Dufflepudilemma
Captain’s Log, Stardate 47932.8
We are free from the darkness. To my delight, it appears as though I am not the only one gifted with peace about the whole ordeal—the crew can only remember the events of the darkness as a half-remembered dream. Counselor Troi—who made a full recovery in less than an hour—is amazed at the lack of trauma displayed by the crew at large.
In the end, it really was nothing more than nightmares. Absolutely soul-crushing while you’re living it, but once you wake up, it fades away. Only myself and Guinan seem to retain a detailed understanding of what happened, and I do not find myself despising this memory.
We both succeeded and failed at our mission. We did not find Aslan, he found us and already knew what needed to be done. And yet, I do not fear him. He may have a strange way of doing things but I truly believe he intends the best for all he encounters. This is not to say I don’t have my concerns—no individual should have that kind of power. But of all the beings of this sort I have encountered, he seems the most noble-hearted.
I have sent an away team down to the island below. After we restored contact with Flipside and Starfleet Command, there wasn’t much else for us to do, so we are doing what we do best—exploring strange, new worlds.
~~~
The away team consisted of Riker, Worf, and Tails, and from the moment they had transported down to the island they had been surrounded by short creatures with one leg that led to an absolutely giant foot. There was a somewhat large number of the creatures, hopping all around the away team as they tried to perform scans on the beach.
“What a strange creature this is!” the Chief of the one-legged beings said, gesturing at Tails with an arm.
The other creatures continued speaking. “Yes he is!” “Quite right!” “Brilliant as always.”
The Chief grinned, nodding slowly. “Now, what brings you to our island?”
“Do tell us!” “Yes!” “We demand answers!”
Riker raised an eyebrow at the overly eager creatures. “I am Commander William T. Riker; this is Commander Tails and Lieutenant Worf.”
“Random names,” the Chief snorted.
“No pattern at all!” “Like a blender slapped in a bowl of soup!” “Funky words.”
Riker continued. “We are explorers from the starship Enterprise.”
“Starship? You ain’t with the wizard, are ya?”
“I bet they are.” “You root ‘em out, Chief!” “Asking the right questions, he is.”
Riker shook his head. “We have never been to your island before and know of no wizard here. Is he causing you trouble?”
“Bah, sometimes. He was pretty nice yesterday.”
“Absolutely delightful!” “Praiseworthy man.” “Pudding is delicious!”
“But then yesterday he was like an evil hornet.”
“Deplorable being.” “Ought to be offed!” “Justice is not served…”
Worf turned to Riker. “They seem to be changing their story.”
“I think they’re just confused,” Riker said. “Perhaps we should see this wizard?”
“If you want,” the Chief shrugged.
“Boring.” “Predictable.” “Of course they wanted that.”
Riker forced a smile. “Great. Lead the way.”
The other creatures spoke before the chief this time. “Great leader, Chief is.” “Show them the path!” “Trailblaze!”
The Chief bowed as though he were about to perform an amazing act of navigation… and then he hopped onto an obvious dirt road lined with trees that led to the center of the island. With every jump, he bounced three times his height into the air, just as most of the others did when they moved. With one leg, jumping around like a pogo stick was the order of the day.
As the group traveled, Tails flew to the head to talk with the Chief. “So, what exactly are you guys?”
“Dufflepuds!”
“Duffpuds!” “Dufferpods!” “Monoffers!”
“Dufflepuds!” the Chief repeated, looking back to his followers with a glare.
“That’s right!” “Perfect name.” “And how!”
“Huh…” Tails scratched his head. “They sure respect you, don’t they?”
“Yes!” “He’s the leader!” “Soft like chicken.”
The Chief didn’t even need to say anything, he just grinned.
“Riiiight…” Tails shook his head, going back to Riker and Worf. “Do you guys deal with this often?”
“We meet many strange races on our journey,” Worf admitted. “But… few have been this… particular.”
