• Published 30th Aug 2012
  • 904 Views, 47 Comments

Bloodflow - Flying Wingnut

Jake Gray is a man on a mission, but he is sent to Canterlot by a twist of fate. How will he adjust?

  • ...

Explanations Over Breakfast

The situation I was in seemed less like reality and more like a stupid story one of your druggie friends would tell you. Dangling out of a window, hanging onto a tablecloth/makeshift parachute, while a bunch of horses point spears at me.

“Man, I’ve been in some weird situations,” I thought to myself, “but this takes the cake.”

“So,” the princess began, “Care to explain yourself?” Her scowl had changed to a slightly less angry look of unamusement.

“Just as soon as you stop dangling me out of a damned window.” I replied.

She reluctantly brought the tablecloth as close to the ledge as possible. I stepped onto the ledge and in through the window,. The guards remained suspicious (with good reason) and kept their spears at the ready. As I got a better look at them, I noticed they weren’t all the same. Some had wings, some had horns, and some just had neither of those. However, she was the only one with both, and she was quite a bit taller than the others.

“Now,” she continued, “why did you behave so erratically just now?

“Erratically?” I thought. “Erratically!? You wanna see erratic behaviour? Bitch, I’ll show you some erratic - no, Jake, calm down... keep it together...”

“Well, “ I responded, raising my voice slightly to get my point across, “I might not be in the greatest state of mind, all things considered. I was thrown from my world, landed on some planet that’s god-knows-how far away from mine, and I woke up on a hospital bed, being cared for by a bunch of talking horses! Oh, and these guys over here tried to kill me. Doesn’t exactly make for the most calming of situations, does it?”

“They weren’t trying to kill you.” She said, sternly. “They were merely trying to stop you from leaving the room.”

“So I’m a prisoner, than?”

“Of course not!” She said in shock. She seemed to be genuinely offended by what I said. “This is how your species treats somepony who tries to help you!? Baseless accusations and aggression?!”

“No, this is how we react when we have absolutely no damn idea what’s going on!”

For a few seconds, we stood there in deafening silence. All that could be heard was light breathing and the occasional rattle of armor.

“Alright, this is going to turn into a shouting match soon, and if push comes to shove, I’m going to get gored. I can fight, but even I can’t take on at least 20 people who already have their weapons aimed at me. I punch a couple, I get impaled by the rest. Plus, this...thing seems to have telekinesis. Maybe I should play friendly for now. I have no idea how to get back home, but maybe they do.”

“Look, “ I said, breaking the silence, “I think we’ve got off on the wrong foot, here. Let’s just wipe the slate clean and try again, shall we?” I began to take my balaclava and hood off, simply as a sign of politeness.

“I suppose that would be best. At ease, guardsmen.” The guards lowered their spears, but I could tell they were still very wary of me. “I am Princess Celestia, one of the two rulers of Equestria.” She seemed to ease up just a bit, but I could tell that she was still cautious.

“Nice to meet you Celestia.” I walked over to her and held my hand out for a hand/hoof shake. “The name’s Jake. Jake Gray.”

The guards tensed up almost immediately, ready to brandish their weapons and defend their princess to the death, if need be. She slowly put her hoof in my hand, still clearly unsettled about the whole situation. I gripped it firmly, and shook it a few times. As I let go, she actually started to smile somewhat.

“Nice to meet you, Jake.” She said. After my gesture of goodwill, the guards seemed to ease up ever so slightly. “I’d love to talk further, but I’m supposed to be asleep right now. I would like to talk with you further at breakfast tomorrow. Would that be alright?”

“That sounds fine to me.”

“Excellent. I shall see you tomorrow, then. Guards, please lead this...uh...”

“Human.” I said.

“Right. Please lead this human to one of our guest rooms.”

Most of the guards piled out of the hallway, but one of them turned around and addressed me. “Come this way.” He said. “I will lead you to your room for the night.”


It was a surprisingly short walk to my room. I opened the door and found a lavishly decorated room. High ceilings, giant windows, an oversized bed, all of it adorned in shades of white, purple and gold; It was like a designer’s wet dream.

“I hope that these accommodations will be suitable.” The guard said. “We shall wake you up in time for breakfast tomorrow. Good night.”

With that, he closed the door and left me alone in my room. Almost immediately, I threw off my clothes and collapsed in bed. It had been an exhausting day. From blowing up a building to meeting an army of alien ponies, I was ready to just fall right to sleep. My eyes fell shut, and I drifted off into a deep sleep.


The night sky was cloudy, and a torrent of rain fell onto the ground. I had chased the bastard all the way to the roof of the apartment building. For 6 years I’d been searching, and now I had him cornered with nowhere to go but down. We stood at opposite ends of the roof, waiting for the other to make a move. I knew that tonight would be the night I got some answers.

