It is the 41st Millennium. Or...at least it is in one universe. A lone battle brother, after the loss of a battle, is cast into the warp and winds up in a land full of...magical, colorful, talking ponies. Worse, by some trick of the warp, he has become one! Still mourning the loss of his Space Marine brethren, he must co-exist and perhaps even cooperate with this universe's inhabitants. But will he choose to start a new life as a stranger in a strangely idyllic land, or will his sacred, undying duty to his Emperor compel him to find a way back to his own world?
A strange little fic I suddenly got the inspiration for. Will contain a mixture of comedy, action, and feels. Rated Teen for a brutal battle in the opening scene.
Chapters (3)
My first thought, before I read this.
I think a Space Marine would rather DISEMBOWEL HIMSELF WITH A FUCKING CHAINSWORD....instead of being a disgusting xeno.
Now.
TO READING!
Intro Part:
The Space Marine fell through the warp into Equestria....
It is clear in so many cases. So. Many. Fucking. Cases.....
That even getting CLOSE to the warp, physically or mentally, is more than enough to burn out minds, corrupt even the most hardened and loyal Imperials, and even kill shit INSTANTLY.
But what am I kidding?
Its an ULTRAMARINE.
"LOL THAT SHIT DONT APPLY TO THEM THANKS TO MATT WARD!!!!"
This is straight from the Lexicanum.
So in that case I have no idea HOW he managed to find "peace" in the 40k equivalent of true balls-to-the-wall hell. Thats just silly, you silly.
(Here is a pic if you want:
wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/4/48/Realm_of_Chaos.jpg
I don't know how you can find peace in this shit. The only way i can think of finding peace in the Warp is the Astronomican, the physic beacon of the Emperor's will. Human space Heaven.)
Equestria:
If Twilight was really "Warp-Spawn" to the Marine, the Marine wouldn't have asked any fucking questions, he would've stomped the everlasting SHIT out of that fucking daemon while shouting "HERESY" and "PROMOTIONS!!!" Even if he "realized" he was a pony.... he still would've mashed the living fuck out of Twilight.
Maybe its the power of Rowboat Girlyman.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Now....
A Space Marine fainted......
A SPACE MARINE FUCKING FAINTED?!?!
I need to go too bed.
If there is a mistake ill fix it in the morning.
You should change the description. Like, now. It will only hurt your story. Remove the part about your inspiration. That just serves to lower the suspense portrayed in the initial paragraph.
Make it something original. It doesn't have to be a word-for-word synopsis of what's going to happen. Intrigue your audience; remember, your demographic is 40K fans who are also MLP fans. Don't baby them, because most of them love and are fanatical about both of the franchises' lores. They know enough to not have to be told who's who and all that hubbub.
Your description can be something as simple as, "[Insert Name Here] winds up in Equestria after [Insert Whatever Happened To Him Here]. His quest to return back to his universe is halted when he starts to feel attachment to this new world of colorful ponies. After all, in a world where a prank-playing winged unicorn rules, why go back to a war-filled wasteland of aliens?"
That states his name, what happened that brought him to Equestria, (so you don't have to describe it too much in the beginning, and instead jump into the MLP stuff that people want to see) what the conflict is, and it draws contrast between the two worlds. It shows us that this particular marine isn't just a mindless biological weapon, or that maybe even any Space Marine can become more human with a little bit of fun thrown into his life. You can go anywhere with it, and say a variety of messages in the subtext that can draw in readers outside the (very obscure, small) 40K fan base. In fact, I'm already intrigued to read that story, and it's not even the real description!
Thank you everypony for the constructive criticism.
TheCommander, I'm well aware of what the warp does. I'm taking...liberties. x3 After all, nothing I can do can be any worse than anything that Matt Ward has done to the 40K mythos, can it?
Also, OneLonelyPony, you're right about the description. I'll get on that.
1191231 Perhaps the augmentations that all Space Marines have weren't made compatible with equine bodies by the Warp.
Also, while the Warp is basically a slice of Hell, it's also the domain of Chaos, and Chaos, by nature, is random. One day you might get sent into a vortex of pain in its purest form, and the next you actually find some form of peace within it. Of course this is just theory on my part; I may be a fan of WH40K, but I'm still new to the laws and rules of that universe and the Warp.
And in response to the first post, your post, how's he gonna gut himself if he has no fingers and no knowledge of how to use his newly acquired magic?
1191645
.......
I concur.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
The writing itself is not bad. But the liberties that were taken were....
worthy.
Its still not Matt Ward. I thank you for that.
1192482
Your point somewhat applies. That characteristic of Chaos I found in a demon, the fire pillar one, that may burn you alive or spray you with a sweet tasting beverage.
However:
---Lexicanum.
This is TRUE WARP. Described by Inquisitor Gideon Ravenor as "The Ultimate Cosmic Horror..." and is known to make star-ships disappear, never to be seen again.
The chances, of a single Space Marine, just not being disintegrated on contact with the warp is ASTRONOMICAL. MUCH less somehow not being corrupted, driven insane, gang-raped by warp demons, and SOMEHOW finding "peace."
The chance is so laughably bad that it can only seemingly happen to an Ultramarine.
And I guess he would magically know how to use magic, THE POWER OF WARD KNOWS NO BOUNDS!!!!
But seriously, just brace it with a big rock and use your damn hooves.
1192691 Points taken.
1192281
This......
1193324
I'm willing to shrug off inaccuracy up to a point.The amount of lore in 40k makes it improbable that everyone knows everything, I give you that and accept it.
Also one of the main points in 40k is to make your army with a piece of yourself, fan-fluff is in the very essence of 40k.
