• Published 23rd Dec 2020
  • 1,779 Views, 74 Comments

The Level 98 Swordmage - flub

What happens when an overpowered swordmage and his kind apprentice/son end up in a land of magical talking ponies?

  • ...

Chapter 1: "Great" first introductions

"Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun."

— Ecclesiastes 11:7

Trevor was thinking hard for his next move, as it is crucial if he wanted to take control of the board once more, "Alright, so first I will turn my two lakes and one volcano to spawn Steam-fire elemental in offensive mode, then I will reposition my Magma frog to go behind this Rip-tide wall-"

Malrick interrupted and then started to turn a couple of his biomes, "In response, will play Forced retreat, which returns a creature back to your hand if it ever moves backwards, so I will target your frog with that and it bounces back into your hand."

Trevor smirked, Malrick played right into his hands "HA! You activated my trick card: Hunt for treasure! If a creature I own is ever returned to my hand, I can bring it back and gain 4 energies of different types! The types of energy I will get will be: Ivory, Violet, Orange, and Lime."

Malrick looked at Trevor confusingly, "What's with the different types? You're playing a Crimson and Cyan deck, why not choose those types?"

Trevor chuckled sinisterly, "Because Malrick, with this energy I can summon my Prismatic Golem! For each different energy used to spawn this guy, he gains either a plus three to power, plus three to health, or plus one to movement. Seeing as I spent six different energies to spawn this guy, I just spawned a seven power, seven health, three movement creature! And I know there's nothing you can spawn in this stage of the game that can match my-"

"I cast 'Counterspell' on the golem. He's dead"


"... So anyways, I will unturn my biomes..."

For those of you who have no idea what's going on, Malrick and Trevor are traveling REALLY slowly through realities and are passing the time by playing "Sorcery the Assembling", which I don't need to go into detail since it's one of the most played and famous games in the multiverse.

... Wait, you don't know this game? What are you a nerd?

Anyways to get back on track, Malrick and Trevor have been floating through outer space for about nine hours now, and although deep space is a beautiful sight to see (except for that one eldritch horror they passed by), even you will get bored of seeing the stars if you traveled at five miles an hour for nine hours.

Malrick was about to wipe the floor with Trevor until he noticed something in the distance, "Light! I see the light!"

"Huh, what?"

When Trevor turned around, he saw a huge portal only around a mile away that shined bright, white light. Trevor noticed that he and Malrick were picking up speed and started to go faster towards the gate.

"Alright Trevor! It's time to go towards the light at the end of the tunnel!"

"That... doesn't sound too reassuring."

"Relax, we'll be fine! We chose the destination ourselves and I'm pretty sure something like 'apocalypse' wasn't a destination preference. Besides, the angels who made this Planar ticket want to make sure we go to our correct destination because when the customer gets sent to an unknown hellscape instead of the original destination, they usually leave a bad review."

Trevor felt a little better about going into a completely unknown plane, but he was still a little nervous (like any normal person should be).

Malrick however, was completely estatic and was either oblivious or just plain ignoring the dangers that could be present with going to an unknown plane of existence.

Malrick and Trevor were very close to the portal and were feeling the gravitational power of the portal sucking them in.

"Alright Trevor, hold onto your butt 'cause here we GOOOOO!!!"


Malrick and Trevor were completely sucked into the gate and closed their eyes to shield themselves from the blinding light within the portal. They both held their breath and were excited/scared to what the future may hold for them.


Now, normally in these "Human goes to Equestria" fics, the human usually ends up in the Everfree Forest and fights a bunch of timberwolves shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, Malrick and Trevor were special cases since the only name they gave for their desired location was "Equestria", meaning that they could've ended up ANYWHERE in Equestria. They could've end up somewhere in the Ponyville or in Manehattan if they were lucky, or could've been 10,000 feet in the air or be shunted somewhere underground if they weren't. Thankfully, they didn't die immediately, otherwise this would've been a VERY short fic and fortunately for the flora and fauna, they didn't end up in the Everfree Forest either (Malrick + Forest, Forest = Trees = Flammable, I don't think I need to go into further detail).

However, if you asked the ponies of Equestria, many would agree that the place Malrick and Trevor arrived in Equestria through one of the worst ways possible.

