3 – Missing Pieces
Chapter Three
Missing Pieces
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It wasn’t a big deal. That’s what Fluttershy told herself as she waited for Rainbow to pick her up. It would be simple to fix, she didn’t have anything to worry about, it just wasn’t a big deal.
If she told herself that enough, she figured she might start to believe it.
She sighed and pulled out her phone. No message or missed call from Rainbow, but she was running late. Fluttershy was sitting outside of the clinic on a bench, and wishing she had just called a taxi. It would be nice to spend some time with Rainbow after the day she’d had, but it would be even nicer to get home.
But no, Fluttershy was just left shivering in the mid-December chill, her thoughts running away with her. Since she had her phone out, she used it to check the band’s social media accounts. They were on a six-month hiatus from touring or recording, but that didn’t mean they had to stop interacting with their fans.
Truth be told, Fluttershy checked their social media more than any of the actual band members. They all had access to every site the band was on, and they all made posts and replied to fan mail, but no one more so than Fluttershy. These days it was mostly because she was being driven crazy by the hiatus; she would much rather be keeping busy with recording a new record or, even better, going out on a tour.
But the band had been recording and touring nonstop for the past four years, and everyone else was tired. They’d released three albums in that time, toured all over the world, and now they had their first live album out as a stopgap while they took this time off before working on their fourth album.
It made sense. Fluttershy knew why the others wanted a break and she thought they were going about it in the right way. And it gave them all a chance to do other projects. Rainbow was producing the third Washouts album, her first full production credit; Windfall had signed a deal with a guitar manufacturer to have his own custom guitar designed and in stores, and he was using this time to iron out the details and make sure it was what he wanted; Gilda was taking her family and her girlfriend up north on vacation, as her mom had apparently always wanted to try skiing; and Lemon Zest… well, Fluttershy was pretty sure she was keeping busy with something.
And Fluttershy? She was just counting down the days until she could get back to work. She wouldn’t mind if she and Rainbow could work on the next Coda album, but Rainbow was busy with The Washouts, and Fluttershy didn’t want to work on it alone.
She stood up and put her phone back in her purse. Maybe moving around would help her generate some heat. Not that she was in the mood to be very active, but she could at least pace around a little bit.
Thankfully, someone pulled up to get her soon. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Rainbow. Instead of Rainbow’s band van, it was an expensive-looking black sedan. Fluttershy frowned when she saw it, unsure why Lemon Zest would be picking her up instead of Rainbow.
Well, she wasn’t exactly in a position to complain. Lemon Zest rolled down the window to stick her hand out and wave to Fluttershy, who quickly walked over to the car and got into the passenger side.
“Hey, hope you weren’t waiting too long,” Lemon Zest said as Fluttershy buckled up.
“No, not too long.” Fluttershy held her hands in front of the vents, letting the heat warm them up slowly. “Thank you for coming to get me, but where’s Rainbow?”
Lemon Zest looked at the dashboard console, which had a screen in it that showed what was behind the car so she didn’t have to look out of the back window to back up. “I don’t know, she just said she’s busy and asked me to come get you.”
“Oh. I wonder if she’s working with The Washouts.”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “Probably, but she didn’t say.”
Fluttershy nodded, then looked out the window.
“So, uhm… how’d it go?” Lemon Zest asked awkwardly.
“It’s fine,” Fluttershy said without turning to face her friend.
“Oh, sweet! So it came back negative then?”
Fluttershy didn’t answer.
After a moment, Lemon Zest asked, “Shy?”
“It’s fine, Zesty. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, shit…” Lemon Zest said with the distinct tone of someone who was going to worry about it. “What is it?”
Fluttershy sighed. “Trich. I don’t remember the full name.”
“Is it bad?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I got lucky. It’s treatable, I just need to take pills for a few days, and I can’t drink until after I’m done with the dose. It should be gone in about a week.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad. How do you feel?”
Fluttershy finally turned back to Lemon Zest to smile. “Honestly, I’m fine, Zesty. It was a bit of a scare, but this isn’t too bad. It’s not like AIDS or something.”
“Yeah, true.” Lemon Zest smiled back. “I’m glad you’re okay. Or will be, once you get this taken care of. I was really worried.”
“Yeah, I’m sure everyone expects me to have something really nasty by now.”
Lemon Zest was looking at the road, but Fluttershy still noticed her wince. “Fuck, Shy, it’s not like that. I’d be worried about anyone getting STI tested.”
“It is kind of my own fault though.” Fluttershy frowned. “If I wasn’t so loose…”
“Shy, there’s nothing wrong with liking sex.”
Fluttershy couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s kind of funny coming from you.”
“Look, just because I don’t like sex and stuff doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. You just, I dunno, gotta be safer about it.” Lemon Zest hesitated for a moment before adding, “Do, uh, do they make things like condoms for lesbians?”
“Dental dams,” Fluttershy said. “They actually gave me some at the clinic. But… well, licking rubber doesn’t really sound fun…”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “That’s what guys say about condoms, isn’t it? But like, better that than taking risks.”
