Swarm of the Century
Starlight Glimmer strolled through the royal gardens of Princess Luna’s castle, levitating a basket full of flowers. She tapped her chin as she examined the myriad of colorful plants laid out before her until deciding to pluck a blue one from the garden and add it to her collection.
Now, Starlight wasn’t really one for flower picking – she was more of the type to crush flowers for potion ingredients or colorful dyes – but Twilight had assigned her this job for the upcoming celebration. And what were they celebrating? The return of Equestria’s third princess, Cadence. According to Twilight, Princess Cadence had spent a year abroad building international relationships for the kingdom. Twilight seemed especially eager for Princess Cadence’s return, mentioning something about “sunshine” and “ladybugs.”
Starlight pulled out the list of flowers that Twilight wrote down (in excruciating detail) and checked off the last box.
“Aaaand that’s flower preparations done,” said Starlight, rolling the list up. “Man, Twilight’s even more uptight than usual about this new princess. Guess she’s just really into royalty.” Starlight pulled another checklist and muttered, “Okay, flowers done. Next: ‘examine every single apple shipped in from Sweet Apple Acres for perfect crisp and juiciness….’ Seriously?”
Starlight grimaced as she looked across the garden. There were at least a hundred baskets filled with Sweet Apple Acres apples stacked meticulously into a pyramid. And if there were over fifty apples inside one basket and there was over a hundred basket…that’s not the kind of math Starlight wanted to do.
“Ugh! Why couldn’t they get the guards to do it instead,” Starlight whined. “This is going to take forever!”
Starlight reluctantly trotted over to the apple pyramid and pulled out the first apple for inspection when she heard a sudden trilling noise. The lilac mare paused, glancing sideways. She heard the trilling noise again and turned around. It sounded like it was coming from the rock pond. Starlight leaned in close when she heard the noise a third time and saw movement.
Something crawled over the rock and stared Starlight directly in the eye. It looked like a little blue ball with wide green eyes and pixie wings. The strange creature trilled again in delight, making Starlight lean back in surprise.
“Well, hello, there,” said Starlight curiously. “I’ve never seen anything like you before.” The little ball creature hovered over the apple that Starlight dropped, sniffing it. “Oh, are you hungry. Go ahead, take it. I’m sure Twilight won’t notice one apple missing – “
But the little creature seemed dissatisfied with just one apple and turned its attention to the apple pyramid. The creature licked its lips in delight and dived headlong before Starlight had a chance to stop it. The lilac unicorn’s jaw dropped in disbelief as she watched the little creature zoom around the pyramid faster than The Dash on a sugar high. In only a matter of seconds, all one hundred plus baskets were completely empty and the little creature floated back to Starlight with an unapologetic burp.
“ – but I think she’s going to notice if every apple is gone,” said Starlight dumbfoundedly. The little creature seemingly ignored her plight and nestled itself into Starlight’s mane, flashing it big green eyes. “Aw, you’re lucky your so cute. Better go tell Twilight we need a new shipment of apples…. Cross your hooves she doesn’t get a heart attack.”
Anypony could tell you that Twilight Sparkle was neurotic by nature and had an unrealistic desire for perfection. But with the news of Princess Cadence’s return, that habit seemed to have been taken up to an eleven.
She was running around her bedroom, slapping a feather duster at everything she could reach, which did little more than spread the dust around. Spike begrudgingly had to pick up all the books that had been left scattered all over Twilight’s floor, which was roughly between fifty and sixty. Despite the substantial upgrade from their old home, Twilight still managed to find a way to obtain more books than shelves and left a huge clutter everywhere.
“Oh, hurry up, Spike!” moaned Twilight, who had slapped her bedside lamp on the floor, smashing it. “This place isn't gonna clean itself!”
“It also didn't mess itself up,” grumbled Spike, retrieving a broom and dustpan for the broke lamp.
“Princess Cadence will be here tomorrow!” shouted Twilight as she scampered under her bed, pushing out a huge pile of junk.
“What’s the big deal about another princess?” asked Spike, dumping the lamp shards in the bin. “We already live in a castle with Princess Luna.”
“Cadence isn’t just any old princess, Spike!” said Twilight importantly. “I’ve known Cadence ever since she was my foal-sitter, before she became a princess! She’s practically family! I want to make a good impression with her! That’s why I want this place to be spotless, and you've barely made a dent in the clutter!”
“Well, maybe – “ Spike grunted, picking up six books at once, “you should start – ugh – reading them one at a ti – whoa! Ah!” He yelped as the book stack toppled over on her head, burying him underneath.
“Everything’s got to be perfect,” said Twilight insistently as Spike rose from the pile with an irritated look. “No time for fooling around.”
“You know,” said Spike, crawling free from the pile, “this would be an awful lot easier if there weren't two of us here getting under each other's feet.”
“Great idea, Spike!” said Twilight, shoving the feather duster in Spike’s claw. “You clean, I'll go see how everypony else's preparations are coming.”
“Wait, no, I meant – “
But the lavender mare had already slammed the door shut behind her, leaving the baby dragon dragging a claw down his face with a groan.
Twilight took a stroll down the streets of Canterlot, relived to see that everypony was taking this visit as seriously as she was. Every building had been decorated in ribbons, streamers, and banners of pinks, purples, and yellows – the signature colors of Princess Cadence. Wreaths of rainbow flowers adorned every lamppost and the sound of wind chimes carried through the gentle breeze. And every tree had been perfectly trimmed according to Twilight’s specifications (under the orders of Princess Luna, of course.)
She approached Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts, who she had left to work on Cadence’s welcome banner. They were propping the sign up as Twilight walked over. It was beautifully written in detailed calligraphy by Twinkleshine and splashed with glitter no doubt contributed by Minuette and – the lavender mare did a double take when she saw the sign read: “Welcome Princess Caden”
“Uh…what happened to the rest of her name?” asked Twilight awkwardly.