It was early morning in Equestria and the moon was still in the sky. The sun did not rise yet and the one responsible for it was still in bed trying to get a few more minutes of sleep. Princess Celestia was lying in bed with her eyes still closed trying to get some more shut-eye before eventually waking up. Just before she decided to get out of bed, she could feel a disturbance in the air, like a subtle vibration in her bedroom. Even with her eyes closed, she suddenly saw and felt a bright, divine flash of light in her room, followed by two unknown weights that landed on her, then to top it all off, she heard what sounded like the scattering of playing cards all over the room.

She was very reluctant to open her eyes, as she didn't know what to expect. Her original assumption was that her door got opened and let light and two guards inside her room while the cards they were playing with got thrown all over the room.

She couldn't have been any more wrong.

Malrick, Trevor, and Celestia had their eyes closed at the moment but after a few seconds, they all decided to open their eyes to face what Malrick and Trevor landed on or in Celestia's case: What landed on her.

Malrick and Trevor opened their eyes first and were surprised to see a large, white horse with wings and a horn. They both knew that unicorns and pegasi existed as they have seen them before, but they never saw a horse with both a horn and wings. They also noticed that they arrived in some sort of lavish bedroom and were on top of the said large, white horse with wings and a horn.

While Trevor was silently freaking out on the prospect of being on a high-ranked member of authority, Malrick was thinking about the more important question of "I wonder how that works biologically? For that to work, they would have to be in the same genus, but pegasi are celestial creatures while unicorns are fey creatures... maybe the pegacorn was made in a lab, Frankenstein style...".

Celestia braced herself and decided to open her eyes shortly thereafter so she can see what the hell happened and what landed on her. Now imagine waking up in your bed to see a weird monkey-thing three inches from your face right on top of you, a smaller monkey-thing on top of the bigger one, and odd-looking cards scattered all over your bedroom.

Naturally, you would be freaking the fuck out.

Malrick and Celestia stared at each other for a few more seconds before Malrick decided to say something.

Now, I should sell the importance this moment right here because I think some of you don't understand the significance of the situation. This random alien appeared inside her BEDROOM and landed right on top of PRINCESS CELESTIA. You know, the ruler of this land, all-powerful alicorn, mover of the FUCKING SUN. So these next few words that will come out of Malrick's mouth will determine whether he survives another day or if his vacation will become a VERY short one.

"Hi, your hair feels nice."


Celestia's face went from nervous fear to utter bafflement, mostly because of the... interesting question Malrick decided to ask, but also because this random alien spoke perfect Equestrian.

"Ummm... thank you?"

"Your welcome, I do wonder how your hair flies like there's an ethereal wind around it?"

"My runoff magic escapes through my mane, making it sway and giving it its color, and now for my question: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDCHAMBERS?!"

"Yeesh, not so loud lady... well, we chose to arrive to this place, but didn't exactly choose how to arrive here, so I could've been plane shifted a million feet up or at the center of this planet if I were really unlucky."

Celestia decided to ignore the entire "plane shifting" part for now and calmed considerably knowing that the unknown creature is being talking to her without any hostility for the time being, but just to be safe, she telekinetically grabbed both of the monkeys in a golden aura and gently lifted them off of her and suspended them a few feet in the air. This didn't bother the bigger one, in fact, he seemed to be enjoying this whole experience, the smaller one however, had a look of pure terror in his eyes. Celestia decided to say her next few words more calmly in hopes of breaking any tension in the air, "And for my next question: Who are you two?"

Malrick thought for a moment before responding, "That depends, do you want to know about who we are, what we are, or how we are?"

"I would prefer if you answered all three of those questions if you don't mind."

"Only if you agree to answer some of our own."

"Fair enough."

"Okay then, for who we are, I am Malrick Roscuro, a grandmaster swordmage who murders things for a living, and this is Trevor, my adopted son and apprentice. To answer your question of what we are, we are both male humans from the plane of Terra. Trevor is ten years old and I am 1,267 years old but also 32 years old... it's complicated," Malrick added in that last part after seeing the raised eyebrow from Celestia, "As for how we are, I'm pretty excited and happy since we haven't died yet on this plane, Trevor over here though... is trying really hard not to shit his pants, which I don't blame him for considering we're in a foreign plane and inside the bedroom of a powerful figure of authority I assume."