Fluttershy sighed. “I mean, doing stuff with your hands is safer, but it sucks to only have that as an option. It just felt like the universe decided to take one more thing I enjoy away from me though…”
Lemon Zest’s eyes darted between the road and Fluttershy. “You know, there is another option.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Strap ons with condoms on them are still on the table.”
Lemon Zest facepalmed. “That is not what I meant. I was thinking, you know, we’re taking this time off… You could find a girlfriend, someone you know is safe and that you wouldn’t have to worry about all that other stuff with.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath. This topic of conversation was getting old. “I haven’t exactly had a lot of luck with relationships.”
“You’ve spent the past four years on tour. It’ll be easier while we’re staying in one place.”
“I just… I think I need you all more than I need a relationship right now. I need my friends, my band family.”
“Hey, we’re not going anywhere.” Lemon Zest flashed her a confident smile. “You’re stuck with us.”
“Thanks, Zesty.”
“So do you want to go back to your house, or do you feel like hitting the town? I got nothing to do today.”
“I think home sounds nice. I still have to unpack.”
“Yeah, okay. But hey, we should totally go out sometime. Everyone else is busy these days, but that doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Yeah, we’ll have to figure out something.”
“Or hey, I know! I could help you unpack! Like I said, I’m not doing anything today.”
Fluttershy hesitated for a moment. She didn’t really want to be alone, but… “Don’t worry about it, I can handle it.”
“I know, but we haven’t hung out in ages. I’ll order us some pizza and we can unpack for a while, maybe play a few games, just make a night of it.”
“I don’t know. I’m just… a little exhausted today. Sorry, Zesty.”
“Oh. Okay then.”
Lemon Zest went uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the drive. Fluttershy felt bad, but she didn’t know what to say to fill the silence either, so they drove the rest of the way in uncomfortable silence.
It took another ten minutes to get to Fluttershy’s apartment. She still hadn’t really gotten used to the idea of having her own apartment, but since Rainbow and Flash had gotten a house together, it had become a necessity.
It was a nice place in a good neighborhood, although Fluttershy could’ve afforded something better if she wanted to. But she lived alone now, so she didn’t need a big place with multiple bedrooms or anything like that. And living in an apartment meant there was no yard to maintain, which was nice since she spent most of the year away from home.
Lemon Zest parked outside. Since Fluttershy didn’t own a car, they were able to pull up right in front of her apartment. Fluttershy turned to smile at Lemon Zest. “Thanks for the ride, Zesty.”
“Yeah, don’t mention it,” Lemon Zest said, lacking her usual pep.
Fluttershy wanted to ask what was wrong, but she was afraid that she wouldn’t like the answer she got, so she didn’t. Instead, she just opened the door and got out of the car.
She dug her keys from her purse as she was walking up to the door, but before she could reach it, she was stopped by Lemon Zest’s voice. “Are you like… mad at me?”
Fluttershy turned to face Lemon Zest with a frown. She had opened her door and was standing behind it, although she’d left the engine running. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”
Lemon Zest ran a hand through her hair. “You never want to hang out with me anymore. I could kinda ignore it on the tour because we saw each other every day, but even then you never wanted to spend one on one time with me. And then since we went on break, I never see you anymore.”
That’s exactly what Fluttershy had thought this would be about. She couldn’t deny that those things were true, so instead she just said, “I’m just a little worn out from today. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
Lemon Zest sighed. “You’d let Rainbow stay…”
Fluttershy looked away, thinking of how she had wanted to spend the day with Rainbow when she thought it would be her sister picking her up.
Without another word, Lemon Zest got into her car and backed out of the parking space. Fluttershy wanted to stop her, but she couldn’t. Although she wasn’t angry with Lemon Zest, everything else she’d said had been true – Fluttershy had been avoiding her.
She’d have to fix it, although she didn’t know how to. But for now, she’d have to get inside and out of the cold. With her head down, she finished walking to her apartment.
At least she’d left the heat running, so it was nice and warm when she entered. She pulled out her prescription, then set her purse on a table near the door. Before anything else, she walked into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water to take her meds. The sooner she got rid of this thing, the better.
After that, she went back to her purse to get her phone, then walked into her bedroom. She texted Rainbow to tell her she was home, then said what she’d been diagnosed with and explained that it was easily cured.
She’d hoped Rainbow would call after seeing the text, but instead she just texted back, asking if Fluttershy needed anything. Although she felt like she needed company, she couldn’t ask for that after shunning it from Lemon Zest, so she texted back to say that she was fine, but she’d let her know if anything came up.
Fluttershy looked over at one wall where a few boxes were piled up. There wasn’t very much there, she’d never owned a lot of possessions and she’d already unpacked her guitars. She debated grabbing one to play, but she wasn’t really in the mood. Instead she just lay on her bed, doing nothing.
Maybe she’d take a nap. Fluttershy took a lot of naps when she wasn’t working. It had to be better than when she wasn’t sleeping at all, she reasoned. And besides, she didn’t like being awake all that much most days.
Living alone had been her fondest wish once. Now she just wished there was anyone else around in the house, just to keep her from feeling so lonely.
