Stomp-Out Or Get-Out!
It’s not normal to be stared at by two yaks in blankets.
“He skinny. Skinny like a twig!” the first yak said, their blue blanket draped over their back rather nicely, not a wrinkle in sight. Unlike what they said to me.
See, I knew they were yaks for two reasons. One, they kept saying it all the time. Yak, this. Yak, that. Yak smash! But that was the most obvious reason.
Really, they were full of muscle and massive. I almost took them for mammoths when I first woke up, but I was seeing double and they looked like big brown blurs from where I was laying. Before all this, I remember being at a concert with a ton of freak-shows that really liked to, for some reason, dance the polka while jamming to metal. I don’t know why I was even there in the first place, so waking up in such a cold place with nothing but a short sleeve tee, a pair of pants that had this weird shit stain on the side (it wasn’t from me so I don’t get how that got there), and a beanie to hide my poor excuse of a mop flop was a reality check and a half. Safe to say, I wasn’t a fan of both my situation and my hair.
Unlike my hidden bad hair day, the Yaks were proud. They had fur that was long, apparently brown, and layered. They were walking tanks, minus the guns and the dignity. They had their heads lower than the tallest part of their body, which was their torso, but that didn’t change a thing, their two horns jutting from the sides of their heads were sharp as can be. Besides, goofy head shapes wouldn’t remove their intimidation factor, because I didn’t know if these yaks were as violent as they said.
“No way!” The second yak hollered, their brown eyes gleaming onward. Their gravelly voice echoed in my ears as they continued, “He skinnier than twig. Look like string from Pony Land!”
Pony Land? My right brow began to lift off, but I didn’t want them to see that I was interested in what they were talking about. So I kept my legs closed, and my arms wrapped around me. I only looked on through the crack between my arms, watching them from afar. Hoping—no, praying they didn’t come any closer.
The blue blanket one huffed loudly, grasping their stomach with their hoof.
“Haha! Yak would smash puny string! Smash to bits!”
Either it got much colder than before or the idea of being smashed to bits affected me as a shiver raced down my spine. I put my… twenty dollars in my wallet on the breeze outside being the likely culprit, but I couldn’t deny the hopefully not future prospect of being a victim of a yak smashing incident.
Suddenly, out of the back pocket of the blue blanketed yak’s ass came a large wooden stump. I don’t know how that massive log came out of there, but I knew one thing was for sure: it did not inhibit the yak’s size. They slammed it on the ground, creating a dirt cloud filled with dust. It spread around the teepee, which made me huddle even closer to myself in an attempt to avoid the cloud.
I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I was imagining all this. Hopefully if I shut them, I’d get teleported back home, with my sister telling me that I was a major grade-A Zoomer. I knew what the outcome was going to be, though.
Still, I couldn’t help but take a peek…
I cracked open my left eye to see what had happened. It was oddly quiet, save for the yaks, who were quietly hoof-ing the stump as if to see if it was okay, which it was, since it was a stump. Yet they prodded it and moved it around.
Then, suddenly, the brown blanketed one voiced their opinions. “Say, where Yona at? Wasn’t she back from Pony Land?”
The other yak only shrugged, their blue blanket shifting on their back. “She not say, Yona probably fine, though. She a Yak.”
“Of course she Yak!” the former exclaimed. They excitedly stomped around while the latter stared onward, probably wondering how zooted the former was. If they weren’t thinking that, then I sure was. How could they be so happy stomping around like that? Was this some ritual these two were doing to make me a sacrifice to some all-knowing, all-smashing, all-whateverer god-like Yak?
The survey said, yes, as they both turned their attention back to me. The blue blanketed yak snorted aggressively, glaring at me like I was the next thing on their list of non-Yaks to stomp on, while the brown blanketed one watched on… smiling?
I blinked as I peeked out from behind my little fortress, aka the place I felt safest up, while that aggressive-looking one slowly approached, shaking the ground earnestly with each step. I flinched each time they walked closer to me, and I had nowhere else to go, so even if I wanted to run, I knew that the brown one would step in front of me and turn me into human paste.