“We ran out of space of space because somepony had to be fancy,” Lemon Hearts snapped irritably in Twinkleshine’s direction.
“You can’t restrain my artistic vision!” said Twinkleshine dramatically. “Besides, if it’s anypony’s fault, it’s yours for not getting a bigger banner!”
“My fault?!” said Lemon Hearts aghast.
“I made it sparkly!” Minuette added her two bits.
“I don’t care whose fault it is!” shouted Twilight. “We can’t hang a banner that says, ‘Welcome Princess Caden.’ Take it down and try again.”
With one world-ending crisis averted, Twilight galloped over to Cinnamon Chai's Tea and Cake Shop. It was the best (and as far as Twilight knew, the only) bakery in Canterlot, so it was the obvious choice to prepare the sweets for Princess Cadence’s welcome.
Twilight leisurely walked into the shop and made her way to the backroom without anypony trying the stop her (the perks of being a royal aide.) She leaned through the door and spotted the curly-maned unicorn owner of the establishment hard at work frosting the latest cake that just came out of the over, wiping her brow of sweat that came from so much hard work.
“Hello, Cinnamon Chai,” Twilight greeted as she strolled inside. “How’s the banquet coming?”
“Oh, hello, Twilight,” Cinnamon Chai sighed in exhaustion. “I would be coming along better if….”
The manager trailed off and simply pointed at the table of sweets on her left. Upon closer inspection, Twilight realized that all of the sweets had several bites taken out of them, from the black forest cherry cake to the apple fritters to the lemon meringue pie. Not a single treat was spared from this delicious massacre. And the pony responsible for this atrocity was the blue pony in the starry cape and hat that was casually taking a bite out of the velvet cupcakes in plain view.
“Mmm, exquisite,” said Trixie, throwing the cupcake back on the table. “Trixie approves.”
“Trixie!” screeched Twilight, her jaw dropped in horror. “What are you doing?! Those sweets are supposed to be for Cadence!”
“Trixie knows this,” declared Trixie, not looking remotely guilty for her actions. “That is why Trixie is tasting them. Trixie has taken it upon herself the humble duty of making certain that each delicacy is tasty enough for the royal palate.” She struck a dignified pose with her hoof over her heart. “And I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, declare that these treats are fit for a king, or a queen, or a princess!”
“She’s been doing that all morning,” Cinnamon Chai complained. “I can’t get her to leave.”
“Trixie…,” Twilight growled as the stagemare shamelessly stole a slice of strawberry cheesecake.
But before the lavender mare could dole out punishment, a flash of light exploded between the mares and Starlight Glimmer suddenly popped into existence.
“Twilight, Trixie, you won’t believe what I – “ Starlight started off excited until she recognized the tense atmosphere between them. “Uh, am I interrupting something?”
“Of course not!” Trixie declared happily, stuffing her muzzle in strawberry cheesecake before Twilight could get a word in, to the mare’s irritation. “So what is it, Starlight Glimmer?”
“Well, since Twilight’s here, might as well tell you,” said Starlight. “We’re going to need to replace some of the apples for the welcome party.”
“How many?” asked Twilight, concerned.
“Er…all of them…,” Starlight answered with a sheepish smile.
“ALL OF THEM?!?!?!” Twilight’s screech was so loud, it nearly woke Princess Celestia back at the castle. “What the hay happened?! How could you lose 1,284,095 apples in one hour?!”
“I don’t know what’s scarier,” Starlight commented. “Your anger, or the fact you memorized the total number of apples.”
“STARLIGHT!”
“Hey, hey, it’s not my fault!” Starlight shouted defensively, reaching up in her mare. “All right, come out, little…guys?”
When she shook her mane, the little blue creature floated in the air, but he wasn’t alone. A yellow ball creature and a matching brown one also buzzed around, to the mare’s confusion. Where did they come from, Starlight wondered. She would’ve known if she had been carrying tagalongs, wouldn’t she?
“Starlight, they’re amazing,” Twilight gasped in awe. “What are they?”
“I have no idea,” Starlight admitted, watching the creatures buzz around the kitchen. “I also don’t know where these other two came from.”
“I’ll take one off your hooves,” Twilight giggled, holding out a hoof for the yellow ball to land on. “I’ve never seen anything so…adorable.” She hugged the little creature with glee. “Besides, it'll be nice to have a companion for Spike so he won't bother me so much while I'm studying.”
“Trixie, you want the other one?” asked Starlight.
Trixie, who had been “sampling” the butterscotch cream, turned around curiously. Her eyes locked on the tiny flying creatures and something unbelievable happened: the blue stagemare jumped nearly five feet in the air with a cartoonish scream. Without warning, she started running circles around the kitchen like a trapped rat, kicking the desserts on the ground and sending pots, pans, and utensils flying through the air. Twilight, Starlight, and Cinnamon Chai flattened themselves on the ground to dodge the carnage. The mares were bewildered; they never expected Trixie to react so violently.
“OhmyLunaohmyLunaohmyLuna!” Trixie rambled frantically. “Parasprites! Why did it have to be parasprite?!”
“A para-what?” asked Twilight.
“Trixie, what the hay is going on with – “ Starlight started.
“No time for questions!” Trixie screeched. “Trixie needs stinky cheese!”
“Stinky cheese?” Twilight repeated, confused.
“Yes, stinky cheese, and fast!” Trixie yelled. And in her panic, Trixie ran and smashed through the kitchen wall, leaving a Trixie-shaped hole behind.
“Couldn’t she have jumped through the window instead,” Cinnamon Chai complained. “It’s a lot less expensive.”
“Well, that was weird, even by Trixie standards,” Starlight commented.
