• Member Since 19th Aug, 2020
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago

Max Ksenofil

In the process of writing a human and pony story. Attention. I am a Russian, aspiring author...

Comments ( 325 )

At the moment I am already working on the 2nd chapter and am planning about 7-8 thousand words. So there will be an update in the coming hours. I also want to decorate each chapter with a few pictures, they should help the imagination.

Beautiful castle picture. Funny group picture.
Nice chapter overall :yay:
One can feel the love tonight

The legendary Trollestia ?! :rainbowkiss:
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Красивое изображение замка. Смешное групповое фото. Хорошая глава в целом :yay: Сегодня вечером можно почувствовать любовь

Легендарная Троллестия ?! :trollestia:

[ google translation - - Гугл-перевод ]

Дружба с пользой - Steam Game?

Я предполагаю некоторые ссылки, особенно во второй главе которую я сейчас пишу.

Damn! Im hyped :rainbowkiss: Will he have contact to earth? Will he or his assistance fullfill the mission? What will await this brave science adventure?
The next update will be higly anticipated ♡ :yay:
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Черт! Im раздутый :rainbowkiss: Будет ли он иметь контакт с землей? Сможет ли он или его помощник выполнить миссию? Что ждет вас в этом смелом научном приключении? Следующее обновление будет долгожданным ♡ :yay:

Im getting VR gaming vibes :rainbowkiss: I noticed you mention only the Gloves power limit. I guess the VR glasses have a seperate powersource?

"And this is a Glock 20 pistol! You will practice shooting yourself every day.

Sounds like 'suicide' training :derpytongue2:

Совершенно верно! Я просто решил не давать полную сводку о характеристиках каждой игрушки которую он возьмет с собой.

маленький намек на спойлер, для следующей главы.

Ok :twilightsmile:
O crap the pony have anti air defense... That rough :pinkiegasp: Basicly:

Да но во первых он имеет ограниченный боезапас и его калибр меньше. Иначе в него не сможет столько влезть, хоть он и по размеру примерно как Биг Мак. А во вторых такую систему можно применять и по наземным целям!

И что бы это не казалось все таким простым на взгляд читателя, Логика проста. Как вы сами снарядили бы экспедицию в неизвестность?
Лучше послать одного хорошо оснащенного человека и одного робота. И возможные человеческие жертвы сойдут к минимуму. Только для одного. И чтобы он не был уж совсем один с ним есть робот помощник!

Я использовал шилку в игре Operation Flashpoint. Они зверь против воздушных и наземных целей.

Признаю честно! Такая Шилка стоит в нашем парке в 5 минутах ходьбы от моего дома.

музейный экспонат?

Скорее всего отправленный на пенсию дослуживать свои годы в качестве экспоната! 10 лет назад я окончил службу в армии и эти Шилки, Тунгуски все еще несли службу в части. Да так к слову поверишь мне уже 31 год?

one hell of a maintenance is needed if they ever return to activ duty. Oil dont take to kind to decades of standing around i hear.

Good so far!

How interesting...

Interessting development of the first day.
Damn Trixie screwed up... I guess better save than sorry.
Very nice pictures. Nice action music :rainbowdetermined2:

Having examined the corpse of the mare with an appraising look, I suddenly realized that I had in vain shot her with a dart. Perhaps I should have talked to her first. True, at that moment the head was still not very good. So it doesn't count. She herself is to blame! I bent down to get a better look at her face. Her mane hung over her left eye, looking from the side, I saw an interesting symbol.

Corpse - is a dead body. She is still alive.

She also remembered when she was expelled from the school of magic in Canterlot. It was not three years before graduation. Parents kicked her out of the house in disgrace, throwing a small bag of bats in front of her hooves.

Bits - gold bits i guess

Soon they died when they stumbled upon the beast, which climbed into the barn, devouring their supplies.

This looks out of context. Did her familie died?

