• Member Since 29th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 17th, 2016

Scorched Earth


T
Source

This story is a sequel to The History Of The Human War


First state visit to The Human Refuge's home, Luna Aeternal is happening. What will happen? Twilight Sparkle accompanies Princess Luna as she visits the human colony on the moon. What kind of place is the mysterious human home? What will she find there? And will they survive the visit without restarting the most devastating war in the history of Equesteria?

Sort of sequel to The History of Human War. Originally planned to just add this to that fic, but it kept growing until I had to split it into two parts and then it kept growing until it started to be longer than other "After The War" chapters combined. So now it is its own story. Enjoy.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 84 )

A sequel? So quickly? ...Awesome! :rainbowdetermined2:

You might wanna check your spelling and grammar...

The story itself is interested, however there are numerous problems.

The first mistake I saw was "nerve wrecking". I should be "nerve wracking". Another problem is grammar and spelling errors. Other than that, I am tracking.

I will hold off on rating for now.

wat

The grammar is good at the start, but seems to get a little rushed when it progresses.

1204059

I forgot to check the end again before publishing, trying to fix it. Originally they were supposed to take Mag-lev right away, but I realized that it would have been too soon. So I went back and wrote the scene in the park.

However, I thank you for commenting on the grammar. I try to make these as grammatically correct as I can, but sometimes things just slip by.

And so, the plot thickens. :trixieshiftright:

"Trough" should be spelled "through" or if that's to hard, "thru".

1211981

I blame my spelling checker. I keep writing through, it keeps insisting trough.

Well, this is a major improvement in terms of mechanics from your first story. There still a lot of grammar/spelling errors but you're improving.

The idea of political intrigue is interesting too.

Keep it up.

I shall be following this! And I wish to know what shall be happening between Spike and Rarity as well. (not looking for clop, mind you, lol. Just seems like an interesting turn of events)

Whelp, with this chapter, After The War - Luna Aeternal has officially surpassed it's "mother story" in length. Funny how this originally started as a"let's drop this one near the end" side-story.

Oh, no.

I think the war's restarted.

On a side note. You've really improved on your grammar and spelling. Keep it up!

Wow, this has spun off into a series all it's own. Now you've really got me pumped up! :rainbowdetermined2: But what I don't get is, why are they chasing that transport? Did something happen at the embassy?

And you've still got some minor grammer issues.

1219597

Remember when Trixie mentioned she wanted a team of guards to check up what humans were up to? And how one pony and one human had "mysteriously" disappeared?

Whelp, Trixie isn't stupid. She enlisted, survived The War and got promoted to rank of captain. That is something you don't get if you are stupid. She knows humans are up to something and when a transport without markings leaves the embassy in middle of the night, it's quite suspicious. You see what they find in next chapter.:moustache:

Also, "grammer issues":pinkiehappy: You mean "grammar", I take it:scootangel:

1219631 And I'm not that good at spelling. :rainbowlaugh:

those weapons must NEVER fall on hooves

Wow, I got this one ready fast. It's like the story is writing itself!

EDIT

Also, how come Trixie reappeared in this fic AGAIN? She wasn't originally supposed to be anything else than one scene cameo/shoutout in The History Of The Human War. How come she suddenly appears in three chapters here? I'm starting to believe those writers who say "Stories write themselves, writer is just a conduit"...

Wow, it's going down now! :rainbowdetermined2: Oh, and, this story had officially become to awesome to be called, After The War - Luna Aeternal. Perhaps you could rename it, The Luna Aeternal Crisis?.

Halten Sie schriftlich, guter Herr. :moustache:

wat

TELEFRAG BIACH

Just last night, I said I was looking forward to updates... and I log in today to find two new chapters! You, good Sir, have made my night! Thank you.

On a side note, will there be a side story on Rainbow Dash and her adoption of Scootaloo? This would be a story I would love to read.:rainbowkiss:

HOLY FAUST! This is getting good!
I suspect now I will have to wait a minimum of a few days for the next update...
Your grammer may not be up to what some expect, but you write a hell of a story! /)

1227806

Well, I can't really promise anything. I mean, this was supposed to be small, about 2000 word side story to The History Of The Human War. Well, it went and grew quite a lot, didn't it?

Your grammar and mechanics need a bit of work but damn, you know how to write an intemse story and keep the reader's attention.

I won't probably be able to update this story before Monday, so have an extra long chapter:trixieshiftright:


Also, thanks for everyone who commented and favorited this story. Those things are what keep me writing.

EDIT

Interesting factoids: Working title for this chapter was "Traitors. Traitors everywhere". As for the title, it's my favorite unit quote from Red Alert 2, from a unit called Desolator. I am hoping I can smuggle an Apocalypse tank quote somewhere...

Also, if someone could make a "X, X everywhere" meme version with Captain!Trixie and someone else, I would love you really much :pinkiehappy:

Oh shit balls, I was right!

Some terrorists are trying to restart the war. But why would the Human terrorists cooperate with the pony terrorists?

Also, numbers less than one hundred are spelled out.

1232269

False flag operation. Cause a disaster. Blame it on pony terrorist.

OMG!!!! Dont ask me how the hell I am sitting right now. I am about a foot past the edge of my seat now...