“H-Hello?” I stuttered, my voice hitching on the remaining humanity left in me.
The encroaching yak stopped and sat down. They looked down at me before they reached out their hoof. “Hello, String. You okay?”
I blinked hard. I scooted away from that hoof, shaking in my own corner of the teepee, my back up against the tent like a child afraid of his own shadow. “No. Stay away from me!”
The yak didn’t listen. They only scooted after me with a head tilt. “Why? Does Yak smell bad?”
“N-No, you don’t smell bad,” I said out of reflex. I slapped myself silly in my head, hoping that I wouldn’t do that again.
“Does Yak make String mad?”
I shook my head.
The one who I thought was going to smash me to bits looked at their counterpart, who had now grown closer too, their head tilted. They gave me no room to really breathe now.
My heart was beating out of my chest and I clutched at it in hopes of keeping it from escaping.
“Do not worry. Eben not strong. He weak too!” They had bumped up against his counterpart when they said ‘weak’, which made it all the more enjoyable when he snorted like a sputtering faucet.
“Raisa no room to talk! Raisa placed third in Stomp-Out last month! Yaks laughed at her. Laughed hard!”
Raisa… Eben. Those were definitely interesting names.
Raisa rolled her eyes, but I could tell that what Eben said had stung, her ears flopped against her skull, splayed back in shame. “I-I know, Eben, but you not win either! You placed below me!”
I smirked. Okay, I totally wasn’t in danger. As long as I didn’t say anything stupid like:
“How hard is the Stomp-Out?”
The two yaks looked at me with grins on their faces.
I really needed to learn not to open my mouth.
Eben began his broken tirade: “Yak spend much time to train for Stomp-Out. They train longer than most. They take second job for more logs. All for glory. All for honor. All for—”
Raisa, however, was done with that spiel. She had nudged Eben once again, earning her a glare from him for her efforts. She chuckled and pointed a hoof at me. “Eben blockhead. String not from here. String look like string!”
I rolled my eyes. “My name is Devin.”
They both keeled over, rolling onto their backs with their hooves in the air. They looked like they were paddling at nothing, while the cackles of their laughter erupted, which left me to sit there in silence, suffering like I was the end of a joke… or the beginning of a shattered stump.
It felt like forever before I voiced my opinion, “Are you both done yet?”
All I got was another bout of laughter from them.
“He said done! HA! Yak think String might been strung!”
“Strung? HA! Dead End? String name silly! Yak would smash that strung String to powder!”
I stood up and walked to face them. They looked incredibly and utterly stupid with how they were looking at me. Eyes peering up from the ground, their backs anchoring them in place, and their hooves still paddling at nothing; it all culminated to this scene of mediocrity. This scene of pain.
“So, why does the Stomp-Out matter?”
Was I trying to get myself killed? Or was I the epitome of mediocrity?
The two gasped and somehow flipped over in sync, like the group just came back to release yet another studio album saying they were back.
“String must joke!” Raisa shouted, before she checked her blue blanket to make sure it was still attached to her. It somehow still was, which made me feel a bit confused about gravity.
I didn’t have time to think about it though. I took a step back and shimmied over. My desperate plan this time was to make my way out of the teepee and make a break for it. I waved my hands uncontrollably at them, hoping that they would stay there instead of following me, all while I kept a car’s length between them and me.
Unfortunately for me, Death was knocking at my doorstep. The two yaks were on me without any remorse.
Eben was first. “Yak not jokers like String! Stomp-Out is life. Life for all yaks! It part of initiation! Part of history! Part of—”
Eben yelped as Raisa reminded him of his careless ramblings, choosing this time to hit him right between the eyes with a quick yet playful shove. “Eben ramble too much.” She, then, turned to me and stared at me with a fiery vengeance. “Okay Dead End! You need new job! You need to practice! Need to be like Yak!”
