Take It!

by gapaot

Take It!

"Freedom! Freedom at last!"

Nightmare Moon took a deep breath of cool night air and looked up at the dark sky with a handful of tiny glimmering stars. She stomped her hoof indignantly.

"Amateur! Who does she think she is? I will tolerate this no more."

Two royal guard pegasi lazily laid on the steps of the castle main entrance. Their spears put aside, the guards were telling jokes instead of standing on duty. Why bother? The job is good, the wage is reliable, and emergencies are unheard-of.

"No shame whatsoever," Nightmare remarked ironically, making intentionally loud clatter with her silver hoofpieces against the white marble. Upon hearing the "abnormal" sound the pegasi stood up with great reluctance.

"Who goes… by Celestia's name!"

Amused, Nightmare Moon watched the ponies fill with awe and fear. Then she glanced over the castle. "That's one big house sis built for herself. When did she have the time to… oh right, silly me."

"Is Celly home?" the night goddess asked nonchalantly. The question received no answer, as the royal guards now looked very much like furniture. "I'll take that as a "yes" then? I'll help myself, if you don't mind." Not waiting for permission, Nightmare walked kingly through the open gate.

"Interior designer loses their horn… and tail. And maybe something a bit lower," Nightmare Moon said quietly to herself. "It's good enough for a labyrinth, but if it's a work office, it should be navigable without a compass and an astrolabe."

The alicorn stopped at an almost-closed door. A thin line of dim light escaped the room behind it. After all these years, all these plans and agonizing wait the time has finally come. "Time to have a talk, sis," she thought.

The Goddess of the Sun, the ruler of Equestria, the immortal princess Celestia sat there, bent over the table buried under a stack of scrolls.

"Alright, the budget plan's done," she spoke in a low voice. "What the hay do griffons want again? I should send an ambassador their way. Now, the survey results… damn it! And this celebration tomorrow… I can't stand any more of this rut."

The milk-white alicorn took another sip of tea and tiredly rubbed her eyes. Candles around her flickered for a moment. Nightmare Moon entered the room, seemingly unnoticed by her sister, despite the loud clanking she made.

"Oh, you decided to pay a visit," Celestia finally greeted her, still not raising her head from the papers. "Please suit yourself. Bathroom is this way, kitchen's that way," the princess pointed vaguely. "Tea, coffee, punch?"

Nightmare Moon was taken aback. She had prepared to face surprise, anger, hatred, immediate attack – but not such a drowsily indifferent welcome. Well, if Celestia thought it would make Nightmare forget why she came, she was mistaken.

"You know full well why I'm here," the coal-black goddess hissed. Celestia put the cup on the table, sighed wearily and raised her tired eyes to Nightmare.

"No I don't. A thousand years ago you wanted night eternal. On the other hoof, it's always night on the moon," Celestia yawned before she could cover her mouth, "perhaps you've changed your mind?"

The look that Nightmare Moon gave her could kill, literally – while the goddess was not harmed, the paint on the wall behind her blistered and smoldered.

"So you haven't," Celestia responded inertly. "Alright, what do you want?"

"The same I wanted back then, sister. I want our subjects to value my night as much as they value your day. They love you, while I'm always left behind, ignored, forgotten! But that will change tonight. I will make everypony admire me and my creation!"

Celestia sat motionlessly, watching Nightmare Moon lower into a battle stance, then repeated very slowly:

"Love?.."

Suddenly the cup next to her trembled as tea boiled inside. Candles around her wept, quickly reducing to heaps of wax under the pressure of Celestia's indignation. The sun goddess stood straight up, an invisible force hurling outwards various objects that were piled on the table. Nightmare dodged the cup flung at her and heard it break into pieces as it hit the wall behind.

"They love me, you say?!"

Another cup flew at Nightmare Moon.

"I've had this love up to here!" Celestia stopped with the tableware and crossed her throat with a hoof. "I'm fed up to the back teeth with this love of ponykind!" the alicorn rounded the table, stomping angrily and leaving melted marks in the stone floor with her every step. "I fire one worthless dolt from the castle, and I'm a tyrant. I put one criminal behind bars, and I'm a tyrant. Have you heard of "millions executed personally by Celestia"? I play one harmless prank to relieve a bit of stress, and the next thing I know I'm Trollestia too!"

