Dawn Before Twilight

by Dawn Darkness

Chapter 10: Dragonshy, Pt. 4

As Twilight was inside the cave entrance, I was in my thoughts of what could happen if we were to upset the dragon. If it came to it, I would be defensive and make certain none of my pony friends get hurt by the dragon, who was still sleeping, thankfully, even if Twilight was in his cave.

So, what to do if things went on the bad side? Well, show my friends what I learned from Merlin, of course. He did teach me various kung-fu skills during my one year living in Bloodonia, and I was able to defend myself thanks to his teachings. However, most of my skills were by observing Merlin’s fighting styles, which he probably adapted from his family’s long-line of pirates from his father’s side.

We heard Twilight’s voice as she spoke from the cave entrance. “So, what is the best way to wake up a sleeping dragon without upsetting him? Fluttershy?” She realized somepony was missing and turned to us, where the pony in question was still outside with us, having dug her head in the dirt.

I was shaking my head in disbelief at the nervousness Fluttershy was showing regarding our situation.

“Oh, come on! Come on!” Twilight grunted, lifting Fluttershy up by tugging her wing. “We have to do this! Now!” She tried pushing the scared pegasus, with assistance from Rainbow.

I noticed Crim was also shaking her head at the frightened pony. I guess I’m not the only one who was disappointed today.

“Every…” Twilight grunted, still trying to push Fluttershy forward, “...second longer that dragon sleeps…” she grunted again, “is another acre of Equestria that is covered,” another grunt, “in smoke.”

The other four ponies with us assisted Twilight and Rainbow into pushing Fluttershy forward, but she was stubbornly refusing. “I…I…I can’t go in the cave.”

Our friends crashed onto the ground, groaning.

“Oh, great,” Rainbow said with disappointment. “She’s scared of caves now, too.”

“I’m not scared of caves,” Fluttershy stated, “I’m scared of…” She mumbled the last part, so we couldn’t hear it.

“What was that, dear?” Crim asked.

“Yeah, what’s that, sugarcube?” Applejack added.

“I’m scared of…” Fluttershy mumbled low again.

“What?” Twilight asked.

“What are you afraid of, Fluttershy?” I added, more gentler.

“I’m scared of dragons!” Fluttershy admitted.

A loud snoring sound came in response to Fluttershy’s admittance. We were blinking, both surprised and terrified.

Suddenly, smoke erupted from the cave entrance, engulfing us briefly. We coughed from the sudden appearance of the black smoke. I shook my head as I blinked to Fluttershy. “You’re really afraid of dragons?”

“Yes,” she nodded.

I was surprised. Why? Because of one particular thing: Spike was a dragon, too. So why was she afraid of them?

“But Fluttershy,” Twilight continued, “you have a wonderful talent dealing with all kinds of animals.”

“Yes,” she affirmed, “because they’re not dragons.”

“Oh come on!” Rainbow exclaimed. “We’ve seen you walk right up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing.”

They did? Huh. Now that she mentioned it, I wasn’t exactly present when they did see that from Fluttershy, due to me being captured and held hostage by Nightmare Moon.

“Yes, because he wasn’t a dragon,” Fluttershy stated.

“Spike is a dragon,” Pinkie added to my previous inner thoughts. “You’re not scared of him.”

“Yes, because he's not a huge, gigantic, terrifying, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp-scale having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could eat a pony in one bite, totally all grown-up dragon!” Fluttershy reminded her.

A snore from the dragon inside scared her once more, causing her to whimper and shake uncontrollably.

“But,” Twilight recalled, “if you’re so afraid of dragons, why didn’t you say something before we came all the way up here?”

“She’s got a point,” I added.

“I was afraid to,” Fluttershy admitted truthfully.

“Ugh,” Rainbow groaned.

“All of us are scared of that dragon,” Applejack stated.

“I’m not!” Rainbow quickly said.

“Me neither,” I added. “I’m not afraid at all.” And that was true, because I’ve been fascinated by them, not scared, mind you.

“Almost all of us are scared of that dragon,” Applejack corrected herself. “But we’ve got a job to do. So, get in there with Twilight and show her what you’re made of!”

I hoofpalmed. She tilted her head toward me in confusion.

“I—I—I just…can’t,” Fluttershy stuttered, turning around.

“Oh, Fluttershy,” Twilight sighed sympathetically.

I sighed as well. This was just great. Now we’re only seven to deal with that dragon. Ah, who am I kiddin’? Let’s show that dragon who’s the chief around here!

After a bit of consideration, I decided to follow Twilight inside the cave, which she was relieved since the dragon would probably react badly enough if she ventured in alone.

I was just making sure my friend here doesn’t blow it up.

“We’re goin’ in,” Twilight said. “He…probably just doesn’t realize what he’s doing…right?”

“Probably not,” I nodded.

The ponies outside agreed nervously.

“Mr. Dragon,” Twilight whispered with a nervous tone in her voice, bumping into the nose of the red-scaled dragon lying on top of a pile of gold.

