Chapter 5
A few weeks went by and I decided I needed a good new suit for my performance at the gala.
I arrived at the carousel boutique and knocked on the door. I closed my eyes and waited for somepony to answer.
—Sweetie Belle POV—
“I’ll get it Rarity” I said to my sister.
I opened the door and saw a tall creature in a red pinstriped coat with a cane, a monocle, and a creepy grin. 
I looked up and he opened his eyes, and they were glowing. -Static- “Hel- he began before I slammed the door. I wasn’t sure what I saw then opened the door again. “-lo” he said and I slammed the door again. I went to get Rarity.
“Um, Rarity, there is a weird creature at the front door” I said. Rarity looked at me.
“What does it look like?” asked Rarity.
“He’s tall and has a red pinstriped suit, a cane, and a creepy smile” I said. Rarity looked confused. Then had a look of realization.
Rarity looked at me and looked conflicted. "Oh, that would be Alastor, he's..." Rarity began reluctantly, "He's a creature that the princesses have charged twilight on both researching and keeping an eye on him."
This is only spurred on Sweetie Belle's curiosity further, "So what is he, exactly?" Sweetie questioned.
Rarity sighed. "That is something I'd rather not go into." She said tiredly.
This did not date Sweetie Belle's curiosity. "Please?" She said with pleading watery eyes.
Surprised, Rarity stuttered, not wanting to reveal too much so as to scare her sister. "W-well as far as I know, he is a creature from tartarus." She continued, "Um... Sweetie, could you perhaps let him in." Rarity gestured to the window framed door, both of them seeing a very annoyed, but still smiling Alastor fidgeting with his strange cane. Rarity looked back to Sweetie Belle. "I'm sure he would be willing to answer your questions, but I'm also certain he came for business, so could you please..." Rarity finished nervously.
Disappointed that she couldn't get more out of her sister it would seem that she would have extra effort in questioning this creature, Sweetie Belle huffed, "Fine" she said longly.
Rarity beamed. "Thank you, Sweetie" Rarity said before wrapping her sister in a hug.
I went back to the front door and opened it. He was looking down at me. “Can I speak now?” he asked in his strange voice.
“Hi, c-come in” I said.
“Thank you my dear, I’ve come looking for Rarity, she said she would make me a new suit, so I decided to come here to get one!” he said walking in. He walked into the modeling room and began looking around. I went to get Rarity.
Rarity then began to walk into the room with the demon. “Hello, Alastor, what can I help you with?” asked Rarity.
— Alastor POV—
“Well Rarity darling, Since I’m going to be going to the gala, I’m here for a new suit, and since you offered to make me one, I came here so I could ask if you can make it” I said, spinning my cane.
Rarity looked at me confused. “I thought you didn’t want me to make you a suit” said Rarity.
-static-
“I didn’t, then I got a ticket to the gala, and I also have to perform, so I’ll need to look my very best” I said putting my arms out at my sides.
“Alright, but I’m going to need you to disrobe” said Rarity, making my eye twitch with the sound of static.
“Must I disrobe?” I asked. ‘I just realized, I have never actually seen myself without clothes since I got here’
“Yes, if I am to get the correct measurements I need you to disrobe, you can use the changing room to take your clothes off” said Rarity.
“Ugh, fine, but my underwear stays on! That is not negotiable” I said ,crossing my arms.
I walked into the changing room and took off my coat. ‘I wonder if I have a tail?’ I looked down to check, and sure enough, I did. ‘Huh, how bout that’ I took off the bowtie, my boots, shirt, suspenders, and pants. I was left wearing my socks, underwear and gloves.
I gathered my clothes and walked out. Rarity pointed to a chair for me to put them on. Then I caught her looking at my tail.
“Make a comment about my tail and I will make it so you will never be able to make another dress ế̷͈v̶̢͉̓ė̷̬͚r̸͖̼̗̽ ̴̡̯̅̽ȁ̵̡̢͂̎g̵͈̉à̶̯̀ͅį̴̞͂n̶̪̼̫̊̕!̷̻̮͒ ” I said with my teeth together and eyes turned into dials.
She kept staring. “Fine, I will allow one comment, but if there is any more than that, I will do what I promised” I said.
Rarity blushed.
