Chapter 69: The fallen King
*Authors note*: Accidently hit the republish button, sorry!
*Raiden POV*
Silence.
That's all that could be heard as what Callobrim had said slowly sank in.
His fault? How the heck could it be his fault? I found myself wondering as Ronin stood to his feet immediately, almost sending Chrysalis flying if she hadn't gotten up in time.
"What do you mean Nicholas has been kidnapped?!" He yelled as he stomped over to Callobrim, keeping eye contact with him the whole time. "You can't just reappear after being DEAD for years and say shit like that to us!"
Callobrim sighed. "I get why your upset, and this news probably comes as a shock to you all-" He said but I butted in before I could finish.
"Of course it does!" I exclaimed, feeling Luna rub up beside me in an effort to calm me down some, earning her scratches on the head as I noted Twilight was starting to stir slightly on her back. "How'd the kids and Celestia even find you anyway?! You took off after healing me!"
Ronin turned to me with a frown. "Healed you? From what?!"
Chrysalis groaned, clearly not liking how chaotic things were getting. "Raiden almost died in Canterlot to a Ice queen who appeared from the spell that sent you to Griffonia, so he was healed at a hospital." She explained cautiously, probably feeling the growing agitation in the room, and turned to Redheart and Pinkie. "Could you two go and take Redhearts parents somewhere...less hostile for the time being?"
Redheart went to butt in, but Pinkie nodded. "On it, Chrysi!" At speeds that to this day blow my mind she managed to push Redheart and her parents out the door...though her father couldn't really be a griffon, right? Do genetics work that way? If so, then Luna and I may be in the same boat as Ronin soon.
Speaking of Ronin, he looked about ready to snap at the news of my hospitalization.
"You were in the HOSPITAL?!" He yelled as he turned to me, causing me to take a step back but nod nonetheless.
"Yeah, Christine did a number on me in Canterlot after you left, and I was left in some sort of sleep for a bit." I said as I recalled the events in the hospital. "Thanks to grandfather, I'm alive...even if I'm now a dragon permanently."
Ronin took a deep breath, possibly trying to calm himself down a tad as he faced Callobrim once more. "Alright, so you saved Raiden, I'll give you that. But why don't you explain what happened with Nicholas and how your here?"
Callobrim, who looked slightly agitated now, sighed. "Yer finally gonna let me talk, ay? Good. Now, it happened earlier right after I had seen Nicholas and his girls get kidnapped by the mare known as Faust..."
******************
No POV/about 30 minutes earlier
******************
Callobrim ran. He ran as hard and as fast as a centuries old human could run, which was suprisingly fast considering he hadn't ran in years.
However, his stamina soon gave out as he rested up against a building that looked to him like a carousel, something he hadn't seen since his time on earth.
"Gah...hah...I really should have stayed in shape." Callobrim muttered in between gasps as he looked around. There were several ponies and even a handful of changelings around town, even though the changelings were given a bit more space than the wandering ponies.
"It seems the changelings have been settling in nicely. Can't believe my bloodline actually did something good with their lives for once." He said as he heard the sound of hooves approaching from his right.
"You say that as if you don't have a chance to do so yourself." A changeling with orange eyes said as he walked up to the old man and looked up at him. "Hello, Callobrim."
The old man frowned as he put his hood back over his head. "How do you know my name, little one?"
The changeling sighed and looked around as the area seemed to have little to no one around at the moment. "Look at me, human. I've been able to keep this charade up for this long in order to watch over things, but the time of the release of the new Era is coming, and soon."
The old man gasped. "How do you know of the Era? Your one of Ronins changeling drones?!"
The changeling stomped his hoof. "Enough!!! You have no right to ask questions after causing the pain you have over the years. How many more must suffer because of your selfish needs?"
Callobrim turned away, closing his eyes as memories of his sister and old friend dashed across his mind.
"...Your right. I have no right to demand anything, at least until I can right my wrongs." Callobrim faced the orange eyed bug. "Could you at least tell me your name since you know mine?"
The changeling went to argue, but sighed instead. "In this time, I am known as Roxas thanks to your grandson...or is it nephew?" He shook his head. "But you may call me by my real name: Deimos."