“So, here we stand, brother.” He said.

“There you go again with that ‘brother’ crap.” I replied. “It’s been 6 years, and you can’t come up with anything new?”

“But I speak the truth.” He rolled up his sleeve to reveal the metal augment underneath. “We both wear the augments, do we not?”

“That means nothing!” I yelled. “I didn’t abuse my power! I didn’t go around maiming innocents! The rest of you went insane! You killed people!”

“And you haven’t?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh don’t give me that, Jake. Dr. Menser, the doctor who murdered his patients. Estoban, the drug lord. How about Sandra, that woman who ran the underage brothel?”

“They were criminals! People who slipped through the cracks of the system for too long!”

“Face it, Jake. You’ve killed more people than the rest of the augmented put together.”

“It’s who I kill that makes it different! It’s who I kill that makes me nothing like you!”

We sprinted at each other as fast as we could. As we closed in on each other, I pretended to go for a wide right hook. He tried to block it, and I immediately swept his legs out from under him, making him land flat on his back. I tried going for a head stomp, but he rolled out of the way before I could bring my foot down. He quickly got back up and came at me with a flurry of punches. I tried my best to block all of them, but one got through, which lowered my guard enough to let more and more punches past. Eventually, I was turned into the human punching bag, taking hit after hit. He finished off his combo by kicking me into a wall. As I got my bearings back, I saw him charging at me. Quickly, I dove out of the way and let him punch the wall, getting his fist stuck. I took advantage of this moment by grabbing his head and repeatedly slamming it against the wall. He ripped his arm out of the wall and elbowed me in the back of the head, which caused me to stagger backwards. Before I could recover, he threw a brick at me, which collided perfectly with my head. I fell onto my back, dazed from the impact. Before I could get back up, He had his foot on my chest, pushing me into the floor.

“So weak...” he said quietly, “Can’t even take his lumps like a man.” As he said that, he put more weight on his foot, trying to crack my ribs. I screamed from the pain. Before he broke my ribs, however, he brought his foot back up, and sent it towards my head. The last thing I saw was the sole of a metal boot, and then it all went black.



I jolted awake and sat up straight in the bed, clutching my chest. I was drenched in sweat, and my heart was pounding. As my breathing slowed, there was a loud knock on the door.

“Breakfast will be served in an hour.” The guard said, from outside.

“Ok.” I replied. “Thanks.”

“Best to not keep her waiting.” I thought. I tried to shake off that dream and made my way to the bathroom, quickly going through a simple morning routine. Once that was done, I went over to where I piled my clothes the other night.

“Not exactly dressing for success here, am I?” I said to myself. I decided to leave the hoodie and balaclava in the room, reasoning that it would be impolite to cover my face. With everything done, I exited my room to find the guard from the night before standing in front of the door.

“Follow me. The dining room is this way.” With that, he turned and led me through the hallways. As I followed him, I noticed that I was getting a lot of uneasy looks from the castle staff. Every time I looked at them, they would avert their eyes and try to look busy. I couldn’t blame them, really. Eventually, the guard led me in front of a large wooden door decorated with golden trim and assorted jewels.

“Here we are.” The guard said. “Princess Celestia is waiting inside.”

I slowly pushed open the door and peered inside. The room was, just like the rest of the castle, lavishly decorated in gold, purple and white. The wall to my right was pretty much a giant window overlooking the city, and in the middle of the room, there was a large, 10-person dining table, at which Celestia was sitting.

She looked up from her newspaper and smiled at me. “Good morning, Jake. You seem to have recovered well.”

“Ah, I’ve been through worse.” I replied. I took a seat at the table a few chairs away from her. “So, how’s your morning so far?”

“It’s been fine. How about yours?”

“Could be worse.”

We made small talk for a few minutes, during which I actually learned quite a bit about these ponies, such as the differences between the different species.

“Oh, so Unicorns have the magic horns, Pegasi have the wings, and Earth ponies are physically stronger.”

“Correct.” said Celestia.

“So, what does that make you?”

“I am an Alicorn. Well, the technical name is ‘Pegasus Unicorn.’ Alicorn is more of a slang term.”

“Say, I remember you saying something about two rulers. Where’s the second one?”

She looked over to the door. “I don’t know. She lowered the moon a while ago. She should be here by now.”

“Eh, maybe she got caught up with so- wait, what was that about the moon?”

“Oh, right. I forgot to tell you. Me and my sister have control over the sun and moon.”

I was, needless to say, dumbfounded by this statement. More so with how matter-of-factly she said it, as if this was common knowledge. I tried to form a coherent sentence that was sufficient enough to express my level of confusion, but we both heard the door behind Celestia open.