Even when lifted in the air, Trevor was practically shaking in fear. Celestia noticed this and tried to reassure him that she wasn't going to hurt him or his father, "Do not worry little one, we won't harm you or you father, just take a deep breath and calm down."

Initially, Trevor was breathing really fast, but over time, his breathing slowed and he became calm, "O-Okay Ms. Horse Lady, c-can you please tell us about who, what, and h-how you a-are?"

Celestia smiled and proceeded to answer Trevor's questions, "My name is Celestia. I am a female, alicorn princess who rules over the land of Equestria and I'm over a thousand years old. To answer your question of how I am, I was very nervous, confused, angry, and a bit terrified when I saw you two appear on top me in my bedroom, but right now, I am feeling much more relaxed and curious."

"Just to be clear, is an 'alicorn' a unicorn-pegasus hybrid? Was one of your parents a unicorn and the other was a pegasus or were you made in a lab?" Malrick interrupted.

Surprisingly, Celestia wasn't offended by his question at all, in fact, she was lightly chuckling at Malrick's comedic personality and odd curiosity, "An alicorn is someone who possesses all three of the pony traits: Earth Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn. Earth ponies are stronger and have a connection with the earth, Pegasi have wings and can control the weather, and Unicorns can channel their magic through their horns. I use my unicorn magic every morning to raise the sun to begin the day and every evening to raise the moon to begin the night."

Malrick was looking at Celestia like she grew another head, "Wait, you use your magic to raise the sun and moon? Does the moon not orbit around the planet? Wouldn't that mean that the sun and moon orbit this planet? Do the sun and moon rotate because if they don't, that would imply they don't have an electromagnetic core but gravity should still take effect and have smaller things orbit around larger things so does that mean the sun is smaller than-"

Trevor decided to step in as he didn't want Malrick getting a brain aneurysm thinking about this, "Okay dad, that's enough. I'm just as confused as you are but just stop thinking about it. We're in a foreign world ruled by talking, colorful horses-"

"Ponies." Celestia corrected.

"Sorry, ruled by talking, colorful ponies so of course there will be some oddities here and there. Don't over think this."

"Are you saying that you don't want me overthinking it because I will go insane trying to find the answers to my questions?" Malrick asked.

"No, I'm afraid that you will find the answer you're looking for, thereby shattering everyone's perception of reality, remember the incident where you debunked the process of lichdom?"


Malrick was sitting in a leather couch in what looked to be the living room in his tower. He was reading a black, dusty tome that depicted many horrific scenes and a few sentences of an unknown language on the cover. He was reading out loud on the liches and how to become one.

"'A lich is someone who had transferred their soul into a vessel known as a phylactery. They are most commonly wizards who practice the dark arcane arts but anyone who is able to cast the spell can become a lich.'"

Malrick was then skimming the next few pages to find what he was looking for, "'... after transferring one's soul to the phylactery, drink the poisonous brew (created in chapter 9) to kill yourself. This last act of killing yourself ensures that you will rise as an undead with your soul still in the phylactery...'"

Malrick then was silent for a few seconds as he was deep in thought before he asked himself a simple question, "Well... what if I didn't kill myself..?"


"Trevor, I think you're just jealous that I redid a grizzly process that normally required a hundred souls of the living into a simplified version that only needs a rubik cube and a handful of trail mix to complete."

Celestia was taken aback at the fact that Malrick not only knew the secret of lichdom, but changed it so efficectively that only a puzzle-cube and a small amount of snack food was needed to cast the spell. Needless to say, Celestia was starting to get worried and began question herself on how truly powerful is Malrick?

"What's with the butt tattoo?"

Celestia thoughts were ended abruptly after Malrick posed a... unique question about pony physiology, "I'm sorry what?"

"You know, that picture of the sun on your ass." Malrick explained while pointing to her flank.

"You mean my cutie mark? They appear when a pony discovers their special talent. My cutie mark means that my talent is raising the sun everyday for my little ponies." Celestia said with a hint of pride in her voice.

"That's stupid."

Celestia raised an eyebrow, "I beg your pardon?"