"I knew it."
Both man and changeling turned and faced the one who spoke up, both recognizing the altered changeling and his two friends immediately.
"Tak!? What are you doing here." Deimos spoke up in a higher pitch that had been using as Roxas, but Tak shook his head.
"Cut the crap, Roxas...or Deimos. Mother called for the changelings twice and you didn't show up, once for an inspection and the other to help our king. It's obvious that your the one who left that corpse in the depths of the hive, all I want to know is...why?" He said as Axel stepped forward.
"Roxas...I thought we were family! You, Me, Larxene and Zexion were the first ones hatched! It was supposed to be us against the world!" He gritted his fangs as he gave Deimos a hardened glare, though his eyes showed hurt in them. "How could you do this to us?"
Deimos sighed and looked to Tak. "That changeling you found died at birth and never existed in the first place. Any sort of marks on his body came from when I crafted this vessel from his likeness."
Scootaloo, the third of the newcomers and by far the most confused, spoke up. "Vessel? What do you mean by that?"
Callobrim gave a wary glance to Deimos, something Tak noticed as Deimos answered the orange pegasus.
"I needed a vessel to come into this world. And to do that, I needed a body and personality that would allow me to watch over things while keeping my cover. So, I adopted the body of the changeling you came to call Roxas, and put up a false persona to make him seem innocent and unaware of the bigger picture."
Tak growled and stomped his hoof. "Even if you did do nothing to that changeling, why follow us around? You helped us during the Canterlot assault and you helped us while Volt attacked ponyville. Why reveal yourself now?"
Deimos let out an irritated moan. "Because the world order is at stake, Damn it! Do you realize how bad things will get if Faust gets her hands on the power this old fool left in Nicholas?!"
The three kids gasped, while Callobrim balled up his fists at the reminder.
"Nicholas?! Where is he?" Tak exclaimed, his patience beginning to thin.
"He's been kidnapped along with his fillyfriends." Callobrim answered as Scootaloos eyes widened.
"No! That would mean Applebloom and Diamond Tiara are..." She trailed off, worried for both her new and longtime friends safety.
"They were kidnapped?! Where are they then?!" Axel yelled as Deimos raised a hoof.
"Enough. Enraged emotion will get you nowhere. There is only one way to fix this and that's saving Nicholas. The way to the lair of that self-proclaimed God is-GHRK!" He started, but was cut off as a long sword that looked like it was a horn ran through his back and through his chest, killing the mysterious changeling instantly.
"AH! What the?!" Axel yelled while Scootaloo and Tak screamed while taking several steps back from the body as it seemed to bleed shadows before it faded to dust. The sword floated upwards and flew over to a smirking man as he came out of a portal that closed behind him.
Callobrim felt his heart race as the man turned his gaze to him. "Well well, if it ain't the old apprentice! How's eternal life going for ya, Brim!" The man cackled as he faced the kids. "Sorry about the mess, but the fool was about to reveal some things that I can't let slide."
Callobrim stepped between him and the kids, a stern expression on his face. "Leave us be, Tarus. Don't you have a master to go get orders from?"
Tarus frowned and lifted the red drawls that hung over his legs, revealing some marks that looked recently applied.
"I've already went to her...and got my lickings too. But! I've got a chance to redeem myself!" He said as he pointed the sword at Callobrim. "All I need to do is kill those kids, and I'm home free!"
He rushed forward at a blinding speed and thrusted his sword forward straight at Callobrim.
*Clang!*
In a flash of golden light, Celestia had teleported in front of Callobrim and blocked the blow with her spear, much to the anger of Tarus.
"Damn! What the hell are you doing here?" He said as Celestia narrowed her eyes and pushed back against the Alabaster princess.
"I've been looking for Callobrim ever since he was spotted here, but I will not condone murder of any foals on my watch." Her eyes traveled to the blade Tarus wielded as she gasped. "That blade...It cannot be!"
Tarus chuckled. "But it can be! Pure alicorn horn, Sunbutt. Straight from your daddy's skull. I am the keeper of the dead after all." He said as Celestia growled and aimed her horn at him, blasting him with a full powered beam.