The princess went up to a window. With a low sound the stained glass started to vibrate and shattered moments later, showering Celestia with multicolored bits. Her coat remained unblemished though, as all shards evaporated mid-air. Nightmare Moon looked at her sister in bewilderment.

"But they didn't stop there, no-o! Some loudmouth spread gossip that I have a thing for young ponies! "Oh no, it's Molestia, hide your fillies!" the princess mimicked an annoying high-pitched voice. "Disgusting. As if I have time to molest fillies! I sleep four damn hours a day!"

"C-Celestia, you got it wrong! I was saying that…"

"Oh no," an unnaturally wide smirk grew on the white alicorn's face, "you got it wrong, you… what do I call you… Luna? Nightmare? Same difference. Look, I can't even have a cup of tea without a crowd of morons cosying up to me, shoving aside anypony that might actually have something meaningful to say! And I can't bellow them away either – tyrant, remember? All I can do is sit there and smile like an idiot," Celestia stopped walking around the room and turned to Nightmare. "Do you want this love? Take it all!"

"But you banished me…" muttered Nightmare Moon, confidence leaving her voice, "I spent a thousand years on the moon, all alone…"

"Oh, you were lonely, sure. Do you think I was idling away here, enjoying myself?" Celestia scoffed. "When everypony saw me send my little sister to the moon, do you think they went up to me and said "oh, we're so sorry you had to do this, we feel for you"? They celebrated! I wanted to lock myself up here and cry, but they made a holiday out of it! Which I had to sit through, receiving all this damn praise! And then I had to do your work too, bringing night as well as day. Do you have any idea what not getting enough sleep for a millennium feels like?"

"Alright, to parasprites with all this regal tinsel. Have you by any chance noticed that these hooves," the alicorn came up to her sister, who was frozen in place, and shook her hooves in front of her, "have kept a semblance of order in Equestria for ten centuries?!"
"Your… words will not stop me," Nightmare Moon took her will in both hooves. "I came here to claim the power that is rightfully…"

And the sun princess snapped.

"FINE!" Celestia shouted, throwing her diadem at her sister. "Attend all these stupid meetings and gatherings with a smart look on your face! Drag the moon and the sun across the sky! Sleep for four hours a day! Listen to the incessant blathering of the royalty at the Grand Gala! Make the right decisions only to hear complaints from every side!"

The white alicorn took off her breastcollar and shook off the hoofpieces, tossing them away.

"You wanted night eternal? Congratulations, I'm not rising the sun anymore. If anyone asks, tell them you banished me to somewhere. Battle my own sister for the sake of throne and power? Find somepony else for that!"

And with this Celestia vanished from the throne room in a blinding flash of light, leaving Nightmare Moon with her jaw dropped. This was not how the night goddess imagined their confrontation.

Still not believing what just happened, the dark alicorn looked around the ruined chamber. The words of the recent conversation echoed in her head. A sad smile appeared on her face as she picked up the golden diadem. "Indeed, there is no punishment worse than a dream come true."

* * *

Nightmare Moon glanced over the ponies that gathered below the balcony. There was a time she dreamt of standing here, the victor of a fierce duel with Celestia. She dreamt of seeing reverence in everypony's eyes as they stood amazed before the true ruler of Equestria. But reality left nothing of these dreams. Nightmare Moon felt she might've known why Celestia gave up the throne so eagerly. "What in the world do I say now?"

"Greetings, my beloved subjects," at least the beginning was easy enough to make up on the spot. "Does anypony of you know who I am?"

"Ooh, ooh, more guessing games!" a lively pink pony exclaimed. "Um, Pokey Smokes? How about... Queen Meanie? No, Black Snooty! Black Snooty! Pfmf!.." an earth pony next to her stuffed an apple in the pink pony's mouth. Nightmare Moon expected anger to rise within her, but suddenly realized that this pony only amused her. A purple-coated unicorn stepped forward, anxiety and steel resolve mixed in her eyes.

"You're Nightmare Moon, former princess Luna and Princess Celestia's sister," she spoke, clearly expecting something bad to happen to her.

"That is true. I am your princess, and I'm back… from rest."

"What am I saying?" a thought darted in her head.