Imagination is a central part of our favorite grim-dark world.
However, if you're actually going to make the warp a "peaceful" place that some lone Space Marine can go into and come out completely unscathed, that's unacceptable. There are boundaries.
Just like I cant write a story where the Emperor comes back to life by some stupid magic and then goes on another Great Crusade, killing everything and ass-raping the Chaos Gods. Just like I cant write that the Gods of Chaos suddenly become nice and want to give every damn human a cuddly hug. Just like I cant make a Alt Universe where the Horus Heresy never happened.
And please, for the love of the Throne, don't just say "but if official writer can screw it so much, why fanfic writer can't?" that just shows man that you have never "been there." When the unholy fires rained from the sky and the faithful yelled as a terrible Codex was born. When the fa/tg/uys of /tg/ took up arms against the oppressors and fought back the tidal waves of bullshit.
Oh, and I agree that I should have given him some ideas. And yours actually weren't that bad. Maybe he could have been protected by the Astronomican....its still a bull-shit way...but hey, better than magically surviving the Warp. But I agree that I may have gone too far with the con-criting and not actually gave any help.
Oh, and one last thing, why all this hate thrown at me when all I did was answer your question about the Ultramarines?
1193622
D-dorns....Heresy?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png
My god man now I love you.
And I never took anything personal, you had a very valid point and I wanted to tell you why I acted how I acted.
I asked that question at the end since i was bemused as to why you did this whole response after just answering your question about the stupid Ultrasmurfs.
And It IS a hard thing to pull, which is why I am also watching this to see how he can pull the rest of this off.
1193690
Please...dont remind me.
1192281 It's because the Ultramarines are the chapter no one (including myself) really genuinely LIKES, and thus instead of going with someone's favorite, I went with NOone's favorite to try to avoid causing squabbling. xP 'sides, they're THE generic Space Marine chapter. There's almost nothing that's true of their chapter that is untrue for another...save for the Space Wolves. Eff the codex, we shoot our bolters with one hand and grow out our hair...cuz that's how we roll, dawg.
Also, in response to everyone's still constructive criticism...I'll take everything that everypony has said into careful consideration. A big edit is coming before the next chapter. I was very tired and overeager when I wrote this, immediately before going to bed and then getting up to go to work. xD
Okay, I've tweaked the bit about "peace" in the warp. That was pretty laughable, as my now fully-waking mind can comprehend. And just to clarify...it was Twilight using magic, not the Spess Muhreen Poneh. He just tackled her to the ground. x3
Hey, HighRoller, is there gonna be a schedule to this or are just gonna update it as you finish each chapter?
1207197 I'm taking the Blizzard approach to completion of each chapter...it'll be done when it's done. ^.^ I might be able to adhere to a loose schedule once I get into the swing of writing again, but...yeah. xD
And here we are, the LONG AWAITED *snicker* second chapter of my lighthearted (for now) MLP/40K crossover fic. As always, advice on lore and general constructive criticism are always welcome. :)
i swear to the emprah if you are matt ward who made an account here i will not be pleased.
in other news great chapter everyone was in character, rainbow dash is insecure and our hero has to cry about his misshapen armor.
many funs this is to be
:
1227812 I promise I'm not Matt Ward. If /I/ were Matt Ward, I would have intentionally OD'd on Warp Dust a looooong time ago and spared the tabletop gaming community a lot of suffering.
Also, I'm glad you enjoyed my story. :) Thanks for the fave! I write to please myself, but it's always a great motivational boots when people appreciate or at least notice what you've written.
Awesome. The Blood Ravens support this fic. Keep up the good work in the Emperor's name.
Thought for the day: "Life is the Emperor's currency: spend it well."
1227828 awesome
anyway are going to make the space marine how the empire to be because you can always do the one where every 40k book has you know
also this voice is what i use for every space marine story i read
1227848 I certainly will keep up the good work, brother. After all, "Heresy grows form idleness".
1227928
So freaking awesome.
Hmm strangely this seems like something that would happen to an Ultarsmurf. That aside brilliant story
y u no update
Warp does whatever it wants. There once was a Champion of Tzeentch who randomly emitted lifeforce, healing those around him ald leaving a trail of (weird) flowers as he went.
Not the weirdest thing Warp has done over the ages... but a space marine fainting from shock breaks my suspension of disbelief.
I wonder if his implants are gone or have they adapted to the new form... space marines are stuffed full of some very weird stuff...
EDIT: Probably not. He is as buff as he should be but he has no implants visible on his torso (a space marine body has exposed cable slots for the armour systems to connect to.
Hey, everypony...chapter 2 is on the way, but my computer is waiting for a new charger. :( I'm soooo sorry for the delay!
1474888 Well, my excuse is that he'd just come out of the warp and was adapting to his drastic physical changes, e.g. becoming a pony.
Interesting!
Here's to the return of out champion! And by that I mean you, HighRoller.
1542221 Aww. Thanks.
1540369 Glad to hear you found it so. What did you find interesting about it in particular?
1573255 SORRY!!! Wrong fic!
Probably just the idea that, idk, there's a space marine in Equestria, and he's having a mental and emotional breakdown because he's a xeno...
Pretty OOC for a Space Marine but it's comedy, so i disregard the OOC. Good work, keep it up, I await the next chapter... now how to find that watch list button...
1637561 OOC? How so?
Please do not say "because he's not killing the xenos", because some things need to be sacrificed for a crossover to work.
1192691 I think Uriel Ventris and Pasanius Lysane would disagree with you.
1197033 Honestly, I actually kind of like the Ultras so long as you take the Wardian fapfun out. If you look at them in, say, the Heresy, they really are the everyman Legion.