The blast sent Tarus flying backwards into the open street of ponyville, making any residents out at the time immediately flee into their homes as per the usual monster in ponyville day demands.
Celestia turned to Callobrim, a blank look on her face. "Can you fight?"
He pulled out the necklace from his robe and put it around his neck, immediately feeling a surge of magic flow back through his veins. "For a while, yes. But most of my power is in the boy, and I only have a small amount left in myself."
"It will have to do for now." She said as she turned to the kids. "You three need to stand back. You've already put your lives on the line before, and it's time I defended my people instead of the other way around."
The trio of kids did as they were told (No one was arguing with a battle ready Celestia) and stepped back to the side of the road, though after a second of hushed whispering between the three Scootaloo ran off somewhere and Axel went into the boutique while Tak teleported away somewhere else.
Celestia and Callobrim turned to Tarus, who was getting up from his fall and looked quite pissed.
"That's it! Screw Faust and her petty balance! I'M SKEWERING ALL OF YOU!" He roared as he was absorbed by a black aura and began to morph and grow.
Celestia readied her spear as she glanced at Callobrim. "Stay alert. Luna told me about this being when he attacked her and Raiden at Canterlot." She said as the giant bear shaped monster with the lions head appeared from the aura, the tentacles around his mouth wriggling like worms. "It is capable of draining magic from targets with each of his blows, so try not to get hit."
Callobrim shuddered. "Of course he'd be capable of taking away my one strength." He said as the newly transformed Tarus looked down at them with blood sockets for eyes.
"Telling my secrets, Celestia? I'm touched you care enough to know that much about me." He stated in a gravelly voice as the smell of boiling blood perverted the area. "But this time Faust is too busy to stop me from wreaking havoc, and this whole town shall burn under my wrath!"
https://m.
Tarus swung out a large bear claw at the two, forcing Celestia to take to the air while Callobrim teleported in the air behind the behemoth of a monster Tarus had become.
"Let's see...perhaps some ice will cool you down." Callobrim whispered as he flicked his wrist, making a blue circle appear above Tarus before several ice shards rained down on him, either missing or inpaling themselves into his flesh before dissolving.
Tarus turned to Callobrim and blasted a red beam at him from his eyeless sockets, though Callobrim merely teleported again to avoid the blast. However, the blast kept going and shot towards a cloud house in the sky, effectively obliterating it on contact.
Celestia flung her spear straight at Tarus, landing a blow on the back of his head and causing him to shake slightly from the sudden pain before he faced the sun goddess.
"You!" He said as a couple of mouth tentacles shot out and wrapped themselves around Celestia, drawing her in she slowly felt her magic leaving her. "How long will you be able to last until my power drains you dry?" He said as he laughed. "It's amazing what tricks one can pick up from the prisoners you send me in Tartarus."
"Drain this, Tarus!" Callobrim yelled as he summoned another circle, this one being red as a giant fire all erupted into the monsters side and engulfing him whole, allowing Celestia to be dropped from his grip and to the ground in a heap.
Callobrim teleported straight to her and lifted her neck to she could face him. "You alright, Sunshine?"
Celestia coughed a bit before chuckling softly. "I haven't heard that nickname in years...but yes, I'm ok, just tired." With Callobrims help she managed to stand as she laid a wing over him for support. "Now, let's-"
She was cut off as a large bear hand grabbed Callobrim from the flames and lifted him into the air. Tarus shook off the fire that was on him and laughed loudly, staring at Celestia the whole time.
"You thought FIRE would hurt the keeper of TARTARUS?! How many levels of stupid are you, old man?" He roared as Celestia brought her spear back to her magically, causing Tarus to tighten his grip on Callobrim. "Don't move, sunbutt. Or the man gets squished like a grape."
Celestia gritted her teeth, but dropped the spear, making Tarus laugh again.
"There we go! Was that so hard, you celestial pain in the ass?" He taunted as he turned his gaze to Callobrim. "I don't know what Faust had in her head when she picked you of all humans as her apprentice, but I'm sure the boy will fare better than you ever did."
