It's Time To Fuse!

It all began at the Hayburger Shack, where the Mane Six and their friends were sitting at a large, round table. Most of them were munching on hayburgers and fries, except for Twilight, who had a large book levitated in front of her as she scanned through it.

Suddenly, both Spike and Starlight slammed their way through the doors, causing the others to stop eating and turn their heads in shock.

“Guys! You’ve gotta come see this, quick!” Spike shouted, panting.

“Huh? What’s wrong?!” Twilight asked.

“No time to explain right now! C’mon!” Starlight said, running out of the Shack with Spike while the others followed suit.

They ran outside, only to see a small group of three rock creatures stomping their way through Ponyville. They were roaring and screaming like some mad wild beast on a rampage.

“W-Who in Equestria are those creatures?” Fluttershy asked, quivering in fear.

"I don't know, but we're not gonna let them get away with this!"

"Rainbow Dash! Wait!" Twilight shouted, but it was too late.

Rainbow Dash was already zooming towards the creatures. With her hind hoof extended and pointy, and a beaming grin on her face, she was a spear of steel, ready to punch through the heart of the monster. But when she had reached her target, it all went to hell in a handbasket.

"Ow!" Rainbow Dash yelled, grabbing her throbbing hoof, suddenly remembering that rock always wins with steel. "Ugh... That was a bad idea--" The creature swatted her away then, splattering her onto a large tree.

"Rainbow Dash!" With her eyes wide from fear, Fluttershy fluttered over towards the pegasus and shook her. "Are you alright?!" But the only answer was a groan of pain.

The rock creatures let out even louder roars than before, charging after the group with their fists riled up.

"Watch out!" Twilight yelled, teleporting everyone away.

The group materialized some distance away, to see the creatures lunging their mighty fist down where they were before. The strike was powerful enough to shake the ground and send some dust flying, creating a few large craters into the ground.

“Alright! That’s it!” Applejack shouted. “I won’t stand for no more of this!”

One of the rock creatures growled at Applejack with its fists clenched tight. In response, Applejack stroked her hoof across the ground. Both of them charged. The rock creature raised its fist in the air. Applejack bended down on her knees and jumped before the creature could land a hit. The ground shook and cracked, debris flew all over around. She landed on top of the creature’s arm, then galloped across it before turning around and bucking at the creature’s face.

Unfortunately, because of the creature’s hard exterior, she winced in the same pain as Rainbow Dash as her hooves started swelling and throbbing before the creature head-butted her away. She landed to the ground, filled with scratches and bruises, but still alive.

Suddenly, Twilight blasted a large, deep purple beam of magic at each of the creatures, knocking them to the ground. Each one of them tries to get up from the ground, but Twilight keeps them pinned with a continuous blast at each of them. They soon overcame the blasts with a growl and Twilight briefly protected herself from the remains with a barrier before getting hit by one of the creatures with a groan.

After falling to the ground, all the three rock creatures appeared above her and each one raised both of their fists clenched together. When they all swung their fists down at Twilight, she protected herself again with an even larger barrier. The creatures repeatedly slammed their fists down on Twilight's barrier. She started getting pushed backwards and her barrier started to crack with each blow.

Suddenly, when all of the creatures raised their fists again, they were then hit square in the head by a large rock. They turned their heads with a growl towards both Starlight and Rarity, who also growled at them with flared up nostrils and knees bent down.

“Get away from our friends, you monsters!” Starlight shouted as she and Rarity used their magic to throw even more large rocks at the creatures. In response, the creatures let out even more roars and charged at the two ponies with the ground shaking beneath their feet. Spike quickly flew in circles around the creatures, causing them to go dizzy.

While they were getting dizzy, Pinkie Pie then levitated in front of them by Twilight, who was still exhausted from the continuous strikes on her barrier, and blasted them in the faces with her large party cannon. As they became temporarily blinded and coughed up confetti, Twilight and Starlight blasted a large, combined beam of magic at their faces, knocking them backwards while Rarity and Starlight moved out of the way.

Large clouds of dust cleared up. The entire group looked closer at the rock creatures to see if they were still down. As they grew closer, the rock creatures quickly opened their eyes and got up from the ground with even more growls at the group while they back away.

“This isn’t working!” Applejack exclaimed. “We’ve got to try something different!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got an idea!” Twilight said. “But I’ll need a volunteer to see if it’ll work.”

“Maybe I can help!” Starlight said.

