Castle Halls
O’Chunks and O’Chunks walked down a hallway together. Anyone knew that one of them had to be Mimi, but nobody who looked really had much of an idea which was which.
That is, until they started talking.
“Do yeh ‘ave teh look like that, lass?”
“Why, does it bother you when a sweet little girl gets big stronk musklees?”
“Please!” O’Chunks snorted. “Yeh can’t even sound like me.”
“Hmph!” Mimi said, folding her massive arms.
“Plus, we all know yer not a sweet little lass.”
“Mimimimimimimimi,” Mimi chuckled. “Yeh got dat roight!”
O’Chunks facepalmed. “Yer doin’ it all wrong.”
With a grunt, Mimi transformed into her standard little girl form. “Fine, fine, I’ll prance around and look for all the cutie-pies! You know, we did get a few with the new resistance reinforcements. I can’t wait to get my hands on one of those Klingons!”
“I don’t getcha at all.”
“Nor should you try!”
“Hmph.” O’Chunks sagged, dragging his fists across the ground. “So, uh… yeh know anythin’ about Lulu?”
“Huh? W-what would I know?” Mimi tried to fake a smile.
O’Chunks bought it. “Well, I dunno. She’s just been… off. I worry ‘bout her and thought, maybe, she jus’... talks to the only other lass ‘ere.”
“First off, O’Chunks, you should know better than to make assumptions! Secondly…” Mimi dropped the smile. “Something’s wrong with her. I saw her crying. She ran away when I tried to ask what it was about.” Mimi patted her shirt down. “O’Chunks, you remember where you came from, right?”
“Yep!” O’Chunks lifted his fist into the air. “Champion o’ wreslin’ in Lumash ‘till the Count picked me up an’ showed me the world!”
“And I remember who I am too,” Mimi said. “No, I’m not telling you.”
“Aww, I was expectin’ a story…”
“My point is that Lulu doesn’t.” Mimi furrowed her brow. “She has no idea who she was before she came here.”
“Mr. L didn’t either, ‘e seemed fine.”
“He was an idiot.”
“I thought I was th… ‘ey!”
Mimi rolled her eyes. “O’Chunks, for once in your brainless life, I’m not trying to insult you.”
“Oh. ...Wait.”
“Just drop it,” Mimi sighed. “Yes, something’s wrong with Lulu. She wants to know who she is.”
“I know who she is! She’s one o’ us! Lemme find ‘er and tell ‘er that…”
A dark, ominous chuckle filled the void around them. “I’m afraid that’ll have to wait…” With a rush of cold, ghostly wind, the head of Cortez appeared with Sonic the Hedgehog riding on top of his hat. “You lot have to deal with me!”
“Bring it, boney!” O’Chunks shouted, raising his fists.
“MIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMI!” Mimi cackled, twisting her neck around until she transformed into her true form.
Sonic pressed his hands together. “Still disgusting.”
“What’s the matter Sonic? Did you miss me? I missed you!”
“Egh, and I thought Amy was terrible,” Sonic said.
“We’ll see how terrible I can be!” She jumped, surprised to find six skeletal hands grabbing her legs and pinning her to the ground. “N-no fair!”
“I gotcha lass!” O’Chunks shouted, breaking through the hands with his fists. “Ain’t nothin’ gonna out chunk me!”
Sonic burst out of nowhere, spin-dashing O’Chunks in the face, sending him flying. This would not have been enough to take O’Chunks down—but seven flaming ghosts appeared and doused him in fire that gave him a run for his money. Still, he managed to stand strong… until Worf shot him in the back with a phaser. He collapsed.
“O’Chunks!” Mimi transformed into a mouse and scurried over to O’Chunks, opening a Void portal and diving through. They appeared elsewhere in the castle.
“Ooogh…” O’Chunks groaned. “Didya get the number on that train?”
“O’Chunks…” Mimi looked around at the black walls of the castle. “Are we… weak?”
“I… I dunno, lass.”
~~~
A voice from Cortez came from Rarity’s Starfleet communicator, pinned to her ear like an earring. “Yarrr… they got away, again.”
“As expected,” Rarity managed, looking at the Void-filled sky with a blank expression. “You may try again at your leisure.” And once we catch them, what then? Bleck comes to save them or he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter either way.
She lifted a hoof into the air and pointed at a seemingly random spot in the sky. Metarex ship 423… boom. On cue, the bomb her team had set on the ship exploded, the fireball triggering a few more critical reactor failures along the way. And there goes that section of their… absolutely endless fleet of Metarex ships and bizarre monsters.
Rarity kicked back. She was currently sitting on a couch she’d had dragged up here so she could watch the sky light up from the various missions her reborn Resistance was pulling off. The first week, it had been amazing. Every now and then a new fireball in the sky, a report that they defeated one of Count Bleck’s minions, and a better understanding of the layout of the Castle.
It had been well over a month. The same successes kept coming, but nothing ever changed in the situation at the Castle. They’d largely stopped running into plans to stop them. The ships just exploded, the castle was explored, and the minions never seemed to be actively looking for them.
They didn’t matter. Not to Bleck, anyway. Not anymore.
In a way, Rarity knew she should be grateful. She’s broken through Bleck’s exterior and he felt no need to keep up the charade of “gleefully stomping out the resistance.” She wasn’t losing people anymore. But now she realized how truly worthless the entire operation was. If Bleck wanted to, he could march through every hall in his castle with the Chaos Heart and exterminate them all.