The entire vision began to blur quickly, bringing Trixie back to reality. First, hearing came to consciousness and then she opened her eyes to see what position she was in. Hooves bound and lying on my bed in the van. There was a rag gag in her mouth, to which she rolled her eyes with mental curses and lit her horn. The ropes and gag fell to the floor, she jumped out of bed and immediately fell to the floor, pressing her hooves to her ears. Sounds of crackling and frequent thunder were heard outside. Fire in the forest and the cries of birds, as well as crackling and howling. She realized what these creatures were! But then she heard the screams and screams of the alien. She quietly crawled to the door to slightly obscure the view. What she saw in the place of her recently founded resting place seemed to her like a real tartare! There, the alien fought an unequal battle with the forest wolves using ... MAGIC? She held her breath as she examined him from head to toe and how he moved. But she noticed that he was chilling on his left leg and traces of blood in the snow claimed that he was injured! Then the man began to shoot at the wolves with his limbs, some kind of lightning. Only their color was red and blue. At some point, the man, already staggering, showed his back to the last wolf, which imperceptibly crept up to him from the rear and jumped, dumping him onto the frozen dirty ground. Trixie's heart beat even faster and the brush was already walking for seconds ... Time slowed down for Trixie about three times! She knew some magical tricks from the third circle of magic.

This section needs editing.
Tarterus - pony version of hell.
Chilling? Rather 'Lean in' or 'prop up'.

I have already opened the white container by entering a code, scanning my fingerprint. But when he heard her and glanced over both of them, he said. "Get to know. His name is Night Mist, he is my friend and partner, unfortunately now he cannot talk to you, he is uh ... he is a little broken, but he can communicate in a different way." I pointed my finger at my glasses. "Let's talk about this later and I'll explain everything to you." Then I looked at the robot and added. "Yes Nightmist this lady is called Trixie and she is a friend, I owe her life as well as you. So behave yourself, and if Trixie asks you for help, do not refuse her."

Night Fog - was his established name or?

"The Night Mist is joking with me. Well, he's trying to cheer me up. Please don't ask me how. I think we need to make dinner. You probably wouldn't mind either."

Night Fog?

Let me remind you that there was rubbish from wolves everywhere and the smell of burning was already pretty boring. Meanwhile, the Night Mist approached us.

Night Fog?

Discord should be more tactfull than Trixie. Heart Path's nerves are shot after this crazy first day. Im surprised Discord Intervention is so direct. The human is injured so perhaps he rather prefers to play it save.

1-2 Ammunition strips used up on the first day. Multible electric darts used up. His medic supplys are hopefully half a container. Looks like he will need it rather sooner than later.

I wonder if the robot assistant Night Fog damage is patch or removed.
His humor didnt suffer.

Great chapter :raritystarry:
Дискорд должен быть более тактичным, чем Трикси. Нервы Heart Path расстреляны после этого безумного первого дня. Я удивлен, что вмешательство Discord настолько прямое. Человек ранен, поэтому, возможно, он предпочитает спастись и помогает ему. 1-2 полоски боеприпасов израсходованы в первый день. Множественные электрические дротики израсходованы. Его медикаменты, надеюсь, составляют половину контейнера. При нынешних темпах ему понадобится все это. Похоже, это ему понадобится скорее раньше, чем позже. Интересно, исправлен ли урон робота-помощника Night Fog или удален. Его юмор не пострадал. Великая глава :raritystarry:

That how i imagen what it roughly looks like:

0:40 - 3:55 , 10:04 - 12:30

Камера переместится к голове. Хороший клише из фильмов. В реальной жизни это, скорее всего, смертельно, в зависимости от того, где вас ударили.

в какой период происходит твоя история? :pinkiesmile:

подожди ... в последней главе Дискорд был в лучшем случае другом ... он вообще-то любовник Селестии? какой поворот!:pinkiegasp:

Я могу принести свои великие и могущественные извинения за то что в некоторых абзацах есть не подходящее слово! Но при написании текста я работал через Гугл переводчик, и я допускал что он не сможет передать мою мысль на все 100%! И я работал над этой главой полтора суток ( из которых смог заставить себя поспать только 7 часов) но я нуждался в том чтобы закончить ее. Ведь согласись задумка первого дня интересна!

Я намерен постепенно раскрывать эти тайны. Действие истории происходит примерно в 4 сезоне шоу, когда Искорка еще жила в библиотеке Дуба.