“Make us smart,” Riker said with a smirk.
“Do not remind me of those people,” Worf growled.
“They were a legitimate culture.”
“Of thieves.”
“I think I’m out of the loop,” Tails said.
“Long story,” Riker said. “Longer than we have time to tell.” He gestured forward at the elegant mansion they were approaching. Making their way to the front of the Dufflepud procession, they reached the front doors the same time as the Chief.
The doors swung open without them needing to knock, revealing an older man with a wiry beard, soft brown robes, and bare feet. “Hmm? Visitors?”
“Bunch of weirdos with a starship,” the Chief grunted.
“So strange!” “Bet they’re with you.” “Here here!”
“A starship…?” The man tilted his head upward and pointed. “That?”
The Dufflepuds all looked up and to the left to where the Enterprise was. “What?” “When did that show up?” “Looks tasty.”
Riker nodded. “Yes. It’s the starship Enterprise. We’ve been exploring your world.”
“Ah, otherworlders.” The wizard greeted them with a smile. “My name is Coriakin, the humble servant of Aslan put in charge of this island and… the Dufflepuds.”
“We ain’t your servants!” the Chief spat.
“No servants!” “Old bat!” “Rise up!”
Coriakin let out a sigh. “Please, come in, I can set the table for a meal. The Dufflepuds can join us if they wish.”
“Have your lunch,” the Chief said. “Don’t come cryin’ to us when you see what’s really going on.”
“Yeah!” “Don’t cry!” “Wait, I wanted food…”
The Chief bounded away and all the Dufflepuds followed after him, leaving the away team alone with Coriakin. With a nod, Riker entered the wizard’s home. It was a simple, well-furnished house that would not look out of place on an old street in England somewhere. The table wasn’t set, but with a snap of his fingers, Coriakin summoned plates filled with salads, well-cooked chicken, and a steamed pumpkin with a white soup inside. “Please, enjoy.”
Tails pulled out a tricorder and scanned it. “Seems fine.”
“You do not get welcomed often, do you?” Coriakin asked as he sat down.
“We’re a little cautious,” Riker admitted. “Too many times hospitality has been revealed to have an ulterior motive.”
“Then I give you my assurances in the name of Aslan that I wish you no harm and have no motive beyond welcoming you to my island.”
“The name of Aslan doesn’t mean much to us, I’m afraid.”
Tails cocked his head. “Wait, it doesn’t? Weren’t we out here looking for him? And didn’t he…” Tails scratched his ears, trailing off.
“The Captain has changed our mission,” Riker continued. “It is no longer of any concern to us. That said…” He picked up a chicken leg and bit into it. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, Coriakin.” Seeing as he didn’t pass out from some kind of poison, he went on to introduce the three of them to Coriakin. “Now, why don’t you tell us about your island?”
“Oh, it’s quite simple really. Aslan put me here to watch over and guard these Dufflepuds since they can’t really take care of themselves. I’m sure you’ve noticed how… flighty they are.”
“Indeed,” Worf admitted, shaking his head slightly. “It is a wonder they survive at all, even with your guidance.”
“You don’t know the half of it. Why, did you know, once they were dwarfs?” Coriakin smirked, as though he were beginning an amusing story. “One day they were so disobedient that I turned them all into one-legged creatures. They decided they were so ugly that they were going to raid my house and use my spellbook to turn everything invisible. But then they got tired of being invisible but were so terrified of me they sent a little girl—Lucy, I believe her name was—to read my spellbook and remove the invisibility spell. And you know what? They decided they liked being monopods. Before the day was over they were sailing on the oceans on their large feet and they had somehow convinced themselves the whole one-foot thing was their idea.” He chuckled, leaning back. “They really are delightful creatures, you must understand, but there are times where their nonsense gets to me.”
Riker looked carefully at Coriakin, nodding slowly. “Right…”
Coriakin examined the faces of his three guests closely. “You look as though you’ve forgotten something. I’ve got a spell for that.”