Callobrims eyes widened as he realized the reason why Faust had taken Nicholas. "No! She can't be planning on using him like that! The Era will kill him!"
Celestia frowned as she looked on, unable to attack in fear of Callobrims death. "What is he talking about? Era?" She muttered as Tarus cackled.
"So what if the boy perishes? You have no one but yourself to blame. You should've done what you were told and it wouldn't have been your family on the chopping block." He shook his head and turned to Celestia. "But nooooo! The old fart was selfish, and tried to horde the power granted to him by Faust...and managed to throw all his family and friends under the bus as well just to safe face."
Celestia looked to Callobrim, shocked by the news. "What is he talking about, Brim?"
The old man sighed. "I'm so sorry, Celestia. I never meant for all of this to happen." He started as he started feeling the last bits of his magic being drained away. "Our arrival to Equestria...My sister and friends demise, Luna's banishment...it was all my fault!"
Celestia's jaw dropped as Tarus chuckled to himself. "How could all of that be your fault?! You had no control over those events!" She yelled, before she stopped in her tracks. "Wait a minute..." She looked down for a second before returning her gaze to Callobrim, tears in her eyes. "You didnt..."
He nodded. "I did. Back on Earth I met two people in a flea market. One of them was Faust, and she gave me a deal I couldn't refuse." He closed his eyes, remembering the events that day.
*********
"What is that?" Callobrim asked the two figures as they showed him a black and red necklace with some sort of unicorn symbol with wings on it.
"It is called the Alicorn Amulet, and it had the power to give you the strength you need to get whatever it is you desire." The female, who had introduced herself as Faust, said to Callobrim as she smiled softly at him. She had a perfect tan with almost golden hair that flowed to her chest and complimented the yellow short and skirt she wore.
The man next to her, a tall man wearing a full green tuxedo that shined off dark skin and blue eyes, nodded as he handed Callobrim the necklace. "Your down on your luck with that restaurant, right?"
Callobrims eyes widened. "How do you know that?"
The man waved him off, showing six rings on his hand. "I'm a fortune teller, it's my job. The point is, this item can grant you the wealth you need. All you have to do is charge it will electricity."
Callobrim looked to the amulet and sighed. He had just gotten the foreclosure notice for his restaurant yesterday, and years of lying to his family about his degree in culinary would catch up to him at last. What would his sister think? What about his close friend?
He looked up at the two strangers and nodded. "Yer right. I need this...how much?" He said as he reached into his pockets, but was stopped by the two people.
Faust shook her head. "It's free...just remember I'll be in contact with you whenever it works." She and the man turned away and began to walk off.
"And so, the wheels of fate turn."The man muttered as they turned a corner and disappeared from sight, leaving the false chef by himself in the aisle holding what was supposedly the key to his future.
*************
"After our arrival, I began dreaming about that woman. She told me many things about who she was and that she watched over all of Equiis. She kept the balance of the world, and needed help to do so." The old man sighed, looking Celestia in the eyes as the weight of what he was saying came crashing down on her. "But, after a while my sister became suspicious of my motives, and after getting a favor from David she managed to get into my dreams thanks to your sister." He shook his head. "After that she left Equestria and went north, where Luna would soon follow after I...said some things to her that I knew would cause her to give chase and called them a prophecy."
Celestia shook her head, unsurprisingly angry at Callobrim. "I gave you that power as a blessing when you came to our world, and you turned it on my sister?!"
Callobrim nodded again. "Indeed. Faust needed all witnesses silenced, and she seemed extra terrified of Christines kids, so she ordered me to have them dealt with...or lose everything." He closed his eyes as more tears leaked out. "I never meant to-Whoa!"
A big barrel slammed onto the side of Tarus, making him drop Callobrim to the ground as he glared in the direction of the projectile.
"Who dares attack me?!" He roared as he saw an orange earth pony staring him down with a smirk on her face.
"Ah do, ya overgrown hairball." Applejack said as Tak walked up beside her and charged his horn, putting metal bracing on Applejacks hooves. "Our friend here told us about you and yer Deity friend." She suddenly dawned a truly pissed glare as she pawed the ground with her hooves and snorted. "If ya know what's good for ya, you'll return mah sister unharmed."