Пока эти главы в раннем доступе. Со временем я исправлю ошибки. И большое спасибо за подсказку. Мне действительно не лень все исправить, но сейчас я работаю над главой 3.

overall a beautiful chapter. the small spelling mistakes are rather minor. great work doing it all on your own.
в целом красивая глава. небольшие орфографические ошибки довольно незначительны. отличная работа, делаю все самостоятельно.
season 4 ? Celestia and Discord become surprisingly fast lovers ... :pinkiegasp:

looking forward to more ♡
4 сезон? Селестия и Дискорд становятся на удивление быстрыми любовниками ... :pinkiegasp: с нетерпением жду большего ♡
as i write before. minor mistakes. :twilightsmile: looking good overall for a google translated story
как я писал раньше. мелкие ошибки. :twilightsmile: в целом выглядит хорошо для истории, переведенной на Google

Что касается Селестии и Дискорда, а именно их отношений. Я хочу развернуть эту историю более широко в последующих главах! Так как я пишу с отклонениями в каноне (альтернативная реальность). Могу сказать только, что Дискорд для Селестии и Луны всегда был близок. А все эти события связанные с его заточением в камень, я рассматриваю как часть их игры. Их великого замысла. Для Трикси тоже своя история, поэтому я сделал ее сиротой. Для нее события в жизни будут еще интереснее описаны. Ведь у нее на боку метка немного похожа на метку Луны И Да Ночной Туман это кодовое прозвище робота помощника.

that's a take on Discord i didn't see before! awesome!
Looking forward to more and character development :yay:
такого подхода к Discord я раньше не видел!
здорово! с нетерпением жду большего и развития персонажа :yay:

Как всегда приношу извинения. Глава нуждается в правках, а на них у меня уже нет времени. Постепенно буду лечить все главы.
Но вот у меня есть вопрос. Хоть кому то нравится, то что я написал? Пожалуйста дайте мне ответ в комментариях. Мне очень важно знать мнение.

It's pretty good. (I used google translate to understand your comment)

Thanks for your feedback.

Прекрасное произведение) повторяющиеся строки только убрать) продолжай в том же духе ну и комментарии лучше писать все же по Английски

Yes, thank you. I already realized my mistake and now I am writing comments in English.

The scene of the battle between the Night Fog robot and the pegasus reminded me of one of my favorite movies that I watched 18 years ago. I am from that generation who saw the first attempts to use computer graphics in films. Below is a video from an episode of the movie Mortal Kombat 2. Lyu Keng fight with the cyber robot Smoke.

I have read this and I am intrigued with the story. Spelling mistakes in the first chapter along with grammatical errors all about, though you can put this through Grammarly for some of the more obvious errors or just used word docs to fix the spelling errors.

Thanks for your feedback. Yes, over time I will correct mistakes and promise that I will improve my writing. As you may have guessed, I am an aspiring writer from Russia. And the English language is far from me, so I work through google translator. But I really want to share this story with readers. And I try really hard. I put my heart and soul into working on the site for 6 hours a day. On weekends 16 hours. So I apologize for the fact that the product is not of very good quality!

Its all good. The idea is good and although your english writing skill needs work, it still is a good read regardless. Keep it up.

Hello everyone! I am planning the next chapter with about 11 thousand words. And now 100% are already written and decorated with illustrations. But I'm currently revising chapter 6. If anyone likes this story, let me know. And report bugs, if any.

Honestly, on Friday afternoon 01/22/21, I left work early to continue working on this story. And I assure the reader that I try to avoid clichés. And since I write with a deviation from the canon, the character and manner of some characters are different. For example, Chrysalis. On the show, she was persistent in her dark intentions to the last! In my own story, I believed more in the magic of friendship than Hasbro. And gave the changeling queen a chance. And take my word for it. Chrysalis is going to be the coolest girl in my story. And she will prove it more than once! ... Yes, she needs love, but she can show this feeling too!

This animated series changed me noticeably.

With sincere kindness to you, my few readers, I wish you spiritual and material well-being this year! I would be glad to anyone who leaves a comment or just turns their attention to a novice writer. I would be glad if you can report errors to me. Or maybe you will even render all possible assistance to my plot ... But please! Don't forget what My Little Pony teaches us ...

Chapter 7 will contain just over 12 thousand words. And I have to work on it more thoroughly, so it is scheduled for release around the end of this week.

Chapter 8 is in progress. But so far I can not say for sure its release. But I definitely plan to raise it to 13 thousand words. My story has been living for a month now. I'm not going to stop, but on the contrary, to continue working. And gradually improve your writing and learn the language. Over time, I plan to order an interesting image. The main character and his robot will be drawn in it.

I like the story can't wait for the next chapter

Heh. Do you know what? I love your reaction!😉

Take my word for it. I work on a story every day. And even when I sleep, I build the plot of the episode in a dream. I will try and persist.

Comment posted by Max Ksenofil deleted Feb 12th, 2021
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