“Ah, that must be her.”

As the door fully opened, I saw what could only be described as the polar opposite of Celestia. She was a very dark blue, with an ethereal mane that resembled the night sky. Even her guards were completely different to the others, with grey fur and dark purple armor.

“Good morning, Tia, How are yo-” She fell silent as she saw me at the table.

“Ah, good morning, sister.” Said Celestia. “I’m fine, and you?” The other Alicorn just continued to gawk at me. Celestia saw her staring. “Oh, right, where are my manners? Luna, this is Jake. Jake, this is my sister, Luna.”

I got up from my chair and walked over to Luna. “Pleasure to meet you, Princess.” I offered my hand for a handshake, which she hesitantly took.

“Um...likewise.” She said. She was nervous, to say the least, and that attitude was reflected on her guards. Luna and I headed back to the table, while her guards took position on either side of the door. To try and make her a little more comfortable around me, I pulled her seat out for her.

“Oh, thank you.” she said.

“You’re quite welcome.” I replied.

“Well, now that we’re all here, we can begin the meal.” She clapped her hooves together a couple times, and a few unicorns and pegasi came out of the kitchen carrying various dishes and serving trays. In a matter of seconds, the table was filled with a variety of foods. Waffles, pancakes, eggs, various juices, some sort of hay/bacon hybrid, and a few other dishes I couldn’t recognize were arranged neatly across the table. Immediately, the princesses levitated different items onto their plates. I watched as foodstuffs and pitchers of juice flew around like they were possessed. I grabbed my share of food and began eating.

“So, Jake,” Celestia said, “We never got the chance to talk last night. Whe-”

Luna almost immediately cut her off. “Wait, what do you mean ‘last night’?”

I saw a sly grin come across Celestia’s face. “Well, “ she said, “It all started when he arrived in my bedroom.”

Seeing Luna almost do a spit-take was the highlight of the meal. “I’m sorry, what!?”

“Ok, manners or not, I gotta keep this going for a bit.” I thought.

“Yeah, I came in right through the balcony door.” I said.

Celestia quickly replied, catching on to the fact that I was keeping the joke going. “You know, you did leave quite a mess up there.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know, seeing as how I woke up on a hospital bed.”

“Oh yes, how are those bruises, by the way?”

“They’re still a little bit sore, but they’re healing.”

I looked over to Luna, and it took all the willpower I had to not burst out laughing. Her face was the visage of pure befuddlement. She was speechless, but her expression did all the talking.

Celestia broke the silence. “Oh, relax, Lulu, we didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it, exactly?” Luna replied. “What happened last night?”

“Well, I was reading on my bed when he came crashing through my balcony door and into my wall.”

“What sent him through your door?”

I decided to speak up. “That, I can answer. I was thrown through some teleportation machine, and I was sent here.”

“So, that means you came from somewhere else?” said Luna.

“Yep.” I replied. “From another planet, specifically.”

“You’re an alien, then?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“Tell me about this other planet of yours.” Celestia said. “What’s it like?”

“Well, ” I started “it’s kind of like this planet, from what I’ve seen.” I got up from the table and slowly walked over to the windows. “There’s so much there. Grassy plains, jagged mountain peaks, lush forests, sandy beaches...of course, all that pales in comparison to the concrete jungles.” As I said that last part, I could feel a nostalgic smile appear on my face

“I’m sorry?” Princess Celestia asked.

I should have known they wouldn’t understand what I was talking about. From the looks of things, the only buildings that went past five stories were a few towers and the castle itself.

“It’s a term we use for our larger cities.” I replied. “We call them ‘concrete jungles’ because a lot of the buildings extend hundreds of feet in the air.”

“Really?” Celestia said.

“Oh yeah. A fair amount of them even go past the clouds.”

“Wow. From the sounds of it, this would seem pretty boring for you, wouldn’t it?” Celestia said as she gestured towards the city below.

I began to walk back to the table. “Meh.” I shrugged. “Sometimes, boring is good. Less people, more open space, less crime...”

Celestia cut me off before I could finish. “Not in this city, unfortunately.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. I took my seat back at the table.

Celestia heaved a heavy sigh. “Lately, crime rates have been climbing.”

“So?” I replied. “Crime rates climb every once in awhile.”

Luna interjected. “Not this fast, they don’t.”

“So you think it’s something bigger?” I asked.

Celestia nodded. “Something organized.”

“How do you know?” I questioned.

“Because the rise has been due to a few specific infractions.”

“Which ones?”

“Drug trafficking, Arson, and... murder.”

When I heard murder, I immediately got concerned. “How bad has the murder rate gotten?”

