• Published 1st Dec 2020
  • 5,745 Views, 47 Comments

Cupcake Half Full - Uh-hmmm

Caramel decides to take Anon out drinking. It doesn't quite work out. (RGRE) {This story has two versions, the last chapter is the first person version.}

  • ...

First Person POV

I am Anon, Pinkie Pie's underling. I happened to show up as the Cakes were thinking about retiring, and none of the free locals had a baking cutie mark. Of course, I don't either, but Pinkie took one look at my gut and (correctly) assumed I could bake. For some reason, Pinkie was a little worried the first few days I was at the register, but I do mental math well enough to handle the calculations. It helps that there is only one coin in the Equestrian currency system, so making change is not really an issue. The ponies themselves are perfectly friendly, some more than others. Caramel comes by at the end of my shift.

"Hey Anon, want to get some drinks?"

I shrug and hang up my apron.

"Sure, why not?"

I've been trying to lose some weight, but it's the weekend, and I will only get a drink or two. Caramel claps his hooves together excitedly and practically drags me to The Swan Dive. I look around and notice an awful lot of pegasi milling around with drinks in their wings. Caramel doesn't seem bothered and leads me straight to the bar. The two of us sit on the stools, Caramel only half-sitting, extending his other hind leg to his side. The bartender has a dark grey coat and a light-yellow mane draped over her shoulder, tied in a knot and wedged in a shot glass. She smiles at Caramel and glances at me.

"What would you like? It's Lord's night, so it's on the house."

Caramel rubs his chin.

"I'll have a blueberry bop. What about you, Anon?"

I skim the chalkboard, but there are simply too many unfamiliar choices. I shrug helplessly.

"Do you have a root beer? Uh, sassafras?"

The bartender nods with a smile.

"One bop and 'fras, got it."

It's kind of interesting, watching her mix Caramel's drink with her wings and forehooves juggling bottles and lids around. She finishes with a flourish, sliding a oblong glass of blue liquid to Caramel. She then grabs a mug and fills it from a soda fountain. When I get my drink, there's a decent amount of foam, and I take a sip. It's an odd flavor, a little richer than the store-bought root beer from back home. Caramel is barely paying attention to his drink, scanning the room with half-lidded eyes. I say,

"So what is lord's night? Some sort of holiday?"

Caramel glances at me with a smile.

"You could say that. Once a week, stallions drink for free at bars. That brings in the mares, it's a win-win."

I blink.

"Oh, like ladies' night. Actually, why isn't it ladies' night? I would expect there to be more guys champing at the bit, er, no pun intended, to try to pick up a girl."

Caramel fully turns to look at me with a bemused expression.

"What are you talking about? Even if the ratio was equal, no stallion worth his salt should need to pick up a mare, that's their job!"

I think back. Are there more mares than stallions? I think my customers were pretty evenly split, but then again, out in the marketplace...

"Huh. I never really noticed."

Caramel frowns.

"Surely, you've had mares hitting on you before?"

I scratch my chin.

"Uh, maybe? Pretty much everyone says I'm a sweet guy, so I don't think it counts as getting hit on."
Caramel takes a gulp of his drink.

"Well, uh, it's not important. Just...if I bang the bar twice while a mare is talking to me, bail me out, okay?"

I raise my eyebrows, but nod anyways.

As the night goes on, the occasional mare will drop by and chat with Caramel for a few minutes, maybe even offer to buy him a drink. I’m kind of amazed I never noticed it before, the way mares act around him. Flirtatious, smiling, eyes wandering. After a few approaches, though, I get an inkling as to why I never picked up on it. Most mares barely glance at me unless Caramel mentions me by name.


Aren't particularly surprised, to be honest. I still have that gut, after all, and I never really thought of myself as handsome. I nurse my drink some more, keeping Caramel in my peripheral out of a sense of duty.

"Hey, uh, you new in town?"

I turn to find a blue-violet pegasus mare with a long teal mane, wearing a pink bow. I smile politely.

"I've been here a few months, working down at Sugar Cube Corner. My name's Anon."

She smiles back.

"I'm Flitter, nice to meet you. How do you like Ponyville so far?"

I shrug.

"It's pretty nice, everybody's pretty friendly, the pay is good, can't complain."

Flitter nods.

"Things have really settled down recently. Used to be a monster attack or something every six months to a year."

I raise my eyebrows.

"Sounds exciting."

She wiggles her wings.

"After the first few times, it's just tedious to wait while the Elements take care of it."