Of course, there would be if she wasn’t such a bitch. With a sigh, she picked up her phone again and called Lemon Zest.
She wondered if she’d even answer, but thankfully, she did. “Hello?”
“Zesty, I’m sorry.” Fluttershy sighed. “You’re right, I’ve been avoiding you, and… well, I’m sorry. Can you come back so we can talk about it?”
There was a moment’s hesitation, then Lemon Zest said, “Alright. I’m at the gas station down the road, you want anything?”
Fluttershy couldn’t help but smile. Even when she’d been a miserable bitch to her, Lemon Zest couldn’t help but be nice in return. “No thanks, but uhm, if that offer for pizza is still on the table…”
Lemon Zest laughed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll order it when I’m at your place.”
“Thanks, Zesty.”
They hung up, then Fluttershy moved back to the living room so she would hear when Lemon Zest arrived. She took a seat on the couch, as it was the only place to sit in the living room. She’d bought some furniture for her apartment, but she still didn’t have a lot.
Since she was just down the street, it didn’t take long for Lemon Zest to show up. She had a slushy in each hand as she walked into the apartment. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but I got you one anyway. You want cherry or raspberry?”
Fluttershy smiled and closed the door behind her. “Cherry.”
Lemon Zest handed Fluttershy the red slushy, taking the blue one for herself. Fluttershy took a sip, glad she was inside her warm apartment by the time she was drinking the frozen treat.
“Mmm, tastes blue,” Lemon Zest said as she took a seat on the couch. “So how about I order that pizza, then we can talk.”
Fluttershy nodded and took a seat next to Lemon Zest. “Sounds good.”
It took a few minutes to order the pizza, mostly because Lemon Zest couldn’t decide what she wanted. She settled for a ham and pineapple pizza, while Fluttershy got a veggie lover’s.
Then they sat in silence once again. They needed to talk about what was going on, but Fluttershy wasn’t sure she knew how to broach the topic.
Eventually Lemon Zest sighed. “So this is still about when you kissed me, huh?”
Fluttershy nodded meekly. “Yeah, it is.”
“Shy, that was like a year ago! I get that it was awkward, but how long is it supposed to stay awkward?”
Fluttershy looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry. It’s just…” She sighed and shook her head. “Well, I like you a lot, Zesty. And… I know you’ll never like me the same way, and I accept that, but… it’s hard to be around you sometimes. Especially when it’s just the two of us.”
“So… it’s either be your girlfriend or stop being friends with you at all, pretty much.”
Fluttershy whipped her head towards Lemon Zest. “No! Of course it isn’t like that, I do want to stay friends with you!”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t feel like it.” Lemon Zest folded her arms and turned away. “I get that you were disappointed, and I know that was my fault for leading you on. I’m sorry about that. But you tell me it’s fine then bail on spending time with me. And it just… it feels really shitty, you know?”
“Zest…”
Lemon Zest shook her head. “Feels like just being good friends isn’t good enough for you sometimes. You always say we’re what you really need, that you don’t need a relationship, but then you fucking pull this shit where I’m trying so hard to be a good friend to you, and you just blow me off because I won’t date you.”
“I’m sorry…” It wasn’t much, but it was the only thing Fluttershy could say. “I’m so sorry, Zesty…”
“I care about you a lot, you know? And it really hurts to see you staying the same as always to everyone else but me.”
Fluttershy blinked away tears. Lemon Zest was right, she’d been awful to someone who was supposed to be one of her best friends. More than that, Lemon Zest was part of her Bitchette family. “I’m sorry…”
Lemon Zest frowned at her, then spoke more softly. “Hey, it’s okay, you don’t need to cry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so hard on you…”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, you should be. I needed to be told how badly I’ve been treating you. I promise I’ll be better though, I do want to be friends still.”
“So… hugs?”
Fluttershy smiled and wiped her eyes. “Hugs.”
It was a little awkward since they were sitting side by side, but the two friends hugged. Fluttershy held tightly, finding a piece of something she’d been missing for a long time in that hug.
She breathed in deeply, feeling tears start to well up again. “I don’t know what happened to me, Zest…” They pulled apart, but Lemon Zest took hold of Fluttershy’s hands. “I used to be a good person. I was nice to everyone, and I didn’t do things like this…”
“Hey, you’re still a good person.” Lemon Zest wiped away Fluttershy’s tears. “You’re just going through a rough time.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “It’s been a rough time for four years. I can’t keep using that excuse.”
“Well… I think acknowledging you have a problem is a good first step, right?” Lemon Zest shrugged. “That’s something my therapist said.”
Fluttershy looked away. “I wish my therapy helped more. It doesn’t seem to do anything for me.”
“Really?” Lemon Zest cocked her head to the side. “When I was in therapy for ADHD and anxiety, it always really helped to get all my thoughts out of my head. Do you not feel comfortable with your therapist or something?”
“She’s fine,” Fluttershy said with a small sigh. “It’s just… hard to talk about things.”
“Well… would you rather talk to me about it? I’m not a professional or anything, but I’m happy to talk to you about anything at all.”