Tarus frowned. "Us?" He questioned just as a lightning fast hoof to the face hit him in the face as Rainbow dash flew past and stopped mid-air to face him.
"Applejacks right! Just because you call yourself a God doesn't mean you get to mess with us like that!" She turned to Scootaloo, who had just arrived on scene after following Rainbow Dash on foot, and nodded. "The little squirter said you've been the reason for all the bad guys." She pounded her hooves together. "That means your cruising for a bruising, buster, especially after you totalled my house!"
"Shut it, welp!" Tarus yelled as he went to blast Rainbow dash with a red beam, but it was intercepted by a blue and beam that overpowered it and blasted Tarus back several inches.
"Darling, you MUST not yell so much. It's so childish and only serves to make you sound like a spoiled brat." Rarity said as her, Sweetiebelle and Axel (who had reverted to his changeling form to use his magic better) stepped from the boutique and onto the street. "And besides, you must be crazy if you think we're going to let you destroy our fair town just because your having a tantrum."
"Yeah! Let our friends go you meanie!" Sweetiebelle said as Axel chuckled.
"Nice one-liner, goofball." He said, getting a flank check from Sweetiebelle as Tarus glared at everyone who was surrounding him.
"Three of the elements? Alongside some children, a half-rate sorcerer and a beaten princess?" He laughed as Callobrim, who had been crawling away managed to get over to Celestia, slowly stood and faced him. "Give me a break!"
Callobrim couldn't help but smirk. "Four elements, actually." He pointed out as Tarus turned to him and frowned.
"Four? What do you mean by four?" He questioned as he felt someone tap the top of his head and looked up...
...to see none other than Fluttershy, the mare who he had entertained back in Canterlot giving him the eleven out of ten Stare.
"How. Dare. You. Kidnap. My. CHILD!!!!" She screamed as she reared back and delivered a hoof haymaker that would've made even the strongest Earth pony shudder in fear. The blow sent a screaming Tarus straight to the ground on a one legged kneel as he sputtered out blood from his mouth at a non-stop rate.
Celestia turned to Applejack, Tak and Rainbow Dash. "Now! Take out his other legs!"
Callobrim faced Rarity, Axel and Sweetiebelle. "You three! Help me keep his arms in check with a stasis spell." He ordered as he made a yellow circle appear around the massive bear arms of the beast and shackled him with magic chains that got encased in a blue aura the three magic casters used to amplify the spell. While Rainbow Dash and Applejack quickly made their way over to the other leg and simultaneously bucked it from both sides Tak picked up a tree from nearby in his magic and sent it into Tarus's back.
"GAAAAH!" Tarus roared in agony as his legs gave out and he fell forward...right in front of Celestia and looked up at her as blood seeped from every part of his face. "You...cannot beat....me. I am...a God!"
Celestia shook her head and leveled her spear with his head. "You lost that title the second you out someponys life in danger." She said, acid rage dripping from her voice as she drove the spear through his head, causing the whole body to shake and convulse as the same dark aura surrounded it again.
As everyone looked on, the body shrank and shrank until it was the height it was the size of about a unicorn. When the darkness disappeared, Tak and Axel gasped.
"No...he can't be!" Tak said as Axel shook his head.
"Your telling me this guy was..." He trailed off as the body of a changeling was left over as the shadows dissipated, though this changeling had a cutie mark of a blue heart on his flank that was visible for seconds before the whole body turned to dust.
"So, he was the unicorn that plunged his horn into the crystal heart all those years ago. Who would've believed he would end up fathering the changeling race?" Celestia said as she turned the elements, who were celebrating the victory with a group hug. "My little ponies, I need you to make sure no one in town is hurt, and ensure no widespread panic ensues from these events."
The four girls nodded, but Applejack stepped alongside Fluttershy and lowered her hat while she looked up at the monarch in front of her.
"Princess, with all due respect, ah can't just sit by when mah sister is in danger." She stated as Fluttershy nodded.
"And I can't leave Nicholas on his own again. He's my son, and I won't let him get hurt." She said, full of determination as Celestia smiled at them warmly.