I nod, having heard of them in passing. It's hard not to, when a substantial amount of Ponyville is a tourist trap for fans of the Elements. I glance at Flitter's cutie mark, three dragonflies. Entomologist, perhaps?

"So, what do you do for a living?"

Flitter preens a little.

"Ponyville Weather team, along with my sister. She's the one talking to your friend over there."

I look, and sure enough, Caramel is laughing with a mare with the same coat color, though her mane is light blue and spiky. The mare waggles her wings at Flitter, who frowns faintly. Flitter turns back to me and scoots a little closer. She smiles at me in a way that doesn't reach her eyes.

"You know, you're a sweet guy, maybe we can talk more in private?"

It takes me a moment to realize what is going on. I feel my face grow warm and my heart quickens. I try to play it cool.

"Sure, uh, your place or mine?"

Flitter raises an eyebrow.

"Can you walk on clouds?"

I blush.

"Oh, no, right. Um. My place it is."

She giggles. I stand up and glance at Caramel. It seems he was waiting for this, because he immediately hops of his stool and Flitter's sister puts a wing around him as the four of us make for the door. The night air is cool, and I relax, no longer hearing the murmur of the bar. Caramel leans against his date and winks at me as they head towards his house. I swallow and glance down at Flitter.

"I'm this way."

As I walk towards my apartment, Flitter walks about two or three feet to my side. And she's not looking at me at all. My heart sinks.

"Playing wingmare?"

Flitter stops and looks at me, a blank expression on her face. I stop too, my shoulders slumping.

"It's...it's okay, I get it. I think Caramel was holding out for something like that, for me."

The pegasus mare frowns.

"Anon, I..."

I wait, but she doesn't know what to say. I rub my neck.

"Let's just end it here. It was nice meeting you, Flitter."

She relaxes a little, and gives me a small, sincere smile.

"You too, Anon. You're a sweet guy, I'm sure there's a mare for you out there."

With that, she takes off into the night sky, and I amble on home.

The next morning, I open up Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie Pie takes one look at me and zips in and out the kitchen. I end up with a chocolate cupcake in my hands, a smiley face drawn in icing on top. I give her a wry smile.

"I'm trying to lose weight, you know."

She tuts.

"That's a special cupcake, it goes to your heart instead of your stomach. No calories."

I laugh at the nonsense.

"We should make all our sweets like that."

Pinkie shakes her head vigorously.

"Nuh-uh, it's only for friends and family when they need it. Otherwise it wouldn't be special!"
I nod seriously.

“Can't argue with that."

I take a bite, and I have to give the mare her due, she makes a good cupcake. Caramel comes waltzing during the slow time, grinning from ear to ear. I keep wiping the tables as he approaches.

"That was some night, eh, Anon?"

I shrug.

"Had fun with Flitter's sister?"

Caramel licks his lips.

"You don't know the half of it. Pegasi have the best tufts for burying your face in and just letting your instincts take over. And Cloudchaser? She knew what she was doing, edged me good until I came so hard I couldn't see for an entire hour afterwards. She's definitely going in my little black book. How about you? Did Flitter take care of you alright?"

I shrug.

“Didn't work out."

Caramel blinks.

"She couldn't get it wet, or got called on an emergency, what?"

I decide to play a little trick on him.

"Well, when I got undressed, she was looking rather pale."

Caramel leans forward, a worried expression on his face.

"And when I got hard, she took one look and threw up all over the floor."

Caramel gasps. Pinkie Pie drops from the ceiling. I frown sadly.

"Then she said that she only went along with me so that Cloudchaser could have a chance with you."

Caramel drops his head onto the table and moans.

"I'm so sorry Anon, I never thought it would end like that."

Pinkie is chanting to the elder gods, a dread gleam in her eye. I laugh.

"I'm just joking, you two. After we left the bar, we talked a little more and decided to part ways. No harm, no foul."

Pinkie gives me a flat look.

"That special cupcake? Straight to your hips."

I roll my eyes.

"As if it was going anywhere else."

Pinkie giggles and bounces away. Caramel doesn't raise his head, his ears pinned back in shame.

"I really am sorry, Anon. Flitter's a good mare, I thought she'd treat you right."

I sigh.

"She's alright. I'm not romantic enough to save myself for the perfect mare, but I would like my first time to occur because of mutual attraction."

Caramel pales.

"You're a virgin?"

I raise an eyebrow.


He mumbles, "I thought, a janefilly with his own kind would... you know..."