“You already know everything though…” Fluttershy bowed her head. “Everyone does. There’s nothing new to talk about, I’m just… still messed up from it all…”
“A lot happened to you.” Lemon Zest squeezed her hand. “And… even if we know about it, you do still kind of bottle things up. Like when your ex showed up, you didn’t talk about that at all afterwards.”
“I talked to Rainbow and Gilda,” Fluttershy said guiltily. It had been another thing she hadn’t wanted to talk to Lemon Zest about.
“I’m glad you talked to someone about it. Did you bring it up with your therapist?”
Fluttershy felt even more guilty, sure she was going to disappoint her friend. “No…”
But rather than appear disappointed, Lemon Zest just nodded. “It’s hard to talk to someone you don’t really know. But well, it’ll really help if you open up to her. She’s an expert at this whole untangling thoughts thing, but she can’t do anything if you don’t let her in.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Fluttershy leaned back into the couch. “It’s just so hard…”
“I know. But it’ll help, trust me.” Lemon Zest’s face lit up. “I know, what if I went with you? Or Rainbow, or whoever.”
“Is that even allowed?”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “Sure, why not? If that’s what you need to feel comfortable, then your therapist will understand.”
Fluttershy nodded, but she wasn’t sure. True, they might help her talk about things she’d normally keep to herself, but the thought was still daunting. “I’ll think about it.”
“Just don’t overthink it.” Lemon Zest grinned. “Nothing wrong with letting your friends help a little.”
Maybe it really was that simple. Her friends had been what pushed her into therapy in the first place, after all. Maybe they could help push her through the process as well.
But before she could think too much about it, someone rang the doorbell. As expected, when Fluttershy answered the door their pizza delivery driver was on the other side. She thanked him, gave him a generous tip, and brought the pizza into the apartment.
“Alright, I’m starving!” Lemon Zest opened her pizza box excitedly, then pulled a slice out and bit into it. “Ow! Hot!”
Fluttershy giggled. “Hold on, I’ll get us some plates.” She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a couple paper plates. She had real ones, but she never used them; doing dishes took more energy than she had most days, so she always used disposable plates, cups, and cutlery.
She returned to find Lemon Zest was still eating her pizza despite having burnt herself. Fluttershy smiled and rolled her eyes, then handed her friend a plate.
It turned out to be nice having Lemon Zest over. It was something Fluttershy had been missing without even realizing it, a little piece of normality that was returned to her. As they ate, they talked about what Lemon Zest had been up to, which was mostly planning a trip to spend some time with her parents, who lived out of state, and catching up with old friends from Crystal Prep.
“So no surprise, it turns out Indigo Zap was into me…” Lemon Zest said with a sigh. “I’m so dense…”
That wasn’t a surprise; when Lemon Zest and Indigo Zap had been in school, they had a pretty intense makeout session during a game of truth and dare. For Lemon Zest, it had just been a dare that they had gotten a little carried away with, but for Indigo Zap…
“I hope she wasn’t too upset.”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “With herself more than me, I think. Which just makes me feel worse for being such an idiot about it all, but I don’t think she was ever mad at me.”
“You’re not an idiot, Zesty.” Fluttershy frowned, wondering if she had given Lemon Zest that impression with how she had acted from their kiss. “What’s she up to these days anyway?”
“Well… okay, but don’t tell Lightning Dust. She’s got a girlfriend.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Good for her. She can’t be afraid Lighting Dust won’t approve of it though.”
Lemon Zest chuckled. “Nah, she’s just waiting until they know things are gonna work out. Doesn’t want to endure her big sister’s teasing unless it’s worth it, you know?”
“Yeah, I can imagine.”Fluttershy giggled. She loved Lightning Dust, but she wasn’t the most considerate person all the time. There was no way she’d let her little sister off easy, even if Indigo was still trying to navigate her feelings. “Her secret’s safe with me. How are the others?”
“They’re all pretty good. You know the kind of people they are, being an overachiever at Crystal Prep gets you pretty far in life.”
“I suppose it must.” Fluttershy leaned back into the couch. She’d eaten her fill of pizza and then some.
Lemon Zest seemed to take notice. “Done eating?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“So you wanna work on unpacking then?”
Fluttershy had forgotten Lemon Zest’s offer to help her unpack. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll just get to it tomorrow.”
“Why not? I mean, I’m here, I’m willing to help, let’s do it!”
‘Because I lied about needing to unpack just so I’d have a reason to blow you off,’ Fluttershy thought, but she didn’t want to say that. They had to both know that was the case, no point in driving the point home. “I’m just really not that worried about it. I’ll get to it soon.”
“Shy, you’ve had this place for a month. Maybe a push is just what you need to finally finish.”
That was true. Resigning herself to her fate, Fluttershy stood up and led them to her bedroom. “Okay, but it’s really not that much.”
There were only a few boxes piled up, but Lemon Zest didn’t comment on that. Instead, she just took one of them and opened it up. “Looks like we got some books in this one.”
“I still have to read most of those.”
“Oh hey, I remember this one from school! Have you read it yet?”