“No, no thanks!” Tails said, waving his hands. “We’d all like to forget those… things that happened.”
“I can also make you forget. I know many incantations, and it’s the least I can do to those who have been so recently troubled.”
“It’s fine, we do not need your assistance,” Riker said. “It’s fading like a dream, anyway.”
“Very well.” Coriakin said curtly. “Does anyone want wine?”
“That would be great,” Riker said.
“...wine?” Tails cocked his head.
“You’ve never had wine? I thought you were on earth for a while?”
“Oh, wait… that stuff?” Tails scratched his head. “I think they said I was too young for that.”
Riker blinked. “How… young are you?”
“Ten? I think?”
“...Years on your planet must be long.”
Tails rubbed the back of his head. “Uh… I think you must have misunderstood something about us Mobians…”
~~~
Riker returned to the bridge with Worf. Slowly, Riker sat down in his chair and let out a breath of air.
“Commander?” Picard said in concern. “Did something happen on the surface?”
“Mobians view age and maturity a lot differently than we do.”
“How so?”
“Tails is ten.” He held up a hand to stop Picard. “And that’s not just a consequence of their years being long, he really is a kid. But the others all treat him as captain and he’s as capable as any adult I’ve ever met. And…” He put a hand to the bridge of his nose. “Did you know he wasn’t allowed to drink while on Earth because he was underage?”
Picard thought about this for a moment. “I wonder how the Federation’s child labor laws will deal with this…”
“I’m shocked that a kid has been messing with our warp core and did it well.”
“Some races are just that different, Number One. It may be difficult to adjust, but adjust we must. For now, their culture treats them as adults, so we shall as well.”
Riker nodded. “Of course, Sir.” Then, slowly, a deep frown came over his features. “Captain, there was something else. Can I speak with you for a minute?”
“By all means.” Picard stood up and went to his ready room, sitting down behind his desk, dismissing a report from Starfleet Command. “What is it, Will?”
Riker sat down and frowned. “The people down there were disfigured, and not by choice. My concern is that the wizard we met is not treating them all that well.”
Picard nodded. “A legitimate concern. What evidence do you have?”
“He admitted to disfiguring them for being disobedient, they seem of remarkably low intellect for a people allowed to think for themselves, and half the time they seem unable to decide if they love the wizard or think he’s an evil tyrant.”
“Mhm…” Picard frowned, leaning in. “Normally the Prime Directive would prevent us from doing anything…”
“But it has been temporarily suspended. I say we make use of this opportunity and take action.”
Picard was nodding slowly, but suddenly his frown deepened into a grimace. “...Will, there’s something you’re not telling me.”
Riker sighed. “You know me too well.”
“What is it?”
“Information that I’m afraid will cloud your judgment on the issue.”
“Whatever it is, it’s set you against them,” Picard said. “Without some reason, you wouldn’t want to violate the Prime Directive just because you were given a chance to. There must be something that’s deeply unsettled you so much that you’re bringing this to me after only having been down there a few hours and not gaining a full picture of their culture.”
Riker straightened his back. “Very well. He said he was a servant of Aslan, placed there to rule over them.”
“Ah…” Picard sat back. “This is about defiance.”
“Maybe. But it’s also about our principles. Just because that lion says something doesn’t mean he’s right.”
“You’re specifically looking for ways to poke holes in his ruling style, Will. Just because it is different from ours does not make it wrong—cultural tolerance is a principle of the Federation that is still in effect.”
“But we shouldn’t turn a blind eye.”
“No. We should not. That said…” Picard looked Riker right in the eyes with a stern, commanding gaze. “The Prime Directive has been suspended so we may end the threat of the Void. Exploring new worlds in order to find the Pure Heart serves that goal. Meddling in the leadership structures of a world we don’t understand does not, at least not at this juncture.”
