TF2 Analysis: Event Horizon

by Echoes of the Voice

Chapter 2: Always Watching

Theme: "Waiting for Bliss" by X-Ray Dog

"When I saw that, I said, 'It just wanted to hug you with its fangs,'" Firebrand told Finn as they approached Doc's office.

Finn laughed. "Oh, that's a good one. You know, it's really too bad we can't actually hug wild animals in the human world. Sometimes, I wish they were more like Equestrian animals."

"Hmm... That does seem nice on the surface, but the moral and ethical implications..." Firebrand shivered as he pushed open the door, holding it open for Finn behind him. "To say that would open Pandora's Box would be an understatement."

"I'm sorry," another voice rang out from deeper in the building, "but I can't work at my desk with you two hiding under there. I must ask you both to come out."

Firebrand's and Finn's attention was suddenly fixed on Dr. Wolf, who was standing aside his desk.

Firebrand heard Voice of Reason's voice. "But RM...BM...they're watching!"

Next came Jasper Pie's, who whispered ominously, "Always watching."

Doc rubbed his eyes, sighing in frustration.

When he sounded an emergency meeting earlier, Firebrand immediately departed to his office and found Keyframe had beaten him there. The next thing he noticed was Voice and Jasper hiding under the desk. It was strange to be sure, but strangeness was normal for Coal Town. As the seconds passed, then minutes, Lightning Bliss came in, followed soon by AnY, GoldenFox, and Maddy Munchkin. Firebrand grew more and more annoyed until Doc realized that during each member's orientation, both he and Firebrand glossed over the alarm for an emergency meeting. Everypony else had probably forgotten about it and didn't realize it was urgent. This realization cooled Firebrand's temper somewhat, though he was still quite irritated.

Doc then informed him that when Voice and Jasper returned from their outing, they immediately dove under his desk, muttering about RM, BM, and that they were watching. When he pressed them for more information, they said they were attacked by a battalion of robots, those of the same army that attacked Coal Town before.

As soon as he said this, Mary Sue had announced that the final match of the day was going to begin in five minutes. So Dr. Wolf told everypony there to inform the others before the match; if that's not possible, then tell them as the opportunities come. And if they ask, Voice and Jasper won't be joining. Firebrand did exactly that, and informed as many as he could before he needed to get into position alongside Silver Quill. Once blue team was declared the winner, he and Finn decided to return to Doc's office together.

Firebrand walked up to the bipedal wolf. "Haven't budged, huh?"

"I'm afraid not," he said. "The two of them are bumping the desk so much that it's become nigh impossible to complete the paperwork. Speaking of which, I presume you're here to make your daily report?"

"Mainly."

"Your usual gripes, I presume?"

"Yep. Lack of focus, lack of cohesion, flight at the first sign of trouble, all the usual stuff. Though the 'lack of cohesion' part is more on the red team than blue team. I got to say, if we don't get our act together, then we'll be in a world of trouble in a serious firefight."

"Noted. I'll schedule some more exercises tomorrow. Perhaps we can introduce some kind of puzzle-solving mechanic..." A loud scraping from his desk interrupted his thought process. "...but first things first."

"I'm on it." Firebrand sighed and muttered to himself, "If I had a pay grade, I'm sure this would be well beyond it." He walked behind the desk and laid eyes upon the two shivering mercenaries. "You two have been under there for half an hour already! It's time to come out."

"Oh, great," Voice said. "That leaves seven and a half hours to go."

"If they're watching us," Jasper said with manic eyes, "then who's watching them?"

Firebrand's mouth thinned, trying to keep his rising anger in check. "Okay, you know what? Let me ask you something, because I'm a little confused here. Can you tell me why hiding under Doc's desk is in any way a proper response to...well, anything?! Both of you are practiced veterans, for Celestia's sake—and that goes double for you, Voice! Frankly, I expect better."

"Keep an eye out," Voice responded. "They're watching..."

Firebrand's eyes widened, somewhat confused. "Wow, that usually gets him riled up. Well, I'm out of ideas."