“Oh yeah, Twilight sent that one to me.”
The two of them made slow progress unpacking because they talked about everything as they were going through it. Fluttershy didn’t mind, though. At least it was getting done, and she was having a lot of fun with it.
Although she did have some mixed feelings once they got to her old clothes. “Wow, haven’t seen you wear anything like this in ages,” Lemon Zest said as she held up a long flowing blouse.
“Yeah, I guess they just don’t suit the person I am these days.” Fluttershy looked up where she could see herself in the mirror. She was wearing a grungy long sleeve shirt with studs in it over a Bitchette band tee, and pants that were covered in patches. No rips due to the cold weather, but still very much a punk outfit.
“You don’t have to be just one person,” Lemon Zest said with a shrug. “Wait, that came out wrong. I mean like, the old Fluttershy doesn’t have to go away for the new Fluttershy to be around.”
Fluttershy took the blouse and brought it to her closet to hang it up. “I know. I just feel more comfortable dressing like this.”
“Nothing wrong with that, you look badass in punk clothes.”
Fluttershy smiled and turned to see Lemon Zest pick something else up out of the box. She expected another article of clothing, but what she saw instead made her frown.
“What’s this?” Lemon Zest was holding a plush fish, the only one of Fluttershy’s stuffed animals that wasn’t already around the room.
Without answering, Fluttershy crossed the room and sat down on the bed beside Lemon Zest. She held out her hand, which Lemon Zest put the fish into, and she just looked at it for a moment.
It was a bit dusty, a result of being kept locked away in her closet for so long, but otherwise it was in good condition. It was a funny-looking fish, and a memento of a happier time.
“Sunfish Swimmer,” Fluttershy answered eventually. “Sunset gave it to me just before we started dating.”
“Oh.” Lemon Zest didn’t seem to know what to say, just staring at Fluttershy and waiting for more of a reaction.
Fluttershy eventually smiled, even if only a little. “She hated the name. I forget who came up with it, one of the girls. I had just moved into her house, and I wasn’t working yet, so she didn’t have much money back then. Still, she wanted to get me a birthday present.”
“That sounds really sweet of her.”
Fluttershy nodded, then bit her lip as tears threatened to come. “She was a really sweet person, actually. One of the best friends I ever had. We just… didn’t work well as a couple. We both fed into each other’s faults and brought out the worst in each other.” She turned to Lemon Zest and gave a bigger, more authentic smile. “But we also had some really good times together. I know I don’t talk about her a lot, and if I do it’s to complain, but… she was really good to me, actually, and… and I…”
“Hey, it’s okay. Come here.” Lemon Zest scooted over and pulled Fluttershy closer, putting an arm around her. Fluttershy leaned against her friend, who stroked her hair gently. “Have you… ever thought about going back to being friends with her? That’s what she wanted, right?”
“Yeah, that’s what she wanted.” Fluttershy shook her head, nuzzling against Lemon Zest in the process. “It’s just… as soon as I saw her, I got so angry. More angry than I’ve been in years, I wanted… Zesty, I wanted to hurt her. For leaving me, for not reaching out sooner, for replacing me with the other Fluttershy. I wanted so many bad things for her, I just…”
“Yeah, I get it. She really hurt you.”
Fluttershy sat up. “It’s not that. Because I know I hurt her just as much. I might’ve been even worse to her, because I was the one who broke up, I was the one who pushed her away. I just… I don’t like who I am around her.”
“Yeah, I understand.” Lemon Zest nodded her head towards Sunfish Swimmer. “So what are you going to do with that?”
Fluttershy stared at the fish for a moment. She’d thought about getting rid of it many times, but it was too precious to her, even now. Just like the guitars. At a time when Sunset had so little, she had still gone out of her way to do something for someone who wasn’t even her girlfriend.
She stood up and sighed. “I’ve been hiding from things for too long.” She walked across the room and placed it on her dresser, facing the bed. “I think it looks good there, what about you?”
“Yeah, I think so too.”
“Is there a lot left to unpack?”
Lemon Zest jerked her head towards a box. “That’s the last one.”
Fluttershy bowed her head. “Can we stop? I’ll finish it tomorrow, I’m just… not in the mood anymore.”
“Hmm… Okay, but on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
Lemon Zest stood up and placed a hand on Fluttershy’s shoulder. She had a cocky grin that made Fluttershy feel flustered. “You let me help. I’m gonna be bored out of my mind with nothing to do anyway, might as well help you in the process.”
“I guess I could do that, only…” Fluttershy blushed. “I have a condition too.”
“Oh yeah?”
Fluttershy put her hand on Lemon Zest’s. “Stay the night with me?”
“Sure!” Lemon Zest answered instantly. “I didn’t bring any pajamas though.”
“You can wear some of mine if you want,” Fluttershy said. “They might be a little big on you, though.”
“Hey, that just means they’re extra comfy!”
Fluttershy beamed. She hadn’t been sure her request would go over well; it had been over a year since she and Lemon Zest had last spent the night together, after all. But she put those worries out of her head as she dug out pajamas for them both.