“Yeah, wonder what that was all about,” said Twilight, exchanging curious glances with the newly named Parasprite creatures.
Tempest had many regrets about moving to Canterlot: getting run over by wagons, reading books in boring libraries for hours, being forced to go on an adventure to save the world (okay, admittedly, that was cool.) But the biggest regret of her life was letting Sunset convince her to go…ugh, dress shopping.
The sunny mare had dragged Tempest to the Canterlot Carousel, which was proclaimed as the most exclusive fashion establishment in all of Canterlot (not that Tempest cared.) Sunset rolled her eyes as Sassy Saddles, the manager of the boutique, tried to pin down Tempest long enough to get her measurements. But the broken-horned mare wasn’t making it easy. She was acting like a fussy foal, trying to escape the honestly breathtaking dress that Sassy Saddles had thrown on like it was death sentence.
“Tempest, stand still,” said Sunset like a scolding mother. “She needs to do the hemline.”
“Ugh, I can’t!” Tempest whined childishly. “You know I hate dressing up in this froufrou nonsense. Why can’t I just wear my normal clothes?”
“Do you want to look nice for Princess Cadence or not?” said Sunset.
“What I want is to steal that priceless, one-of-a-kind jewel off her,” Tempest said blatantly before realizing that Sassy Saddles was giving her a dumbfounded stare. “Say anything to anypony, and I’ll snap your horn off.”
Sassy Saddles went straight back to work, keeping a tight lip.
And who just so happens to walk into the boutique than Twilight Sparkle and her infamous checklist. She let out a low whistle as she examined all the dresses that had been lined around the shop. Her eyes soon fell on Tempest and her dress and let out a delighted gasp.
“Tempest, you look beautiful,” Twilight breathed.
“I’m not supposed to be beautiful,” Tempest mumbled embarrassingly. “I’m supposed to be tough and cool….”
“Well, I think you can be both,” said Sunset, smiling. Tempest looked away, muttering under her breath. Suddenly, everypony heard a series of trilling noises and noticed Twilight’s mane twitch. “Uh, what was that?”
“Did your mane just…chirp?” asked Tempest incredulously.
Twilight grinned in a smug fashion as she brushed her mane slightly. The parasprite that had been hiding in her hair trilled and jumped out onto Twilight’s flank…along with a second one…and a third. Twilight did a doubletake. Where the hay did those extras come from?
“Whoa, what are they?” asked Tempest curiously.
“The better question is, where did they come from?” said Twilight strangely. “I only had one a minute ago.”
“Well…if you don’t want them all, I guess I could take one off your hooves,” said Tempest, not-so-subtly swiping one of the parasprite. “Because I’m a good friend like that.”
“Yeah, that’s the reason,” Sunset teased while taking the remaining extra. “Oh my Luna, they’re so cute!”
While half of the Mane 6 were fawning of the parasprites, Trixie trotted into the boutique and approached Sassy Saddles, asking, “Do you have any used gyms socks? The riper, the better.”
“Backroom with the recyclables,” Sassy Saddle answered without batting an eye at the strange question.
“Trixie thanks you,” said Trixie.
The stagemare walked to the backroom and found the bag of gym socks she was looking for – you could literally see the stink lines flowing off it. Trixie covered her muzzle while levitating the bag in front as she walked out. Before leaving the boutique, Trixie cast a final look at her friends, who were still gushing over the parasprites. She shook her head in disappointment and slammed the door behind her.
It was a long and eventful day, but by the time Luna raised the moon, Twilight had completed everything on her checklist. The welcome sign was fixed, the catering was done (Without Trixie’s interference), the dresses were made, and best of all, Twilight’s room was sparkly clean. And by that, I mean it was literally sparkling. She really should ask Spike what kind of cleaner he used sometime.
“The decorations, the banquet, getting Tempest in a dress – check, check, and check,” muttered Twilight. “I really hope everything turns out okay tomorrow.”
Twilight looked over at Spike and her new parasprite pet who were nestled in Spike’s basket. Watching the two snore peacefully was oddly soothing – and contagious. Twilight yawned widely and rubbed her eyes.
“Oh, I’m sure everything will be all right,” said Twilight sleepily as she slid into bed. “What could possibly go wrong…?”
…Why would you say that, Twilight? Why?”
Princess Luna raised the sun to harken the beginning of a new day, as Twilight irritably learned when the suns rays beamed on her through the window. The lavender unicorn turned over in her bed, pressing her pillow over her face to block out the sunlight. She worked too late last night to deal with an early morning. Unfortunately, the pillow could not block out the dozens of snores –
Wait, dozens?
Twilight threw the pillow off and quickly sat up with bloodshot eyes. Her room echoed with a cacophony of several tiny snores, all coming from the huge mass of Parasprites that now covered her bedroom. They were literally everywhere: her bed, her desk, her bookshelves, her vanity, the chandelier – everywhere! There was a baker’s dozen nesting in Spike’s basket, and even a pair sleeping on his face.
“SPIKE!” Twilight screamed, tumbling gracelessly out of bed. “Spike, wake up! What happened?!”
The baby dragon groaned as he sat up, never happy when Twilight woke him so early in the morning to go over her schedule. He tried opening his eyes when realized there was something clinging to his face. Spike yelped and ripped the Parasprites off, blinking and looking around in bewilderment.
“What the?” he mumbled. “What’s going on?”
The constant shouting woke the rest of the Parasprites and they all started buzzing around the room, barely leaving any room for the pony and dragon to breath.
“Where did they come from?!” shrieked Twilight.
“I don’t know,” said Spike uncertainly. “The little guy got hungry in the night, so I gave him a snack, but... I have no idea where these others came from.” There was a huge crash and the pair looked over to see the Parasprites knock over all of Twilight’s books. “Oh no! They're messing up all my hard work!”