This is gonna KILL me, waiting for the next update lol

This is getting as good as one of Tom Clancy's novels:pinkiehappy:

Wait, how can a single city cover "Half of the Surface of the moon," and only have about fifty million people? That's about as big as New York and Tokyo combined, and if you combine the surface areas, they wouldn't even fill one of the moon's seas, much less half of the moon's surface. Even if they spread out a lot, past a certain point and the structure would be far too cost-ineffective and huge for the population.

1234513

I might have some details off. I will go back and adjust the numbers later. I just realized that the place is too large for a picture I am trying to portray. Still, when humans migrated to the moon it was 2 billion of humans who left there. During 2000 years that number has dropped to 50 million. So some of the districts are actually empty and in process of being torn down.

I just made that up but it's canon now. :yay:

EDIT

So I made some math. During 2 500 years on exile on the moon, humanity went from 2 billion (2 000 000 000) humans to 50 million (50 000 000). That is average drop of 780 000 humans per year. Now, Tokyo has population of 13 185 502. So that means that original human population is about 151 times that.Tokyo is size of 2 187 km², so I would get that the size of Luna Aeternal would be closer to 331 727 km², although it would be slightly smaller since empty districts would get torn down and recycled. Surface of the moon is 38 000 000 km², divide by half it's 19 000 000 km². Not even nearly enough to cover half of it and if I got numbers right, The Sea of Tranquility is about 598 574 km². So yeah, assuming there are empty areas the city is not big enough to fill that area. Still, it's mighty big place when you compare modern areas. It's almost size of modern Germany (357 021 km²).

Looks like I need to start working on that description. Well, at least it's not a massive problem. In fact, it might be better for the story. Smaller the area, bigger the possible damage.

EDIT 2

Updated chapter 1. Luna Aeternal is now about the size of Equesteria, with outer structures in middle of being dismantled.

Aaaaaand... now we wait. :twilightoops:

Hey remember when I said I wouldn't update before monday?

img7.imageshack.us/img7/3955/dfev.jpg

Also, there is a reason why this story has "Dark" tag.

Anyway, I hope another war doesn't break out.

OMG... I had a suspicion that The Princess might sacrifice herself... :raritycry:

"only to return 16 years ago" didn't you state that it was 12 years ago in Chapter 3? (Hint: Yes.)

1244989

Whoops, looks like I forgot that one. And both got a mistake in them

Yeah this is a bit of retcon on my part. At first, it was supposed to be 12 years (4 years of war + 5 years of peace, all happening after 3rd season AKA 3 years). After thinking about this I decided to add some room there. That 16 years is supposed to be 14 years , making the The War happen 2 years after Season 3.

Fixing it now. Thanks for pointing it out.

Also, to those interested, a rough timeline:

Year 1 = Season 1
Year 2 = Season 2
Year 3 = Season 3
Year 4 = Possible season 4
Year 5 = Possible season 5
Years 6 - 9 = The Human War
Years 10-14 = Peace

I'm guessing "Oh shit!" doesn't quite cover this.

Also, lots of grammatical errors and awkward wording here.

But your description of the antimatter bomb's effects on the inhabitants of the stricken district was positively chilling.

wat

OOOH DIS GON B GUD

Oh come on! :unsuresweetie: (this site needs an OH COME ON Sweetie.)

Ravensaw's decision shouldn't be between supporting peace and supporting Tarnheiser; it should be between supporting peace by exposing Tarnheiser and just having Tarnheiser assassinated or something and trying to keep humanity at peace without risking destabilizing the leadership.

But since I guess he'll take Option A anyway, it doesn't matter as much to the story what Option B was -- if I'm right.

1253843

Problem is, Tarnheiser is a well respected leader. Having him suddenly assassinated would further lead to whole 'ponies can't be trusted'. Public already knows that The First Citizen is dead. Tarnheiser already gave his "proof" that ponies were behind whole mess, so unless Ravensaw publicly exposes Tarnheiser, humans will think it was pony government who planned and executed the terrorist strike.

Thus, Ravensaw has two options: Go public and risk the government, but maintain peace or remain silent and watch as humans go to war.

You find later what his decision was.

1254123 Well, I did say "or something" -- blackmail him then. Ravensaw has the evidence and as long as Tarnheiser can't simply erase it through murder he doesn't have a lot of options other than to back down and retire or something, or call Raven's bluff. No matter how much he believes in going to war he can't be deluded enough to think the public won't crucify him for his actions.

How come you get to reply to me by name but all I see is a number when I reply to you? :fluttercry:

1254253

Magic *snort* *snort*

Honestly, I have no idea. It seems random to me, sometimes I see numbers and sometimes I see names.:derpytongue2:

As for your suggestion... Politics. Besides, try to place yourself in Ravensaws position: You have been awake for two days, witnessed death of over 2 million humans, your friend turned out to be traitor and murdered your superior and another friend and you need to make decision what to do before said traitor friend convinces the government to go all out war.

He isn't exactly thinking clearly. He is just going with first things he can think of and trying to simply get trough the whole mess, while trying to remain true to his own ideals.

... and now it shows your name instead of the number in my old reply, even though I didn't change anything. :rainbowhuh:

1254347

Like I said, magic.

Fimfiction.net: Replying is magic :pinkiehappy:

EDIT

Currently shows a number too...

EDIT 2

And now I see name.

Man, you're building to a boil! This has to be one of the best fics I've seen on here. I hope Ravensaw chooses peace.

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