“Okay then,” Twilight replied. “But we need to hurry before...!” Twilight and her friends dodged another fist slam from one of the rock creatures. “That,” she said. “Okay, now just do what I do, Starlight.”

Both Twilight and Starlight’s horns glowed their respective colors of pinkish-purple and cyan. They then walked towards each other and touched their horns together as they struggled before being slowly engulfed in a bright white light. The others covered their eyes as both Twilight and Starlight took shape until they slowly formed into a white silhouette.

As the light started clearing up from them, the others saw what became of them. They were a taller, skinner alicorn with a longer horn and bigger wings. They also had a light magenta coat and a longer, deep purple mane and tail with pink, cyan, and indigo streaks. Their eye color was indigo and their cutie mark was a deep-pink swirl with cyan and white sparkles around it.

The others looked at the fusion with wide eyes and mouths hung open. The fusion opened its eyes and looked at itself while also having wide eyes and a mouth hanged open. “Woah! I can’t believe that worked!” The fusion said in a regal voice.

“Twilight? Starlight? Is that you?” Applejack asked.

“I don’t know,” The fusion replied. “But if I had to guess, my actual name would have to be... Stardust.”

“Wow! That... Is... Awesome!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“How is this even possible?” Rarity asked.

“Well, Twilight’s been studying on an advanced spell that she found at the Castle Library, just in case we had to deal with something extremely powerful like this.” Stardust replied.

As the rock creatures rubbed their eyes from the bright light and charged at the group again, Stardust’s horn glowed an indigo-colored aura and blasted a large beam of magic at them, causing them to flinch backward with a burnt mark on each of them.

The three rock creatures growled even louder as they slammed their fists at Stardust, but she immediately flew out of the way and used her magic to levitate them a few feet into the air, albeit with a bit of struggle. “Ha! Not so tough now, are you?” Stardust then heard a blinking sound from nearby and looked at her cutie mark to see that it’s blinking a white light. “Uh oh,”

“What’s wrong, Stardust?!” Fluttershy asked.

“I forgot to tell you that this form is only temporary!” Stardust shouted, struggling to keep the three creatures afloat while trying to maintain her form. “I need your help!” She said to her friends.

“You’ve got it, Stardust!” Rainbow Dash said as she and Fluttershy carried the others and flew towards the three rock creatures. They then attacked them while Stardust tried to keep both her telekinesis and her new form going. After a few seconds, Stardust gets extremely exhausted and separates back into Twilight and Starlight before they fall along with the rock creatures.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy quickly flew separately while carrying their friends. Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie moved the civilians out of the falling rock creatures’ way while Rainbow Dash, Spike, and Applejack zoomed after Twilight and Starlight and caught them before slowly putting them down to the ground.

“Is everyone alright?” Applejack asked.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Starlight groaned. “But what about the-?”

The rock creatures landed to the ground with an enormous cloud of dust enveloped below. Their eyes started watering as they sat up from the ground and let out a large wail and a fountain full of tears. The group looked at each other with extreme guilt. Fluttershy flew up to the creatures while the others followed suit, with both Spike and Rainbow still carrying Twilight and Starlight as they were still exhausted from the new form.

The rock creatures recoiled back from them and covered their heads in fear, but Fluttershy gently hugged them on their back and shushed. “It’s okay. We’re not going to hurt you anymore.” The rock creatures stopped crying and looked at the group with each one having their rocky eyebrows raised in confusion as Fluttershy continued to hug them softly. They then immediately embraced her hug and followed suit. “We’re sorry if we went too rough on all of you.”

“Now, can you tell us why you all were so angry in the first place?” Fluttershy asked.

They all growled in different pitches while the others, except for Fluttershy, looked at each other in confusion. They continued to “speak” to Fluttershy while she continued to listen, with tears brimming down her cheeks as she heard every grunt.

“Oh, you poor things,” Fluttershy said.

“Well, what did they say?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“The reason they went angry was because they suffered from a violent and abusive lifestyle for years and needed something to take their anger out since their abusers were already gone before they had the chance,” Fluttershy replied.

“But why would they target Ponyville and us?” Twilight asked.

The rock creatures continued grunting while Fluttershy listened closely. “They were extremely jealous of our carefree lifestyle and wanted to show us what it’s like to live the same pain and torment that they’ve suffered for years.”

“Can you tell them they don’t have to act that way, and that they can still heal from their pain without having to make others suffer?” Starlight asked.