"With respect, Firebrand," Finn said, stepping forward. "I think you're going about this the wrong way. Let me try." Firebrand shrugged and moved aside. "Voice? Jasper? If you come out, I'll bake you cookies, and you can have the whole batch to yourselves."

There was silence for a moment, then Voice asked suspiciously, "What kind of cookies?"

"Well, I was thinking peanut butter cookies, but tonight I'm feeling a teensy bit ambitious and thinking of adding chocolate chips."

Voice shuddered, but it was a good kind of shudder. "I can feel my arteries clogging already. Okay, fine, I'm coming out."

"Great!" Finn held his hoof out to Voice, who pulled him out and topside. "And Jasper?"

"You cannot quench my terror!" Jasper declared as he popped out, but with a terrified cry, dove back underneath.

Finn sighed. Firebrand knew that his cookies were his trump card. If they couldn't win a pony over, nothing in his ususal repertoire could. It was time to switch tactics, and he could tell that Finn knew it, too. "'It Ain't Easy Being Breezies' time," he muttered. Then he spoke louder. "Jasper, I'll give you one more chance. Is there anything I can do that will make you come out?"

"No-o-o-o!" he cried. "Let me fear!"

"Alright. You've left me with no choice, then."

Finn bent down closer, but had just enough...space...

Firebrand gasped when he realized what Finn was about to do. Firebrand backed off. "Doc, you may want to stand back." He raised a questioning eyebrow at first, but then it hit him, immediately taking position next to Firebrand. Finn was about to utter the most rage-inducing words that Jasper ever heard. A phrase so powerful that it was declared forbidden, never to be uttered in Ponyville, and though most would look on in confusion, it was frowned upon in Equestria by those in the know.

But they were not in Equestria, much less Ponyville, so Finn uttered the cursed words.

"No one—out-pizzas—the hut."

Suddenly, the desk was thrown off its legs, toppling top first onto the floor. Jasper stood erect, and enraged. "I out-pizza the hut!" he screamed. "I'll show you. I'll show all of you!" He galloped right out the door and straight to the mess hall in the center of town.

Firebrand recalled the incident that instigated the ban. While he was serving time at the Forward Operating Base in the Equestrian Badlands, Princess Twilight called him up and requested help in calming Jasper down. Even Dr. Wolf couldn't do much. Soon after her return from a trip to the human world, she said the phrase out loud, and Jasper was apparently within earshot. He made a literal beeline to Twilight's kitchen, and the walls of the castle barely slowed him down.

He recalled her exact words. "When you said Jasper's pizzas were boundary breaking, this isn't what I had in mind!"

Firebrand hated puns, but at least she was finding humor in the situation. Thanks to his super form, he was able to teleport straight to Ponyville. As much as he tried to get him to stop, Jasper kept making more and more pizzas until he literally collapsed from exhaustion; thus Firebrand was finally able to carry him home. Though those ingredients weren't meant for pizzas, Twilight didn't want them to go to waste, so she threw a party for the town. Despite the happy ending to the ordeal, Twilight asked everypony involved to never speak that phrase in Ponyville again.

At present, Finn took off his hat and placed it over his heart as he closed his eyes and his ears went limp. "I'm sorry, Jasper," he whispered.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Firebrand said. "Maybe you hurt him in the moment, but I'm sure once he calms down and thinks about it, he'll realize you gave him a needed push."

"I hope so."

"What you did just now, that took guts. I'm proud of you."

Finn smiled. "Thanks, Firebrand. Okay, let's get started on those...cookies... Oh." Even from this distance, they heard the deafening clatter of dishes and the dull roar of mixers, followed by frenzied laughter.

Doc walked up to the others. "I think for the time being, I should declare the kitchen a hazard zone until Jasper's little episode ends."

"Yeah, sorry, Voice. Tell you what, I'll add an extra sprinkling of sugar to make up for the wait."

He chuckled. "It's all good. Thanks, Finn."

"In the meantime," Dr. Wolf said as he turned to his capsized desk, "I'll need to get this reorganized." In the chaos that lay before them, the drawers were thrown open and files spilled out. Pencils, pens, paper clips, and a stapler were scattered across the floor, along with a smattering of miscellaneous reports and acquisition forms. It was fortunate that nopony was standing right where the desk landed. "Finn, could you help me out?"