Around me were other yaks. They joined in the fray, creating a circle around me and the other two yaks. It was like I was in Fight Club, and I was put up against the two best fighters in the entire place. Either that, or we were about to have the weirdest interspecies dance party ever, and I did not want to be involved in the amount of angst and stump destruction that was to come.
Thankfully, as the crowd grew, so did the attention of the entire place, as a sudden loud bellow changed the crowd’s mind.
“EVERY YAK MOVE!”
It was like parting the Red Sea, only there wasn’t a sea. There was just snow, yaks, and even more yaks, and maybe a stray stump if I was looking hard enough. However, what made me look directly at this particular yak was his jewelry. He had rings on his horns, which contrasted the scowl that wore on his face. Like Raisa and Eben, he too had a blanket, however, his was a deep teal, and was worn above his gold plated armor on his back. The prestige, the jewelry, the behavior of the other yaks. They were bowing before him, their heads attempting to hit the ground but only getting half-way instead.
As he approached me, I was wondering if I was supposed to bow to him. Then I realized I wasn’t part of their clan, so I knew if I were to bow, it could be taken in two different ways: a sign of respect or a sign of disrespect. So, I decided to not be a baby back bitch and stood my ground.
The decorated yak stood there, eying me up and down. Then, he began to speak:
“You no Yak! How you get here?”
I blinked. “I don’t—”
Raisa, the yak I least expected to step in, stepped in. “Found him in snow. Snow cold for String, Prince Rutherford.”
Prince Rutherford gave her a chaste nod. “And why, Raisa, did you bring him here? Without telling yaks?”
She shied away, bowing once again in front of Prince Rutherford. “Sorry, Prince! Was not thinking. Not happen again!”
He stomped down right in front of her, his hoof displacing what little dirt remained. “Yak do not make mistakes! We are strong and great at everything, Raisa! Everything!”
The two yaks that scared me before now were quivering under Prince Rutherford’s watchful eye. This guy meant business.
“Do better,” Rutherford spit out, before turning around to look at me once again. “String was name?”
I shook my head. “No, my name is Devin and I am a human.”
“Devin the huge man?”
At least he said my name right. “Well you got my name right, but I’m a human, not a huge man.”
He snorted, brows furrowing. “Hut man?”
“No,” I began, waving a hand. “Look, follow my lead. Say ‘hue’.”
Rutherford slowly moved his mouth. “Hue.”
“Now say ‘man’.”
Now a raised brow accompanied his words. “Man?”
“Now say it together, like that.”
“Human?” He licked his lips before grunting. “Human sounds like something pony would say! Not Yak.”
I raised a brow. “Well I don’t know how a pony sounds so… I just woke up here in the snow and I really want to go home.”
“Home. What home for human?”
“Not here, that’s for sure. Since you’re talking to me, I’m probably not on the same planet. So if you could point me in the direction of someone who could help me get back home, that would be a great start.”
My plea received a growl in response, “Human, beggars are not choosers. You are not home. You are in our home. My home.” Prince Rutherford glared at me with a thousand daggers. “You must stay, understand?”
I frowned and nodded. “I guess I have no choice, huh?”
“No, or Yaks will smash you to bits.”
Sighing, I steeled myself forward, letting out a hand for him to shake. “Okay, Prince Rutherford. Then what do I need to do?”
He slapped my hand away and roared his decree, “You must participate in Stomp-Out, human! When Yona come, she will handle your training!”
“My… training?”
I gulped. This sounded like I was going to some military camp and this Yona was going to train me. I had never done anything related to the military, yet, here I was, about to be trained in one. Great…
“Yes. Devin look squishy. Look thin too. String accurate description. Yak will feed you snow sandwiches until you full.”
I am going to hate the name Stri—
Timely, my stomach growled. I sighed and asked the much needed question, “What’s a snow sandwich?”
The yaks all around us stomped the ground with their hooves, the cacophony of stomping made the whole place shake way more than it should’ve. Despite the shaking, Eben and Raisa drew close, the female yak being more confident in herself even in front of the Prince as she looped a hoof around my back.
