• Member Since 21st Apr, 2020
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Dragon-In-Black


Will death redeem us?

T

Spike Draco is an outcast at Canterlot High School, and is bullied everyday. He has tried fighting back, but he always loses. One day, a man sees him get beaten up, and decides to train him. Together an old karate clan returns that is known as Cobra Kai.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 43 )

I am legit watching season 3 of Cobra Kai rn. Good timing

Who could Spike and his pals fall in love with?

10623823
I haven't decided on ships yet. We'll see.

Noice! This will be a wild ride

10623872
I hope you enjoy the ride!

Comment posted by Brony Novice deleted January 11th

Will miyagi-do be in this story?

10624032
Yes, although, there will be a version of that dojo.

This is good! I honestly hope Spike's path does not mirror the show.

Nicely done, but I'm having trouble picturing Sombra in Johnny's place. Personally, I have an easier time picturing either Tempest or Pharynx. Sombra seem more like he'd be John Kreese.

10624508
Yeah I do apologise for that. As of right now, he is supposed to be more like Kreese. Although, there will be some changes in the story!

Liking the story so far, and the concept really has potential. Good job on the characterizations. As far as feedback, I would say the dialogue could be a little sharper, especially when it comes to humor. The show manages to balance dramatic moments with humor really well, and it can really add detail and depth to the story. But nice job otherwise, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes.

This is good.. But he will need Balance to control his inner anger. Also

"Now, could everyone get their books and open up the page three hundred and ninety four?"

Nice Harry Potter reference.

Cobra Kai for life!

10625922
One of the few references from Harry Potter I will always remember.

Another terrible day. It was always like this, terrible days. Spike Draco was bullied once again like every other day. Flash Sentry and his gang had given him a wedgie, and then thrown his bag in the trash that was filled with white paint. Spike hated this. It was always something like this that happened.

Sunset must have rubbed off on him before she reformed.

"The days were better when Sunset Shimmer ruled. Now, its impossible to get some recognition." Snails said, making Snips and Spike nod. They all agreed on that. Sunset Shimmer was the girl who ruled CHS with an iron fist. But then one day, a girl by the name of Twilight Sparkle came and redeemed her and she gained real friends. She stopped hanging around Spike, Snips, and snails after that. She mostly used them for blackmail material, but it was better then, because these days they get bullied by Flash Sentry's gang.

That’s debatable

"If I see that again, I will do a lot worse." The man said, making the teens run away while still carrying Flash. He turned to face Spike and his friends. Spike got up by himself, and looked into the mans eyes. He didn't know what to say or do.

That?

"I charge fifty dollars a month." The man said, making the others look at him in shock. That was the cheapest they had heard. The other dojo's had over a hundred to two hundred, but that was for the gears and everything else. Fifty dollars was probably the cheapest they had heard. The man looked at them with a look that suggested that he was studying them. "My name is Sombra by the way."

I think you said the same thing twice.

The street they were on was actually across the street from Sugarcube Corner. Spike liked that. He could go straight afterwards to train himself. Snips and Snails were looking forward to learn karate. They were quite interested in being the helpers of Spike. Then again, they are friends, so perhaps he wouldn't see them as helpers.

The building they were outside of was made out of metal and did seem like it had a brick wall inside of it. The front doors had curtains over to block sunlight. It also had the Cobra Kai logo on the front. COBRA KAI KARATE it said.

How have they not noticed it?

"Well, shall we go in?" Spike asked, nervously. Snips and Snails simply nodded towards him and had something in their eyes he had only ever seen once in his life. It was determination; something they only had when they really wanted something. Spike was unsure of what they wanted, but whatever it was, it had to be something good. Right...?

When was the other time?

The walls were coloured in white, but on one side, it had the words; STRIKE FIRST STRIKE HARD NO MERCY . Spike felt something inside of him; something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Was it determination?

"We read on the Internet on how to show respect to the trainer slash sensei." Snips said, making Sombra look at him and slowly smile. They were quick learners. Then again, all he needed to do now was to teach them the right way to fight. Hopefully that would be easy...

Right way?

Spike was in his Cobra Kai uniform. He was a white belt when he was in training, but for important occasions, he had his black belt. It had taken quite a few months, but it had been worth it.

Doesn’t it usually take longer?

Snips and Snails were waiting for him, and they smiled when he came to them. He put on his shoes and together they walked away from the dojo. Cobra Kai had changed Spike, but the question is: is it good or bad? Only time will tell.

Right now, bad.

There was one girl in class that always stood out to Spike. Her name was Rarity, and she is the most beautiful girl there is in school. Spike, like every single guy in the school: had a crush on her. He had never said anything, as he was to shy, but also because he knew that he'd be rejected by her. She is a marshmallow skined girl, with moderate indigo, and on the shadow side, a gradient of dark purple to moderate purple hair. Her eyes were moderate azure. She was in the front row seats, and had her back turned to him. Spike would usually daydream about her, but he had never been caught daydreaming.

Every single guy?