"Sure thing, Doc."

"Thank you kindly."

Firebrand shrugged. "Eh, why not?" He walked over to the desk and starting working to flip it back on its feet.

Voice glanced back and forth between the activity before him and the door. In the end, however, he shrugged and said, "Meh, got nothing better to do," and pitched in with the cleanup effort.

Getting the desk back on its feet was the easy part. As Voice and Finn gathered the papers, Firebrand and Dr. Wolf picked up the writing supplies and were putting them in their proper place. A few minutes passed before Finn suddenly gasped, holding up a piece of paper.

"KP requested extended leave?" he asked.

"Wait, she did?" Firebrand said.

"Oh, yes, I'd forgotten," Doc said without stopping. "That actually arrived only a few minutes ago, though I don't really need time to think about it. I'm going to decline."

"Agreed. She's already scheduled for a week away from Coal Town, which is already pushing it considering Abbey is on vacation already. Does she really need that much more time?" He levitated a stack of papers that Finn made and straightened them out, but then dropped them, lightly gasping. "You don't think this is her way of quitting, is it? She has indicated in the past that Team Fortress 2 wasn't her thing."

"Perhaps, perhaps not. Personally, I would think turning in her resignation would've been a far simpler solution, so I believe she's just trying to figure things out. Let's wait and hear what she has to say when she returns...if she returns." He stopped, taking a deep breath. "It is rather strange how sudden the requests were. If only they hadn't gone on vacation so suddenly, I would've assigned them bodyguards. But then I might just be overreacting..."

The front door of the lodge opened, and at the first breath of wind, Doc, Firebrand, Voice, and Finn—with a cry of terror—threw themselves on top of the desk to keep the already haphazard piles of papers from blowing away. Normally, Doc kept paperweights on his desk to counter the never-ending desert breeze, but they didn't have that luxury for the time being.

In came Sweetie Bloom and Eliyora, the latter of which closed the door behind them. The former, however, looked upon the odd sight and remarked, "Well, you guys look like you're having fun. Did something happen?"

"Jasper happened," Firebrand said, "but I'll fill you in on the details..." He then saw what looked like glowing yellow kalamari on their hooves. "Huh? What are those things?"

Eliyora came up next to Sweetie Bloom. "We decided to call them 'jellysquids.' They just came floating into Coal Town. They don't seem to be causing trouble, but we thought we should let you know, if you didn't notice them already."

The ponies and wolf went up to them to get a closer look. While Doc, Firebrand, and Voice were skeptical, Finn was more than taken by them, saying aloud that they were so cute and pretty.

Sweetie Bloom abruptly held out her hoof. "Ooh, Finn, you should feel how squishy they are!"

He held out an eager hoof and felt the creature. "Oooooh..."

Before long, the two of them were repeating "squish, squish, squish," all the while squeezing the jellysquid.

The others stared at this strange spectacle for a moment before they decided to gather around Eliyora's. "I'll admit, they look pretty adorable," Firebrand said, "but I'm getting serious 'Swarm of the Century' flashbacks. These things could be more dangerous than they appear."

"It would be wise to err on the side of caution until we know more," Doc said. "Eli, do you know if they're specifically coming here or if they're simply passing through?"

"I think they may have been passing through at first, but when they saw the town, they decided to descend. If they're going to move on, they're sure taking their sweet time."

Dr. Wolf rested his paw on his chin as he considered the information, then nodded, reaching a decision. "Eli, you and Sweetie Bloom gather up these...jellysquids and put them in a confined space away from any sensitive equipment, at least until we know more about them. The storage shed across the way should do."

Eliyora sighed. "Alright, but the second I find Ink Rose, she's going to help us. I'd rather get this over with as soon as possible."

That made sense. With KP gone for awhile, Ink Rose was unquestionably the fastest mercenary in Coal Town. "Very well, do as you please."

"Will do. Come on, Sweetie," she said, activating her levitation magic.

Sweetie Bloom, who was still squishing the thing with Finn, suddenly found herself dragging backwards away from him. "Ow, ow, my tail, please stop pulling my tail, I'm coming, I'm coming."