"As always, both of your dedications to family are unmatched. But I need you four here to protect Ponyville, especially if Faust herself is against us." She raised a hoof to stop Applejack from speaking up. "I will personally make sure your sister and son return safely, you have my word as a princess."
Applejack and Fluttershy nodded and bowed, though Fluttershy looked up at Celestia as she did so. "Please, Princess...bring Nicholas home."
Celestia nodded as Callobrim and the kids walked over. "I will, Fluttershy." The elements proceeded to leave in different directions across town just as Tak spoke up.
"Princess! We need to get back to the hive! Ronin just returned, and there we can make a plan." Tak said as Sweetiebelle nodded.
"Then what are we waiting for, let's go!" She said as she noticed both Tak and Axel giving her a look. "...What?"
Axel answered first. "There is no way I'm letting you go with us. Last thing we need is MORE kids getting hurt." He said as Sweetiebelle pointed a hoof at him accusingly.
"Your a child too!" She said as Callobrim shook his head.
"Both Tak and Axel are capable of combat. You've only helped alongside of powerful spellcasters and may be used against us by Faust. You need to stay where the elements can protect you." He told her, causing her sigh hang her head.
"Fiiiiine. Just bring Applebloom and Diamond Tiara back, ok?" She said as she suddenly turned and nuzzled Axel before running off into the boutique.
"Whaaaa!?" Axel said, completely thrown off as Tak started laughing and Celestia giggled to herself before noticing Scootaloo come over and glomp Tak from behind.
"Whoa! You were soooo cool!" She said as it was Taks turn to blush before he gave Scootaloo the same look as Sweetiebelle.
"Your not goi-" He went to say, but was stopped as Scootaloo put a hoof on his mouth.
"Nope! Your not shaking me that easily." She said as Tak groaned and Callobrim chuckled, though he stopped at the glare Celestia gave him.
"We need to hurry." He said as he pointed at the big black house that stood out amongst the colorful buildings nearby. "I'm guessing that's where Ronin lives."
Tak nodded. "It is, how'd you know?" He said, causing Callobrim to groan and begin walking towards it.
"Boy never did get past his emo phase." He said as they made their way to the house to figure out what to do next.
********************
Raiden POV/present time
********************
"And that is how we got here now. Tarus has been defeated, and we now know who has Nicholas and his friends." Callobrim said as he turned to Ronin, who was eerily emotionless this whole time. "Together, we might be able to-"
In the blink of an eye, Ronin had grabbed Grandfather's neck and slammed him into the wall, pinning him there as he reared back his other hand.
"Enough Shit, Old man! For who knows how long, I looked up to you! Raiden looked up to you! NICHOLAS LOOKED UP TO YOU!" He tightened his grip on Callobrims neck, making the old man choke. "And now I come to realize everything up until now has been YOUR fault!"
"Ronin!" I called out as I stepped forward, but he shot me a death glare.
"Shut up, Raiden! This is all his fault, and I'm not letting this...this murderer live any longer!" He turned back to Callobrim as he morphed his right hand into a razor sharp griffon claw.
Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Ronin, what Callobrim has done is indeed horrible, but killing him will not solve anything."
"Listen to my sister, Ronin! We need him to help us find your brother!" Luna said as I saw Chrysalis approach him.
"Ronin...please let him go." She said, making Ronin face her with a look of shock on his face.
"You want me to let this man live? After everything he's put everyone in this room through?" He yelled as he turned back to Callobrim. "Sorry, but not this time." He said as he shot his clawed arm straight at Callobrims throat.
"Ronin! Stop!"
And he did...about three centimeters from his chin. Ronin turned around to see Twilight, who had woken up during all the yelling and had gotten off Luna to walk over to Ronin.
"Twilight?" He said as she walked up next to Chrysalis.
"Ronin...if he truly did everything he said he did, then we'll make sure he pays for it all...AFTER we save Nicholas. For now, he's the only person who knows anything about Faust and where she will be at, so please put him down." She said as he looked around at everyone before sighing, dropping Callobrim and turning to Chrysalis and Twilight.