"Hello everyone. I sincerely apologise for my delay. There was a man running some snake karate dojo or whatever who got angry at me. Anyways, I hope everything has been well on your winter break. I hope I can help you out the term with anything that you have missed or anything." He said, making every student inwardly groan. He had a speech like this almost about everyday. Spike was getting tired of it if he was being honest with everyone. "Oh, and also, there will be a ball at the end of this month."

Is he supposed to be Daniel?

When Spike finally found the page, he and his friends had been shocked to see what they would be reading about. They were going to be learning about karate. Well, from the readers point of view that is. Spike snickered a little. This would be easy. To easy. Some student heard the snickers and looked back at Spike who hadn't realized he had a look in his eyes that made him seem angry. Some students decided to leave him be and not bother him, as they didn't want to "anger" him further.

Yup, word is gonna spread fast.

Spike himself just looked at the other students with disgust, as he and his friends made it towards science where their teacher Discord would be at.

Discord teaching Science. The Irony.

I don't know Hawk, perhaps they didn't think straight?" Snips said, with thoughtfulness. Spike turned to him and gave him a deadpan expression, one that quite scared Snips.

"You mean: they don't think straight?" Spike said, in a matter-of-fact tone. Snips sheepishly smiled, as they made their way through the school.

I mean, he’s not 100% wrong.

The other students felt a little jealous that the three losers were allowed to work earlier then them. It was funny, if they actually showed up before the class started, then they'd be able to do so aswell. Spike grinned at the stupid students as he did his assignment. It was astronomy they were studying, and Spike was pretty good at it. Although, he was more into animals. Specifically snakes, Cobras.

The funny thing is, they wouldn’t even do the work even if they came early.

Spike walked alone in the empty hallways. That was one thing he liked about Discord; if you are finished with an assignment, then you get to leave early. That was something he really liked, as it helped him get away from prying eyes of the students.

I wish I had a teacher like that.

He walked towards his locker, and didn't notice how a girl was watching him from a distance.

Who’s the girl?

"Do you know what you did earlier you loser?!" Flash asked, with anger evident in his voice. Spike felt afraid, but it slowly slipped away as he felt his anger start to boil. "Earlier this morning you ran into me, making me fall on the floor. Do you think thats acceptable!?"

Ohh. That’s who that was.

Spike punched the first guy, and the second guy, he kicked in the place no guy should ever feel. All the guys who weren't involved in the fight let out a 'ouch' and 'poor dude.'

I’m only reading and I think I felt it.

Flash was on the ground, and just before he became subconscious, he heard a loud cracking after something heavy hit his face. Spike was currently kicking and hitting Flash Sentry. His hands were bloody, and his face had nothing but pure hatred. He then finished and got up from his crouched state. He then spit on Flashs' face.

Hatred is a powerful thing.

10626484
I think you said the same thing twice.

I did?

If I may offer a suggestion, I would cut out some of the descriptions since they seem to take up a lot of the story. For example, it would sound better if you just mentioned the lockers but didn’t describe their colors. I understand that you want to provide an “image” for your readers, but exact descriptions of everything is not necessary. It would be better to save very detailed descriptions for more important things like the Cobra Kai symbol since it is crucial to the story.

Interesting and believable at the same time!

I hope it pointed out nothing was ever done to Flash and the others for their bullying, nobody did anything so how does that show Celestia cares for her students?

Luna was worried about the three young students. She knew that if Spike knew karate, then his friends knew it too. They weren't directly involved in the fight, but she knew that they most likely helped him somehow.

They were nowhere near the fight.

She learnt karate herself, and it was with Cobra Kai she learnt that from. Her new name then became known as Nightmare Moon, as she was unbeatable in any fight. She then proceeded to run the school with an iron fist. Then her sister was taught karate at another dojo which were their best friends' dojo: Starswirl-do's karate. He had been their tutor when they were younger. Needless to say: Luna lost that battle with her sister but was accepted again by her sister.

So she was another version of sunset shimmer.

Celestia was breathing in and out, trying to not sound angry. She was angry at them, but she did know why it happened. Spike and his friends are victims of bullying. It's no surprise that Spike attacked them, although she did hear from Sunset Shimmer that it actually was Flash who was provoking for the fight to happen. “Spike Draco, could you possibly tell me why you beat Flash Sentry up. Or rather: nearly killing him? We had to call an ambulance.” Celestia said, in a tone that didn't reveal any emotion. Hawk and his friends looked at each other and chuckled.

I don’t really see the problem. Can someone explain?

“Mr. Draco, I understand why you did it. But you can't simply attack anyone like that. Think if this was on the street? You would look like a gangster looking for trouble.” Celestia said, in a voice that sounded like she was pleading with him. Hawk was shocked that Celestia even suggested that Hawk had started the fight. It was Flash who started it in the first place!

Key word being “look like”. Just because you look like something doesn’t mean you is.

“Principal Celestia... I don't know who corrupted you into thinking that it was I who started the fight, but I will tell you this: Flash Sentry threw the first punch. I did self defence. I'd rather not be on the ground and have internal bleeding and die from it. Is that what you want to happen? Because it sounds like it currently at this very moment.” Hawk said, making Celestia look at Hawk in shock. Was he seriously suggesting that she didn't care about her students?