Then, she chuckled heartily. “Snow sandwich later! Preparations now!”
“Preparations?”
“Yes,” Raisa said with a smile. “Welcome to Yakyakistan, String! Hopefully Yona will treat you nice!”
My heart raced at that. Hopefully she did, because I wasn’t ready to die yet.
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Luv you bby
hello frend do you want me to read this? i will read it for you if you wnt ne ti red ti.
10522516
I think that's #5 at my local Chinese restaurant.
10522515
Love you too, Mr. Spike shipper. ☞︎●︎♏︎◆︎❒︎ ⬥︎♓︎●︎●︎ ♋︎●︎⬥︎♋︎⍓︎⬧︎ ⬧︎◻︎♏︎♋︎🙵 ♓︎■︎ 💧︎⬥︎♋︎♒︎♓︎●︎♓︎ .
10522516
Hey, Mike. I'm posting this in dark mode.
I am going to smash you.
10522641
Batista Bomb*
Fixed it for you!
5/10, not enough smashing.
Seriously though, this is an interesting idea, I look forward to seeing where it goes.
Death by snu snu!!
10522525
why
One of the best Yak stories I read
>not using the general yak tag to maximize tagged yaks
>not using the OC tag to properly tag your human character
Smh broski
10522885
Wait there's a general yak tag?!
Also I thought the human tag covered that, since the ocs in this aren't main characters.
10522978
Yeah, you just type in 'yaks' in the character tag index. Even the stories in the similar section have it.
Human is a genre tag. It just means humans, humanoid, or humanization is included. Devin is an OC.
10523015
Ah fuck, fair point. Fixing tags as we speak.
10523040
A pro-gamer move for sure. 🙏
10523041
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/737157604513546262/775393756681732106/thesuprisefaggot_1_1.png
Tracking, this looks interesting.
Dis writing be crisp dawg. I wanna sniff at what ya diggin', cuz I'zza batista bomb your ass any dayza mista.
10523527
You'll have a blast with this one!
10523642
Did you know that every year, at least two dozen people are sent to the ER due to autocastration?
10523651
Kanye 4 2020. Thizza prezidenta speakin' his slogan be, "Kan Yay! 4 Prezudent." We gots ourselves mista kanwe twitty 4 dizza campaign manager and shizzle. He be drinking it up and smokin a whole lotta pot.
10523650
I literally do not care about your hobbies.
10523669
What about my collection?
10523673
Burn it like one of those Salem bitches.
10523682
Stephen King wants to know your location.
10523686
He can keep wanting.
10523527
Thank you for tracking my fic! I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do already! Writing this has been a blast, so I can't wait to write more of it!
10522872
Thank you!
10522676
Thanks, Venerable Ro. There will be more smashing, I promise you that!
Wonder how long it will take for him to start speaking in some variety of third person.
Ooooo, this looks nice. I'll be following this this story, let's see where it goes!
YAK SMASK LIKE AND FAVORITE!!!
Wait, wrong website.
10525032
We can still YAK SMASH like and Add to Favorite.
if your gonna get this die, then inform us, thanks
10698683
Will inform. ^^
Tbh, haven't able to write due to a rough couple of months at work. Things are looking up though and I'm wanting to put some words on the page. Not going to gaurantee it though, as the times are always changing.
Got about 1k already written for the next chapter.
10737860
glad to hear it, a lot of good 'anon' stories just shrivel up and die and I'm rather tired of the endless pattern of finding a good one, then having it wither away before my eyes like a piece of fruit left to rot
10738009
this comment was painful to read 2 years later
11676148
10738009
Would be cursed if I just update this in the next couple days.
I'm totally going to do that now. On Hiatus status removed. Story chapter is now updated to be more akin to what I would post now. Four hundred word difference!
I hope Yona will be able to help our guy. “Yona take String. String belong to Yona now.”
Rutherford: “Me thought you like Sand pony.”
Yona: “Yona like many things.”
Rutherford: “Yaks these days. Me no know no more.”
Monkey brain likes yak persona