I snort.

"Turns out I'm just as attractive back home as I am here."

Caramel groans.

"I'm a terrible friend, trying to make you lose your virginity in a bar!"

I pat him on the withers.

"Yeah, that wasn't great. At least you were trying to be a good friend, I can appreciate that much."

He wraps me in a tight hug. I can't help but smile at the genuine warmth. I hug him back for a few minutes, then pat him on the back. He lets go and looks up at me.

"Will you be alright?"

I nod.

"I'll be fine, thanks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should get back to work."

Pinkie Pie calls out, "You can have an hour paid break if you kiss!"

Caramel scrunches. I roll my eyes.

"Not happening."

"The day off, if you tenderly hold hooves in the window booth?"

Caramel isn't any happier with the second offer. He frowns at me.

"She may be an Element, but you don't have to take that kind of harassment."

I wave my hand dismissively.

"It's all in good fun."

Pinkie Pie grins, then disappears into the kitchen. Caramel shakes his head.

"Suit yourself. Let me make it up to you, I'll take you to the spa on Sunday."

I nod in acceptance.

“That does sound nice, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Until then! Good luck, and slap Pinkie for me."

I laugh and see him to the door. I get back to work, a smile on my face and in my heart.

Comments ( 25 )

A great one as always.

It might help to know the context in which it was written. I've seen a number of ugly anon stories where he turns out to be amazing at sex, or some mare has a taste for what he thinks makes him unattractive. Those are fine, but I wanted to write a take on the idea where the conflict isn't solved in the bedroom, but in the heart of a well-adjusted person with good friends.

I enjoy vignettes from RGRE. That said, this shouldn't have the comedy tag.

Good point. Edited.

This...made me cry a little. I really felt for Anon. Nice work.

I do have one question: What are the traits of a stallion in an RGRE world supposed to be?

Aside from mares being the one to ask him out, Caramel doesn't seem to show any...daintyness.

There are human women who go to bars to hook up with guys. Caramel is simply the stallion equivalent in RGRE. Note how he described his participation in sex as a largely passive role, depending on the mare to bring him to orgasm. He also responded negatively to being objectified by Pinkie, even if it was a joke.
There is more to being the fairer sex than daintiness. Caramel has been shaped by being the one who is pursued, whose sexual needs have priority. He has chosen a hedonistic path, but he still has chosen a RGRE masculine way of doing so.



So the reversal is less about cultural practices than it is about who is considered the oominant/active one or not.

"actually she turned out to be two small changelings on a trench coat. It was unexpected"


This story is just deliciously brilliant in every way imaginable! I can't begin to describe how immersive this feels, as well as how believable it is too! Absolutely amazing work! I hope ya didn't mind, but I just HAD to make a reading on this story of yours!

Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/frDfkIOBN1M

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

Ahh.... The 'junk-in-the-trunk is the definition of sexy'' Equestria's.

But if you ask me, this here ⤵ could be fitting as the base of an RGRE.

This fic points out the narrative stretching used in most RGRE displacement fics by presenting a more grounded vignette.

What if there was a fic with the same purpose, but presenting the inverse? Use the tropes common in RGRE displacement fics, but in a setting where a stallion gets displaced to the human world.

Agreed brother.

It is the Man-Emperor's will that there shall be no girls in bro only clubs, and Lord Adornable shall enforce this rule using a series of fortifications.

You might want to read it again. Anon made a joke about the sight of him being gag-inducing, he's not actually that unattractive. He's merely unattractive enough that mares tend not to flirt with him.

Well this was a nice lil bit of fluff. :twilightsmile:

Syroc #17 · Dec 3rd, 2020 · · 1 ·

I really enjoyed this, and wish there as more of this kind of RGRE than the smutty kind.

Don't the two sisters that run the spa provide "Full Service," with a "Happy Ending?".


I want a sequel chapter where he hits the gym with Bulk Biceps!

Carrots are made of cantaloupes

have sex incel

Sweet short read. Thank you very much.

It's a little bit to grounded than usual. RGRE seems like a good place for more wild, fun and ridiculous stories.


Have some self-respect, brony, for goodness sake! :applejackunsure:

Good friends are always a balm to the soul after romance issues. A nice more grounded RGRE and one I hope to see more in the future.

it's a story that has comedy, as a story, i didn't finish, the comedy was ok.

Nice little story. Just a genuine slice of life that doesn't miraculous turn into a complete happy ending. Need more like this.

That's not Stacy in the picture back there, is it?

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