"I'm...sorry girls." He said just as Chrysalis and Twilight pulled him into a big hug.
"It's ok, no one can blame you for acting like that." Chrysalis said as Tak walked over and hugged Ronin from behind as he got an arm draped around him.
"I'm just glad your ok...Dad." He whispered, letting me see Ronins look of shock turn to pure unadulterd happiness from hearing that.
I turned to Celestia. "How the heck did we not hear that fight go on if it happened here in ponyville?"
Axel smirked. "Were you in the underground hive earlier?" I nodded as he laughed. "That's why! How are you supposed to hear anything while deep underground?"
...Fair point.
"Um...how are we going to go save Nicholas and the others? This Faust lady wouldn't just keep them somewhere where we could walk up and find them, right?" Scootaloo said, causing Callobrim to stand up and clear his throat.
"That's correct. For eons Faust has holed herself up in a plane that stands between reality and dreams known as the Aether." He stated as Luna frowned.
"We have heard of this place. It is a realm that supposedly exist outside of the realm of dreaming and of the mind. But we always believed it was a foals tale?"
Callobrim shook his head. "Far from it. The Aether is an anchor for the universe, supposedly capable of opening paths to other worlds." He shrugged. "Sadly, Faust only showed me one area of that realm, the hall of balance, which is where she resides."
I nodded. "Alright, we have a location, now how do we open a path to this...Aether?"
Callobrim turned to Chrysalis and Ronin, the former glaring at him while Ronin stared a hole through him. "We need to pass through a realm that can be open to it." He turned back to me as he smiled.
"We need to go to Eureka, and dive to its core."
Stats
Page generated in 0.03 seconds
Total duration
738 users online
571,626 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
11050518
Aaa? I'm not sure whether or not I want to know more about that response or not.
11051637
Well said.
11059721
That's the point, friend! Chrysalis is not a fool and she definitely has more life experience than Ronin. She couldn't have agreed to that. In any case, she needs to think about it well, better prepare. She's a Queen, which means she's a tactful mare. Don't forget that, otherwise you'll turn Chrysalis into a cheap character.
And I doubt that Equestria will want a war with Gryphonia and the reborn changelings, and all because of claims to the throne!
11060522
Believe me, the last thing I want to do is screw her character over, especially with how much I've built it up so far. There's gonna be some issues and problems right off the bat and who knows? Maybe she might not end up fully in charge after all?
11060532
I'm glad you decided to take this issue more seriously.
11060532
And if the idea of your plot is exactly like that, then Ronin is just right for this role, as the closest relative by blood. But... I would definitely not want to see such a role in it. He is still young and often makes mistakes in his decisions. However, he can prove to the griffins that his fallen father is their former tyrant king. And he can, by some right, offer a more interesting option. He can ordain a new king, and I, for example, would like to see Father RedHeart for this role! It would probably be more correct and fair, and most importantly interesting for the plot.
11060541
All good points, my friend. Ronin may be blood related, but he also thinks with his emotions rather than his head (As shown with Chrysalis). Grazier definitely could do it himself, as could a couple others.
Worry not, this issue won't be just given the "Easy fix" treatment. It will end up being a sub-point as the story draws to a close soon.
11060600
And I thought that you would write your story one and a half million more words!
11060600
Believe me. Judging by what I know about you as an author, you are not yet ready to write a story in the "Mature" rating. To do this, you need to ... um ... experience adulthood, emotions and difficulties. And, of course, to know the closeness with a beautiful girl.
11060609
If I'm being honest here, the only reason this story was a teen rating was because I wasn't sure of how my writing abilities would stack up to what I plan on writing later and what I wanted to bring to the table. I may not know the "closeness" of being with a girl yet, but I don't plan on writing anything like that anyway. I have picked up a couple of romance based novels and stories on this site so I could learn how to better write romance, but the reason my later stories may be rating M isn't because of sex. No, it's because of the themes of the story themselves. A person who is tortured or forced to the very brink of despair can't exactly mesh well with a teen rating, and I can't in good will let the idea of my next story falter because I need to adhere to a lower rating. That Mature rating isn't gonna be for sex or the acts around it, it will be for the maturity of the storyline that follows. It won't be just some fantasy where the human (or humans) get powers and simply live life on Equestria, instead it will face a much...darker story where the character isn't thrusted into safety or a bathtub of a royal, but rather must face every merciless side of Equestria he or she can.