Honestly, I don’t think that’s impossible.

“Mr. Draco, i do care about my students including you.” Celestia said, in a shocked voice. Luna wasn't shocked.

That’s kinda hard to believe.

‘Hopefully i’ll be able to help young Spike.’ Luna thought, completely disregarding what young Hawk had said about his name a few seconds ago.

He’s far beyond helping.

10633491
I honestly don’t even know who side to be on.

10633656
Don’t forget when sunset shimmer was running that school into the ground.

Just yesterday i thought about doing a Cobra Kai fanfiction, and then i saw this xD
Anyway, keep up the good work

10636152
Thanks! But there is always room for more if your interessted!

The school failed them.
when they needed help the most they never provided it.
Now it driven Spike to be brutal and cruel.

But that can back fire because someone bigger may come around and like Spike or Hawk so no mercy, and i don't mean to him but to snips and snails they may not stop till they crippled as a message to everyone.

Hawk... This is not the way.

Snips and Snails shook their heads angrily. They couldn’t believe that she had the guts to say that Hawk was the problem. If she would have had eyes, she would have known that the student lobby was the bloody problem! They didn’t do anything for years, and now when Hawk is doing their payback; he is the criminal. “She got some fucking nerve, i’ll show her.” Hawk muttered to himself as he punched the bag harder and harder landing each blow in a fetal position. Snips and Snails simply continued their push ups, and didn’t stop for anything.

Technically, everyone is the problem.

Inside Sugarcube Corner, sat seven friends around a table, and were discussing Hawk and his friends. Rainbows and Applejacks arms were in cascs. They were understandably angry at them, but they knew that they couldn’t fight them. They would have to train themselves somehow. They had no idea where they would train, but they knew it had to be somewhere away from the prying eyes of the Cobra Kai students. Or well, anyone who is with Cobra Kai.

Why not train in multiple styles?

“It didn’t go well, I take it?” Fluttershy asked, shyly as she looked at the angry girl. It was one thing everyone knew at CHS. Never under any circumstances, anger Sunset more than she already is. Everyone except Hawk and Vice-Principal Luna didn’t show fear towards her anger. Principal Celestia had never seen her angry so they couldn’t say what she thought of it.

I think there’s an error here.

No one noticed, but Rarity had hearts when she saw Hawk walk away from the dojo. Brilliant spiky hair, and those lips that are simply inviting her. He was her Hawk. Rarity sighed wistfully, and the others were simply staring at the three rulers of CHS. Rainbow and Applejack were understandably angry at them, and felt nothing but anger towards them. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy felt like the others were judging them too quickly. Yes, they may have done a lot of bad things, but they remember the times they were bullied. Twilight simply felt defeated when she saw them. Sunset… Sunset wanted to talk to them again, but she had a feeling that they weren’t interested. Or rather, she knew that they wanted nothing to do with her. In the end, they were all defeated on what to do.

Rarity is insane. I’m gonna need more detail on rainbow dash and applejack. Fluttershy and pinkie pie are too soft. And twilight and sunset need to train.

10636178
When you think about it, everyone is the problem.

Why do I have the feeling something akin to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAPViUrsl9U may have to happen before the trio realized just what they've become. They're set up for a very very harsh reality check by some one else.

Why are the ratings disabled?

10643211
I don't really want a rating system for this story. If you guys want it though, i could turn it on.

The days were continuing onwards, as the three Cobra Kai students continued to be feared in CHS. Vice,Principal Luna had been keeping an eye out for Hawk as he continued to bully those who kept doing it for several years. Flash and his gang now knew what it was like to be in their shoes. Flash and his gang had tried to apologise but, Hawk and his friends had a look of disgust when they had tried.

How about instead of just “keeping an eye out” for hawk, you ACTUALLY step in?

The Diamond dog trio had been happy to have Rover back, and he had glanced at Hawk and ran so fast, Rainbow Dash could have sworn he could run across water. Usually he wasn’t afraid of anything, but Hawk seemed to be the exception. Sunset, Luna, and Celestia weren’t afraid of the Cobra Kai students. Sunset didn’t fear them as she knew that they were good people, they just had a very rough life with all the bullying. Luna felt the same way, but she hoped she could somehow pull them towards the light. Celestia knew that they had good in them, it was just hard for them to show it after all the heartache they had gone through. It becomes easier over time to fall into the path of darkness, anger, and hatred…

That’s the problem. Their being to lenient.

It was true, what he was saying but they felt forced to laugh when Flash and his gang showed what he was doing.

Then don’t laugh. It’s not that hard.

Outside the dojo, stood a boy with very deep reddish brown eyes, dark tangelo with streaked hair. White with grayish brown spotted skin. He was wearing a t-shirt where it had the PONY logo on it. He was wearing soft green pants with shoes that had the Rainbow logo on it. His name was Pipsqueak.

I don’t know what any of those logos look like.

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