They didn’t stop at the bookshelf either. The Parasprites were buzzing all around the room, grabbing everything they could find and tossing it around into a gigantic mess that put Twilight’s normal messes to shame.
“Cadence will be here in a few hours!” shouted Twilight. Panicking, she picked up the feather duster and started sweeping the pests away from the shelves. “Spike, help me round up these little guys!”
As she said this, the baby dragon had already gathered a huge number of the Parasprites and stuffed them into his basket. He had gathered so many that they formed an unstable tower of pests.
“What does it – ugh – look like I’m doing?!” Spike groaned. But the leaning tower of pests became too unstable to handle and collapsed over Spike, burying him. Twilight brushed him free with her feather duster, giving him a look. “I know, I know, ‘stop fooling around.’”
“Wait a second…,” Twilight suddenly paused, staring off into space. “If all these Patrasprites showed up in our room…then what about the others?”
Tempest snoozed peacefully in her bed while Grubber snored away on the rug (you’d think he'd deserve his own bed at least.) Neither of them were early risers and it’s not like they had real jobs they had to get to, so they could sleep in as long as they wanted.
Tempest turned in her bed when she heard the chirp of her new Parasprite pet. The broken-horned mare cracked her open and smiled softly at the Parasprite leaning over the edge of her bed…and the one on her pillow…and the three sitting on her headboard…and the six sitting on her blanket…and the twenty piling on Grubber.
“What the?” Tempest sputtered, shooting up. “What the hay?”
The Parasprites tried glomming onto her, but Tempest shook them off and tried making a run for the door. Her path was swiftly cut off by a wall of over fifty Parasprites. They piled on Tempest again and the violet unicorn shook them off furiously.
“Hey – what are – get off of me!” she screamed.
But the more she struggled, the more Parasprites joined in the pile up. In a matter of moments, Tempest was drowning in over a hundred Parasprite, her cries for help muffled underneath all the pests. Meanwhile, Grubber continued to snooze even as the Parasprite carried his prone form around the air.
Opposed to Twilight and Tempest, Sunset Shimmer found the creatures quite fascinating. It was certainly a shock to find that her little Parasprite pet had multiplied a hundred times overnight, but she was more curious than afraid. She purposely ignored the rampant destruction of her bedroom as she examined one of the Parasprites under a magnifying glass, telepathically writing down her finding.
“Observation note #17: so far, the genetic make-up of subject ‘Parasprite’ remains unclear,” said Sunset, and her feathered quill wrote it down. “At first glance, it appears insectoid by nature, but the texture of its body implies a botanical origin. I have yet to discern how and why the subject has increased in numbers – “
All of sudden, the Parasprite she was examining began making choking noises.
“Hold on, subject appears to be suffering from a violent reaction,” said Sunset, leaning closer. “Must approach with – “ The sunny mare yelped when the Parasprite vomited in her eye, nearly making Sunset throw up as well. With a groan, she pried the gunk off, which rolled into a ball in her hoof. “Okay, that’s beyond disgusting.”
To Sunset’s amazement and revulsion, the ball of vomit puffed up and transformed into another Parasprite. The sunny mare had to close her mouth with her hoof to stop herself from hurling violently. But she lost the battle when she watched several more Parasprites regurgitate and multiply all over her room, leaving a puddle of sick on the floor.
“Okay…experiment over…,” Sunset wheezed. “These things need to go…now.”
Sunset used all the strength in her horn to pluck the Parasprites out of the air and tossed them into her saddlebags, stuffing them to the breaking point. She levitated the saddlebag in front, keeping a firm distance from the disgusting pests, and telepathically opened her bedroom door.
She had just stepped out into the hallway when Trixie walked down the corridor, carrying a burlap sack over her shoulder. Sunset had to use both hooves to plug her muzzle from the foal stench coming from the bag.
“Look, Sunset Shimmer!” Trixie gestured to the bag excitedly. “The kitchen staff gave Trixie their entire supply of rotten eggs. There’s at least five pounds in here. Can you believe they were just going to throw these away?” She noticed the Parasprites trying to escape Sunset’s bags, which the sunny mare had to push down. “And not a moment too soon.”
“Trixie…I’m a little busy…right now,” Sunset grunted, trying to maintain her magic.
“And Trixie’s not?” said Trixie. “Do you know how many more smelly things Trixie has to find? A lot! That’s how many.” She threw her hoof over Sunset’s shoulder in a conspirator fashion. “Now if we split the list between us, we might just make it in time.”
“Please, Trixie, I don’t have time for some ridiculous scavenger hunt,” Sunset grimaced, pushing the stagemare off. “I’ve got a real problem.”
“You’ve got a real problem, all right!” Trixie shouted, running off with her stinky goods. “And a skunk is the only answer!”
Sunset rolled her eyes exasperatedly and carried the saddlebags full of pest down the hall. She was walking past Twilight’s bedroom when the door swung open and the lavender mare dashed outside, slamming the door behind her. Twilight looked like she had been through a warzone with her disheveled mane and her coat covered in who knows what. Someone was knocking at the door, no doubt Spike begging to be let out, but Twilight kept it firmly shut.
“I see we’re both having the same problem,” Sunset commented.
“That makes three of us,” Tempest approached them with a beard of Parasprite and the vacant stare of someone who lost the will to live.
“Starlight’s the pony that found them,” said Twilight. “Maybe she knows how to stop them from multiply.”
It was at that exactly moment when Starlight Glimmer teleported in the middle of the three looking jittery and bug-eyed like she had been through a hellish nightmare (which wasn’t too far off the mark.)
“I don’t know how to stop them from multiplying!” she screeched.
Tempest took survey of the area and asked, “Were you just waiting for somepony to saying something or…”
“What do you mean you don’t know how to stop them from multiplying!” Twilight cried, grabbing Starlight by the shoulders and shaking her violently.