She tried to find her smallest pair of pajama pants for the much thinner Lemon Zest, though she was less concerned about the top. At least that wouldn’t run the risk of slipping off of her if it was too big. She handed the pajamas to Lemon Zest, who left for the bathroom to get changed.
While she did, Fluttershy herself got changed into pajamas. She didn’t always bother to wear pajamas to bed, having grown used to sleeping naked with company, but of course tonight would be an exception.
Within a few minutes, Lemon Zest was back, but she didn’t come all the way into the room. “So wanna put on a movie or play a game or something for a bit?”
“Sure.” Fluttershy followed Lemon Zest into the living room, then turned on the TV. “I don’t have any games of my own, all our videogames were Rainbow’s. I have some puzzles if you feel like doing one of those, or we could just put on a movie.”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “Why not both? Throw on a movie we don’t have to pay a lot of attention to, and we’ll do a puzzle while we watch it.”
Fluttershy nodded and did just that. “Since it’s Christmas, wanna watch a Christmas special?”
“Sure, sounds good.”
Fluttershy found an animated Christmas movie. It was a newer one, and Fluttershy hadn’t seen it yet. “I really like Christmas movies.”
“Yeah, there are some really good ones.”
“Sunset and I… well, we got back together on Christmas, you know.”
“I remember that, she came out to the New Years’ show. You were really happy then.”
Fluttershy sighed. “I haven’t really felt the same around the holidays since that Christmas. And everything fell apart afterwards…”
“Hey, if it’s going to be too hard for you, we can put something else on.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I want to like things like this again. And maybe doing it with you will help that.”
Lemon Zest smiled. “Well, I’m happy to help if I can.”
Fluttershy set the movie to play, then went over to a bookshelf and pulled down a puzzle. It had a picture of some cute puppies on it. “I’m sorry. Am I talking too much about Sunset?”
“Shy, it’s good that you’re talking about her. This is probably really healthy for you.”
“I guess.” Fluttershy set the puzzle down on the table and the two of them got to work on sorting the pieces into edge and center pieces.
Although the movie was good, they talked over it a lot. Mostly just comments on how the puzzle was coming along, nothing too personal. But eventually as she was putting together one of the puppy’s faces, Fluttershy sighed wistfully. “I miss animals.”
“Then get a pet.”
Fluttershy smiled a little. “I don’t know. I’m away from home so much.”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “Not for the next six months you’re not. And you have friends in town, I’m sure you could get someone to take care of it while you’re gone.”
“Maybe…”
“Definitely! You love animals, you should get one for yourself.”
“Maybe… maybe a dog.”
“Hell yeah!”
Fluttershy put another piece in the puzzle, completing the puppy’s nose. “Do, uhm. Do you think you might be okay with going with me to get one?”
“Sure, I don’t see why not. Then I’ll get to play with the puppy too.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Thanks, Zesty.”
“Hey, I think these two sections can connect now!”
“Oh, you’re right.”
Lemon Zest connected two medium-sized sections of the puzzle to make one large one. She smiled at Fluttershy, then turned to watch the movie for a few minutes.
When she spoke again, she sounded a little reserved. “Hey, Shy?”
“Yeah?”
“We understand each other, right?”
Fluttershy frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… something like last time isn’t going to happen again, right?”
Fluttershy bowed her head. She could see why Lemon Zest was asking that. “No, I understand. We’re just friends, nothing more. I’m sorry, I’m asking too much of you.”
“No, it’s cool. Stuff like this, staying the night with you once in a while, going to get a dog with you, I like this kind of stuff.” Lemon Zest scratched her neck. “If… if I ever was going to date anyone, it’d probably be you, you know?”
Fluttershy wasn’t sure that made her feel any better about not being able to date Lemon Zest, but she just nodded her head.
“It’s just… you know, cuddling I like, but kissing, and… other stuff…”
“I understand, Zesty. I won’t push for anything.” Fluttershy looked away for a moment. “I, uhm, I read about asexuality, you know. I read that ace people do date, they just don’t always do sexual stuff. Do you think…?”
Lemon Zest winced. “I… thought about it, you know? But… I don’t really want to be anyone’s girlfriend. I just want to be me, have some good friends and have a good time. I don’t mind if I’m a little closer with some of those friends, as long as it’s, you know, we know where we stand.”
“Okay. I understand.” Fluttershy smiled to show there were no hard feelings. “I remember you saying you were also aromantic, so I mean, I guess I knew. I just…”
“Yeah, I feel you. It’s… well, this whole thing is fucking weird, so like, only one way to be sure how I felt, I guess…”
Fluttershy put her hand on Lemon Zest’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“It’s fine. It’s just kinda still new to me, you know?”
“Yeah. I may not be the same, but if you ever want to talk about it.”
Lemon Zest smiled at her. “Yeah, thanks, Shy.”
It was a little awkward to go back to their puzzle from there, but they managed. They finished the movie before they finished the puzzle, so they played another Christmas special that they had both seen before while they worked on it.