But he didn’t want to do it. It wasn’t that he was too lazy, but he didn’t actually revel in their screams. He just wanted to destroy all worlds… because someone hurt him.
That’s all that matters, Rarity thought, shaking her head. Finding out who hurt him. There has to be a way to bring him out of it… She laughed to herself bitterly. And then what? He’s already destroyed so much. How could he return?
“Who am I?”
Rarity whirled around, summoning her blade and pointing it at Lulu. “I was beginning to think I could brazenly sit on any balcony I wanted and no one would come for me!” Rarity let out a sharp laugh. “But do not think I would let my guard down for even a second.”
“Who am I?” Lulu asked, tears running down her face.
Rarity frowned. “Oh, no, not you too…”
“Who am I Rarity?”
“You’re Lulu, Count Bleck’s wizard. Mixture of simple elemental and effect spells mixed with esoteric enchantments that require words. You’re also human and… a child.”
“That’s what I am now!” Lulu’s hand lit on fire. “I know you can see beyond the veil… So tell me who I am.”
“A very disturbed child with identity issues who has come to an enemy seeking companionship.” Rarity cocked her head. “I’m willing to give it, but you’re going to have to put that fire ou—”
“Tell me!”
“You’re broken!” Rarity drove her sword into the ground.
“I already bloody know that! That’s not good enough! What am I behind this mask!?”
Rarity frowned. “How would you know about th—”
“Tell. Me.”
“Darling…” Rarity shook her head—then she kicked Lulu across the face and blasted a laser beam at her, knocking the child to the ground. She pointed her sword at Lulu’s neck. “This is the point at which you either run away… or you talk with a much more reasonable head.”
Lulu spoke a few words. Rarity was expecting to need to defend against a spell, but instead, she felt nothing.
“Who am I?”
“You are Lulu, and I can’t help you find who you really are.” Rarity frowned. “What am I saying…?”
“That spell… should make you tell the truth!” Lulu whimpered. “You can’t be immune to it, you… you can’t lie…”
“I… what?”
“I’m just one of those mindless mind-controlled drones, aren’t I?” Lulu asked.
“I don’t think so…” Rarity said, cocking her head. “They don’t have… personalities.”
“Don’t think I don’t know who Mr. L is…”
“Huh?”
“You’re… useless.” She finally created a Void portal behind herself, falling through it, leaving Rarity behind.
Rarity sat down, dissipating her sword.
“Is anyone here actually evil?” Rarity asked no one in particular.
~~~
“You… you saved me.”
“I suppose I did. I could not bear to see someone in such pain…”
“You look like you’re in pain yourself.”
“I… am. I am looking for someone. Have you seen a human girl, with great white hair and a rainbow ribbon?”
“No, I have not. ...A Dark One looking for a human girl? Has she wronged you?”
“Nothing of the sort, I assure you. We… we were close. And I cannot find her.”
“Oh… I see. I’m so sorry.”
“She’s out there, somewhere among these worlds.”
“Um, do you really think she’d be in these drifting interdimensional rocks?”
“No. But I have looked in many places already… I must go. My search continues.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No, no, you are weak, and you have no need to follow me.”
“Um, you saved my life, and you look like you could use a friend. I’m coming with you to find this girl, and that’s final. ‘K?”
“...Okay.”
~~~
The woman set her pen down, contemplating evil.
Evil was always, always, the corruption of that which was good. Life was good, but with the power given to it, life could go awry. It was the same with people. Everyone had their own quirks, personalities, desires… but everyone was somebody.
Even the worst offenders loved their families, their spouses, their pets, beauty…
Everyone had a reason for where they were. She knew that better than most.
But, in the end, the person at the end of those reasons was still responsible. Evil was evil, and no amount of tragedy or regret could undo that.
Only one thing could.
Once more, she set her pen to the page and the words flowed like water.
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You know, I'm not sure why Mimi doesn't take the spider form all the time. It's utterly terrifying and would be a massive morale blow. If I saw that coming after me I'd throw myself into Nastasia's hypno-vision.
I get the feeling I shouldn't look too deep into this.
Bet he's from Glitzville.
How dare you insult the Green Thunder like that!
You nailed him so well it's scary...
That's a golden mental image. Adding it to my crackfic paragraph collection.
See, we should have started with that.
Shooting a foe in the back is dishonorable! Shame on you, Worf, shame on you and your family.
An alien shot you in the back with a laser gun. I think the fact you're alive speaks volumes.
This is a concerning mental development. Add it to the pile.
You're also not canon. Which means you have infinite power.
I'm confused. I'm pretty sure Mr. L is just his name. Unless she knows what the L stands for... I think it's Leonard, personally.
Of course not. There are only three kinds of villains in a Nintendo game: The goofy kind, the tragic not really all that evil kind, and the eldritch nightmare kind. And since this isn't a Kirby game, the chances of type three are pretty low.
I guess this is minion check-in part two? Lulu is having identity issues and O'Chunks and Mimi are coming to turns with being mini-bosses. Also Sonic is riding a giant ghost pirate skull and Rarity is becoming a sociopath. Noted.
A man, searching. Looking for someone, across all worlds. With him, another comes, but what she seeks she can never have...
11100462
We may have the 3rd variety. We shall see.
Cut to Dimentio singing in the shower