And with that, Eliyora opened the door—the other four hurled themselves onto the desk once more—and shut it behind them.

Voice climbed off the desk and said, "Geez. Can today get any weirder?"

Dr. Wolf and Firebrand, who followed suit, both scowled at him, and he dropped his head.

"I really should've learned by now. Well, karma, do your thing."

The door burst open again. None were able to react in time. The loose papers were caught in the wind and flung across the office. Firebrand groaned. Finn, however, leapt to the rescue immediately and began recollecting them.

Tyandaga suddenly bounded in. "Doc! I need help! Something's attached to my antler and it won't come off, no matter how hard I shake it!" As if to demonstrate, the deer thrashed his head around in a panic.

"Hey, hey, hey, hold still," Firebrand said. "Looks like you got another jellysquid. I'll see if I can pry it off."

"Jelly-what?" he asked.

While Firebrand got him caught up, he worked his magic trying to pry it loose, but it was clamping onto him pretty tightly. He noticed that the jellysquid's smile seemed to grow bigger and bigger the more he pulled it. Why did it seem so happy when they're trying to resist? It was a little creepy.

Firebrand heard another set of hooves step into Doc's office: British Ninja. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw him staring. "What kind of life do I lead when I say I've seen stranger things since becoming the red spy?" Ninja asked nopony in particular.

Then Silver Quill unceremoniously passed him by, without saying a word. British Ninja's jaw dropped in utter shock, as did Dr. Wolf's, and Tyandaga's. Firebrand was the only one to immediately burst into uproarious laughter at the sight of him, followed soon by Voice.

"Well," Ninja said. "I stand corrected."

"Silver, how did...?" Dr. Wolf said. "So far, we only had one jellysquid for every beast in Coal Town. How'd you manage..." He paused to count them all. "...seventeen of them?!"

"Quite simple, my canine companion. You may think fate has farted in my direction once more—indeed, I thought as much at first—but it's all a matter of perspective." He smiled mischievously. "Even in this strange, unusual, unorthodox way, I still win the popularity contests."

Firebrand laughed at that. "Trust me, this is one contest I'm glad to—lose!"

With that last word, he successfully managed to pry the jellysquid from Tyandaga's antler. The last tug was so hard that the deer nearly lost balance, but managed to catch himself. He thanked Firebrand profusely, but the words died when he saw the jellysquid. From the way his eyes were lighting up, it was the first time he got a close look at one. Its tendrils slowly reached up to his face, coming close to stroking his nose.

"It's...actually kind of adorable. Maybe I'll keep it after all."

Firebrand pulled it away from him, however. The jellysquid sensed that Firebrand was closer and rotated in his magical grasp, reaching for him now. "Uh-uh. Not a good idea, remember?"

"Oh. Right. Well, if it turns out they are harmless, I'm definitely keeping one!"

"Me, too!" Finn chimed in. He'd taken to stacking the files and reports in the corner, away from the door. Smart.

Firebrand then half-smiled and threw the jellysquid at Silver, smacking him clear in the cheek. He cringed at the sting of the slap, then rounded on Firebrand. "Oy!" he shouted.

"Take these things to the storage room across the way. Get them off, but keep them in there," he ordered. "Finn, can you help him out?"

"Sure can," he said. "It's perfect timing to boot. I just got the last of the papers all tidied up."

"Excellent, Finn," Dr. Wolf said. "As always, your help is appreciated."

Silver grumbled, but didn't put up any resistance, and left with Finn happily trailing behind him. Once the door that protected the interior from the wind shut tight, Doc began picking up each stack and filing them away. Voice joined him, but he required almost constant guidance. Firebrand didn't blame him. He helped run the Coal Town Mercenaries, and even he had no idea how they were organized.

"Firebrand, what's up with these creatures?" NInja asked. "What's going on?" Tyandaga went up beside him, eagerly awaiting the answer.

"No clue, hence the precautions. Eliyora, Sweetie Bloom, and Ink Rose are rounding up the jellysquids as we speak."

"Once they're gathered, I'll study them," Dr. Wolf said. "Something I'm particurly curious about is their eating habits. There's not much to consume out in the desert, unless they eat sand."