"Firstly, why are the called 'Cutie marks?' Why not something cooler like Fate symbols or Destiny signs? The name 'Cutie mark' sounds like it was made by a five year old girl. And secondly (and more importantly), why does a picture on my butt determine what I'm good at and not good at? If my cutie mark was a chef's hat, would I be forced into the cooking business because I wouldn't be good at anything else? What if I originally liked drawing, would I be mediocre at drawing forever and have to give it up for something else that I don't like to do at all just because I am better at it? Sure I could still draw as a hobby, but I am forced to cook everyday because it's the best thing I can do and I have to make money somehow."

Celestia was now thinking about the question Malrick posed. She had to deal with quite a few ponies who disliked their cutie marks because of what they represented. She would tell them to embrace their cutie marks and then after a while, they would be happy and follow what their cutie mark tells them to do, but wouldn't that mean that they were forced into liking something they didn't like? Was that really the right thing to do? For the first time in a long while, Celestia was stumped.

"I... I don't know..."

Malrick sighed, "This is why people need me in their lives, I ask the questions no one else asks because if they did ask them, they wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night."

"No, you ask the questions no one else asks because you're basically insane." Trevor decided to point out.

"'Who invented the Hokey Pokey?' Is a legitimate question that needs to be answered! I'm just a very curious person, there's no shame in that!"

"Don't you know that curiosity killed the cat?"

"Does the cat have extreme strength and dexterity, insane levels of magic, obscene amounts of money, magical items left and right, and an army of animated objects?" Malrick countered.

"Well... okay I see your point." Trevor relented.

Celestia started to chuckle at the minor scuffle she saw between the father and son. So far, everything is going pretty good! Celestia hasn't seen Malrick and Trevor as threats to her kingdom and they haven't done anything stupid enough to have Celestia see them that way. Everything is fine, this chapter won't end in a disaster (and although comical, a disaster is still a disaster), and nothing bad will happ-

Celestia's laughter and smile suddenly stopped as her eyes opened in recollection, remembering a very important thing Malrick said earlier that she glossed over. Malrick and Trevor must have noticed this too, since they immediately stopped their bickering and had their eyes focused on the blank face of Celestia.

Celestia's face showed no emotion as she asked her question in a serious tone, "Malrick, what did you say earlier about murdering things for a living?"


Malrick and Trevor slowly turned their heads to see in other, both of their faces showed fear and tension. Malrick turned to Celestia and took a deep breath before continuing, "Alright lady, there's no way to explain this lightly, so I am going to be very blunt with you. Are you mentally prepared for answers that will make you depressed, uncomfortable, and terrified at the same time?"

Celestia still didn't show any emotion on her face but she steeled herself. She slowly nodded at Malrick to indicate she was ready.

Malrick was silent for a few seconds, seemingly thinking about how to go about this, "Yes I have done really horrible things like murdering people, destroying private and public property, and beating up nerds, but I have also done really wonderful things like healing people, donating to orphanages and hospitals, and beating up nerds. I wouldn't consider myself as evil or good, just someone who would go to... extreme lengths to get the things I want. I have killed thousands of people willingly without any regret or remorse, and although thirty percent of my murders are undone since I bring those people back to life through means of resurrection, there are those who don't get the same privilege. Around ten percent of those murders were because I either hated them and wanted them dead or they were genuinely evil like a demon or something, forty percent of the murders were because they broke into my home, take my things, and then try to kill me, Trevor, and/or my servants, but more half of my overall murders are because of my job."

"And what is your job?" Celestia asked, she was leaning forward and trying to absorb all of this information.

Malrick was very uneasy as talking about his job could get him in trouble with the higher-ups, "You have lived for over a thousand years correct? I assume this means you are immortal?"

Celestia nodded, "We alicorns are immortal and though we can die, we cannot die from age."

Malrick was scrunching his face in thought as was deciding what to do in this situation, "Alright, I think I'm allowed to say this to you, but I don't want this getting out to anyone else, okay?"

Celestia closed her eyes and held her right hoof up, "As the raiser of the sun and alicorn princess of Equestria, I assure you that all information revealed to me in this room will not be revealed to anypony else." Celestia swore.

Malrick calmed down a little and braced himself for the inevitable 'WHAT?!' he was going to receive, "I work for a God of Death." He stated VERY bluntly.