Yup. It confirmed what I have seen in movies back on Earth: dragons DO sleep on gold.

Rumbling noise was heard from the sleeping dragon, who moved slightly in his sleep.

“Excuse me,” Twilight tried again. Another rumbling sound was heard from the dragon. “Mr. Dragon.”

And…after turning to scratch his stomach, his eyes opened! I got a small scare there, but nothing too noticeable for Twilight.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Twilight said, fearfully. “Please allow me to introduce ourselves. I’m Twilight—” A yawn interrupted her, a bad breath blowing into our faces, as she continued, “—Sparkle, and this is Dawn Darkness, and we and our friends are residents here in Equestria. Ponyville, to be exact. We’ve come here to ask that you find another spot to take your nap.”

The dragon looked out to see our friends staring back with nervous smiles.

Twilight continued. “It’s just that you seem to be doing an awful lot of snoring, and every time you do you send out a terrible cloud of smoke.” To prove her point, the dragon snorted a black cloud of smoke in her face. “Equestria simply can’t survive a hundred years in a dark haze. You understand, don’t you?”

The dragon raised himself, stretching and grunting, before scratching himself with his claws.

“So, you’ll find another place to sleep?” I asked hopefully to the dragon.

Aaand…he laid back down again with a huff, as if refusing to budge from his gold.

A snort came then, engulfing us once more in smoke. We coughed in response. Twilight and I hurried outside from the smoking cave.

“So much for,” Rainbow coughed, “persuading him.”

“Now what?” Applejack asked.

“Maybe, give up?” They looked at me with stern eyes. “What? It was just a suggestion.”

Rarity coughed. “Obviously, this situation just calls for a little ‘pony charm’. Allow me, girls, boy.”

I rolled my eyes in exaggeration. “Go ahead.”

At that, Rarity trotted inside the cave, to bring her ‘charm’ to work with the dragon. We heard her voice from the cave entrance: “I’m so sorry to interrupt,” and heard her clearing her throat, “but I couldn’t possibly head back home without mentioning what handsome scales you have.”

I shook my head. So much for preparing her ‘charm’...

“And those scales have to be hidden away in some silly cave for a hundred years?”

A loud, rumbling sound from the dragon was heard.

And from what I heard, was Rarity speaking, “Personally, I think you should skip the snoozing and be out there, showing them off. Hmm. Obviously, I would be more than happy to keep an eye on your jewels while you're gone.”

Was that the best she got? I think so, from the growling the dragon made and the crying from Rarity, as she came outside again, having failed to convince the dragon to part from his gold.

Author's Note:

This was the last part. There will be an epilogue of the chapter that will be written tomorrow. I hope you guys was excited to have this story back on track with the chapters. What do you think of this retelling of Dragonshy?

Comments

[Mix-up]

I think you did mostly a good job on adding the stuff I pointed out last chapter, especially the main protagonist's self reflection and the some recap on his back story that could serve the plot a little. it might have been added in modest amount added, but it certainly helped make the chapter feel more alive and lived in, and not a static cardboard cut out that just act with not clear motives or feeling like a lot of beginner writers mistakes tend to make, you managed to pass over that problem.

The benefit of writing over other mediums is that you can afford to explain what is going on or that the narrator think is going on, and you can add some backstory story or information that isn't visually relevant to the current situation. Along be privy to the protagonists thoughts like seeing what they make of the situation they are in, agree or not with their colleges, and on what point, make assumptions on the situation or other characters motives they think they can make. And most importantly see how they feel or seem to feel about the situation, it the best strength of writing: you don't need to do it everywhere(that would take for ever) but in strategic areas is can be very beneficial.

I think going in with incremental improvements as you did is a good idea, and I think did a good job on the introspection you managed to make his feel more like a proper character and the Mane Six for it, seeing his position he has about each member. Now what would be a good next step in improving your writing I would say you would need to make your sentences sound more subjective to the main protagonists point of view, to better reflect hint of their personality and biases at the moment and passively describe what they are experiencing without having to go into a painfully long exposition.

My personal views on the episode is that Fluttershy was completely in the right in being at being worried about dealing with a fire breathing, stone ripping and mashing teeth Bowing size dragon, they are a terrifying sight to behold up close, especially if you are herbivore like ponies. If you have ever dealt with wild animal in a forest one wrong move of showing any sign of weakness or aggression can trigger them to attack. Coming into a dragon's lair without knowing at all what you are doing is an act of insanity at best or a suicide mission at worst, even if they can be reasoned they are well above the totem bole the ponies when it comes to the food chain and they know it and there is very little that is stopping them cooking ponies in the menu and aren't bound by social norms like we are and have little in the way of forcing restraint. The Mane Six were blissfully unaware of what they were dealing with and it was Fluttershy knowing how not show fear and address the dragon as an equal in confidence, that saved them, once survival instincts kicked in.

Keep it up dud you are definitely getting better at this.

[Dawn Darkness]

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I'm touched, Mix-up. Thank you for taking the time for giving constructive feedback. There's an epilogue for the episode up, I'd like to inform you, if you noticed.