842
The name also sounds like something you'd give a My Little Pony villain... Will later chapters explain that too?
10754766
Yes there is a reason for everypony's name. Mind you this is the first part of this series.
Is that what supposed to be a why?
Great save, kiddo.
Heh, I like the wrestling route Antithesis is taking. Reminds me of my powerlifting days.
Great chapter, man. keep it up!
Heh, I almost forgot about the Haul scene. Glad to know he isn't just some forgotten side character.
As for Astra...ITS ABOUT TIME!
Great chapter as always!
10766597
Yeah Haul does and will always have an effect in Antithesis' and his friend's future.
Should that be a I instead of a T?
Oh my gosh is this boy a hybrid? I BET HES A CHANGELING HYBRID!
10782410
No, Trella's nickname is T
and uhhh... no further comment.
10782809
Ooooh, ok.
And aaaaaaah! your so mean!
Hehehe, Anti's got a crush.
Is it apple fritter or apple frider?
Great chapter! Though I wonder who will figure out what he is first (I can't wait to see myself!)
10802438
Thanks, I wouldn't say you were right but not wrong.
Considering your talking about the dad, that she should be a he.
This chapter is extremely adorable to read. Great work!
10828547
Thanks I wanted to start with something easy, but I wanna hit the gas next chapter
10828779
I can feel that. Filler chapters are necessary sometimes before the big ones.
A small hint into Anthithesis and his genetic background, all the while some plans are being altered by Celestia...intriguing.
It's great to see your work again, friend! It's been a while.
10971000
I was out getting bread the whole summer, and I'm glad you liked it
10972573
No problem! Glad to see your back!