The First Rule

Jinglemas646 stories ·485 members

Applejack enlists the help of Spike to search for the Legendary Sandy Paws across lands near and far, for he is the one being able to help her save the farm this Hearth's Warming Eve.

A Jinglemas story for: Ghost Mike

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Josiador

Josiador #1 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · 1 · ·

I'm not quite sure what I just read.

Lurks-no-More

Lurks-no-More #2 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · · ·

AJ, you're a silly pony!

Cerulean Blue

Cerulean Blue #3 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · · ·

"Well, you know, since Spike and Apple Bloom are dating

It all makes sense now

Ri2

Ri2 #4 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · · ·

So, can he date Apple Bloom now?

resonance

resonance #5 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · 3 · ·

Epilogue kinda kills the feel good mood of the story

Reese

Reese #6 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · · ·

...Huh. Those sure were some words. Had ponies in them and everything.
Yep.
(:D)

RK_Striker_JK_5

RK_Striker_JK_5 #7 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · · ·

10594713
Yeah... I gotta agree, here. All the way up until that I was laughing and smiling, but that...

I'm legit sorry, Wanderer. That was just... I didn't like it.

Ghost Mike

Ghost Mike #8 · Dec 23rd, 2020 · · ·

Thanks for writing this story for me for Jinglemas 2020. It truly means a lot, especially coming from such a Pony fanfiction veteran as yourself.

For my first Jinglemas, I decided to just pick request favourite two characters. Given the show, outside of "Spike At Your Service", never tackled this dynamic outside of tiny incidental moments (as is the case with most dynamics between Spike and any Mane 6 pony not named Twilight or Rarity), I was excited to see what it could result in. So many things were possible!

Still, obviously I had no idea what to expect when I requested these two characters until the story landed. When I first saw the title, cover image and blurb, I was intrigued. Obviously the description of the "Legendary Sandy Paws" gave my Great Seedling echoes. But the blurb still made it clear this was largely a comedy and something meant to be just silly fun, on top of the genre tags.

[NOTE: While I have read several Wanderer D fics before, I've not read any recently enough to really remember your writing style or tics offhand. So I'm approaching this as I would for an author I was new to.]

The mention of Rainbow Dash living at Sweet Apple Acres early startled me. Until something much later on, there's nothing else in this fic that locks it to after the main series canon (if before The Last Problem). Plus, Spike is still a 'small dragon', even if Rainbow Dash is living at the farm. Then again, I have heavy distaste for the canon of "The Last Problem", so I only take a fic to be set post-Twilight's coronation if it has evidence for it. Still, only a few tiny mentions throughout as to that.

I really liked Spike's characterisation. The balance between his earnest side, his cheeky side, and his ulterior motive still felt so much like the little drake we all know and love. Applejack, I'm mostly sold on – unlike many interpretations of her (for among the Mane 6, she is often quite liable to author interpretations to make her more exciting) she doesn't feel like she's made too edgy, within the story's tone of random comedy. Not sure how I felt about the fic being so explicit early on that Applejack is somewhat racist to non-ponies (I mean… how else is that supposed to be interpreted?). Still, the opening scene sold me.

Much less to say after that for a while – the scenes in Griffonstone and Minos are funny, though that's really their only purpose, getting comedy out of Applejack's furthering desperation. Still, I appreciated the story pulling back for just a few moments to have an earnest chat between Applejack and Spike regarding why she really came out here. It didn't break the tone you were going for either. And the same could be said about the second-last scene between the pair and Twilight at the end.

The revelation that Spike and Apple Bloom are dating… is not what I would have expected, nor what I would have picked (and if I'm being frank, while there was no romance between the main pair like I'd wanted, I don't know how I feel about it being a side element used as a inciting incident of a sort). But it doesn't intrude on the story really, given it's never featured onscreen.

The prose style fit the story's tone, being quick-paced and very light on scene description, but using words economically. All in all, by the story's end, I found it amusing. I'm not the biggest fan of random comedy, I'll admit, but as these ones go, this was good. The writing was professional, crisp and sharp, and my quibbles were largely taste things. Worth reading, so thank you!

…and then that final scene happened. I'm going to have to agree with the other commentators – whatever your intent with that scene, it just plain didn't work. Still random comedy, but the tone doesn't fit with the rest of the story. Whatever it was random comedy, and in possession of a certain edge and zest, it was still ultimately a feel-good story. That element is completely gone from the coda, while just comes across as a 'subverting expectations' joke ending. Worst part is, it isn't even funny, because what is happening is not apparent and wasn't set up nearly transparently well enough to perceive. It took several rereads before I realised it was a reference to the method Applejack had mentioned about how to get bit and tax-evasion pamphlets from Sandy Paws by burying the tax returns under a fire on Hearth's Warming Night. But even then, the point is just confusing and muddled.

Still, the rest of the story was really good, and I enjoyed getting and reading it. Even if I might have preferred something a little simpler and more straightforward at times, I remain glad for it, Wanderer. Thank you very much for the gift!

Lasairfion