I appreciate your opinion on my writing, and your right about my lack of knowledge in many areas surrounding adulthood. But I do know pain, and I plan on using that pain to inspire my next work of art.
p.s: Yeah, half a million isn't happening...at least for Era of Harmony.
Raiden POV
"Yeah, Christine did a number on me in Canterlot after you left, and I was left in some sort of sleep for a bit." I said as I recalled the events in the hospital. "Thanks to grandfather, I'm alive...even if I'm now a dragon permanently."
Well, you already know my opinion about this idea in your plot. And I swear to you, brother! I still don't see any reason why Raiden had to be healed and become a dragon at the same time. Do you think it looks cool?
The scene the battle Callobrim and Celestia against Tarus...
This is still the style of the comic, since the bad guy talks too much, which is stupid from the point of view of tactics, but for people who do not understand (readers), such a scene can certainly seem spectacular and dramatic.
To reach a higher level, you need to pay attention to Details, Actions and convey feelings and feelings, and most importantly, you need to understand and maintain a balance between the dialogue and the description of the action.
Celestia... but it was possible to use her precisely as an Alicorn with thousands of years of experience. Her wings, her knowledge and skills. Do not forget to mention the expression of her face and the developing mane! Specify the weather in the sky! Since I am sure that at this moment, fate is being decided and a large accumulation of top-level magic that is used for Combat converges in this place! And this, of course, should cause shocks to nature and the weather.
The sky darkened and rare, but bright lightning gave the atmosphere of a fateful moment for these lives!
It's not the first time I've already done similar examples for you, but you still couldn't understand me. Well, I'll put it down to a little experience and understanding of how to see and write your story, while it's very good to feel your personal presence in this scene and see it with your own eyes, hear it with your ears, feel it with your skin.
Do not forget about more important details as well! Namely, to more accurately indicate the place of the event. If this is a city (Ponyville), then you can't help but write that there is some kind of busy traffic in it. Even if it's a few passing ponies. Remember the animated series, and you will see how ponies behave when they see danger! This is a panic and an attempt to hide at home, then crawl under the bed in fear.
The details, even if they are those that may delay the main idea of the described scene, are what creates the atmosphere and effects very well.
All this is sometimes not enough, or rather almost always, in order to experience excitement and empathy when reading such scenes. And it's about your style.
In general, for all the time I've been reading your story (namely the battle scenes), only once have I come close to those very necessary sensations. It was Gilda POV.
This one, the Taurus... Was he seriously just standing there and listening to Callobrim tell his story?
Remember this particular moment. And don't make such mistakes when you write the next story in a Mature rating. Unless, of course, it's another anime style+Comics.
Oooohhh... I barely finished this chapter. In general, the whole chapter is 95% of the dialogues, which of course make it possible to present the whole picture, the whole scene and the whole idea of the plot.
There is one POV in this chapter that does not attach importance to the character. I mean, this is the case when the whole chapter could be written in the style of "Third Person" (3rd person) or it could be exactly the same Ronin's POV, or even Luna and it wouldn't be noticeable, but all because the main part of the plot is in the middle (A fight of one bad guy against a dozen good characters. And this bad guy, as always, was stupid and awkward, a lover of "nice conversations" and tell about his plans, and then invite all the good guys to a local restaurant and order a case of vodka, tell jokes all night, play cards and watch as Celestia fell asleep in a plate with a half-eaten cake).
Do you understand my hints?
But nevertheless, I thank you for your work for the benefit of literary art, besides, sometimes you frankly amused me with some moments in the plot!
11085867
The bad guy talking too much trope is something I put with Tarus on purpose, though looking back now that's easily a cliche to be avoided in later works.
This chapter...was not fun for me to write. Even now I look at it and see just how blocky it is. If I ever rewrite this story this chapter will be hit the most among others.
Thanks for the comment!