"Proverbial," and Other Very Short Stories

by Mockingbirb

"Proverbial" [Comedy; Rated T for the mildest of 'profanity']

"What a vulgar thing to say!" Twilight complained. "Of all ponies...I would have expected better of you."

Celestia smiled. "Twilight...old sayings and stories sometimes hold hidden wisdom. Didn't most ponies think Nightmare Moon was just a silly fable for foals?"

"But I did RESEARCH! In BOOKS!"

"Books of ancient breezie tales, published to entertain the young. Let me show you something." Celestia led the way to Luna's room, and knocked on the door. "Luna, my dear?"

Luna said flatly, "What."

"I need to go adventuring with Twilight. Take care of the sun for me, would you?"

(Sigh.) "Sure."

"Thank you!"

***

Several weeks later, after many adventures, Celestia led Twilight through one of the Underworld's better neighborhoods.

"Wow!" Twilight said. "This is so much nicer than Tartarus!"

"Yes." Celestia looked at an hourglass strapped to her fetlock. The hourglass had been enchanted to have its own local gravity field, so it would always keep accurate time. "I'm glad we're not late."

A golden door opened, and an enormous donkey came out. The donkey ate hay from a golden trough, and drank mead from a fountain. Afterwards, the donkey walked to the center of a courtyard, and stood rigidly on all four legs.

"This is important!" Celestia said. "Tell me what everything smells like."

Twilight inhaled. "That's some really good hay. And that golden liquid...is it honey? But it smells fermented, too."

"Very good. But this next part is even more important."

A golden sphere fell out of the donkey's backside, and rolled across the ground. It softly glowed.

"I never thought I'd actually see such a thing," Twilight said. "Golden horseapples. One of them, anyway."

"Yes. Keep paying attention."

After a minute, the sphere rose into the air, and flew away eastwards. As it flew, the sphere seemed to swell up, and glow brighter and brighter.

"Where's it going?"

"The Eastern Gate of the Underworld."

"Who is that donkey? Why does she live in the underworld?"

Celestia explained, "As you might know, Luna is the principal deity of the Underworld. So that donkey is sacred to my sister. And another thing: did the golden horseapple smell like anything, to you?"

"Well...nothing bad. Maybe a little metallic?"

"So you see what this means."

"No. Tell me?"

"Her horseapples really DON'T stink. And the sun really DOES shine out of my sister's ass. "

Author's Note:

This story is dedicated to the ancient Egyptians, who also had a sense of humor.