Then they still didn’t get it done, so eventually Lemon Zest had to propose they leave the rest for tomorrow. Fluttershy found she liked the sound of that, so she agreed.
“So, ready for bed?” Lemon Zest asked.
Fluttershy wasn’t really tired, but the idea of going to bed with someone else was appealing, even if it was someone that she wouldn’t be having sex with. “Sure.”
Once in the bedroom, they had to take a few minutes to move Fluttershy’s stuffed animals. Although she had a big bed, they took up much of the headspace. Once they found places for all of them, Lemon Zest climbed into bed, with Fluttershy turning off the lights and following after her.
“Zesty?”
“Yeah?”
“Uhm…” Fluttershy shook her head.
Lemon Zest giggled. “Honestly, there’s no need to be so shy.” She scooted closer to Fluttershy, curling around her and holding onto her. “I knew that spending the night with you meant we’d be cuddling.”
Fluttershy placed her hands on Lemon Zest and smiled. “This is nice.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Fluttershy tilted her head toward Lemon Zest and took a deep breath. She could smell lemon-scented shampoo, which caused a rush of endorphins. “What I actually wanted to say was, well… I’m just looking forward to tomorrow. I don’t usually wake up with someone then get to spend the day with them.”
“Yeah, me either,” Lemon Zest said. “My giant teddy bear never wants to spend the day with me.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Good night, Zesty.”
“Good night, Shy.”
Fluttershy had to stop herself from asking if a goodnight kiss would be going too far since she knew very well that it would be. They were just friends, even if they cuddled on occasion, and that was all they needed to be.
She took another deep breath of Lemon Zest’s scent, then closed her eyes. They may never be anything more than friends, but Fluttershy felt like the missing pieces of her life were finally on the path to being filled.
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Thank you for the words at the end. I feel like people treat stuff like sex in a black and white manner or when they actually talk about it inside a fanfiction it doesn’t sound natural. Although, I’ve only really stayed for the Equestria Girls side of your series, all the characters feel like they have multiple aspects to their personalities and the way you handle some of the darker topics is really engaging and it feels realistic.
10690212
I'm glad you liked it. I was a little on the fence about using an STI because I fear people will perceive it negatively (either because they think Shy deserves it for sleeping around or because they get mad at me for not being "sex is always wonderful uwu"). That middle ground is definitely where I wanted to take this, treating something as important as sexual health in a way that's true to life.
Pain.
But yes, this one is good because its... well as you said in the A/N very sex positive. I appreciate that about your stories! And I also just really enjoy Zest and Shy’s friendship here, it’s cute. Shy acknowledging Sunfish Swimmer and then not hiding from it is a great step forward. I definitely understand why she was SO upset at Sunset’s surprise visit, and it’s good that she’s actually aware of how she acted. That’s great for her, and definite improvement. I don’t understand how people can a. slut shame Shy (seriously? let people do what they want) and b. think she was the only problem. But I already talked about that so I’ll refrain from doing it here.
Great chapter once again!
10690245
I live for Zest and Shy's friendship, they're so good together. And yeah, Fluttershy is coming a long way in her feelings towards Sunset, I think. And lol I've had people slut shaming pony Fluttershy before so like ???
I love the unpacking boxes and the connecting puzzle metaphors for how Shy is finally learning to open up and make connections in healthy ways while in both cases showcasing that it doesn’t get done in one night. Very clever. We all need a friend like Zetzy.
As for Shy. I like how this tackles the most difficult aspect of a bad break up, which is that no matter how things ended you still loved them for a reason.
I could talk about this for ages, but a comment section is not the right medium. I’ll just say I’m glad this is represented here.
10690281
Big agree, wet definitely all need a Zest in our lives. And I'm glad you enjoyed the Sunset talk, just like you say even if it ended badly they were in love for a reason.
Legit I was wondering the same thing. Condoms on a strap-on is also not something I'd heard of. But then again, I'm a cis male, so why would I have? I kinda figured you'd just...wash it?
I'm glad Fluttershy worked things out with Lemon Zest. Didn't think she'd avoid her for an entire year. I do think Zest has a good point about sticking to people you know are safe (or a single person), and I'm also unsurprised Fluttershy ended up with an STD. I'm also happy Fluttershy is actually talking about Sunset. I do wonder if they can make amends. Fluttershy in another environment can acknowledge the ways Sunset was good for and to her as well as the ways that they both hurt each other, but she says herself that she doesn't like the person she becomes around Sunset.
10690652
Condoms on strapons may be a bit more on the safer side than is needed, but it's how you make sure nothing sticks around. It's also a good practice with no real downside because like... The strapon isn't going to complain that it doesn't feel as good lmao. But yeah, the key is to avoid any kind of fluid exchange, which means being safe during oral, no tribbing, not sharing toys, and making sure that there's no open sours on anyone's hands if those are being involved. And of course, sticking to people you know are safe is the best practice, though it's a difficult one when you're on the road.
And this has been your safer sex talk from your local lesbian!