“I tried everything I could think of!” said Starlight. “I tried burying them, burning them, shredding them, poisoning them, bucking them, electrocuting them, and melting them! I even tried dumping them in the past, but that created a horrible future where fleshy, two-legging creepers watch moving pictures about ponies. So I went back in time to stop myself from going back in time.”
“Why does that sound familiar for some reason?” Sunset wondered.
“Oh no, this is way, way bad,” Twilight moaned, dragging her hooves down her face. “If we can’t get them under control before Cadence arrives, it’ll be a total disaster.”
“What do you think this is now?” Tempest questioned, gesturing to her beard of Parasprites as one of them vomited up another pest. “…That’s going to mentally scar me for life.”
Moon Dancer inexplicitly just happened to be at the castle around that time, appearing around the corner levitating a clipboard as she walked up to the group.
“Hey, Twilight, there’s a bunch of ponies out front with a shipment of apples,” said Moon Dancer. “I know you’re the royal planner and all, but is there a reason you need a specific number of – “ She looked up from the clipboard and paused. She looked between Tempest’s beard of pests, Sunset’s stuffed saddlebags, and Twilight holding her bedroom door closed for dear life. “…Did Trixie do something again?”
“No, this is all Starlight’s fault,” said Sunset bluntly.
“HEY!”
“Moon Dancer, we need help!” Twilight cried, reaching her hooves for the mare to shake her, but Moon Dancer wisely kept her at length with her horn. “These Paraspites are everywhere and we don’t know how to get rid of them! Please, help us!”
“Aren’t you supposed to be the planner?” questioned Moon Dancer with a quirked brow.
“I’m too stressed to plan!” shrieked Twilight, ripping our several strands of her mane.
“Okay, okay, chill out,” said Moon Dancer, taken aback by the severity of Twilight’s stress. “Look, it’s simple. As far as we know, all of those uh…”
“Parasprites,” Sunset offered.
“Thank you,” said Moon Dancer. “Those Parasprites are all in the castle – “
“And the ones that are flooding my apartment,” Starlight added. “My landlord is gonna have a conniption when he sees them.”
“Well, everypony seems to be forgetting that we’re unicorns with magic,” said Moon Dancer, gesturing to her horn. “We’ll just gather all the Parasprites in one place and just teleport them away.”
“…You know, when she says it out loud, it does seem like the obvious solution,” Tempest remarked.
“Starlight, you head back to your apartment, gather up all the Parasprites, and bring them back here,” Moon Dancer instructed. Moon Dancer saluted and teleported away. “Twilight, Sunset, Tempest, open your doors and let those pests out into the hallway. We’ll use our magic to bundle them up and get them out of here. All right, everypony, move, move, move!”
Twilight, Sunset, and Tempest saluted like a well-trained squadron and dashed to their bedroom doors (Moon Dancer telepathically removed Tempest’s beard, which the mare was grateful for.) The trio grabbed the doorknobs and silently counted to three in perfect synch before throwing the doors open.
The Parasprites surged into the corridor like a raging river, their numbers seemingly increased by twenty times while they were planning. Twilight grappled the doorknob to keep herself from being swept away in the flood, gritting her teeth as the Parasprites came down on her with the force of a hurricane. The flood thankfully subsided in a few seconds with every Parasprite out of the rooms and into the hallway. Spike flopped to the ground with relief in Twilight’s bedroom and Grubber was still pleasantly napping in Tempest’s.
The swarm raged down the hall toward Moon Dancer, but the bespectacled unicorn was ready. Her horn lit up with magic as a transparent barrier formed from the floor to the ceiling, effectively cutting the pests off. When they started to head back, Twilight and Sunset erected their own barrier, trapping the Parasprites between them. The three unicorns pushed their barriers closer to each other, curling the transparent walls until they merged and molded into a sphere. The Parasprites buzzed erratically inside their new prison, but Moon Dancer, Twilight, and Sunset did not waver. Tempest smirked cockily and tapped the barrier to annoy them.
“Look at that: the world’s most annoying snow globe,” said Tempest tauntingly.
“Please don’t agitate them,” Sunset pleaded. “Keeping this many pests in one place is difficult as it is.”
“Now we need Starlight’s batch,” said Moon Dancer.
Right as she said that, Starlight teleported into the hallway, levitating her own ball of Parasprites.
“I got ‘em all!” Starlight exclaimed, merging her collection with the rest. “We need to get this done fast. My landlord said some of my neighbors complained about the noise and he’s coming to inspect my apartment.”
“All right, mares, that should be all of them, right?” said Moon Dancer. Tempest did a quick check of the rooms and gave them the all-clear sign. “Let’s get these pesky whatever they are out of here. Teleportation spells on three.” The magical aura around everypony’s horns intensified and pointed at the Parasprite collection. “One…two…”
“Moon Dancer!”
Trixie suddenly popped up next to the bespectacled unicorn, making the mare jump with a frightened shout. With Moon Dancer’s concentration broken, the bubble rippled and nearly broke, but Starlight quickly jumped in to replace Moon Dancer’s missing portion. The bespectacled unicorn wiped the nonexistent sweat from her brow in relief, then shot a glare at Trixie.
“Trixie, what’re you doing?” Moon Dancer scolded her. “You nearly ruined all our hard work.”
“Moon Dancer, we must act quickly, there’s not much time!” Trixie shouted urgently.
“You’re telling me,” said Twilight, groaning from the intense magic she was forced to hold. “Cadence could arrive at any minute.”
“Exactly,” said Trixie. “That’s why I need you ponies to drop what you’re doing and help Trixie locate some rafflesia.”
“Rafflesia?” asked Tempest. “What in the hay is rafflesia?”
“Only the stinkiest flower in the entire world,” said Trixie like it was obvious. “The smell is so putrid that it can knock a pony flat on their back with one whiff.”