"I rested well, for a thousand years of night reinvigorated me. But now," the alicorn tried to add a sinister stroke to her voice, but it didn't quite work, "it is my sister's time to rest."

"Do you even believe in that yourself?" her inner voice asked.

"This is why I, Nightmare Moon, will rule you instead of Celestia from now on."

A tense silence filled the hall.

"I-I beg your pardon, princess," the Ponyville mayor finally uttered, "this is… great news. We're all endlessly happy… for you," with each word her voice grew more and more nervous. "But you see, today is the Summer Sun Celebration day and, well, we were hoping that princess Celestia would raise the sun…" the pony stopped abruptly and closed her eyes tight, scared by her own insolence.

"She will not", Nightmare flatly stated. The ponies gasped. "The night will last…"

"…forever?" the purple unicorn asked with horror. A couple of overly sensitive ponies fainted. The night princess sighed.

"No, as long as it takes me to figure out how to raise the sun."

Murmur raised in the crowd. "What?" "This is impossible!" "The horror!" "Will the night really last forever?" "Party all night long!" the voices came from everywhere. Nightmare Moon coughed gently.

"I've… never raised it before. Anyhow, you'll have to wait about a week. Two weeks, maybe. That is all," Nightmare Moon said moments before she vanished in a blue mist, leaving the stupefied ponies.

"And what do we do now?" the mayor pony's question remained unanswered.

* * *

"More pina colada, Miss Sunny Skies?"

Celestia raised her sunglasses leisurely, glancing over a tall muscular stallion who was levitating several glasses in front of him.

"Thank you. Would you bring a bottle of champagne to my room tonight?" she winked. "I can't stand drinking alone… What was your name again?"

"As you wish, Miss Skies. I'm Milly," the unicorn smiled.

"Oh, please, call me Sunny," Celestia replied in a cooing voice and turned to lie on her belly. "Would you be so kind as to rub my back with a suntan lotion? I'd be most grateful."

As a pair of strong hooves moved gently along her shoulders and her back, the princess let out a happy sigh. Beach, bright sun, soft sand, handsome stallions, drinks and total freedom – how can a life of a ruler, filled with problems and exhausting work, rival this?

"I hope you're happy, Luna," Celestia thought, moaning ever so quietly from pleasure – the massage felt terrific – "because I sure am."

Comments

[Black Alicorn]

So that's what reaaly happened!

[LewisClarke]

This is pretty clever!

[DreadedCandiru2]

It's like the episode of MASH where Hawkeye is put in command of the 4077th; I half-way expected Celestia to ask Nightmare Moon "Oh, returning to the scene of the crime, are we?" before enumerating what she hates about her daffier subjects: "The cross-eyed mailmare with the muffin fixation, the preening idiot who happens to be her she-wishes-he-was-way-more-distant nephew and, oh, yes, the lavender unicorn who gives off the creepy stalker vibe."

[CoastalSarv]

This is awesome! Of course, I am easlily swayed because this is a more extreme version of my CANON Celestia (I've had it up to here with this tyrant Celestia claptrap), but the story is also very well-written, and I enjoy how Nightmare Moon, full of righteous fury, is reduced to "bwah" in front of a different kind of Celestia-fury.

[Gordon Freepony]

This fic was damn hilarious!

The more you know...

[Banksyt]

HA! i loved it when the ponies screamed it was going to be night eternal, till luna said "no, as long as it takes me to figure out how to raise the sun". great stuff!

[Black Alicorn]

18616

You sir, have just given me a crossover idea.....

Which I will gladly leave to another author as I am busy with another fic....

[gapaot]

18599
Of course, what else? They just made up whole 'elements freed me' later, when Nightmare talked some sense into Celestia (read: plead her to return)

18608
Why thank you! *puts on his smarty pants*

18618
Part of my motivation to write fic was that 'tyrant' claptrap. Try to do double-work in millenia, we'll see how much time you'll find to be tyrannical when you only have 4 free hours to sleep.

18629
Nightmare: Why, how she move that giant warm fluffy ball? AARRRRGHH Move dammit!

[Davesknd]

Loved it!
I am pretty sick of the usual Tyrantmotrollestia BS, so this was a big breath of fresh air.

[Wild_Heart]

Heelarious.