Fluttershy whispered at the creatures’ before they softly grunted again towards her. “They said okay, but it won’t be easy since they’ve been through this for so long,” Fluttershy replied.

The three rock creatures stood up from the ground before Fluttershy flew away from them. They then started grunting again as she continued to listen.

“Oh. Do you all really have to leave so soon?” Fluttershy asked.

They all nodded their heads and waved their hands at the group before walking away from Ponyville, trying to avoid crashing anyone and anything in the way. The entire group waved back with tears brimming down from their eyes.

“Do you think they’ll be okay out there?” Spike asked.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Fluttershy replied.

Author's Note:

I wanted to make the others fuse along with Stardust, but I thought that it would be going too far and made her way too overpowered. What do you guys think of that?

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anarchywolf18

anarchywolf18 #1 · Dec 8th, 2020 · 1 · ·

It was a short good story.

Heroic412227

Heroic412227 #2 · Dec 8th, 2020 · 1 · 1 ·

10572117
Thanks.

Huk

Huk #3 · Dec 10th, 2020 · 1 · ·

OK, you asked for a comment, so here you go...

To me, the story felt flat - the tension of a fight was simply not there, nor was any humor or something that would let us feel the characters' pain and struggle. It felt more like reading a movie script:

1. Rainbow Dash did this, and it ended in pain
2. Applejack did that, and it ended in pain
etc.

I suck at writing combat scenes myself, but a few (general) suggestions that come to mind:

1. Use some metaphors, similes, and stuff that lets the reader visualize the characters' pain better. Don't overuse simple verbs to pass emotions. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with "shouted," "yelled," and so on, but look here:

"Rainbow Dash! Wait!" Twilight shouted. - that's 100% fine, 'shouted' is neutral, and it fits perfectly here.
[...]
"Ow!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. - IMHO, after the initial shout, you need to get more creative. Not only "exclaimed" is redundant (we know it because of the exclamation mark), but it doesn't pass RD's emotions to the reader. Why did she 'exclaimed'? Was she in pain? Excited? Pissed off? Of course, you gave the context beforehand, so we are informed it was pain, but the word 'exclaim' alone, doesn't really let the reader feel that pain.
[...]
Fluttershy gasped and fluttered over to help her battered friend. "Rainbow Dash! Are you alright?!" - same here, we know why Fluttershy gasped, but that word alone is a very poor emotion conductor in this scene.

2. Listen (with text-to-speech) and re-listen to the story multiple times and try to figure out if it flows well. Don't be afraid to switch the character entirely and show others reacting to the character's misfortunes.

To give some - VERY CRUDE - example on how I would try to write it myself:

They ran outside, only to see three rock creatures stomping their way through Ponyville. They were roaring and screaming like some mad wild beast during a rampage.
"W-Who in Equestria are those creatures?" Fluttershy asked, quivering in fear.
"I don't know, but we're not gonna let them get away with this!"
"Rainbow Dash! Wait!" Twilight shouted, but it was too late.
Rainbow Dash was already zooming towards the creatures. With her hind hoof extended and pointy, and a beaming grin on her face, she was a spear of steel, ready to punch through the heart of the monster. But when she had reached her target, it all went to hell in a handbasket.
"Ow!" Rainbow Dash yelled, grabbing her throbbing hoof, suddenly remembering that rock always wins with steel. "Ugh... That was a bad idea--" The creature swatted her away then, splattering her onto a large tree.
"Rainbow Dash!" With her eyes wide from fear, Fluttershy fluttered over towards the pegasus and shook her. "Are you alright?!" But the only answer was a groan of pain.
The rock creatures let out even louder roars than before, charging after the group with their fists riled up.
"Watch out!" Twilight yelled, teleporting everyone away.
The group materialized some distance away, to see the creatures lunging their mighty fist down where they were before. The strike was powerful enough to shake the ground and send some dust flying, creating a few large craters into the ground.

Again, this is a VERY crude version (and I suck at battles myself ), but you have:

Narration with better visualizations thanks to similes and metaphors.
Some perspective jumping to show Twilight's and Fluttershy's reactions to what is happening to RD. Their emotional responses help to raise the stakes (I think).
All in all, a bit better flow.

If you haven't read it yet, I recommend getting yourself a few books from Janice Hardy's Skill Builders Series:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2868311.Janice_Hardy

Especially these two: