This story is a sequel to Project: Earth - A Dawn Before Twilight Prequel
The character, Merlin Spark VII/Solar Eclipse, belongs to Edward Sapphire. All scenes involving him is with thanks to my good friend who has a special place in this story for his character.
This story contains references to various things involving Disney/Pixar ONWARD, Harry Potter, and other things that represent fantasy.
Co-author: Edward Sapphire (loosely written some parts of the story)
Opening Theme: Nameless Story
There was once a human who grew up on Earth all alone with only his parents to support him, however that soon changed when he met his pen pal at his school in the city of Kalundborg. Daniel and Merlin was soon in trouble by three bullies who enjoyed making fun of Daniel, and Merlin decided to take this lonely-life away for his friend by inviting him to live in Bloodonia, a small kingdom that was by the docks of Kalundborg.
Once in Equestria, Daniel (going by his Equestrian name, Dawn Darkness) seeks out Princess Celestia while the Summer Sun Celebration was happening. Meeting six different ponies, Dawn joined them before he settled in Ponyville with his grandparents.
Join him and the Mane Six on their many adventures throughout Equestria, facing many challenges, learn valuable friendship lessons and, most important of all, have fun along the way.
Edward Sapphire? He helped me in writing a trilogy.
Saving a Hopeless Soul
Dreams Don't Always Come as you Expected
Stay Together, No Matter What
10564876
Huh, nice. I guess we have something in regarding of receiving his help, then. Thanks for letting me know of his previous collaborations, Mister E.
10564882
Of course.
I wonder what his reaction will be like when he’s turn into a pony. Also, this rewrite version is very impressive you did a great job.
10565043
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! I am always happy to receive such comments. We appreciate it (myself and Edward).
Yep. I knew he would be surprised when he’s now turned into a Pegasus. Good job on your rewrite chapter this is going well.
10571791
You can thank me as well.
I mean, I’m not his partner on that one for nothing.
Also... you’re welcome.
10571810
Ok, you’re welcome.
when did Admiral Ackbar get here
10572470
Good question. Why did he think of that? Well, thanks for commenting, Wartank. We appreciate you read our piece. I hope you got a fun time reading that part, good sir.
Enjoy your time here with the story!
He used the word VOLTAR THUNDASIR from the movie Onward. And I really hope Dawn will be able to fly. I have to say you two did a good job on this new chapter. I like it. Also, have a great day!
10577731
Well, it didn't work. So...yeah, no luck there with the spell. Thanks, we appreciate you enjoy the story so far!
10577734
You’re welcome
Hum, getting better keep it up
10577731
That was kinda my idea. You see... since both Dawn Darkness and Solar Eclipse both grew up on Earth, it be pretty obvious that they both have picked up different spells from other franchises like Harry Potter or ONWARD.
10939225
I see.
definite improvement over earlier chapters, would help to narrate more of what Dawn is thinking in general, the part were he goes with RD and talk about learning to fly is actually an interesting deviation and that he already make his first romantic interest was nice. the Part that his grand father was Wonderbolt was also nice and could make for some interesting development. Peek it up
10943362
Thanks. We're glad you enjoyed it. Yes, I'll definitely keep it in mind to what Dawn is thinking for what he is in with the Mane Six on their adventures. Keep tuning in for the next couple of chapters.
You drew inspiration from my story (My Journey In Equestria) in that, in chapter 1, your OC meets Fluttershy first! Very good!
10963389
No, I did not. It was my own idea with Edward Sapphire helping on that. I haven't even read your story, so how can you say that?
10964013
Allow me to throw you a link to chapter 1 of My Journey In Equestria: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/500647/2/my-journey-in-equestria/1-from-out-of-nowhere
Compare that chapter with chapter 1 of your story, and you’ll notice the similarity.
10964013
Oh, right. I get it now. You published chapter 1 of your story before I published chapter 1 of mine. My apologies!
10964017
No thanks. I'll pass. I have other interests right now, such as reading fiction books (in Danish) and do my own currently. So I have no time to read your fanfic.
10964020
Anything you say. Go have fun!
What happened to them wanting to punish him because he stood up to glida?
11215967
Do you mean his grandparents?
11215972
They just scolded him. And the girls aren't ones to talk about not fighting Considering they were ready to do whatever it took including violence against nightmare moon. They never thought about friendship with her until after she turned into Luna and turned out to be Celestia sister.
11215998
Instead of just scolding, they did give him a form of lecture to Dawn. It was just off-screen that they gave him the lecture about not fighting someone who has been a friend of his own friends.
11216012
So Luna even if she nightmare moon was Celestia sister and they were more than happy to whatever it took to kick her butt. They had no clue how they elements would do it but that was the goal so the fact that he was willing to defend fluttershy and Gilda was prefectly willing to get in a fight against him. She was ready to hurt anyone who stood up to her and he told her off and then gave her what for when she didn't take it well.
Personally I been thinking about this episode and the girls were rude and spike shouldn't trying to get twilight to show Trixie up even if she did give the girls a taste of their own medicine. Yes she was a bit braggy but nobody forced them to stay and watch. And Trixie might actually have some talent maybe she isn't twilight level but that doesn't mean she isn't good at magic. Though twilight was idiot at the end by giving out those mustaches. It looked like she was rewarding them for bringing a giant bear cub to town.
11221275
Yes, I might agree with you on that front. Though as for the chapter as a whole, what's your favorite moment in it?
11221290
And the girls hopefully getting a lesson in how to show respect to others who are performing even if you don't like them.
Umm... Who does such a thing? I personally dislike stories which I most definitely under no circumstances would like to ever try to read again by mistake. I guess there was 3 or so like this over the years. And I mean stories which I actually red for a 10 or even 50 chapters. That case when a story isn't particularly bad, but all hopes for it to turn any better die by a thousand paper cuts.
At the same time it's completely fair not to give it a like when you don't consider it particularly interesting and just read it out of boredom. You know, when you fight boredom with more of it in a different package. Then give it one day when you realize you actually enjoying it. Some stories start slow, but get immensely better over time.
I think it's not fair to disable a rating. It decrease usability of the site for the readers. I think people disable rating when they either don't believe in their own work or it's actually that bad and they refuse to take a hint.
11221580
So, you think I should turn the ratings back on?
11222117
I think you already did, didn't you? I think you should keep it this way.
Likes and dislikes are an instrument. Some use it wrong, but that's rarely a majority and over time it should balance itself out.
Well, unless you specifically ask for downvotes. There's at least one author like this. XD
11222192
Oh, no. I think when people enjoy what me and my co-author write is for the best of the story.
11222194
BTW, I meant this guy.
That time when you could have written a story about cyber ninja space pirates, but going to space were too expensive and cyber parts didn't went through assembly particularly well either, so you had to cut down budget to just ninja pirates and then cut down even further and settle on plain old mahou pony.
Who doesn't?!
Or is she surprised that he knows she'll be there? I mean it's clearly not a secret considering she chose this location and is the centerpiece of the celebration.
Dat not haw it works!
I mean, seriously, memorizing is an act of writing sometime down into memory and while technically every time we remember something we rewrite that memory the process is called remembering. In either case "from my memory" doesn't make sense and in case of remembering it's a tautology.
I think the writing has improved a lot sense you first started where it felt more of a self-insert fantasy fulfillment/Garry Stew protagonist at the beginning, with a really gargled writing before the reboot, to what feels more like a proper plot driven story. The writing is solid now, if maybe a slightly dull with the story mostly following mostly the same plot as the original episode at the moment plus extra, that doesn't quite really stand out as it's own thing. I think there could have been more of Crimson's self reflection to show more of what he thinks of the situation and the others but I won't really harp on it as the quality of your writing has improved a lot sense last time and you posted. I wish you good luck and looking forward to seeing the next chapter.
I would also add that you had the right idea in splitting the story arc into into shorter chapters, makes it easier to follow, quicker to get out and leaves you with more room makes changes to the next one along with allowing a few buffer chapters in case you are having trouble writing for a while.
11539935
Thanks for the feedback, Mix-up!
Yeah, the original idea was very Gary Stu(ish) in terms of my self-insert protagonist, I'll admit. However, I think the idea has grown as well.
Yup. That was my idea, because the seventh episode chapter was going to be around 7K-8K words total. And thanks for noticing the improvement of the writing! It makes me happy to hear that it has improved since the last time.
I think you did mostly a good job on adding the stuff I pointed out last chapter, especially the main protagonist's self reflection and the some recap on his back story that could serve the plot a little. it might have been added in modest amount added, but it certainly helped make the chapter feel more alive and lived in, and not a static cardboard cut out that just act with not clear motives or feeling like a lot of beginner writers mistakes tend to make, you managed to pass over that problem.
The benefit of writing over other mediums is that you can afford to explain what is going on or that the narrator think is going on, and you can add some backstory story or information that isn't visually relevant to the current situation. Along be privy to the protagonists thoughts like seeing what they make of the situation they are in, agree or not with their colleges, and on what point, make assumptions on the situation or other characters motives they think they can make. And most importantly see how they feel or seem to feel about the situation, it the best strength of writing: you don't need to do it everywhere(that would take for ever) but in strategic areas is can be very beneficial.
I think going in with incremental improvements as you did is a good idea, and I think did a good job on the introspection you managed to make his feel more like a proper character and the Mane Six for it, seeing his position he has about each member. Now what would be a good next step in improving your writing I would say you would need to make your sentences sound more subjective to the main protagonists point of view, to better reflect hint of their personality and biases at the moment and passively describe what they are experiencing without having to go into a painfully long exposition.
My personal views on the episode is that Fluttershy was completely in the right in being at being worried about dealing with a fire breathing, stone ripping and mashing teeth Bowing size dragon, they are a terrifying sight to behold up close, especially if you are herbivore like ponies. If you have ever dealt with wild animal in a forest one wrong move of showing any sign of weakness or aggression can trigger them to attack. Coming into a dragon's lair without knowing at all what you are doing is an act of insanity at best or a suicide mission at worst, even if they can be reasoned they are well above the totem bole the ponies when it comes to the food chain and they know it and there is very little that is stopping them cooking ponies in the menu and aren't bound by social norms like we are and have little in the way of forcing restraint. The Mane Six were blissfully unaware of what they were dealing with and it was Fluttershy knowing how not show fear and address the dragon as an equal in confidence, that saved them, once survival instincts kicked in.
Keep it up dud you are definitely getting better at this.
11540303
I'm touched, Mix-up. Thank you for taking the time for giving constructive feedback. There's an epilogue for the episode up, I'd like to inform you, if you noticed.
Nice story but could you make it an anthro version?
11541262
Why anthro? I am not very sure if an anthro version would be good for this story.
11541270
I mean remake the story to an anthro version. Or think of another story about it that involves a human going to the anthro Equestria.
11541275
Well, to make this without any bad thoughts, I don't take story requests. I'm sure you understand that, don't you, Dragoknight? I am writing for myself, having my own ideas, and do what interests me more than having the need to brainstorm someone else's request. (This means I don't want to remake Dawn Before Twilight, and no one else should do it without my permission.)
11541277
It was just a suggestion. But if it's your choice, then I'm okay with it.
11541291
Oh, a suggestion? Sorry that I was a bit hard. I was just tired because of someone on FanFiction.net who wrote a harsh thing to me.
11541295
Ouch. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I didn't know you had that kind of problem.