‘Why is she blushing!?!’
“You’re tail looks very....... nice” said Rarity.
I just glared at her. “Lets just get this over with” I said, while stepping onto the platform.
Rarity took her measurements and wrote them down. “So what is it exactly that you want me to make?” She asked. I looked at her.
“I want an exact copy of the original” I said, pointing at my suit.
Rarity looked at my suit. “I can manage that, but its going to take a while to look at your clothes if I’m going to make another, if you don’t have any plans, you can stay the night if you like, I have a guest room you can use” said Rarity, looking at me.
My eye began twitching. -static- “Fine, Thank you for your hospitality” I said reluctantly.
“Here you can wear this while you stay” said Rarity, using her magic to float over a robe. I took the robe and put it on and tied the belt.
Rarity showed me to the guest room where I would be staying. I walked in and looked at all the fancy furniture. ‘I’ll give here one thing, she knows how to decorate’ she closed the door to allow me to get situated.
I walked over to the bed and tested its feel. ‘Soft and Firm? Where do these ponies get this stuff?’ I sat down and snapped my fingers, summoning my little radio. I placed it on the nightstand and turned it on. ‘Might as well listen to some tunes’
The radio began playing.
After the last song ended, I got a knock on my door. I turned of the radio and walked to the door. I opened the door. It was Rarity. “Can I help you?” I asked.
“Is there somepony in there with you? I heard a few voices” asked Rarity.
“That must’ve been my radio, I must have had it too loud, I apologize” I said levitating it to me, so she could see. I was grinning. She looked from me to the radio and back. ‘It’s because I look similar isn’t it’
“You look very similar, is that why you’re called the Radio Demon?” she asked.
‘Called it’ “That is one of them, the other reasons is, I possessed raw power which was never before seen in a mortal soul, and I trampled powerful demons who had been in charge for centuries, I broadcasted the carnage on the radio for everyone to hear, and thus earned me the nickname the "Radio Demon"” I said, seeming to freak her out.
“How.... nice, dinner will be ready in a few hours, I will let you know when” said Rarity. She left and I closed the door and I went back to listening to my radio.
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keep up the good work my man.
Nice work!! :p
Chapters are waaaaaay to short.
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I was greatly entertained! I would love to see you labor away at creating more of this spectacular content for my greedy eyes!
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Mildly entertained so far, would like bit more divergence from the main story but it's a fun read.
I'm just looking at the word counts before reading, and I see that the word counts barely go over 1k. Chapter three only gets to 1.2k. I'm not saying this is bad, but I am offering a bit of constructive criticism. Feel free to have fun with character descriptions, world building, and just drawing things out a little bit to get a more 'meaty' or longer chapter. As long as it isn't too dialogue-heavy (as I have found my own chapters to be recently), your readers will enjoy the slow buildup to major plot events and character building. I too have problems with the longer chapters, but I usually get a good 1.5-2k words when I work on a chapter for a week on and off. That might just be my work pace, but seeing as you posted all your chapters within two days (assuming you weren't working on them before the story was published), that's a great output!
I'm going to read this story and see how it goes, I'm interested to see what its pages contain!
Edit: The story was very nice, and a quick read. It was a little fast paced, but I suspect my own story is as well, so I can't say anything. Good work!
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I think that's because the show was picked up by a television network, but I could be wrong. Helluva Boss has two episodes, though!
Ok check my blog post please.
You play all four at once, and it kind of sounds like the whole alastor aesthetic
Little advice, try not to give too much away at one time, or if you do space it out and try to make it less matter of fact and more. Seeing both Alastor and Rarity speak like this is both unnerving and boring.
Here's an example of how you could spruce up the first quote;
As for the second, maybe just say that there many powerful demons that had challenged him, each one falling easily, Alastor had made a 'grand show' of every display that started with screams of rage and ending with a whimper followed by a laugh track.
Just my two cents.
I wonder when it’s going to be brought up that he’s a cannible.
Huh, I though of Alastor's theoretical tail as of bunny tail. Deer? Hm, he got no antlers.
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Actually he does have antlers, they’re just very small.
Dude nice choice of music I really love the chorrdetes, dean martin, and ivor biggun man you really know how to get followers bucko
This chapter are extreamly short. Finaly some nc development