• Member Since 10th Oct, 2020
  • offline last seen Last Friday

robberrito


demoknight tf2

E

Young Twilight comes home with horrible news. Her latest paper shows she scored a low F on her latest assignment. Shocked at this new development, she throws herself in her room and feels as if she can no longer go on. Twilight Velvet gives her a lesson on failure and how it affects us.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 5 )

Simple story, 1k words. Tell me if you liked it. If not, dislike and tell me your problems with it.

This was nice. Was a cute little story

I think the story has a good premise, but it is...a bit wasted.

You could've made it into a silly comedy where Twilight does one of her fits of obsession.

You also didn't follow the rule of show, don't tell. Like a lot of writers, you feel obligated to show exposition at the beginning, which detracts from the emotional appeal and makes readers feel like they are getting homework.

Good premise, but a so so execution.

But don't be discouraged. I only want to help you do better.

10544635
I don’t see why I should’ve made it into a silly comedy, my goal for this story was basically a look into how failure affects us psychologically and how we can overcome it. More of a serious message.

10544793

I guess. But it was weighed down by way too much exposition to have that emotional impact you were aiming for.

Again, stories like this are only interesting when you let the character act, and not provide info dumps.

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