[Eclipse]

This amuses me

[NSFWKazama]

I lol'd

[FanOfMostEverything]

I love when a story goes off the rails, and this one can't even see them from where it landed. I especially like your characterization of Nightmare Moon as a more complex being than just "RAWR NITE WILL LAST 4EVR " A fantastic ficlet.

[gapaot]

18773

NMM: RAWR NITE WILL LAST 4EVR
Celestia: okay.jpg
NMM: ...wait, what?

[masorin]

This is great I am defiantly keeping my eye on this story.

[Xandalite]

Oh god, we need more.

[mimezinga]

Very fun reading, I totally love celly/woona sisterly quarrels ^_^

[Relentless Rain]

Interesting read. Keep an eye on your use of quotation marks when a speaker is quoting. It gets a little confusing in a couple parts where the spoken line ends.

Consider following this example:
"It was so funny the way she said 'oatmeal? Are you crazy?' I laughed so hard."

I hope this helps.

[Gordon Freepony]

This is easily the funniest fic I've ever read.

[Fernin]

Hah, well done. I like the cut of your jib. That was quite amusing.

[Professor Donger]

MORE!

[JuyUnseen]

... I'm not quite sure what I just read...
I enjoyed it, but something felt... Off... Not sure what though

I'm too tired to be thinking anyway... Why am I online this late? I should go to sleep

[gapaot]

32973

Go sleep well and dream of ponies, bro)

[JuyUnseen]

32994 Okay, now that i've actually slep, i've figured out what was off.
You have a very solid concept here, but this story is far too breif. I mean, I am a defender of the shortstory, but this felt a little TOO short. There is quite a lot you could do with this though, and I did enjoy reading it, so you did something right there

[gapaot]

33146

yeah, I'm trying to write part 2, but you know, I have a bunch of scenes and NO solid plot. NO FUCKING PLOT. so sorry, don't know when i'll write something else. thanks for review.

[8Aerondight8]

And this is why I would never attempt to rule. Just too much work!
Awesome story though!

[john-117]

hee hee Celestia snaps, so amusing.

[CDR]

NNM just rain into the mental brick wall. This happens whenever there's a "Wait what?!" moment occuring. And man is it freaking awesome to read those. Pretty much the comediac equivalent of the HELL YES! moment.

[DancingOnTheAshes]

Well, this is a shining case of: "Be careful what you wish for."

[Balancer]

More please

[Lucefudu]

33178
How about something involving NMM pleading Celestia to return and the whole 'Elements Of Harmony' bullshit to cover up for Celestia's absence.

[gapaot]

78485
Well, when my exams end i'll think about it))

[Ice]

Not my kind of story

[RockWolf]

very, VERY clever story! sweet way to turn the tide on NMM! lmao at Celestia's tantrum!

[gapaot]

108095
hah, thanks) People still read this? Lol))

[Thorax]

This was awesome on so many levels

[Enmar]

This was great XD
be careful what you wish for...

[TheAussieBlue]

Brilliant!

I just love this! No more is needed, just, PERFECT!

Five Star!

[cheetaboy7]

Clever. Rood read.

[Meandering Road]

Heh. Well done. Very well done.

[Aenbr]

Brilliant!

[Nyerguds]

Hehe. This joke was done pretty much exactly the same in the webcomic Bruno The Bandit, where the Evil Wizard of the cast got it in his head that he wanted to take over the kingdom. The king just laughed in his face, dug out the beach balls and his swimming pants, called the whole court together and left.

I don't know if you actually read that, but either way, this story applies the same concept to Equestria and Nightmare Moon quite brilliantly

[Diamond Sparkle]

Very funny, I want to read more.

[Q Illespont]

I keep hearing the old song 'Take This Job and Shove It' whenever I read or reread this.

[Shamrocker]

This... this made me LOL. Celestia is having a field day with this!

Celestia is happy.

[Eyup nope why because]

One your name is genius and two your story is great
plus believable
and funny

[brijbee]

thehungergames2012.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/tumblr_m0lm3j279c1r8c567o1_1280.gif

[The Sergeant]

19277

Avatar pic+Comment=Hilarity

[Puzzle Reader]

Eheheheh, that was hilarious.

[Cornebre]

There was no movement on this story since 96w? O.o
What a shame for a good story!