"At any rate, we have more pressing issues right now. Did either of you hear what happened to Voice and Jasper?" They shook their heads. "It's better you tell them, Voice."

"Right. So while Jasper and I were, um, hanging out at Landfall, we were attacked by the robots that tried to kill us awhile back, before you two joined the mercenaries."

Firebrand thought Ninja looked shocked, but under that mask, it was sometimes difficult to tell what he was thinking.

"Attacked?" Tyandaga said. "You two weren't hurt too badly, were you?"

"Um...more scared than hurt, if I'm being honest."

"Jasper didn't sound scared when we passed the mess hall," Ninja said. "I believe his exact words were, 'I'll get them! They'll see. I'm going to them,' pockmarked with inane babbling and insane laughter."

"Had to instigate an episode. I'll tell you about it later. Anyway, after the attack, we found a memo to ponies known as RM and BM, which said that they were watching us."

"What else did it say?" Ninja asked rather suddenly.

Voice opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. "Something about...attacking us?"

"Do you have it?"

"Uh, no. We left it there."

"Well, that's not particularly helpful."

"Hey, excuse us if we focused more on the 'being watched' part!"

"Dr. Wolf, I'd like to head to Landfall and retrieve that memo. There may be more information we can glean from it."

Doc closed the drawer shut, sighing with satisfaction that the mess was finally cleaned up and everything was organized as it should be before turning his attention to Ninja. "I suppose that's fine, as long as you take somepony else with you. If the robots attack again...well, you know spies aren't frontline fighters by any means."

"I'll go with him," Tyandaga said, stepping forward. "If there are enemies, I'll torch them. Besides, I'd like to see this memo myself and dust off my detective skills."

Dr. Wolf considered for a moment, then nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Very well. Go and retrieve that memo. But I don't want you to stay and fight. Remember that you'll be outside the limits of the respawn generator. The second you spot an enemy, get out of there. No memo is worth your lives. Understood?"

"Sure thing," Tyandaga said.

"Crystal, Doc," Ninja said.

"Good. Head out when you're ready. And exercise caution to the utmost."

"Understood." Ninja then turned to Voice. "Where did you leave that memo?"

"It's on one of the upper platforms, presuming the wind or one of the woodland creatures didn't knock it over or something. If it's not there, check the ground below."

Ninja nodded. "I don't think I need anything. Do you, Tyandaga?"

"No, I think I can leave right away, actually."

"Let's go. The sooner the better."

Firebrand stared at the door after it closed behind Ninja and Tyandaga. Most of the time, Ninja was more relaxed, easily able to go with the flow. The last time he was that determined was during his test to become the red spy, something he truly desired. He must really want that memo, though he got the feeling there was more to it.

The thought passed, however, and it wasn't until Doc spoke that he realized how far away he'd gone.

"Are you alright, Firebrand?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just..."

"You look like you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Are you concerned about the robot attack?"

"Yeah, exactly. I thought this was a random skirmish at first, but now that I think about it, it may be more than that. If what we know about the memo is anything to go by, the Landfall attack was intended to spread fear and uncertainty. RM and BM are watching us, observing us. It feels like pieces are moving on a chess board. I can't say for sure, but I have a feeling something big is coming. Something terrible."

Dr. Wolf's expression grew grim as the heaviness of Firebrand's words weighed upon him. "I believe you may be right." Abruptly, he began making his way to the door.

"Where you going?" Firebrand asked.

"I need to check something. We'll talk later, Firebrand."

"Oh. Okay, talk to you later."

Without another word, Doc stepped out, leaving Firebrand alone in the office. He furrowed his brow. It wasn't just Ninja that was acting strange. Doc wasn't so dodgy and cryptic most of the time. The only instance that he could think of... Firebrand gulped. Vague words with that expression; he recalled this during the robot army's first attack, right after the respawn generator was destroyed. It was when Doc came up with a plan to save everypony, but as they were pressed for time, he couldn't stop to explain, only telling him that he would know what to do when the time came and for him to lead them on—to lead them into a battle that could easily have ended their lives.

Firebrand prayed that that wasn't an affirmation of things to come.