“Are you kidding me?” said Twilight exasperatedly. “Trixie, we’ve got more important things to do than help you look for a smelly flower.”
“You’re right, Twilight Sparkle!” Trixie exclaimed like she just had an epiphany. “Finding durain should be our number one goal. Stinky fruits are much more difficult to find than stinky flowers. Follow Trixie!” The blue stagemare dashed down the hall and around the corner, but nopony pursued her. When she realized she was alone, Trixie walked back giving everypony a flat stare. “Trixie said follow Trixie!”
“Trixie, why are you so clueless?” said Tempest exasperatedly.
“Trixie is not clueless!” Trixie shouted defensively. “You ponies are just too stubborn!”
With that, Trixie turned her nose up, whipped her tail, and walked away.
“Just forget her,” said Moon Dancer, rolling her eyes. “Everypony, teleportation spells on one…two…three!”
Every unicorn (minus Tempest) blasted the Parasprite swarm with their horn, creating an intense spark of mixed energy before the pests vanished in a flash of multicolored light. Twilight and Sunset cheered and high-hoofed each other, Starlight wiped her brow in relief, Moon Dancer grinned proudly at herself, and Tempest let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.
“We did it!” praised Twilight. “Nice work, Moon Dancer.”
“All it took was a level head and some unicorn magic,” said Moon Dancer humbly.
“And it was almost ruined thanks to Trixie and her randomness,” said Tempest shortly.
“Yeah, about that,” hummed Starlight. “What do you think’s been going on with her? I know she’s not exactly the smartest pony of the group, but she’s been acting a lot more random than normal ever since those Parasprites showed up.”
“Forget about Trixie,” Twilight brushed her concern off. “Princess Cadence is due to arrive any second. Spike and Grubber’ll clean up our rooms, but we need to be ready to meet Cadence when she gets here. Come on.”
Starlight wasn’t pleased by how casually Twilight blew off Trixie, but Moon Dancer, Tempest, and Sunset were already following the lavender mare without a hint of concern. She looked back at the corner where Trixie had disappeared to uncertainly, then shook her head and chased after the others.
“Okay, everypony knows what to do, right?” Twilight asked the mares as they trotted toward downtown Canterlot. “When Princess Cadence arrives, I want everypony in position. The confetti cannons ponies, the balloonists, the band – everything!”
“Relax, Twilight,” said Sunset, rolling her eyes. “You’ve been grilling everypony for weeks about this. I guarantee you by the time Cadence shows up, everypony will be ready to throw for the biggest welcome party of the century.”
But when they turned the corner down the street toward the town entrance, everypony stopped in their tracks, staring with bulging eyes at the sight that greeted them.
The entire street was pure chaos; dozens of ponies running and scream as they were chased by the swarms of Parasprites. There must have been thousands – tens of thousands. The adorably pesky critters were breaking through windows, tossing everything they could grab on the streets and smashing them on the pavement. Food stalls and café tables were ravished within seconds without leaving a single crumb. The Parasprite were even picking up ponies and hanging them from lampposts with mischievous giggles.
“…But don’t quote me on that,” said Sunset.
“I don’t understand!” said Twilight. “Where did they come from?! I thought we gathered them all up!”
“Ooh,” Starlight winced. Everypony refocused their attention on her; Starlight laughed sheepishly. “Uh, yeah…the thing is…after you left Cinnamon Chai’s shop, I found another Parasprite and she asked if she could keep it.”
“STARLIGHT!” the mares yelled in unison.
“Hey, in my defense, that was before I knew they were menaces!” Starlight snapped.
“We don't have time to keep rounding up these things,” Twilight moaned. “What do we do now?”
“Don’t worry,” said Moon Dancer reassuringly. “I’m sure once Princess Luna notices the chaos, she’ll swoop in to save the day.”
Speaking of whom, the ruler of Equestria was presently walking out onto the balcony of her tower, levitating a fresh brew of morning coffee with a delighted sigh.
“Ahh, nothing like a good up of joe and a view of my peaceful kingdom to start the morning right,” said Luna calmly.
But when she leaned over the railing to gaze down at her kingdom, she saw only total calamity. Ponies running in fear, colorful Parasprites flooding the streets, buildings on fire, houses broken and looted, and unless she was mistaken, she just saw the Canterlot library explode.
“…Nnope,” said Luna tonelessly and walked back inside.
“…or not,” Moon Dancer hanged her head in defeat.
“Okay, Princess Cadence is going to show up any minute now and Princess Luna is no help,” muttered Twilight.
“Come to think of it, has she ever actually done anything?” asked Tempest, earning a heated glare from Sunset. “What? It’s a legitimate question. We’re usually the ones who have to swoop in and save the day.”
“Okay, genius!” Twilight snapped irritably. “Then please explain to the rest of us how we’re suppose to get rid of these…things before Princess Cadence gets here!”
“With fish!” Trixie shouted, suddenly shoving her way in the middle of the group. The others ponies groaned and covered their nostrils when they noticed Trixie carrying a large tuna that smelled like it had been left in the sun for several days. Twilight nearly retched when Trixie took a big whiff of it. “Ah, repugnant.”
“Trixie, what are you doing now?” Twilight growled irritably.
“Trying to find smelly fish that hasn’t been eaten by those Parasprite,” Trixie stated, holding the stinky sea creature to Twilight’s face. “We need to work fast and collect as many – “
“Will you just forget your ridiculous games for one second, Trixie?!” Twilight shouted, slapping the fish to the ground. “We’re trying to save Canterlot from disaster and you’ve just been goofing off all morning!”
“Trixie hasn’t been goofing off!” Trixie retorted angrily. “Unlike somepony who doesn’t listen, Trixie has been hard at work trying to solve this problem!”