Riker put a hand to his beard, nodding slowly. “You’re right, of course. I was out of line.”
“Not by Starfleet regulations,” Picard assured him. “You did exactly as you should have. Though this… desire to prod Aslan is concerning.”
“With all due respect, sir, so is your attitude towards him.”
“How so?”
“Since you met him, your words seem affirmatory, if cautious. Meanwhile the rest of us only remember a vague nightmarish dream that he was likely responsible for—or, if not responsible for, then at least complacent in allowing us to remain.”
Picard sat back, nodding to himself a few times. “I suppose that is understandable. I do trust him to be a good creature—a good man. But I can understand why you would not.”
“I trust your judgement. But I don’t think I can get rid of this unease.”
“And I’m not asking you to.” A soft smile crawled up Picard’s face. “We only got out of there by realizing there were some faults in ourselves that we cannot erase.”
Riker let out a sharp breath. “This world really isn’t anything like ours, is it?”
“Not in the slightest, Number One.”
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Well, this makes it... better? I suppose. At least Aslan isn't leaving everyone with horrible trauma. Still feels... kinda unnecessary to me, but hey, I wouldn't know, I'm neither a lion nor Jesus.
I feel like this is the best possible perspective to give Picard here. I'm not sure it's earned, but this is about what I'd expect his reaction to a benevolent god-like entity that actually does mean the best for everyone to be.
I assume these guys are from a Narnia book, but really they just remind me of Mr. Saturn. Boing, Zoom Zoom.
Okay, now I know that's the wrong book.
"Around about 50 minutes, give or take ad breaks."
That is a very wizard wizard. The wizardiest.
"Seize the means of production!" "Down with the wizard elite!" "Hilariously derailing one-liner!"
This... sure is. Not sure how I feel about this guy transforming an entire race against their will, but based on the fact that just up and rolled with it and... how they are in general, I can kinda see why Aslan made sure someone was looking out for them.
Finally, somebody noticed that Tails is an actual literal child. He may have an IQ of 300, but he is also ten. Then again, how old was Wesley? Fifteen? Tails is worth at least two Wesleys. And he's less annoying. (This says less about how annoying Wesley is, I actually don't mind him as a character, I just really like Tails.)
To be fair, the Dufflepuds just seem to change their mind on everything all of the time. I don't think it's worth it to judge someone who seems to be well meaning, even if he's a little... trigger happy with magic, on their very conflicting word.
I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that the Prime Directive is stupid, I hate it, and it should stay suspended forever and be replaced with a better non-interference policy. That is all.
I like that Riker is so uneasy about this. Aslan's behavior is sketchy at best, especially considering the Enterprise's past experience, and despite the fact that Picard is right here in that Aslan is a good person, as I said before... it doesn't feel as earned to me as it probably should? Either way, it makes sense that the rest of the crew, who only have a vague memory of horrible nightmares and the word of the Captain the the entity that gave them to them actually means well, would have their concerns.
Well, that was a fun little diversion. We got some clarification on Aslan's... punishment? Fun moments with Tails, Worf... was there I guess, he didn't have anyone to fight so he sort of faded into the background. Some more light hearted moments for the Enterprise crew after their last chapter.
Reading those bigfoots takes me back with nostalgia.
"Wesley."
"Did it well, I said."
Nice interlude with the crew and the surreality of Narnia. You wanted strange new worlds, folks? Have your fill.
Wasn't this wizard the guy who sends a bird each day to give him a berry from the garden of the sun or something so he becomes a day younger? Doesn't that mean he's stuck being an old man forever?
And wow there's a ton of Unfortunate Implications here.
I see why this chapter is called "Dufflepudilemma". Certainly seems like a dilemma for them for sure.
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I don't know the wizard character but is it possible that the Enterprise crew are jumping to conclusions just because he said he was a "servant" because for example a butler or a maid are servants and no one has a problem with that. So if you know something I don't know can you tell me please?