"WHAT?!" Celestia was taken aback at the very unexpected answer she received. She had originally thought Malrick was an assassin or a crime boss, but working for the literal personification of DEATH was a completely different job than what she had in mind.

"Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty good job, it pays well, nine sick days a year, having a closer relationship with some of the more powerful, divine creatures of the multiverse which many other corporations don't give to their employees, and of course free dental because free dental is always important when working in a company, if you ask me, the best jobs are the ones who can provide free dental like dentists and-"

"YOU'VE MET THE GOD OF DEATH AND YOU WOULD RATHER TALK ABOUT FREE DENTAL?!" Celestia screamed out loud at the fact that Malrick has met one of the most powerful universal entities known throughout ponykind and said it like it was nothing, yet he will ramble on at the prospect of free dental of all things.

"HEY! The most important thing one could have is a good smile! And just to correct you, there are MANY different Gods of Death, I just work for A God of Death. On a different note, I have met many other Gods in my life like the God of Life, Magic, Storms, Light, and a couple others. I should also probably mention that I've 'gotten rid of' a few Gods, but only because they were evil and most of the pantheons wanted them gone, so I did their jobs for them so I can brag about how I'm better at their jobs than they are."

Celestia's left eye began to twitch as her poor alicorn brain was short-circuiting because it was trying to process the amount of power Malrick truly had. Now, what happened next was a combination of fear, xenophobia, panic, and waking up very abruptly (you would be very calm if an alien landed on you and made polite conversation immediately after you woke up), so please do not fault Celestia on this. She is still a wonderful pony and you would react similarly too if a random alien who can perfectly speak your language appeared on your bed one day while you were sleeping.


The moment she yelled out that word, about twenty royal guards rushed in her room. They were all very surprised and confused at seeing both Malrick and Trevor, not to mention the hundred or so cards scattered throughout the room. However, when they saw the two monkeys held up with Celestia's magic, they all automatically assumed that these aliens tried to rob, kill, and/or do something VERY M-Rated to Celestia which, I'm not allowed to say since I do not want to put an additional tag to this story. Ready to protect their ruler, they all aimed their spears towards the two floating aliens.

Trevor was verbally freaking out and trying to get out of Celestia's telekinetic grasp by violently wiggling in the air which, of course, did not work. Malrick on the other hand, was about to comment on how bad of an idea it was to point their spears towards him and Trevor but before he could do so, Celestia wanted to explain her actions.

"Do not worry, you two are not in trouble, I am just taking cautious measures so we can learn more about your histories and your abilities. You both will have room and board in the castle and may request anything to make your stay more comfortable." Celestia said while looking a bit guilty after calling in her guards.

Trevor let out a huge breath of relief realizing he wasn't going to be jailed or executed.

Malrick wanted to change that.

"Celestia, I will probably do everything in my power to escape this castle, so if you want us to stay here, you are going to have to make us."

The guards glared at Malrick for not only referring to their ruler without the title of 'Princess', but also because he outright said he will try to escape even after Celestia was kind enough to give them a place to live in the castle. Celestia however, had a devilish grin that contained a hint of amusement, "Oh? You will try to escape the castle unless I make you stay here?"

Malrick had a challenging grin on his face, "That's right, and I believe that there is nothing you can do that can keep us contained."

Now Celestia had the same grin towards Malrick, "Challenge accepted."

Something shattered within Trevor that day.


Somewhere under Canterlot castle is a gray, cubical, stone room that contained two hairless apes. The smaller one was shackled there with only one cuff and chain on his leg while the larger one had every possible measure against him to prevent escape. He was chained with extremely powerful shackles that can never break and also prevent teleportation, several anti-magic rings on his fingers, and was even turned to stone. The smaller ape was sitting there with a scowl on his face as he was put there in the same room as the larger ape because SOMEBODY said he would've destroyed the city otherwise. The aforementioned larger ape had a confident smirk on his face even though his body was turned to rock.

"So... how long did it take until I got in trouble with royalty this time?" Malrick telepathically said to Trevor.

"About ten minutes." Trevor said with venom in his voice.

"... NEW RECORD!" Malrick exclaimed happily.

Trevor sighed loudly then smacked his face with both of his hands and let them slide down slowly, today was going to be a LONG day.