• Member Since 31st May, 2020
  • offline last seen 48 minutes ago

Shaslan


I make both fanart and fanfic. I draw all my cover images myself, and I take art and writing commissions!

T
Source

Autumn Blaze is thrilled when she receives a parcel from her best (and only) friend, Applejack. But when she sees the cutie marks of Applejack's parents emblazoned on the bottles within, a memory is triggered. A memory Autumn wishes that she could forget...

Winner of the the Quills and Sofas duos speedwriting contest. Written in 90 minutes in partnership with Red Parade.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 35 )

This broke my heart during the contest, so I’m excited it’s here so it can break my heart at any time. :D

Part of me wants to see a continuation of this where something went wrong and they have to be mute forever. IDK why, the idea of these two growing closer over a shared experience like that would be really compelling.

Lovely story and I'm glad to have read it.

Once and again, you two have managed to break my heart. Came within an inch from spilling tears, even though I was reading this for the second time. Once again, good job, you two. You have just proven that both of you seriously need to be nerfed in terms of writing skills.

This was truly worthy of 1st place in the contest, and it's great to see it up on Fimfiction.
Both of you should be proud! The way the prose, the writing, the characterization. Everything in this just felt slowly agonizing and heart wrenching in all the right ways. <3

This was a blast to write! You did a great job and your parts are so full and rich! You’re an amazing author and it was an honor to do this with you. Great work! ^^

Slight nitpick:

Applejack was moving before Rain Shine finished her sentence. She grit her teeth and charged forwards, dodging Kirins in the streets and flying as fast as a Wonderbolt through the streets.

Thought this sounded a mite repetitive.

Other than that extremely minuscule issue, this was really good! My compliments to the author.

EDIT: Why a downvote? I'm just trying to be helpful.

Congratulations on your contest placing.

A wonderful premise. If there's one thing that could pull Applejack and Autumn Blaze apart, it's this. And I found Autumn Blaze's sacrifice at the end especially touching.

I really wish I had more things to say about the story, but...the idea feels rushed. The lengthy, flowery descriptions of the surroundings don't evoke much emotion in me personally. The dialog in Autumn Blaze's confession, Applejack's anger, Rain Shine's explanation, Autumn Blaze's voice suicide...it all feels very predictable.

To be clear, I love the story idea y'all came up with. Unfortunately, the writing style just doesn't do it for me. I'm sorry. :fluttercry:

10583857
No mention of the Emberglow coincidence?

10583908
It was an accidental slip :rainbowlaugh: - I was trying to come up with fire names but alas I picked one that was already in use!

10583908
Heh, I commented during the contest itself, lol. It made me happy.

Knowing that Emberglow has an alternate universe existence as a cranky male Kirin postal worker makes me giggle inside.

This was such a great story Shas and Red. I loved it when the contest was running and I'm loving it now. Good work you two!

that ending bit seemed like a cheap cop out

This was such a great read! Good work from the two of you.

Everything right before the end, just straight up shivers man

:twilightsmile:

A great read. It really does put a lot of the Kirin's behaviour in Sounds of Silence into a different light, without completely stomping all over the moral of that episode. Namely--tragedies, anger, and terrible things are an inevitability, but that doesn't mean forgiveness and eventual understanding aren't, either.

I'm rambling. Thanks a lot for writing.

Hug the poor pone and Kirin!

“You killed my Mama and my Daddy!” Suddenly, she was screaming, her muzzle pressed right against Autumn’s. She didn’t even remember crossing the distance between them. “Innocent ponies, good ponies, with foals at home! You burned them!” Her flanks were heaving with dry, racking sobs. “They went on a supply run! They were only meant to be gone a week! It was Mama’s first trip out since she gave birth to my baby sister. And -- and -- they never came back.” She shook her head, utterly at a loss, and stared into Autumn’s frightened face. “How could you?”

There is a giant space between the first two words when I was reading it. No idea why is this happening in FIMfic.

EDIT: Apparently, this seems to do with a browser issue. There is no such error when reading it on my phone.

So what exactly happened here? Autumn Blaze in her Nirik form and she ran past AJ's parents, supposedly burning them to death. But according to Rain Shine, they were defusing another couple nearby and the reason they didn't make it was because one of the burning trees fell on the wagon and Pear Butter. How are the two incidents related? Was Autumn Blaze the fire starter?

EDIT: What’s with the downvotes?

y u make me sad like dis

10584439
She didn't say she burned her parents. She said she remembers running past a wagon and then assumed she set a pair of ponies ablaze. She even mentioned in passing that she wasn't part of the cleanup on account of being really young. She missed a lot of details.

Applejack grit her teeth and pulled harder. She glanced up at the surface and thought she saw two faces smiling at her, giving her strength. A faint glow that surrounded her, and Applejack felt the body in her hooves grow lighter. With a final heave of effort, she pulled herself onto the surface, as a group of Kirins cheered.

I think that's bright Mac and Buttercup

I've seen that same quote "come hell or high water"

In my view, Applejack seems to have gotten over and accepted her parents' passing over the years. If the scenes in the show were any indication of what Applejack felt over it. It is strange to she her jump into the anger/denial stage of grief so suddenly after all the years. Who knows; everyone has different ways to deal with losing someone so close.

Eitherway, this was an interesting read. Wonder how the parents found out about the hidden village

10584030
Tragedy can make for a good story, but tragedy for tragedy sake can end up feeling shallow. If anything, this ending is powerful, because it shows that their friendship was so powerful that the river could only take their voices, while their emotions were too strong to take.

Nicely done! Guilt isn't always easy to process, even if you aren't responsible. You showed that well with Autumn Blaze. A very touching story you did there. One can only hope it isn't too late, that AJ can clear it up to Autumn.

And it's always hard to access a loss. Me, I lost my cat years ago, still haven't fully gone over it.

Overall, a very interesting idea. And a unique fact that this started when Autumn was a foal. May I ask how you got that idea that the anger issues started when she was so young?

10588196
I think the idea came from the fact that teenage emotions can be so tempestuous and confusing - add that to the anger problems that all of the nirik struggle with a little and you have a recipe for disaster.

10588436
Indeed! If you don't mind, I recommend your story to a friend of mine who works on a similar concept

10588443
Yeah, that would be great! Thanks

10588444
You are welcome! Would you like to hear more?

yo, how do I keep missing these contests?

Mayhaps I should unmute the discord.

Story looks awesome. Gonna hafta read it later tho.

It's all rather emotional, but in my view it all happens too fast. Maybe that's why I don't have more to say. I basically saw everything coming before it happened. It's a good idea, but could be made better. If more time was spent on Autumn thinking about her suicide attempt and then dealing with the aftermath, it could evoke far more to me at least. A continuation story could be very interesting. :twilightsmile:

This story makes me have some dark memories ever since the first time I have read it.

I love it!

So basically, Applejack and Autumn Blaze at the end, can’t talk anymore?

this is a pretty decent fanfic. I just feel like it's a bit too dark, to the point where it's sorta comical. I don't know, I just can't imagine these ponies being in such a horrific situation. There was also some pacing issues, but it did tug at my heartstrings.

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