Spike Draco is an outcast at Canterlot High School, and is bullied everyday. He has tried fighting back, but he always loses. One day, a man sees him get beaten up, and decides to train him. Together an old karate clan returns that is known as Cobra Kai.
I am legit watching season 3 of Cobra Kai rn. Good timing
Who could Spike and his pals fall in love with?
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Thanks!
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I haven't decided on ships yet. We'll see.
Noice! This will be a wild ride
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I hope you enjoy the ride!
Will miyagi-do be in this story?
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Yes, although, there will be a version of that dojo.
This is good! I honestly hope Spike's path does not mirror the show.
Nicely done, but I'm having trouble picturing Sombra in Johnny's place. Personally, I have an easier time picturing either Tempest or Pharynx. Sombra seem more like he'd be John Kreese.
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Yeah I do apologise for that. As of right now, he is supposed to be more like Kreese. Although, there will be some changes in the story!
Liking the story so far, and the concept really has potential. Good job on the characterizations. As far as feedback, I would say the dialogue could be a little sharper, especially when it comes to humor. The show manages to balance dramatic moments with humor really well, and it can really add detail and depth to the story. But nice job otherwise, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes.
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Thanks
This is good.. But he will need Balance to control his inner anger. Also
Nice Harry Potter reference.
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Glad you noticed it XD
Cobra Kai for life!
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One of the few references from Harry Potter I will always remember.
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COBRA KAI!!
Sunset must have rubbed off on him before she reformed.
That’s debatable
That?
I think you said the same thing twice.
How have they not noticed it?
When was the other time?
Was it determination?
Right way?
Doesn’t it usually take longer?
Right now, bad.
Every single guy?
Is he supposed to be Daniel?
Yup, word is gonna spread fast.
Discord teaching Science. The Irony.
I mean, he’s not 100% wrong.
The funny thing is, they wouldn’t even do the work even if they came early.
I wish I had a teacher like that.
Who’s the girl?
Ohh. That’s who that was.
I’m only reading and I think I felt it.
Hatred is a powerful thing.
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I think you said the same thing twice.
I did?
If I may offer a suggestion, I would cut out some of the descriptions since they seem to take up a lot of the story. For example, it would sound better if you just mentioned the lockers but didn’t describe their colors. I understand that you want to provide an “image” for your readers, but exact descriptions of everything is not necessary. It would be better to save very detailed descriptions for more important things like the Cobra Kai symbol since it is crucial to the story.
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Thanks for the tip!
Interesting and believable at the same time!
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Thanks!
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You're very welcome!
I hope it pointed out nothing was ever done to Flash and the others for their bullying, nobody did anything so how does that show Celestia cares for her students?
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You’re welcome
They were nowhere near the fight.
So she was another version of sunset shimmer.
I don’t really see the problem. Can someone explain?
Key word being “look like”. Just because you look like something doesn’t mean you is.
Honestly, I don’t think that’s impossible.
That’s kinda hard to believe.
He’s far beyond helping.
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I honestly don’t even know who side to be on.
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Don’t forget when sunset shimmer was running that school into the ground.
Just yesterday i thought about doing a Cobra Kai fanfiction, and then i saw this xD
Anyway, keep up the good work
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Thanks! But there is always room for more if your interessted!
The school failed them.
when they needed help the most they never provided it.
Now it driven Spike to be brutal and cruel.
But that can back fire because someone bigger may come around and like Spike or Hawk so no mercy, and i don't mean to him but to snips and snails they may not stop till they crippled as a message to everyone.
Hawk... This is not the way.
Technically, everyone is the problem.
Why not train in multiple styles?
I think there’s an error here.
Rarity is insane. I’m gonna need more detail on rainbow dash and applejack. Fluttershy and pinkie pie are too soft. And twilight and sunset need to train.
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When you think about it, everyone is the problem.
Why do I have the feeling something akin to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAPViUrsl9U may have to happen before the trio realized just what they've become. They're set up for a very very harsh reality check by some one else.
Why are the ratings disabled?
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I don't really want a rating system for this story. If you guys want it though, i could turn it on.
How about instead of just “keeping an eye out” for hawk, you ACTUALLY step in?
That’s the problem. Their being to lenient.
Then don’t laugh. It’s not that hard.
I don’t know what any of those logos look like.
You have a great idea for a story the only problem is you don't really flesh it out as much as you should. It reads more like a summary of a story instead of an actual one at certain points. The problem is the greatest during the latest chapter. Show don't tell is an important part of story telling. Set plot points through dialogue and by describing the events in detail instead of just summaries. I still quite like it but doing that will greatly improve it.
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This was supposed to be a summary before the tournament. I apologise for not having thought it through.
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it's fine if you want a short chapter to set up what I assume is a larger important chapter or arc of chapters, but I feel you should slow down and show things a bit more. I hope moving forward you actually have things pan out for longer. Like have scenes where Rarity tries to woo spike only to get rejected, making her more determined. Also have future confrontations last longer and play them out to have a full effect. The biggest issue is the pacing is going a little too fast.
Rarity as a yandere? Oh dear.... I've already know how dangerous a yandere is. Because I've seen a lot of anime.
Luna, stop looking and intervene.
Why would they wanna follow him?
There is something wrong with that school.
Ok, I understand where spike is coming from, but you have to take responsibility for your actions.
Ok, now he’s going too far.
Kind of wonder how Twilight reacts that Flash was acting like that?
Given how she came to the school and ends up reforming Sunset, I wonder how she reacts to seeing how the other students she met are acting so cruel there.
Didn't really like this bit about the battle part honestly.
It felt like it adds more of "Luna will always be inferior to Celestia" problem there..
And most likely its like in the show, Celestia not acknowledging she is at fault too for Luna's issues(such as not noticing her suffering) and most likely the actual issues that led this to happen aren't resolved. Just Luna is still in Celestia's shadow..
Yeah.. that part just bothers me alot..