“With used gym socks and rotting fish?!” Twiligth yelled.
“Exactly!”
“Ugh, for the love of…. You know what, forget it,” Twilight frowned and shook her head dismissively. “If you’re not going to be useful, then just stay out of our way. Come on, everypony, we have a town to save.”
Twilight, Sunset, Moon Dancer, and Tempest galloped past Trixie, not sparing the stagemare a second glance. Trixie hanged her head, her eyes narrowed in both anger and sadness.
“Trixie is useful…,” Trixie mumbled pitifully. “Trixie wishes somepony would listen to her….”
“I’ll listen.”
Trixie perked up in surprise and turned around. Starlight telepathically picked up the discarded fish and offered it to the blue stagemare with a sincere smile. Trixie gave Starlight a look of gratitude as she reclaimed the fish and stuffed it underneath her cape.
“So, what’s the plan?” asked Starlight.
“That depends,” said Trixie cryptically. “Does Starlight Glimmer know where to find ten pounds of used kitty litter?”
While those two were off doing who knows what, the rest of the Mane 6 split up in an effort to quell as much of the chaos as possible.
Sunset materialized a magical flyswatter and was relentlessly chasing the Parasprites up and down the streets when she heard a loud crash come from the Canterlot Carousel boutique. The sunny mare kicked the door open dramatically (though unnecessarily) and dashed inside. She found the hilarious sight of Sassy Saddles standing on a stool, bouncing on her hooves as the Parasprites swarmed around her like a pack of sharks.
“No, shoo, shoo! Go away!” cried Sassy Saddles. “Get out of here! Naughty! Naughty!”
“Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ll save you!” announced Sunset.
“Who cares about me?!” Sassy Saddles yelled, taking Sunset by surprise. “Save my outfits!”
She pointed to the pony mannequins wearing the wardrobe that Sassy Saddles had made yesterday, including Tempest’s dress. Sunset gasped as the Parasprites ravished the dresses, tearing the fabric with mirth. Sunset couldn’t stand by and let this happen – dress-wearing Tempest was too adorable!
Sunset charged over and swatted the pest once…twice…but when she swung her flyswatter a third time, three Parasprites caught it in their mouths. They turned it back on Sunset and swatted her on the flank. The sunny mare yelped and ran away, but the Parasprites chased her down, ruthlessly spanking her around of the store.
Meanwhile, Tempest was galloping up and down the street, shooting her horn lightning in almost every direction at once. She caught a bundle of pests ravaging her favorite carrot dog stand and jumped through the swarm, causing them to momentarily disperse before shooting lightning at them. Unfortunately, the creatures were so small and nimble that her attacks were only hitting air. The Parasprites slowly closed in on the broken-horned mare like a pack of zombies.
“Back!” Tempest growled, fruitlessly shooting her lightning. “I said, back! Stay away from me, you darn dirty pests!”
But the Parasprite swooped in and nabbed the violet mare, lifting her off the ground with the greatest of ease. They carried Tempest across the street and dropped her head first into a water barrel with hind legs sticking out in a comedic fashion. Unfortunately, Tempest had her horn charged when she fell in and ended up electrocuting herself. The broken-horned mare moaned in both pain and disappointment.
Moon Dancer had created another transparent bubble and was galloping through the streets, trying to scoop as many of the Parasprites as she could. But for every two Parasprites she managed to catch, three more would slip out and start multiplying again. It was like trying to catch smoke with her bare hooves. Moon Dancer wished she could just teleport the Parasprites she already caught and moved on to the next batch, but her magic wasn’t on the same level as Twilight, Sunset, and Starlight.
“Oh, this isn’t working!” Moon Dancer complained as another four pests slipped out of her bubble. “There’s just too many of them. At this rate, we’re going to have to evacuate Canterlot.”
Tempest, who was still wearing the barrel on her head, walked over and said, “You know, I always thought that Canterlot would fall to some evil, storm-based dictator…hypothetically. Never imagined the Equestian capital would be destroyed by bugs.”
Sunset Shimmer flew out of the Canterlot Carousel, nursing her sore flank, and asked, “Hey, has anyone seen Twilight?”
“Oh, hello, Princess Cadence, it’s so great to see you!” The trio turned their attention to Twilight, who was down the road…talking to barrel and a sack of flour with a disturbed look in her eyes. “Did you do something with your mane? It looks fabulous! …Oh, thank you! That’s so kind of you to notice. Everything’s going fine. Perfectly fine!” she ended with an insane laugh.
“Whelp, she’s cracked,” Sunset commented.
“I always knew this would happen,” said Moon Dancer, “I just thought it would be more gradual.”
“Well, I think it’s safe to say that Canterlot is official doomed,” said Tempest. “Unless somepony can whip up a miracle – “
The mare suddenly cut herself off when an incredibly foal odder filled her nostrils, making Tempest’s stomach churn violently. Sunset and Moon Dancer smelled it as well and slapped their hooves over their muzzles to stop themselves from retching. It wasn’t just them; everypony in Canterlot was groaned in disgust and grabbing anything they could find to block out the stench from wrapping rags around their faces to stuffing their heads in boxes. The smell was so horrific that it made Twilight sane again.
“Oh, sweet Luna, that’s foal!” Twilight cried, slapping her muzzle shut. “Where is that terrible smell coming…from?”
In her moment of clarity, Twilight realized that the chaos suddenly…stopped. The Parasprite were just hovering in the air with dreamy looks in their eyes like they were under a trance. One by one, the Parasprites dropped what they were doing and floated in the direction of the putrid stench. The members of the Mane 6 exchanged mystified glances before following, consumed by curiosity.