More to the point of the chapter, yeah Fluttershy's finally coming to terms with things with Sunset. As ever, the only thing I'm going to say about the future is that they do meet again, though how that goes is yet to be seen
That was a nice drama free chapter a nice little blast from the past with the sunfish swimmer plushie it's nice sunset is able to talk about these things with lemon zest,
Hopefully shy can talk bout these things with her therapist and hopefully reconnect with sunset. Just gotta ask does she still have that picture of sunset as a pony from finding home?
Aged to read more.
10690836
You know I literally forgot about that picture, but I suppose she would still have it. She never got the photo, AJ just took a picture of it with her phone and sent that to Shy, but yeah I imagine that would be an pic she would keep saved on some device or other.
Quite literally spending the day unpacking emotional baggage it seems.
And now putting herself back together. I don't know if this was done intentionally but it's really good writing imo.
Great chapter, feels like human-shy is finally getting some character development. (I know she got some before, but I feel like it's the first positive step forward she took and easily the biggest so far)
10691160
This is definitely a big step for her, the biggest in a while for sure. Also glad everyone is liking the unpacking/putting things back together bit, sure wish I did it intentionally lmao
I might have mentioned this before, but I still really like the fact that an asexual and aromantic character is given so much respect and a place in this amongst all the other characters.
Although I understand that there are plans for the series as a whole and that this is just one of many stories in 'Who We Become', I can't help but feel that it is odd to skip in time as much as we have. I guess I've grown used to more build up to and the after effects of key events.
I don't notice it when actually reading, but just when reflecting on the events afterwards. Like when Shy met Sunset again and I was ready for the negative fallout of that more next chapter. But instead Shy has had time to process it to a degree.
It's not a complaint, as like I said I accept that this is part of a longer overall story and that each part of that story need not be itself long. It's just a break from the usual.
The writing is as good as ever and the complex situation with Fluttershy seems to be getting a bit simpler. Glad she decided to get checked for STIs, that's a good step I think. I don't know much about STIs but it's good that what she has can be treated with modern medicine.
Maybe then it's good that there are time skips as if there was not I would be worried about Shy not being able to have alcohol in the time she needs the medicine for.
She seems to be figuring out stuff with her friends and hopefully that will help her figure out how to get the most out of therapy. I would have thought that the whole: my ex girlfriend is a unicorn from another world, would be used as more of an excuse to avoid being open and honest with the therapist. But we know that Sunset being a unicorn never bothered Shy so maybe she doesn't think it's worth bringing up.
Thanks for the chapter!
10691380
I'm sorry to hear you're disappointed in the time skips. Truth be told I like longer stories myself, but for something that was meant to be a oneshot, this story already expanded well past its planned length
And lol, I don't think Fluttershy is eager to go through the same thing Sunset did with Crystal Clear by trying to explain Equestria to a therapist. That part of it wasn't ever a problem for her, so she probably doesn't really need to bring it up. She should talk about Sunset, but probably not about her being a magical unicorn
10691404
You're quite welcome, thank you for reading!
10691458
Oh, I'm not disappointed in the time skip, sorry if it came across that way. I just thought that it was worth bringing up that it was against the norm to see an event like the reunion of Sunset and Shy not followed by a sad chapter (or three).
If I need my fix of sad human Shy, then I'm sure I could find it in 'Playing House' or 'Thicker than water'.
As for the other matter.
Shy: casually tells therapist about equestria girlfriend.
Therapist: *shudder* So this is how my career ends.
Fluttershy: huh?
Therapist: There is a legend amongst those in my profession, that certain doom comes to all who hear about a horse world. It has happened before, and it shall surely happen again.
10691717
Ah okay, I gotcha. Yeah, this is a bit of a departure, but I'm pretty happy with it regardless. And lmao yes, all social workers must learn to fear the horse lands...
There is something deeply hilarious to me about Fluttershy of all ponies/humans saying this sentence and so casually
Zest is the real hero of WWB.
10695196
I wholeheartedly agree on both parts
Damn!
Apart of myself wishes she had an animal frien to keep her company with everything she's been through.
Thx Fluttershy.
Lemon Zest has ADHD!!!
https://m.Can't believe she still has that.
Lol!
Huh, what a coincidence Lemon Zest brought that up.
A perfect decision imo, dogs always make your life so much happier, that's how I felt after my family adopted our dog hazel in 2017.
Such an innocuous turning point. Fluttershy was finally pushed into being honest with someone, and it completely turned their relationship around. I can't even begin to express how hopeful I am that this is an upward trend.
Also please god yes get a dog Shy. She needs an outlet for that nurturing instinct. I feel like the band took that place in her life after becoming disenfranchised with animal care and everything that happened with Sky. It was a substitute but it always felt like a bad fit. Not the band itself, but the obsessive manner that she went about it and the unhealthy coping mechanisms it provided.
As for the authors note, I feel like you went easy on Shy to be honest. Four years doing what she did, statistically she should have had a lot more problems. I don't think any reasonable person could misconstrue what Shy was doing as taking a shot at a sex positive lifestyle. The sex wasn't even the real goal, from what I can tell, as much as a fringe benefit.
This was nice to read. Lots of openness and signs of slow but steady healing for Fluttershy.