“We haven’t had a murder for about two hundred years. A few months ago, however, ponies just started dropping like flies.”

I leaned back in my chair. “I see...” I continued to ponder the situation.

“Alright, let’s take inventory here. They have a crime problem. I solve crime problems. Very effectively, in fact. So I have something to offer them... what can they offer me? hmm...

“Say, “ I started “since you know magic, are you able to teleport?”

A smile crept onto Celestia’s face, and her horn started to glow a bright yellow.

“I don’t know.” She said. Then, in a flash of yellow light and a puff of smoke, she was gone, only to flash into existence right next to me. “You tell me.” Her voice in my ear nearly made me jump out of my chair.

“Alright, I’ll take that as a yes.” I replied. “How far can that go?”

“Theoretically, as far as one would need it to. Why?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Because I have a business proposition for you two.”

Celestia teleported back over to her seat and observed me intently. “Alright, what is it?”

I leaned forward and put my arms on the table, crossing my fingers, and began talking. “You say that you have a crime problem, yes? Well, on my planet, I happen to be in the business of crime fighting.”

“Are you a police officer?” Luna asked.

“Not...exactly.” I replied. “I’m on the...less than legal side of crime fighting.”

“Vigilante?” Celestia asked.

“Yep. What I’m offering is a service in exchange for a service. I fight crime in the city of...” I trailed off in order for Celestia or Luna to offer up the name of the city.

“Canterlot.” Luna helpfully provided.

“Right. I fight crime in the city of Canterlot, and you find a way to send me back home.”

Celestia remained silent. Her face betrayed an expression of deep concentration. I couldn’t see any movement. I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing. Finally, after what seemed like ages, she spoke.

“I would assume you would need a place to stay?” She asked.

“Naturally.” I replied.

“With food and water provided”

“I would hope so.”

“And access to some sort of weapon?”

“Well, that would be a nice perk, but I’m capable of fisticuffs if need be.”

“Besides,” I thought, “I could probably pick a weapon up off a criminal.”

“Hmm...Luna, how soon would the astronomers be able to start looking for his homeworld?”

“Well, they’re currently working on a project now,” Luna said, “but they could start as early as next week.”

“Excellent. Jake, I think we just might have an agreement.” Celestia said.

“Awesome. I can start as early as tonight, if you need me to.” I said.

“That sounds lovely.” she replied. “The sooner you start, the sooner the problem can be solved.” She gave me a big smirk. “And the sooner you can pay off that window you broke. ”

‘Oh yeah...” I trailed off, looking embarrassed. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m just teasing, Jake.” She then pulled a folded piece of black paper from seemingly nowhere with a yellow sun emblazoned on the front. “When you go meet the police chief, give him this paper. It’ll explain everything to him.”

“Who?” I asked. “and, more importantly, where?”

“Go to the ground floor, head outside, and you should see signs pointing the right way.” She replied.

“Alright, then. Thanks for the info.” Suddenly, I could feel my eyelids getting very heavy. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go take a nap.”

“But it’s morning.” She said.

“I usually work at night, so I sleep during the days.” I replied. “I’ll see you later.” With that, I got up from my seat and exited the room. The guard that escorted me to the dining room was standing exactly where he was when I entered, never leaving his post.

“Heading back to your room?” He asked.

“Yup. Coming with?” I responded.


The guard and I proceeded back down the hallway, retracing the steps that led us to the dining room. We passed by the hall I ran through the night before. I could see that some workers were busy replacing the window that I shattered.

“Hey, just wondering,” The guard asked, “what gave you the bright idea to jump out of a window?”

“I needed an exit, so I decided to make my own.” I answered. “If there’s one thing you learn after a few years of vigilantism, it’s improvisation.”

“I can’t believe you thought that would’ve worked.” he chuckled.

“Hey, it was working! I was floating on the breeze. I would have gotten away, too, if it wasn’t for Celestia.”

“Yeah, sure you would’ve.”

We walked in silence until we reached my room. After saying our goodbyes, I immediately headed for the bed. I noticed a clock on the bedside table and set the alarm for what I assumed was sundown. Placing my head on the pillow, I fell asleep, eagerly awaiting what awaited when the moon rose above the horizon, and every lowlife in the city came out to play.

Author's Note:

Sorry this took so damn long. Read my blog if you want any information about that. Anyway, here it is. Hope you like it. It's less of an action-oriented chapter, since the rest of the story probably needs a setup chapter or two. No worries, Jake'll get back to fighting soon enough.

Comments ( 3 )

concrete jungles


It's been so long (including the collab) that I forgot how fun your writing style was.

Thanks. Hopefully Altoid and the gang can get back together in the future.

Soon enough. Geez, I want to turn my downvote into an upvote

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