They chased the Parasprites to the border of Canterlot when they found what had stolen the Parasprite’s attention. Trixie and Starlight were wearing gas masks that made them breathe like an iconic sci-fi villain standing beside what could only be described as a disgusting mass of pure stink. The horrid mound was made up of everything that Trixie had been gathered up: stinky cheese, used gym socks, rotten eggs, decaying fish, smelly fruits and flowers, and the like. The stench it was giving off was so horrendous, it instantly killed all nearby flowers and trees.
The stink mass was on a sled, which was being pulled by six members of the Wonderbolts, including Spitfire, all of whom were wearing gas masks. Starlight was magically fanning the smell into Canterlot, which seemed to attract the Parasprite rather than revolt them. When the swarm had gotten close, Trixie turned to the Wonderbolts and shouted:
“That’s all of them! Move out!”
“Aye, aye!” Spitfire replied with a salute.
The Wonderbolts took off into the air carrying the stink mass behind them. When they saw their precious smelly mound getting away, the Parasprites immediately gave chase. In mere moments, both the smell and the pests disappeared over the Canterlot Mountain. Trixie and Starlight removed their masks with sighs of relief and hoofbumped each other.
“You’re plan worked!” Starlight cheered.
“Was there any doubt?” said Trixie smugly.
The rest of the Mane 6 approached them, dumbfounded, and Twilight asked, “Where are they going?”
“To the Everfree Forest,” answered Starlight. “They won’t be able to harm anypony there.”
“But…how did you do that?” said Moon Dancer. “How did you know how to get rid of them?”
“Parasprites are annoyingly bothersome pests that multiply at an alarming rate,” Trixie explained in a sophisticated manner. “But they are attracted to three things: polka music, strong smells, and Spruce Lee movies. There was a similar infestation when Trixie once interned at a rock farm. One of Trixie’s co-workers showed her how to get rid of them.”
“So you knew what those things were from the beginning?” asked Sunset.
“Of course Trixie knew!” Trixie snapped, leering at the other disapprovingly. “Why do you think Trixie was so frantic to get her hooves on all those smelly things? Trixie tried to tell you.” She threw her hoof over Starlight’s shoulder proudly. “Thank Luna Trixie had one friend that was willing to listen.”
“I just thought you deserved a fair chance,” said Starlight, smiling. “Even if it did sound a little crazy.”
“She’s right,” said Twilight apologetically. “We should’ve listened to you, Trixie. You’re a great friend, even if we don’t always understand you.”
“Especially when we don’t understand you,” said Tempest teasingly. “Still, we’re sorry, Trixie.”
Everypony else apologized as well, making Trixie beam with pride.
“Well, all’s well that ends well, Trixie always says,” said Trixie.
“You’ve never said that,” Starlight pointed out.
“Well, we’re not done yet,” said Twilight, swiftly adopting a serious pose. “Princess Cadence will be arriving soon. If everypony works together, we might be able to make Canterlot presentable by the time she arrives.”
“Oh, right, Trixie almost forgot,” Trixie suddenly perked up. She levitated her hat and pulled out a folded envelope from underneath, passing it to Twilight. “A cross-eyed mail pony gave this to Trixie yesterday by mistake. It’s a letter from Princess Cadence. She says she got called for a diplomatic mission in Trotkyo, so she won’t be back in Equestria for a few more months.” Trixie giggled. “So when you think about it, we did all that work getting ready for nothing. Isn’t that hilarious?!”
If you listen very closely, you can hear that last bits of Twilight’s psyche shatter.
Princess Luna walked into Celestia’s room for her daily visit, carrying a tray with two cups and a pot of piping-hot tea. She knew there was nopony else to share tea with since her sister was fast asleep, but it made her feel better thinking that Celestia might wake up one day and they could enjoy a cup like they did in foalhood.
Luna didn’t check on her sister, resigning to the idea that Celestia would not wake up for a long time, and crossed the room toward the curtained windows.
“You would not believe what happened today,” Luna said to Celestia amusingly, not expecting a reply. “Canterlot was nearly destroyed by a swarm of tiny pests. Isn’t that funny? This city has endured centuries of war, plague, and famine, but we were nearly driven off by adorable little creatures. Oh, but don’t worry, Sunset Shimmer and her friends took care of the problem.”
She used her horn to pull the curtains open, letting the sunlight into the room. Luna heaved a great sigh.
“You always loved the morning’s first light,” she said somberly. “I wish you would wake up to – “
“Luna…?” a raspy voice called.
The ruler of Equestia gasped and spun around on her hooves, dropping the tea set on the ground with a mighty crash! But Luna didn’t care about the broken tea pot; she was too busy staring at the majestic white alicorn slowly rising from the bed, blinking slowly, and staring blearily back at her midnight counterpart.
Princess Celestia was awake.
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Way to leave us on a cliffhanger!
She awakens!!!!
For a second I thought there was gonna be another parasprite in Celestia's room at the end.
So you pegged Cadance as a regular pegasus in Canterlot pre-ascension? Interesting. If she was still worthy of ascension, how did she end up as Twilight's foalsitter instead of Sunset's?
Yeah, that sounds like Trixie. Always there when you don't want her to be.
The fact that that last one has to be specified is not only hilarious, but definitely accurate.
So that's how Trixie knew how to be the exterminator (in a sense). I was wondering. I like the fact that you had Pinkie tell her a different method instead of just straight copying the show. Good job.
Think you mean Starlight there.
Ruler of Equestria everyone
10600295
Well, it's not like she was Twily's because of the "faithful student" thing in canon either... the service was performed before that happened, as evidenced by the photo of her pushing a cutie-markless Twilight on a swing. Whatever reason applied there likely went unchanged here.
Same issue as in the main timeline: The one that knew how to get rid of the pests neglected to tell the others.
In both timelines, Pinkie/Trixie saying "Parasprites are a pest that multiple fast. I know how to get rid of them. Go get these items." would have saved everypony a headache.